MY STORY(VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ):
I have had debilitating anxiety since 2013 debilitating as in anxious to go out anywhere, anxious to talk on the phone or to anyone, racing thoughts all the time, feeling of complete uneasiness 24/7, had no appetite I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I felt like I was being tortured in my body and mind and it was inescapable. I first went to my doctor during this year of 2013 because I couldn't take it anymore. I was tried on all the main go to SSRIs at varying low and high doses up until 2015 one failing after the other. They all either made me feel sick, more anxious or made me severely depressed. At this time I kinda just gave up on making appointment after appointment I just felt like I was going in circles getting no results. It is now 2015 the last SSRI I got put on was Lexapro I kept taking it considering I didn't get any bad side effects and it couldn't hurt to stay on it because hey maybe it'll magically work one day. Months past I still had day to day anxiety and was still on the Lexapro. I got an ok paying job and became buddies with a co-worker we will call him Fred.Fred was a dealer and asked me if I knew anyone who was looking for Oxy or Spice. I always wanted to try Oxycodone but never had opportunity. We met after work and I bought a few 5MG pills.
Later that night I took them and a little bit later BOOM. I know this feeling. I didn't feel high or out of it but just felt ok. I felt like what I would imagine "normal" to be ( Its sad because when you have anxiety for years that becomes your normal) I had No anxiety, No racing thoughts my mind became clear. I actually had the urge to go out and the urge to talk. I called up my friend that I didn't talk to in awhile and we had a convo for over an hour. Normally I wouldn't want to talk at all and if I did it would be at the most 10 mins fumbling over words and things to say. After that night I started taking Oxycodone at least once or twice a week I didn't feel like I needed it everyday but as long as I took it every week or two things were good. This continued up until mid 2016 ( so about a year and a half on and off)
During this time you would think my life would've spiraled downwards getting worse. But It did the complete opposite. A Full 180. During this period I was using Oxycodone I stopped taking Lexapro because I felt I didn't need anything. I was going out every other night hanging with friends, became a social butterfly, got a girlfriend, and got a really good paying job Doing all the things I would've never dreamed off being able to do before. Things were so good I was completely convinced I beat my anxiety and I no longer had it. Towards the end of 2016 I didn't have the want to take the Oxycodone anymore. I felt like it was a hassle buying it, having it and being involved with it. And I was convinced I had beat my anxiety so I felt as if I didn't need it anyway. I slowly stopped taking it over the course of a few months. Until I stopped entirely. After I stopped things were okay for awhile nothing really changed but then slowly over the months bit by bit things started returning to how they were. I slowly stopped going out as much, I started to get slowly get feelings of uneasiness and dreadful anxiety again. I lost my job. I lost my girlfriend. It is now 2017 I haven't took Oxycodone since I stopped and I recently went back to the doctor and tried Lexapro again and after that giving me more anxiety tried Zoloft again which did the same.
MY SELF RESEARCH/HYPOTHESIS:
I believe in some people anxiety is more of a factor than just serotonin which shouldn't be hard to believe.
I have made a list of the things that helped me in some way and why I think the helped me.
- Opioids: Cured all made me more social more outgoing took away all anxiety (I believe this is either because the increase in dopamine or increase in opioid receptor activity)
- Alcohol: Made me more social more outgoing and took away most anxiety (I believe This mainly because the increase of GABA or maybe dopamine)
- Adderall: Made my mind clear and took away most mental anxiety made me a little more social but left me with a bodily anxiety that was horrible (I'm guessing mental clarity is because of dopamine the body anxiety is because of nor-epinephrine)
Based on the things that helped me I think I could benefit from either a long term benzodiazepine (Dealing with GABA) or a partial opioid agonist like Suboxone.(Dealing with Dopamine/Opioid receptor) It seems most of the things that help have a play with dopamine. I'm willing to stay on which ever i need to for the rest of my life if it means I can get my life back so stopping wouldn't be a problem. I have heard of people using low dose benzodiazepines for years and Suboxone for years with no problems I would personally rather try something like Suboxone first because opioids are the main thing that helped me and the with drawls wouldn't be as horrible as a benzodiazepine
if it doesn't work and I have to stop.
MY QUESTIONS:
1) What do you believe would be most effective for me a long term stimulant, benzodiazepine or something like suboxone.
2) Do you think my psychiatrist (would is certified to prescribe suboxone) would consider putting me on it if I explain my story and my past use and how it benefited me
PLEASE I ASK FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS / OPINIONS ANYTHING IS APPRECIATED I REALLY WANT MY LIFE BACK.
I have had debilitating anxiety since 2013 debilitating as in anxious to go out anywhere, anxious to talk on the phone or to anyone, racing thoughts all the time, feeling of complete uneasiness 24/7, had no appetite I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I felt like I was being tortured in my body and mind and it was inescapable. I first went to my doctor during this year of 2013 because I couldn't take it anymore. I was tried on all the main go to SSRIs at varying low and high doses up until 2015 one failing after the other. They all either made me feel sick, more anxious or made me severely depressed. At this time I kinda just gave up on making appointment after appointment I just felt like I was going in circles getting no results. It is now 2015 the last SSRI I got put on was Lexapro I kept taking it considering I didn't get any bad side effects and it couldn't hurt to stay on it because hey maybe it'll magically work one day. Months past I still had day to day anxiety and was still on the Lexapro. I got an ok paying job and became buddies with a co-worker we will call him Fred.Fred was a dealer and asked me if I knew anyone who was looking for Oxy or Spice. I always wanted to try Oxycodone but never had opportunity. We met after work and I bought a few 5MG pills.
Later that night I took them and a little bit later BOOM. I know this feeling. I didn't feel high or out of it but just felt ok. I felt like what I would imagine "normal" to be ( Its sad because when you have anxiety for years that becomes your normal) I had No anxiety, No racing thoughts my mind became clear. I actually had the urge to go out and the urge to talk. I called up my friend that I didn't talk to in awhile and we had a convo for over an hour. Normally I wouldn't want to talk at all and if I did it would be at the most 10 mins fumbling over words and things to say. After that night I started taking Oxycodone at least once or twice a week I didn't feel like I needed it everyday but as long as I took it every week or two things were good. This continued up until mid 2016 ( so about a year and a half on and off)
During this time you would think my life would've spiraled downwards getting worse. But It did the complete opposite. A Full 180. During this period I was using Oxycodone I stopped taking Lexapro because I felt I didn't need anything. I was going out every other night hanging with friends, became a social butterfly, got a girlfriend, and got a really good paying job Doing all the things I would've never dreamed off being able to do before. Things were so good I was completely convinced I beat my anxiety and I no longer had it. Towards the end of 2016 I didn't have the want to take the Oxycodone anymore. I felt like it was a hassle buying it, having it and being involved with it. And I was convinced I had beat my anxiety so I felt as if I didn't need it anyway. I slowly stopped taking it over the course of a few months. Until I stopped entirely. After I stopped things were okay for awhile nothing really changed but then slowly over the months bit by bit things started returning to how they were. I slowly stopped going out as much, I started to get slowly get feelings of uneasiness and dreadful anxiety again. I lost my job. I lost my girlfriend. It is now 2017 I haven't took Oxycodone since I stopped and I recently went back to the doctor and tried Lexapro again and after that giving me more anxiety tried Zoloft again which did the same.
MY SELF RESEARCH/HYPOTHESIS:
I believe in some people anxiety is more of a factor than just serotonin which shouldn't be hard to believe.
I have made a list of the things that helped me in some way and why I think the helped me.
- Opioids: Cured all made me more social more outgoing took away all anxiety (I believe this is either because the increase in dopamine or increase in opioid receptor activity)
- Alcohol: Made me more social more outgoing and took away most anxiety (I believe This mainly because the increase of GABA or maybe dopamine)
- Adderall: Made my mind clear and took away most mental anxiety made me a little more social but left me with a bodily anxiety that was horrible (I'm guessing mental clarity is because of dopamine the body anxiety is because of nor-epinephrine)
Based on the things that helped me I think I could benefit from either a long term benzodiazepine (Dealing with GABA) or a partial opioid agonist like Suboxone.(Dealing with Dopamine/Opioid receptor) It seems most of the things that help have a play with dopamine. I'm willing to stay on which ever i need to for the rest of my life if it means I can get my life back so stopping wouldn't be a problem. I have heard of people using low dose benzodiazepines for years and Suboxone for years with no problems I would personally rather try something like Suboxone first because opioids are the main thing that helped me and the with drawls wouldn't be as horrible as a benzodiazepine
if it doesn't work and I have to stop.
MY QUESTIONS:
1) What do you believe would be most effective for me a long term stimulant, benzodiazepine or something like suboxone.
2) Do you think my psychiatrist (would is certified to prescribe suboxone) would consider putting me on it if I explain my story and my past use and how it benefited me
PLEASE I ASK FOR YOUR SUGGESTIONS / OPINIONS ANYTHING IS APPRECIATED I REALLY WANT MY LIFE BACK.