Bad Trip Recover Advice

[Jibster]

I am new to bluelight, and I need help and advice from people who know what they are talking about. My life was great before I started doing acid. Everything was always amazing, and then one day my friend gave me a tab and, the idiot I was, took the tab not knowing what it even was. I had the best time and my definition of happiness turned into one word, "acid". I had no idea of the darker side, though. After about 7 trips, I had my first negative trip. I didn't have a good time and I was just all sad during the entire trip. That wasn't a big deal to me though. The next trip though was much more evil. The things I saw during the trip were things I never thought could ever exist. I believed that there was an evil being that was trying to get ahold of me and if I gave into it, the monster would enter my body and who knows what would happen from there. I made it almost through the entire bad trip, until I gave in for a few seconds and it entered me. I could feel everyone second of it taking over my body. After the trip ended, I felt as if I had been rebirthed, which isn't a bad thing. But every trip I attempted after that was full of the same monster. They weren't necessarily bad trips, but the weird devilish monster was there watching me the entire time. I would talk to it and try to work out deals with it so it would leave me alone. Anyway, I stopped taking acid and haven't for about 4 months. The last bad trip I had was 5 months ago and I still have no recovered. Most people are supposed to recover from them, but I still feel like I have that monster inside me and nothing is ever the same again. I can not look at anything the same and I just want my old life back. When I close my eyes to sleep I'll have flashes of people being brutally murdered and cut up with knives. Sometimes it gets so bad that I can't even tell what is real and what isn't. I just need to know how I can recover from this. I know there isn't actually a monster inside me, but I need a way to trick my mind into believing it has been banished forever, or else I am really afraid that it will become a part of my life. I am only 16 and I have so much ahead of me and yes, I know, I should have known what I was getting myself into, but I didn't. I just need advice on what I can do to fix myself. Thank you for your time.

 

[Mafioso]

There isn't much you can do in terms of immediate fix, unfortunately. There are things you can do right now that will facilitate healing and over time lead to a "fix", however.

First and foremost, stay away from drugs. It doesn't have to be forever, but you need to at least give yourself time to recover. If you are prescribed medication then I would say take as prescribed if needed, but definitely put some distance between yourself and psychedelics, cannabis included.

Proper nutrition and exercise can help promote healthy brain function and help regulate emotions. Our bodies use some of the nutrients in the food we eat to manufacture chemicals in the brain that regulate emotions, called neurotransmitters. 30 minutes of aerobic exercise can help stimulate neurotransmitters involved in feelings of well-being, like dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins. It is not a cure, but it will help you on your recovery.

Probably one of the biggest factors is living a wholesome life. Being around positive people who embrace you for who you are, not for who they want you to be, will help a lot. You may not be able to fully explain yourself or your situation in full to everyone, but finding people who are considerate of your emotions and appreciate you should really help with some of the more intense emotions and self-acceptance.

Stay active. If you find things like reading difficult, then maybe focus on more simple activities like hiking, going on walks, and listening to music. Try to focus on a positive and peaceful mindset. Don't try to fix everything, yourself included. Just be. Observe, accept, and exist.

If you find yourself having hallucinations still or delusions, it may be wise to speak to someone about this. A doctor may be able to help. Not being able to differentiate between what is real and imagined would be considered delusional thought. If this is still happening I strongly advise you to reach out to a friend, at least, who can help you discern between what is real and imagined. Have you told any of your buddies about what you are going through? Don't be worried about judgement, if they judge you they do not understand. I found that talking about my delusions and referencing someone else's reality really helped me find solid ground, so to speak.

I've taken droppers full of acid before, was taking levels of benzos and opioids that would be considered fatal, and smoked from morning to night for the better part of 10 years. I've had psychotic episodes, seizures, and have had friends who have completely lost their mind as well.. I've watched one of my best friends go from being one of the smartest people I knew to doing all kinds of random and weird shit, at the time I didn't understand it and found it very frustrating. He would do stuff like turn on 5 different songs at once while listening to a podcast and watching TV and his emotions were all over the place. It was very hard to understand him and most my other friends refused to put up with some of his more disruptive behavior. He would go on long rants that didn't make sense, changing topics multiple times in the same sentence, and all sorts of weird behavior. At some points I gave up too, for a while he became very needy and I was giving him rides everywhere, letting him sleep at my house, and buying him food. It was really difficult at the time because I was inclined to think that he was just being lazy or irresponsible, but I realize now it was symptomatic of his mental condition. He also was taking large amount of psychedelic before hand.

I suppose above all, stay positive and don't give up to hopelessness. It takes time, my dude... don't beat yourself up with regret, just try to accept where you are. You know you made a mistake and are dealing with the consequences. Things will get better in time, but it does take work. Stay sober, stay positive, be around positive people, take care of your physical health, and stay fairly active.

 

[herbavore]

One thing that may help you to integrate this experience in a healthy way for moving forward is to take it out of the "bad or good" paradigm. Just like a nightmare, a difficult trip can be a light shone into one's own subconscious fears. Perhaps the evil you feared was attempting to become you by taking over your body is simply a metaphor for your own internal human struggle with morality. We get a lot of moral rules from the outside but what about your own authentic morality code? Do you struggle with self-judgment? Do you struggle with shame? Sometimes a difficult trip needs to be abstracted to metaphor. I don't know you so I am just taking stabs in the dark but I would bet that if you try to let go of the fear that you have caused some permanent mental state you may be able to calmly view what the trip revealed and take something positive from it.

I agree with Mafioso about staying away from drugs. Let your brain heal but also remember that your brain is very trainable--you can stay stuck in fear or you can master ways to diffuse fear-creating thoughts. Look into CBT and mindfulness. These can be empowering.

 

[Xorkoth]

Sage advice in the replies so far. People experience lasting effects from various intense experiences, it's called PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), and it can produce all sorts of intense effects in the way you think and feel. If you can manage to view this experience as a learning experience, something that happened to you in the past and is over now, you don't need to get PTSD about it. Lots of very real-seeming things happen on psychedelics. I've had a trip where during the trip I thought my friend was being possessed... I've had a trip where I thought the universe was ending. They were terrifying to experience during the trip and I believed these things were happening to the point that in the universe ending trip I seriously contemplated killing myself, but when I came down, I said to myself, it was just a trip, whatever, it's over now. In the one where I thought the universe was ending, I actually learned some stuff about myself too, and looking back I consider it a GOOD trip, even though it was incredibly terrifying, because it's helped me to grow.

The mind is a powerful thing. We make our own realities. If you truly believe you're damaged permanently, you might keep feeling this way. If you think to yourself that it was just a trip, you'll be able to shake out of this spot you're in.

Definitely don't use any drugs, including weed... marijuana can really make it hard to get back to feeling normal.

 

[Morticaw]

Completely agree with all the above posters. The best thing you can do is to take a long break from any psychoactives and take care of yourself. Like you said you are only 16, you will have a lot of time to experiment with drugs in the future, but right now above all you need to make aure you’re able to get past this experience and let go of it (or learn from it and integrate it!)

It’s also important to keep in mind that psychedelics have been shown to flare up dormant mental illnesses in people who are susceptible, so if you have any sort of family history or even if you feel like your lsd use has put you on the brim of an actual psychotic episode, then psychedelics are not for you, at least not while you’re still developing. THIS IS AN EXTREME CASE however and I’m sure you’re fine, we’ve all been there get good sleep, eat and drink well and simply remember that it was just a trip and, like most things in life, too shall pass

 

[Chaos23]

Speaking from direct experience, I'd highly recommend taking a long and extended break from the psychedelics.

I had a similar experience when I was 19. I had been doing copious amounts of LSD for a few years at that point.

It turned on me one night and I had a totally bizarre mental breakdown that literally drove me insane for 9 months. It slowly got better over that time, and it changed me forever, but it did get better.

I'm 39 now, and I have used psychedelics since then. I used them a lot in my twenties and then I started feeling a bit crazy again so I quit for many many years.

Last year I took 5 grams of penis envy mushrooms and had a total nightmare trip where I became god and created the multiverse. It's a long story, but I came back toto planet earth in jail. I'd been there for 4 days before I truly knew that I wasn't in hell. I had a full blown psilocybin psychosis for 4 days. It was horrible.

While I have LOVE for the psychedelics, I only take small doses from here on, and only occasionally. I'll never take a full blown dose big enough to give me over a minor +++ trip on the Shulgin scale. I usually only go for a ++.

I have a healthy fear of psychedelics now. I used LSD hundreds of times in my life at high doses with no trouble, but then it got to me.

I have done enough for ten lifetimes.

I think our personal stories may be that we have some sort of predisposition to some form of mental illness. Psychedelics can exacerbate those and bring them on in individuals who are in fact predisposed. I suspect that is what's occurred in my case.

I'm HPPD diagnosed, but I live a normal life. I'm not on medicine and I'm certainly not insane, but I've still got a lot of issues in my life that stem from my drug and alcohol addictions I used to have.

Take the long break and if you decide to do any of the psychedelics again, start extremely low. Look at the common dosage and go slightly below that. That's a pretty safe bet.

If something isn't fun and it's scary, why do it?

Edit:

I just noticed the OP is 16 years old. Definitely don't take anymore psychedelics until you are much older, IMHO.

The typical onset of many severe psychiatric disorders is in the early twenties. This makes it even more risky.

All of the advice given thus far in here is really good. Listen young grasshopper.... We know of what we speak.

 

[Alldonewithit]

Sage advice in the replies so far. People experience lasting effects from various intense experiences, it's called PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), and it can produce all sorts of intense effects in the way you think and feel. If you can manage to view this experience as a learning experience, something that happened to you in the past and is over now, you don't need to get PTSD about it. Lots of very real-seeming things happen on psychedelics. I've had a trip where during the trip I thought my friend was being possessed... I've had a trip where I thought the universe was ending. They were terrifying to experience during the trip and I believed these things were happening to the point that in the universe ending trip I seriously contemplated killing myself, but when I came down, I said to myself, it was just a trip, whatever, it's over now. In the one where I thought the universe was ending, I actually learned some stuff about myself too, and looking back I consider it a GOOD trip, even though it was incredibly terrifying, because it's helped me to grow.

The mind is a powerful thing. We make our own realities. If you truly believe you're damaged permanently, you might keep feeling this way. If you think to yourself that it was just a trip, you'll be able to shake out of this spot you're in.

Definitely don't use any drugs, including weed... marijuana can really make it hard to get back to feeling normal.

This is great stuff. When it's over, just tell yourself it was a bad trip, it's over. I watched my vomit fall into hell while sitting Indian style on the grass. After thinking i caused this big brawl to almost manifest, because we thought someone took our pearl jam 1992 Zurich Switzerland bootleg, when the mamasan trilogy was debut. It was an original bootleg tape. Well it was in my pocket, i didn't remember taking it out of the tape deck at the party. Cops, fights, i went into hell. I tripped two days later, and had the best time of my life. Just realize the drug you're taking, what it does, and say that night is over.