Yeah benzos absolutely do this to me in a very severe way.
It's strange, because I'm not the kind of guy that gets aggressive from alcohol, I don't start fights or really feel much of anything in terms of disinhibition.
But benzos are a different story. And the problem is, the type of rage is far more clear-headed and less sloppy than the kind of aggression you see in a drunk guy, which makes it far more insidious and dangerous.
Due to the intense ego boost and loss of inhibitions that benzos cause, combined with also a sense of emptiness/hollowness (along with a little sadness), my aggression skyrocket. This may also be fueled the ability of benzos to temporarily raise testosterone levels (although daily long-term use will decrease them).
I am a nice and usually gentle guy, and am exceptionally gentle with animals, children and women, but I definitely have a dominance sort of thing when it comes to men (possibly due my elevated testosterone levels -- enough where my doctor has asked me if I was taking steroid due to serum levels being over 1100ng/dl in the past).
But as a fairly bright guy I am usually able to suppress this primitive animalistic reflex, at least as an adult (when I was younger I got into many fights, even my close male friends I have fought them as the aggressor, though the ones i was most violent towards are the ones I am still very close to).
Yet when I take benzos I begin to lose my ability to suppress those feelings, and this has gotten me into alot of trouble, including being arrested for fighting. And not only does my ability to suppress it decrease, the ego-boost and emptiness makes me far more pissy and easier to offend.
Even rare occasional use of benzos does this to me. For instance just last month I took a very small amount of etizolam (like 1mg) before an event I was dreading. When driving home afterwards some guy was tailing me closely, and my blood began boiling -- so much so that I decided I was going to stop the car when we got to where the road narrows and then block the road with my car, jump out and scare the shit out this guy (wasn't planning on hurting him just scaring him). But before we got to the area where the road narrows, he pulls into a driveway of a home, so my plan went out the window. While I do sometimes get pissed when people tail me, I wouldn't normally think of getting out of the car and making a big scene about it.
Just imagine if it had played out like I was intending. How if the guy didn't back down so easily? How if he wanted to fight? I would never, ever, throw the first punch in a situation like that but I would certainly return any that I received by a multiple of 5. That situation might have ended in me being taken away in handcuffs, because it's happened before. Over stupid shit. And only because there were benzos in my system.
The brass balls that benzos give me have led to some very cool and interesting situations in my life that I would have never experienced without them. However almost all of those things were sketchy, dangerous or illegal (and in many times a combination of these). When i was a daily benzo user its almost like I was a different person, an idealized version of myself, hypermasculine, extremely ambitious, a non-stop womanizer, risk-taker, etc. It even made me significantly more financially successful (and also far more materialistic). But all of this was driven by the sense of hallowness and emptiness I felt, as I was trying to fill that void. Still, I definitely do miss that person sometimes, that dude was a real badass. I just wish I could somehow tap into that power without using benzos.
