candidsurprise
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2017
- Messages
- 134
So for all of my life I've suffered with social phobia. As I've got to adulthood, it has become so bad that I can't go for a walk outside without being racked with anxiety about being looked at by people. Needless to say, I can't meet with any former friends or go on any dates, which has led to social isolation and severe depression. I am therapy resistant, I was trying it for years and got progressively worse during that time, forcing myself to meet friends has not worked. I tried this for 2 years straight, and it just made me more miserable. Recently, I have been using diazepam once a week to go on dates with women, and has worked marvellously. It is life changing in that it gives me something to look forward to, which has significantly improved my quality of life. I don't want to take it more than once per week out of fear of dependence and the consequences of that.
How bad is this kind of use? During the week, I am dealing with restlessness and muscle tension that is pretty much constant. This insides my own home and is not caused by social anxiety. It is not super intense, but the near constant nature of it is very distressing. I have had a history of agitation since I developed an atypical form of bipolar disorder at age 20, which I am on meds for. I don't know if this is caused or made worse by my use of diazepam, but I am totally paranoid that this is the case. Do you think that it is likely that my fears of this are likely to be true? I am seeing a girl at the moment once a week and is so good for me, I enjoy it. Without diazepam, I cannot even look her in the eye and I go partially mute out of fear of speaking. What do you think that I should do? There is the option of trying to find an alternative treatment, but I cannot tolerate antidepressants due to bipolar disorder. I have tried at least ten of them, and they give me manic symptoms alongside depression. I have tried at least 10 antidepressants, kratom, pregabalin, dissociatives, propanolol, GHB, and a bunch of different supplements to no avail. Alcohol and phenibut help a bit, but not enough.
I see myself as having two realistic options left that others have found success with: kava kava, or alternative Gaba A drugs that have a much lower destabilizing effect on the brain. I am thinking the family of z-drugs (particularly the longer acting zoplicone) and theinodiazpenes (like etizolam); Gaba A seems to be the key. From my research, these two families have a far lower withdrawal/dependence liability than benzos, meaning much milder withdrawals, which suggests that they would be less likely to worsen baseline anxiety. The other option would be kava kava, but it is quite expensive at £3 per dose. The only issue I have with taking diazepam like this is that I am worried that it might be worsening my mid-week anxiety, but I have no evidence that this is the case. I am not concerned about addiction, as I feel no inclination to use it the rest of the time. Thanks for reading, and I would appreciate any thoughts.
How bad is this kind of use? During the week, I am dealing with restlessness and muscle tension that is pretty much constant. This insides my own home and is not caused by social anxiety. It is not super intense, but the near constant nature of it is very distressing. I have had a history of agitation since I developed an atypical form of bipolar disorder at age 20, which I am on meds for. I don't know if this is caused or made worse by my use of diazepam, but I am totally paranoid that this is the case. Do you think that it is likely that my fears of this are likely to be true? I am seeing a girl at the moment once a week and is so good for me, I enjoy it. Without diazepam, I cannot even look her in the eye and I go partially mute out of fear of speaking. What do you think that I should do? There is the option of trying to find an alternative treatment, but I cannot tolerate antidepressants due to bipolar disorder. I have tried at least ten of them, and they give me manic symptoms alongside depression. I have tried at least 10 antidepressants, kratom, pregabalin, dissociatives, propanolol, GHB, and a bunch of different supplements to no avail. Alcohol and phenibut help a bit, but not enough.
I see myself as having two realistic options left that others have found success with: kava kava, or alternative Gaba A drugs that have a much lower destabilizing effect on the brain. I am thinking the family of z-drugs (particularly the longer acting zoplicone) and theinodiazpenes (like etizolam); Gaba A seems to be the key. From my research, these two families have a far lower withdrawal/dependence liability than benzos, meaning much milder withdrawals, which suggests that they would be less likely to worsen baseline anxiety. The other option would be kava kava, but it is quite expensive at £3 per dose. The only issue I have with taking diazepam like this is that I am worried that it might be worsening my mid-week anxiety, but I have no evidence that this is the case. I am not concerned about addiction, as I feel no inclination to use it the rest of the time. Thanks for reading, and I would appreciate any thoughts.