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Been Clean off dope for 3 months

O wow.

I actually ran into an ex and he had seen me do some fucked up shit and then he tried to grt me out of the meetings and to go back to him..

Really bad experience. He had seen me like, sniff coke from the carpet, ya know.... Anyways, i stopped talking to him and just yesterday, its been a year, he sent me an e mail with his number. I am shocked.

Its so hard to not call. Even though i know he is a total scum lord...

I am glad you are staying positive. I am also glad your writing all this down so that you can always look back an try to remember when you experienced. Or if you relapse i can say read your posts and remember ahh lol <3 im so happy for you.
 
hah ive done all that shit. im not gunna relapse -_- i cant. I feel like if i go back out again im not coming back. This is like my last chance to make shit right. Getting rid of all my pieces and glass today. All my play toys and things. Im selling it for mad cheap but i dont care anymore... I was seriously about to throw it all away and its like a grand worth of shit. But fuck it man. Im so ready for this. Last week i was holding on to that stuff with my dear life and this week im in such a better head state and just done with it all. Im so ready! :]]
 
Anomaly88 said:
hah ive done all that shit. im not gunna relapse -_- i cant. I feel like if i go back out again im not coming back. This is like my last chance to make shit right. Getting rid of all my pieces and glass today. All my play toys and things. Im selling it for mad cheap but i dont care anymore... I was seriously about to throw it all away and its like a grand worth of shit. But fuck it man. Im so ready for this. Last week i was holding on to that stuff with my dear life and this week im in such a better head state and just done with it all. Im so ready! :]]
Click to expand...

This is what I did recently as well. It's a good call man. I didn't even bother selling any of it. I tried to at first but then said, "no thanks. .trashcan"
 
hah yeah.. i was about too. My friend just went and took it off my hands. My sponsor kinda mentioned how im feeding someone elses addiction... but i mean its fucking pot.. Its pretty damn harmless but i do admit i was hooked on pot before anything.. Idk.. :|
 
I don't mean to rag on your sponsor, but don't let them drag you down. They aren't always right. Not everyone has an issue with all drugs, let alone pot. I gave away my glass bubbler a few months ago to someone that smokes weed religiously. The only thing that pot really affects in his life is his appetite. lol

I'd talk to your sponsor about how you feel about this though
 
Yeah, idk i can take both your sides. It really just depends upon the person and how their brain works.. im not gunna argue about it. hah. Weed is a drug.. might not be harmful but it is addicting. At least i was pretty fucking dependent on it too get me through the day.
 
I fully agree. Take what makes sense. You know what you're doing. Roll with it.

I don't touch weed much myself anymore.. Sometimes, but if I turn it back into a habit, I always end up on like 10 different drugs, waking up in an unknown place. I'm done with that.
 
Man today sucked.. don't even know why. I did everything i normally would do. Not much going on. Just a regular boring day... Just woke up feeling lowsy and depressed.. just one of those days i guess. No thoughts of using. Just shitty feelings :| guess iv'e been riding that 'pink cloud' knew it was coming crashing down sooner or later. Went to a meeting today and it was a relief like always. Soothes my soul. hah. But fuck man... i just feel so alone.. iv'e always been a loner. Even when im with friends and in a social situation i feel alone -_- i hate it.. theres always something better i can have. Im always unsatisfied with everything... I need to just accept the fact that i have a boring life and its okay. hah.. on the weekends all i used to do is look forward to partying and shit. Now its like wtf i do??? But whatever.. Beats being high and miserable..
 
Today's been great though :D I'll be picking up my 30 day key tag not this sunday but next sunday! WOOOOT!
 
Good job so far man. But don't start celebrating 30 days until you reach 30 days. Live in the now, not the tomorrow or yesterday.. even if it all is just one moment.

About your post before that.. From my experience, the pink cloud is the initial rush you get when you first become fixated on staying clean and actually start doing it. Then comes the crash.. after that it's up to you and business as usual. For me it just keeps getting better. Ya it's still hard as shit, but I hardly even have to think about how crappy my life was before it now. I'd rather evolve. This trip is free and I don't have to call a drug dealer for it, or worry about cops or ODs.. Psychward is for posers.

Also, start working out (for an even healthier mind) and find a person that loves you.

*Just my 2 cents and a pound of table salt.
 
hah yeah i know. Im just really looking forward too that... And as for the girl part ive never had to much luck with that. Im not really a social person. Not too good at talking to people and meeting new people... Hopefully one day i can figure all that shit out. But right now im just working on me.. & yeah man being clean is great :) and i work out every tues and thurs for class. But i need to start working out everyday like i was doing last semester. Its a big relief and gets all those chemicals flowing that make you feel good. hah. Ive gained like 10 lbs since ive been clean and its only been like 18 days. haha. Been eating so much. Its nice.. hopefully i can gain some fucking weight for once now that im clean off everything.
 
Man nothings gunna stop me from reaching the top :p i havent been this dedicated and determined and wanted anything this bad before... Its great! I fucking cant get enough of it. & the feelings ive been feeling. The good and the bad. It feels good knowing that i can keep moving on and getting stronger even when i have bad days and knowing that im not going to use over it and learn how to cope/deal with everything the natural way :p
 
Definitely. Natural highness is the highest nessness in the whole ness of things. :D
 
Going through the same things you were previously feeling.. maybe not on the same level but still struggling listening to your story has been inspiring and encouraging in my own battle with addiction.

I really hope all is still well and im sure it is, props to manning up and getting past those tough days.. Life is what you make it, mind over matter bro even in cases where physical dependency is involved its only as bad as you let it be, put some good tunes on and find a way to take your mind off of it!

Best of luck to you all!
 
hah you know it bro! Thanks man. Glad this thread can be helpful to you. I just blog about how im doing.. it seems to help me out. Its like another support group. So i keep on keeping on :p & yeah thats what i do when i have blue days. Turn on the jams :p Im pretty glad things are going so well too :) i havent felt this good in a long time.. Never knew it was possible to have fun and enjoy life without the use of drugs. But it seems to be working pretty well. The drugs werent working anymore or making me happy or helping me escape my problems so might as well stay clean and face life on lifes terms :p
 
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