Been nine months - feeling ready to roll again.

[desquinn]

Hi guys, new to Bluelight, though I've been a lurker for a long time. Anyway, here's the story:

I first tried MDMA in February 2014. It was great. After that I abused the hell out of it for a good six months. In the September I had a massive panic attack and thought I was gonna die. After that I was constantly anxious, very depressed, totally deflated. But I still wanted to go out and party and do all the shit I used to. I was just scared.

It's been nine months since the last time I dropped. I'm exercising now, keeping healthy despite being a smoker (we all have our vices), much improved despite a residual anxiety that occasionally surges a small amount. I never - touch wood - get panic attacks anymore.

I'm also on a low-dose SSRI; 25mg Sertraline daily, which I'm planning on stopping totally for September when I go to uni. I understand that might negate the effects of MDMA use, but the dose is half the smallest prescribed amount.

The thing is, I've learned my lesson about respecting drugs; I was a fucking idiot and I realise now that it's no good for my health. But I do want that feeling again. Very occasionally, of course. But maybe twice a year. I feel like I'm ready now; I'm going stir crazy at the minute through living in the middle of nowhere and having nothing to do. I want to return to that feeling so that I can prove that I can enjoy it as a very rare and special gift to myself. I'm also pretty damn jealous of everybody going out and getting messy. I want to be able to join in again.

So when I move to uni in September and I'm off the SSRIs, do you think I'll be able to enjoy the feeling again in a highly moderated fashion? Can any of you guys relate?

Cheers people, much love.

 

[Innerpeace]

Hi guys, new to Bluelight, though I've been a lurker for a long time. Anyway, here's the story:

I first tried MDMA in February 2014. It was great. After that I abused the hell out of it for a good six months. In the September I had a massive panic attack and thought I was gonna die. After that I was constantly anxious, very depressed, totally deflated. But I still wanted to go out and party and do all the shit I used to. I was just scared.

It's been nine months since the last time I dropped. I'm exercising now, keeping healthy despite being a smoker (we all have our vices), much improved despite a residual anxiety that occasionally surges a small amount. I never - touch wood - get panic attacks anymore.

I'm also on a low-dose SSRI; 25mg Sertraline daily, which I'm planning on stopping totally for September when I go to uni. I understand that might negate the effects of MDMA use, but the dose is half the smallest prescribed amount.

The thing is, I've learned my lesson about respecting drugs; I was a fucking idiot and I realise now that it's no good for my health. But I do want that feeling again. Very occasionally, of course. But maybe twice a year. I feel like I'm ready now; I'm going stir crazy at the minute through living in the middle of nowhere and having nothing to do. I want to return to that feeling so that I can prove that I can enjoy it as a very rare and special gift to myself. I'm also pretty damn jealous of everybody going out and getting messy. I want to be able to join in again.

So when I move to uni in September and I'm off the SSRIs, do you think I'll be able to enjoy the feeling again in a highly moderated fashion? Can any of you guys relate?

Cheers people, much love.

I dont know if youll enjoy the feeling. I can relate bc I abused mdma doing about 30-35 pills maybe in six months (about thirty nights of rolling and sometimes more than one pill) i tried again after maybe four months and didnt get it back, a lil stimulation and a lil something but nothing really. took another cuple month break and tried again so just remember if you do do it and dont get close to, itll take longer .

is it best to wait longer or do it now? what does your gut tell you?

I feel it took me two years to recover about 90% of my abuse.

btw while ssris can help short term with depression they need to be shorter term only for people that can benefitive never taken them and believe short tern can help people. for your health please find stuff like passions in life to naturally cause happy times

 

[epic11]

Good on you for asking here first. If you are feeling upbeat and happy, it could be ok. But you need to stop ssri's entirely to feel the effects. Hard to say if you feel ok because of shitty prescriptions, or that you are really feeling better. Only you know.

 

[desquinn]

Good on you for asking here first. If you are feeling upbeat and happy, it could be ok. But you need to stop ssri's entirely to feel the effects. Hard to say if you feel ok because of shitty prescriptions, or that you are really feeling better. Only you know.

Thanks man. I'm coming off the SSRIs now; missing a dose every other day and then gonna reduce to twice a week and then completely. I still get the anxious feelings but it's when I'm doing fuck all. Went for a run earlier though, whacked on some DnB and went in, the fact I made it back alive is very encouraging for the heart fear!

I'm trying to stay positive, and I'm sure this community will be awesome for any reservations or advice that I need. Besides, I'm still not gonna be dropping until at least September anyway, so this is really just asking in advance.

Thanks for the words! Much appreciated.

 

[desquinn]

I dont know if youll enjoy the feeling. I can relate bc I abused mdma doing about 30-35 pills maybe in six months (about thirty nights of rolling and sometimes more than one pill) i tried again after maybe four months and didnt get it back, a lil stimulation and a lil something but nothing really. took another cuple month break and tried again so just remember if you do do it and dont get close to, itll take longer .

is it best to wait longer or do it now? what does your gut tell you?

I feel it took me two years to recover about 90% of my abuse.

btw while ssris can help short term with depression they need to be shorter term only for people that can benefitive never taken them and believe short tern can help people. for your health please find stuff like passions in life to naturally cause happy times

Thanks for the response!

I'm so glad you can relate. How did you feel after your period of abuse? What did you do to recover? Really interested to know. Do you still roll every so often now?

My gut tells me different things depending on the day, but there's less fear now than there was. More just the excitement of doing it again, I guess. I'm exercising now, I have a yoga routine, gonna start a weightlifting routine when I go to uni because of the free gym access. I'm also cutting ties with anyone that brings negativity to my life, so I'm really trying to mould a more positive outlook.

I am tapering off the SSRIs currently; gonna be off them by September. I'm glad I finally joined this community though, makes me feel like I'm not alone in my abuse and lack of judgement.

 

[DaLambsbread]

i can relate except for being on the SSRI's. I'm 8 months no mdma and i was considering dropping next month but i'm so many months in I think i might go the full year if not more. I still dwell on things even when sober so i think i need to tend to those before I drop again. just be wise with your decisions and best of luck!

 

[Innerpeace]

Thanks for the response!

I'm so glad you can relate. How did you feel after your period of abuse? What did you do to recover? Really interested to know. Do you still roll every so often now?

My gut tells me different things depending on the day, but there's less fear now than there was. More just the excitement of doing it again, I guess. I'm exercising now, I have a yoga routine, gonna start a weightlifting routine when I go to uni because of the free gym access. I'm also cutting ties with anyone that brings negativity to my life, so I'm really trying to mould a more positive outlook.

I am tapering off the SSRIs currently; gonna be off them by September. I'm glad I finally joined this community though, makes me feel like I'm not alone in my abuse and lack of judgement.

I felt like I had really low self esteem and think it caused some short term temporally logical functioning via me making bad decisions- I could be wrong. To recover me and a friend joined a gym and got more serious and eventually got into bodybuilding, it changed my life for the best. I have rolled recently, I took a thirteen year break, and back in april of this year did my first empathogeon (5-mapb) and got the magic back, was actually too overwhelming for me I think and I had a week long of serotnin syndrome, on a scale of 1-10 the serotonin syndrome was about a 7.5 was really bad sides. wait three months in early July did close to half the dose of april, and on a scale of 1-10 i got up to about A 4 with the magic feeling, it was nice. still learning the compound. Thats great you are coming off the ssri and getting into the gym, staying away from negative people, even when they are joking about negative stuff-they're still negative why not joke about positive stuff? most importantly glad your putting yourself around people with a positive outlook .

are you testing with a test kit? thats the most obvious mistake I see people make yet mandatory