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Biting the bullet

T

*the.magic.dragon*

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 15, 2017
Messages
15
Hello everyone! I'm not sure how to do an introduction so I'll just jump straight in lol. My dragon doesn't have experience with everything. But she loves opiates....loves em. The warm fuzzy everything is alright feeling. You got something to do? Drink coffee (omg it's amazing) never graduated to the needle. I'd say she's afraid of them but that's probably a lie lol. Considering all the tattoos and piercings. Pills are her poison. Tolerance? Definitely. Not in the hundreds of mgs but enough to where life is absolutely shit when the script runs out. Cold then hot, the insomnia, but the worst for my dragon is the muscle aches....the feeling you could peel your skin right off. The dull ache in your back that never seems to go away (Tylenol? Yea. Right) irritability? Shed realized she was flippin tf out a time or two but didn't really connect it with withdrawal. Then it hit her one day like yea, I'm probably an addict. You wake tears POURING omg. Nose running, yawning. But for my dragon that's usually off and on throughout the day. God forbid she has something important to do....it gets done but she isn't happy about it. Squirming in your seat because the ache to just won't leave! The ironic but amazing return of the libido (I saw someone ask on an old thread was it the same for women, the answer is yes. Yes it is lol) you could literally sit and enjoy yourself all day. And you feel 1000x better until the easily reached orgasm subsides. About 3mins. The anticipation of prescription day is almost as rewarding as the high. You know you'll feel better in about a half hour, especially if you detox for a few days. I know this is probably common knowledge, it's more for my dragon being honest with herself. She doesnt have anyone in her life who would understand. Plus her family likes uppers (crack, pcp) and so probably wouldn't understand the love connection between an addict and her little orange bottle of sunshine
 
Bomber is pulling your leg because bluelight does not allow the whole SWIM/My pet (insert animal type) thing. We only post in first person here... Otherwise it's annoying and difficult to read and doesn't provide any protection whatsoever. There are other internet forums that require it, but bluelight actually has a rule against it.

I got a good chuckle out of it, though, when I thought to myself that your dragon would probably like chasing the dragon.
 
Sounds to me like you need to figure out how to make your script last the whole month (assuming that's the length of your Rx). Do whatever you can to make that happen and I assure you you'll be one happy camper. BTW, what is a little orange bottle of sunshine anyways?
 
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Right ok thats why i said that I'd seen somewhere where you weren't allowed to talk about "yourself" lol but ok...now I know thank you
 
Prescription bottle. This is the first time ever I told anybody about what my issue was though you know? My family isn't that understanding but it was something I felt I needed to get off my chest. I come here all the time when I have questions or when I'm going through something so one day i figured why not join? All the answers and understanding that I feel like I need are right here. It's nice knowing ppl can relate to exactly what im.going through
 
I'm going to move this thread to the Dark Side as I think it may be more appropriate and get more meaningful discussion there. Also, we prohibit the use of SWIM and other ineffective ways to "legally protect" yourself. It doesn't help in court and makes for awkward and difficult reading.
 
I think most people who struggle with addiction can relate, even if they have very different DOCs. In essence, we are using a substance to substitute what we are lacking.

I'm not totally sure what your question was, but it sounds like you are at least psychologically dependent on opiates. It may be fun right now, but I think a lot of people developed very serious addictions with similar habits that you mention. Not many people start out shooting dope, or even smoking it. I'm pretty sure the majority of us started out with pills, then some progress to H because it is cheaper, and even further to needles because it hits harder and less is wasted. It's usually a pretty slow and steady progression, so it is hard to see on a day to day basis, but looking back over the years it might seem unbelievable.

Over time the high becomes less and less and the side effects become more and more. Just a word of warning.
 
It's not fun. It's starting to interfere with my life to be honest which is why I posted it. Didn't really have a question but it was nice to have people understand you. And probably physically dependant too because I feel really crappy right now ?
 
Yeah it does sound like you are physically dependent as well... some of the physical symptoms include feeling nauseous, diarrhea, vomiting, restlessness, insomnia, muscle cramps especially in the legs. Emotional symptoms would include irritability, depression, anxiety, hopelessness. I think both are signs of dependence in general, usually psychological and physical dependence coincides with each other. If you don't feel high anymore just not sick that is always a sign of tolerance and dependence.

We can offer support if you are attempting to quit or taper. There are a lot of people on here who have gone through some nasty withdrawals, myself included. There are ways to minimize some of the physical symptoms of WDs as well. I usually just white knuckled my way through, but there are comfort meds that will help you make it through the acute withdrawals.

If I can offer a little bit of insight, it seems like you are romanticizing your drug use, or using magical thinking. What I mean by that, is the way you described your drug use only highlighted the positive aspects, talking about the warm fuzzies and so on. In reality, there are both positive and negative aspects to drug use. Some of the negatives might be tolerance, going into withdrawal, and social consequences resulting from drug use. It might help you to visualize the full impact of drug use by making a two column list, one side positive and one side negative, then list everything that is a direct result of your drug use.

Initially it is hard to let go of those positive memories and experiences, but in reality, they don't come alone. If they did people would have drug problems, only drug solutions lol
 
No there isnt anything positive about a drug addiction. The warm and fuzzy was more me actually being able to be honest and state that I have a problem. But yea it definitely isn't fun. I'd been looking into rehabs because im not sure I can quit Cold turkey. I mean i have once or twice and it really sucked....today isn't the worst, but i probably won't be able to sleep tonight though. To be honest too they arnt really as bad as I think they'll be, I think it's the fear of going from beginning to end by myself. Right now i feel cold and really hot, eyes watering a little but that's about it. Then I've heard nothing but horror stories about methadone too. I think it would help but who am I to argue with am experienced addict? You could probably say i have a bit of experienced but when someone who's done pretty much every drug, heroin and all, and they tell you to stay away from THIS drug I can't help but take that into consideration. I don't want to die trying to get clean, but i don't want to live my life this way either
 
In my opinion, if you can make it without methadone or buprenorphine, you should do so. Opioid replacement therapy is generally for those who were very heavy heroin users and struggle to stay clean. If the WDs are so severe that you can not function, it might be an option. Environment plays a big role as well, so people with really bad living situations or very chaotic lifestyles might be able to make some positive changes while on ORT that enables them to stay sober in the future. Methadone can and will get you high if you take it in large enough doses, or pile other opioids on top. I was getting methadone off the street and mixing it with fent, oxy, and hydros. When used properly, it should just serve to stabilize you and prevent you from going into severe WDs. Either way, eventually you will have to learn to live without opioids altogether.

Opioid WDs aren't known to be fatal like benzo and alcohol, but they can be pretty uncomfortable and lead to things like dehydration and depression. I have heard people talk about having seizures or going into psychosis when going through opioid WDs, but that is pretty uncommon and they were all shooting large amounts of H.

How many days are you in? Cold sweats is pretty mild TBH, things could be a lot worse.

Rehab helped me in a lot of ways. I spent 45 days at an inpatient, but intensive outpatient is pretty beneficial as well. I would really suggest getting some substance use disorder counseling either way, it can really help shed some light on your situation. Deciding you want to change is really the first step in the right direction though, keep going.
 
I think I knew I had a problem long before i openly said something about it. I didn't write it in my diary just in case (i have really nosey family members) honestly I felt like who better to come clean (I kinda like that pun lol) with than someone who's been in my position. There are things I never did to get high, but there are things I've done that I regret. Being in the throws of withdrawal and the anxiety damn near drove me crazy, cussing people out. Taking immodium by the handful (I know it's bad, but it's helped me get through some pretty rough days) the God awful withdrawal smell (does anyone know why this happens) the anticipation and cravings for more, the stomach and back pain. The insomnia. Thing about me is I never look down on the people who have done unspeakable things. because I know it could easily be me. I just havnt done these things YET. My friends ask why i have such compassion for heroin addicts. They know what they are doing but how many people share my story though right? You hurt yourself or break a bone. They give you narcotics and it feels absolutely amazing. So even when the pain is tolerable, you still want to feel good. But then your script runs out and you like wtf do I do now? I get anxiety before the wds even start simply because I know they are coming. More than half (shit, maybe all) the addicts I know started with pain pills. Legitimate issues (2 total hip replacements) and they worked. But then I started talking more, sooner. Would catch myself nooding, a few times dropping a lit cigarette on me, and not waking up until i felt it slip from my fingers. I mean I've heard all kinda of horror stories, and even have my own. I've run out of pills more than once and contemplated how id get heroin. Thank God I wouldn't know how to even do that....thus far all i ever have to do is wait for script day. But the heroin where I'm from is being mixed with fentanyl. I've lost 13 friends since 2013 and I'm not exaggerating in the slightest. 13 people I know are dead from overdoses. But then I can't really talk about heroin and pills like they are different drugs. Imo they arnt. The things I feel mirror heroin wds to a tee. It's crazy but again I can't explain the relief even being able to tell somebody. I feel a great weight was lifted off my shoulders just being able to talk about it.
 
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