Basic memory problems.

[xxsicknessxx]

I had a head injury four years ago. A truck hit me crossing the street. I got a square cut out of my skull and it was screwed back in
So here I am and I swear just recently in last few months I started dropping things out of my hands, my balance changed a little I trip once in awhile, my memory's that of some one who blazed all day. My problem is my doctor explains it as I had a head injury and to make the best of things. But my parents say the same, that I get pain meds so I should like me happy with that. The head scan I want is not covered. So like wtf do I do? I want to know if it's my head injury. My sister thought I was drunk at work because of the small things I said, memory, stumbling, dropping things.. Also I should add I have not worked for four years but I've worked in the this line of work for my entire life and also two years ago my heart stopped and I had to be shocked. Also all my blood counts red white are low, coppers low. And most my blood tests just returned to the low end of normal. So I've been telling myself ill get better but my doctor says no your not getting better anymore get used to it and my parents are so fucking stupid it hurts. It's like they want me to go be homeless and do meth again. Because they're making my life here terrible. I dunno I need good news. What can I do to make the insurance cover my brain scan I want. Wtf would you want to know if your brain damaged forever? Or if it's something just that'll fix its self when all my blood tests are normal. I think I deserved sympathy baced off how much misery I've been through. Yea it's got better.. But I feel unloved. I'm the middle child bolth my siblings so fent, meth, and H. My life's frustrating me. I think my next post will be on the dark side. I've just lost my way. I dunno what to do.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

" my parents are so fucking stupid it hurts " is pretty harsh seeing as they are letting you stay with them and probably do quite a bit for you.

You have a head injury and take narcotics. Balance and memory are the downside of both of those conditions.

If your Dr. is telling you that you aren't going to get any more function back than you already have I think it is safe to assume he knows what he is talking about.

Seems to me that your physical health might not get any better so maybe it's time to concentrate on your mental health. You sound like you might be having a crisis ( feeling unloved, going to the dark side to post. lost your way ). Would you consider seeing a mental health professional?

 

[xxsicknessxx]

Ok I go to a pain specialist for my pain pills and PT. My doctor is female she said that I'm complaining about things that are very clearly explained by my past medical stuff. But they won't test my brain for any real damage because it costs 5 grand. Also my red blood counts are still low my white blood count, my copper, iron is low.. I have my next big blood test next month.. So I'll really know how im doing when I get the results. but as of last month things just have been getting better for almost a year now there just still some things low and off.. I guess I'm slow to get better.. Anyways. Yea I plan to see a psychological specialist soon because my normal general doctor gives me a ativan a day and ambian every day but every other month. I want more Ativan like two a day maybe? plus I think I need a real doctor to give me ativans and stuff, and make sure it's not messing with my memory. However I'm waiting for used car prices to drop to buy a car and start driving. I have not driven sense by accident. So yea. I'm waiting to get better. But like my nerve damage in my feet which is medically proved, like was not a drug addict about getting help I was just a guy in pain and in lucky my doctor doesn't mind helping me like they would help someone normal. I just depend on rides from others atm which is what does effect my recovery because I can't go for PT as much as I want... physical therapy... Also I cant go to doctors as much as I want. But yea doctor did say that any more testing costs money
But I don't think that's fair. I want to know if I'm brain damaged or let's say maybe it's copper effecting by brain or the low red blood counts?? Why would I have problems 4 years later? Or two years later from my heart failure. That's what the doctor calls it. Heart failed at the hospital when they took water build up out.

I dunno. Its not fair if I still have pain right? I mean maybe my addiction is controlling my mind into feeling pain. But my ability to walk is effected, I do things a lot. And swear to God I've forgot to bring up my hands dropping things for the last six months
. Think about that something I try to recall I can't keep in my head for thirty min. I just forget.. It's almost like I'm high all day on weed in so stupid, but I don't smoke weed until the afternoon.. And going with out it altogether doesn't help anything. I dunno. I have lots of free time but nothing helps. I can't clean my room because it's confusing I don't know how anymore I trying but it's not like when I was a kid and I could just clean my room.. I dunno. I feel kinda I lost a lot of memory's when my heart failed and that's when my feet pain started. I dunno it's confusing. But the free psychological doctor in my office called me for like two months every week and she felt I was fine. But I do think about killing myself a lot, I think about it a lot.. But it's different, it's not like when I really thought about killing myself it's more like I can't help my mind thinking about things sometimes. But I'm sane, I won't do it. I just worry these issues could all get get worse. Thanks for reading. I dunno if I went off my own topic. It's hard to even write a post that makes sense sometimes. I re read it and I'm like wtf.