Cudi
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2015
- Messages
- 186
Sorry, this is going to be a LONG but very unique and interesting one. Ok, so this incident happened to me in late September. It involves a lot of key people whom I'm going to have to give aliases to or else it will get confusing.
It was a Thursday and my mom was out of the state and I had the house to myself. I had been wanting to try LSD for a few months, but I never had the right time to do it. The only drugs I've experimented with before this are weed, xanax, and alcohol. I smoked a lot every weekend and drank almost every weekend. Had a fun night a month prior that consisted of me taking xanax for the first time (4mg) along with some weed and a couple beers. Total blackout of a night, I didn't remember who took me home and the friends I was with told me the next day I was "like a zombie" the whole night. And yes I know, people said two bars of xannies is too much for a first time. Still not sure if that's true.
Anyway, we picked up 14 tabs on blotter that Thursday in late September. We intended to take them the next day and go to the zoo, but my friends and I agreed we'd just take them that night and chill at my house since nobody was home. It was me and two of my friends that were going to trip with me, one of them a girl (Let's call her Corinne) who's a good friend of mine and the other is a guy, one of my best friends (Let's call him Brody). Another one of my good friends was sort of "watching over us" and didn't trip with us (Cedric). So me and Corinne went to go pick it up around 6:00pm, just me and her. We went back to my house and we were going to pick up my friends Brody and Cedric so we could begin the trip. Me and Corinne decided to put the tabs on our tongue and then go to pick up Brody and Cedric. I took two tabs and she took 3. She had tripped before and told me I was fine to drive right when we took the tabs because it wouldn't kick in for another 45 minutes to an hour. So it was all good and we picked them up and drove back to my house where my friend Brody then proceeded to take his two tabs as well. At this point if you're wondering why we picked up 14 tabs it's because a few other friends of ours wanted us to get some for them. Oh, almost forgot. I took one small dab about 30 minutes before we took the tabs.
So then we were just in my house, listening to some music waiting for the acid to kick in. I would estimate I took the tabs at 7:30pm. At around 8:00-8:15, I felt a weakness and sort of numbness in my legs. I immediately wanted to sit down. At this point, I was enjoying myself quite a bit and was smiling about everything. It was fantastic, I was just happy about life. Me and Corinne were laughing and smiling about stupid things while Brody was still waiting for the noticeable effects since he took them later than we did. I looked in the mirror and my pupils were very enlarged, almost covering up the blue color of my eyes. My face started to get numb and music started to just sound better. I don't really remember everything that happened from this time until around 9:30pm, when a few more friends of mine who weren't tripping decided to come over. I was getting slightly worried about how many of my friends were at my house. Two of them were drunk and acting very stupid and the rest were just being loud and seemingly disrespectful in my tripping mind. At this point, I started getting intense open eyed visuals. Basic stuff, walls rippling. People's hair sort of distorted looking, tracers, things seemed more colorful.
One of my drunk friends was making a mess in my kitchen and I told him to please leave. I can still remember just how politely I was asking him, and he wasn't listening. It was amazing to me that no matter how much I told him to just walk out the front door and leave. I was very annoyed, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. It's like suddenly I realized how much alcohol impairs people and makes them look so stupid. Was very trippy to me how debilitating alcohol now seemed. I kept telling him and apologizing "Dude, normally you'd be fine to stay here but I'm having a lot of mixed emotions and I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling, but you need to leave." His excuse was that he was too drunk to drive. He said he'd be glad to leave but he seriously couldn't (3 weeks later he got a DUI).
In my mind, the solution was so simple. I tell him to leave and he just walks out and leaves. I couldn't comprehend that there was more to the situation. The past two hours I had been "on the edge" sort of feeling really good and then really bad at times. I had read before that LSD can cause very rapid emotional changes. It just seemed so rude of my mind to dismiss happy thoughts so quickly. At times I had even felt like crying but I didn't know why. Another very good friend of mine called asking if he could come over and just like what I told my drunk friend, I said "Dude, I'm tripping right now and I'm not sure what I'm feeling at the moment but please don't come over." My friend Corinne kept checking up on me with sort of a "Thumbs up Thumbs down" gesture from across my living room and I would gesture back with my thumb half way between each. Again, I was on the edge and emotions were swinging a lot.
Brody and Corinne told me to look at the carpet because they were seeing floral patterns on it. I stared down at it and saw very abstract patterns, not flowers though. I still can't think of what the patterns were, but they represented Japanese symbols. Literally like from the movie Transformers lol. Finally, my drunk friend left and I felt somewhat of a relief. I really didn't want my neighbor calling my mom saying I had a ton of people over at our house. Another one of my good friends Jake came over around 10:00. He had tripped before and could relate to a lot of the stuff I was feeling which made me feel better. I was having a little synesthesia when I was listening to our music. We were listening to trippy music like ODESZA and some other happy and peaceful music. I was seeing the sound come out of the speaker and my ears seemed to be tripping hard if that makes any sense. Music was insane, sounded so perfect. My friend Jake started messing with me in funny ways and doing somewhat trippy/goofy things that either blew my mind or made me laugh until I cried. He showed me trippy GIFs on twitter that moved and even when he stopped the GIF, the picture was still moving because of the visuals I was experiencing. I found that amazing. I was always interested in Quantum Mechanics and Astronomy and I was having deep thoughts about both subjects.
This next part is what I believe turned my "on edge" trip into a full out living nightmare. I was already dumb enough to dab right before I tripped. Now my friend wanted to take some bong rips on my deck so I joined him and a few others. It was a summer night, but I was seeing my own breath due to my visuals. I would take a large bong rip and exhale the smoke, but the smoke seemingly never stopped coming out of my mouth. I wasn't coughing either because I guess I couldn't really feel my lungs. Also I forgot to mention, I've had some heart troubles in the past. Ventricular Tachycardia is what my doctor called it. I heard though that LSD would be fine even with a heart condition. At the time, I didn't take into account that weed makes your heart RACE especially if you hit a bong several times. My already very strong trip turned even more intense. My visuals were overwhelming and my heart was beating too fast. I knew I needed to calm down, but I couldn't.
We stayed on the deck. I looked up at the stars and there were red and green twinkling lights that went along with the stars in the sky. It was a clear and very starry night. My friend Jake kept doing hilarious things to keep me and Corinne entertained. Brody had left at this point and went home with Cedric. He had been doing great all night. Another friend of mine, Derrick spontaneously decided to trip off two tabs for his very first time. He had just come over a little bit after I smoked. Thinking back on all of this, this was the most random/spontaneous night I have ever had ever. Right when Brody had left to go home, I immediately felt an emptiness in my mind like he was keeping me sane. Now, Corinne and Derrick were the only ones tripping with me on my deck and keeping me sane as well. I kept having a sort of epiphany during the "on edge" period of my trip. I kept realizing and saying, "You control your trip, you either make it good or bad. It is all an aspect of you, not the drug. Your own mental forces guide the entire thing." I also kept asking Corinne if I was going to be "okay" in the morning and "back to normal". She of course kept saying yes and was worried about my questions.
Jake and Derrick had to leave. Now it was just me, Corinne, and her friend Yvonne on my back deck. My two other friends Jared and Aric came over around midnight right before Corinne and Yvonne left. I wanted company, I didn't want to be alone and my mind kept telling me that. Right when Corinne left with Yvonne, I felt a kind of panic set upon me. I was tripping balls while very high from weed and nobody else with me was tripping and could relate to anything I was saying. I felt "out of touch" with Jared and Aric. They had just smoked so they were high as well, just not on LSD.
BAD TRIP STARTS HERE: IF YOU SKIPPED TO HERE AT LEAST READ THE LAST FEW SENTENCES FROM THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH.
It is so very hard to describe what I was feeling and what made it bad. In fact, I would label this bad trip as the most terrifying and traumatic thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I believe everyone's bad trips are subjective to them and can't compare to anyone else's because nobody's personality and genes are the same. I will try my best to explain all that I felt. First, panic. My friend would maybe make a joke or two about me tripping or about how our friend Aric was passed out high on the couch and I was feeling very very uncomfortable. I would try to seem like everything was fine by maybe fake chuckling a couple times but he could tell something was wrong with me. I was pacing frantically and kept telling him how something wasn't right. I was in a downward thought loop spiral of doom and couldn't get out. To reference one of my favorite Kid Cudi songs, I was literally "Trapped in my Mind". I started to sweat very badly and was feeling extremely cold. We put a thermometer in my mouth and my temperature was down to 95.1. Almost 4 degrees below normal and healthy temp. At this point I started to panic more than ever. I was very disoriented and dizzy and my vision seemed terrible.
Everything was so bright in my house. I don't exactly remember probably because I smoked, but I was having some very vivid and scary "Psychological Hallucinations" I guess I would call them. Not CEVs but perhaps closer to OEVs. I thought I was dying. I actually saw myself going to the hospital and dying only to be on the news the next day for going into shock and dying because of an LSD bad trip. I also thought I had uncovered a psychotic disorder that lied deep in my DNA that LSD brought out of its dormant state. I literally felt like a psychotic patient with Schizophrenia. I kept asking my friend as I was delirious, "Dude what the fuck are we doing right now" or "What did we just do" or "I'm doing the same thing over and over and over again!!!!!". I'm not sure if that was the acid trying to tell me that my every day life was repetitive and cycling, or if I was actually going insane and needed to go to an asylum. Jared wasn't really for the idea of me going to the hospital, and I was totally incapable of making that important decision. Time was going by SOOOOOOOOOO SLOWWWWWW. It was almost 1:00am and I knew that I would probably have to suffer through this for another four hours until the acid wore off. It was I either die in the hospital and be relieved of my bad trip, or I suffer this endless thought loop and fight through it and still maybe die.
Jared told me I should shower, but I was horrified by that idea for some odd reason. I felt like the shower was going to burn a hole in me. I tried laying down, only to panic even more and get up to frantically pace again. We went to my computer room because Jared's stupid high ass wanted to show me trippy videos during the scariest time of my whole life. We each sat down in a separate chair and I was tripping terribly. He said something after a few minutes and I snapped out of my trip for a second in which I thought we were outside on the deck but we were actually still in my computer room. I kept being in "multiple places at once" it seemed like. I would do one thing in a separate reality and then snap back into our own reality and totally forget everything I was doing. That would set on more and more panic. I had been clenching my jaw for the last few hours because that's what LSD does to you so my face was very numb making it difficult to feel my body substance which would maybe give me more sense to reality. After more than an hour of total hell and basically unmemorable hallucinations, my friend Jared had to go home and I wasn't about to be left alone so I went with him to his house.
He fell asleep almost instantly and I laid/sat up in my sleeping bag next to his bed hoping and praying I would go back to normal soon. I kept Facetiming and calling Brody and Corinne telling them that something was terribly wrong. They asked what was going on and i just didn't know how to answer it. All i said was I was feeling terrible and thinking scary things. They couldn't understand. And here's where more random shit happens and is why I label this night as the most spontaneous and fucked up night of my life. My friend Seb calls me up and knows I'm having a bad trip because he's also with my friend Derrick who was at my house earlier. Turns out Seb and two of my other friends that were with Derrick also decided to trip for their very first time. Like what the fuck is this acid night?!?! Apparently they're all having a great time tripping, which makes me feel even more uneasy about my own mental health considering I'm the only one who had a bad trip out of like 8 other people who took the same LSD tabs.
Can't remember what happened between 2am and 4am, I believe just more suffering and waiting and thinking deeply about things. The phone call from Seb came at around 3:50am and he said him and my 3 other friends were going to pick me up from Jared's house because it was the only way my bad trip could be fixed. Somehow this made sense to me. I sent him the address, and they came and picked me up around 4:15am. And yes I realize it isn't a good idea to get in the car when the driver is tripping on acid, but I wasn't about to stay at Jared's house so we left and went back to my house. By this time, my hellish nightmare is over but still lingering a little bit. I tried explaining it to them but they couldn't really understand. Morning came, everyone who tripped was asleep at my house by 9am, except for poor me. I was still wide awake, unable to sleep and seemingly STILL tripping even though my friends took the same tabs 4 hours after I took them. I was still seeing tracers a little bit. My phone background was distorted and moving. I started googling some stuff and was getting very very very paranoid about the possibility of me having either HPPD or some type of psychosis brought upon by LSD. I was scared shitless. Fast forward three days, where I had tried countless times to fall asleep but was never able to get into a deep sleep. It was like my body was afraid of "letting go" and going unconscious.
I would start to sleep and then JOLT awake in a panic. I had eaten food and drank water the last two days for recovery and I even told myself I'm never drinking or smoking ever again. I had no desire to anymore, it was the most strange thing. The day after my bad trip, a FedEx person came to the door to deliver a package and it was VERYYYY odd even making human contact with her. It was like I had totally forgot what a normal life was. I even had a hard time keeping eye contact with my own friends. We went out to dinner where my friend works and I wasn't on the same level as everyone else. I felt very uncomfortable and wanted to leave right away. In my "sleep" something very weird kept happening. I would "wake up" like every 20 minutes even though it seemed like I had never been asleep in the first place. Like i would look at the clock and 20 minutes would fly by and it felt like I was awake the whole 20 minutes, only in some sort of trance. I kept doing research and discovered something called "micro-sleep" which matched what was happening to me very well. This continued happening to me for the next 3 weeks and even a couple times the next month.
I felt different, like I had changed and I didn't enjoy things like i used to. I wanted to go back to the "pre-acid" time period of my life. I felt like my whole life was ruined. Even now, 4 months later, my head sometimes feels very sensitive for some reason and I'm very flinchy and jumpy. My ears pick up sounds so loudly almost and it makes me flinch. Doors shutting, clapping, yelling, even when music plays in my earbuds and the song plays a clap or a sound. It is hard falling asleep, my hands and arms shake a lot sometimes and even my head sometimes shakes on my pillow when I'm trying to sleep. I regret doing acid but I know there's nothing I can do about it now. I have to live with it. It seems like I've lost control over the guidance voice in my head and it can sometimes get annoying. I still feel like I'm not toally back to normal.
Since then, I've smoked weed a few times and had flashbacks and feelings of panic back to my bad trip. Even alcohol makes me feel a little panicky at first and makes me worry about my mental health. The most vivid and intense one was two weeks ago. I took two big dabs and felt a rush of panic. I felt cold again just like during my bad trip. I took my temp, 95.3. I couldn't stop shaking. I was pacing frantically and was disoriented greatly. My heart rate was fast as hell, probably 140 beats per minute. It was strange too, I was actually hearing music in my head as if it was actually there. My mind was creating its own dubstep and songs like Zeds Dead and ODESZA makes. Although I was panicking in the similar thought loop during my bad trip, I was amazed by how good these songs sounded. I wish I could have produced these songs because they would be hits! My eyes were even dilated as if I was on LSD. It may have just been from fear though.
All in all, my school performance hasn't gone down really at all. I may even be doing better now in school. I just want to know if ANYONE has experienced anything like this and if they dabbed and it has brought them back to the SAME trip as if they were on LSD again. Could I have PTSD or maybe even an onset Schizophrenia approaching? Or is it really just useless anxiety stemming out of nowhere causing me to think I'm going crazy? PLEASE READ WHOLE THING AND HELP. I KNOW IT'S LONG!!!! I have heard time and time again that LSD and any type of psychiatric illness, especially anxiety disorders do not mix well at all.
It was a Thursday and my mom was out of the state and I had the house to myself. I had been wanting to try LSD for a few months, but I never had the right time to do it. The only drugs I've experimented with before this are weed, xanax, and alcohol. I smoked a lot every weekend and drank almost every weekend. Had a fun night a month prior that consisted of me taking xanax for the first time (4mg) along with some weed and a couple beers. Total blackout of a night, I didn't remember who took me home and the friends I was with told me the next day I was "like a zombie" the whole night. And yes I know, people said two bars of xannies is too much for a first time. Still not sure if that's true.
Anyway, we picked up 14 tabs on blotter that Thursday in late September. We intended to take them the next day and go to the zoo, but my friends and I agreed we'd just take them that night and chill at my house since nobody was home. It was me and two of my friends that were going to trip with me, one of them a girl (Let's call her Corinne) who's a good friend of mine and the other is a guy, one of my best friends (Let's call him Brody). Another one of my good friends was sort of "watching over us" and didn't trip with us (Cedric). So me and Corinne went to go pick it up around 6:00pm, just me and her. We went back to my house and we were going to pick up my friends Brody and Cedric so we could begin the trip. Me and Corinne decided to put the tabs on our tongue and then go to pick up Brody and Cedric. I took two tabs and she took 3. She had tripped before and told me I was fine to drive right when we took the tabs because it wouldn't kick in for another 45 minutes to an hour. So it was all good and we picked them up and drove back to my house where my friend Brody then proceeded to take his two tabs as well. At this point if you're wondering why we picked up 14 tabs it's because a few other friends of ours wanted us to get some for them. Oh, almost forgot. I took one small dab about 30 minutes before we took the tabs.
So then we were just in my house, listening to some music waiting for the acid to kick in. I would estimate I took the tabs at 7:30pm. At around 8:00-8:15, I felt a weakness and sort of numbness in my legs. I immediately wanted to sit down. At this point, I was enjoying myself quite a bit and was smiling about everything. It was fantastic, I was just happy about life. Me and Corinne were laughing and smiling about stupid things while Brody was still waiting for the noticeable effects since he took them later than we did. I looked in the mirror and my pupils were very enlarged, almost covering up the blue color of my eyes. My face started to get numb and music started to just sound better. I don't really remember everything that happened from this time until around 9:30pm, when a few more friends of mine who weren't tripping decided to come over. I was getting slightly worried about how many of my friends were at my house. Two of them were drunk and acting very stupid and the rest were just being loud and seemingly disrespectful in my tripping mind. At this point, I started getting intense open eyed visuals. Basic stuff, walls rippling. People's hair sort of distorted looking, tracers, things seemed more colorful.
One of my drunk friends was making a mess in my kitchen and I told him to please leave. I can still remember just how politely I was asking him, and he wasn't listening. It was amazing to me that no matter how much I told him to just walk out the front door and leave. I was very annoyed, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. It's like suddenly I realized how much alcohol impairs people and makes them look so stupid. Was very trippy to me how debilitating alcohol now seemed. I kept telling him and apologizing "Dude, normally you'd be fine to stay here but I'm having a lot of mixed emotions and I'm not quite sure what I'm feeling, but you need to leave." His excuse was that he was too drunk to drive. He said he'd be glad to leave but he seriously couldn't (3 weeks later he got a DUI).
In my mind, the solution was so simple. I tell him to leave and he just walks out and leaves. I couldn't comprehend that there was more to the situation. The past two hours I had been "on the edge" sort of feeling really good and then really bad at times. I had read before that LSD can cause very rapid emotional changes. It just seemed so rude of my mind to dismiss happy thoughts so quickly. At times I had even felt like crying but I didn't know why. Another very good friend of mine called asking if he could come over and just like what I told my drunk friend, I said "Dude, I'm tripping right now and I'm not sure what I'm feeling at the moment but please don't come over." My friend Corinne kept checking up on me with sort of a "Thumbs up Thumbs down" gesture from across my living room and I would gesture back with my thumb half way between each. Again, I was on the edge and emotions were swinging a lot.
Brody and Corinne told me to look at the carpet because they were seeing floral patterns on it. I stared down at it and saw very abstract patterns, not flowers though. I still can't think of what the patterns were, but they represented Japanese symbols. Literally like from the movie Transformers lol. Finally, my drunk friend left and I felt somewhat of a relief. I really didn't want my neighbor calling my mom saying I had a ton of people over at our house. Another one of my good friends Jake came over around 10:00. He had tripped before and could relate to a lot of the stuff I was feeling which made me feel better. I was having a little synesthesia when I was listening to our music. We were listening to trippy music like ODESZA and some other happy and peaceful music. I was seeing the sound come out of the speaker and my ears seemed to be tripping hard if that makes any sense. Music was insane, sounded so perfect. My friend Jake started messing with me in funny ways and doing somewhat trippy/goofy things that either blew my mind or made me laugh until I cried. He showed me trippy GIFs on twitter that moved and even when he stopped the GIF, the picture was still moving because of the visuals I was experiencing. I found that amazing. I was always interested in Quantum Mechanics and Astronomy and I was having deep thoughts about both subjects.
This next part is what I believe turned my "on edge" trip into a full out living nightmare. I was already dumb enough to dab right before I tripped. Now my friend wanted to take some bong rips on my deck so I joined him and a few others. It was a summer night, but I was seeing my own breath due to my visuals. I would take a large bong rip and exhale the smoke, but the smoke seemingly never stopped coming out of my mouth. I wasn't coughing either because I guess I couldn't really feel my lungs. Also I forgot to mention, I've had some heart troubles in the past. Ventricular Tachycardia is what my doctor called it. I heard though that LSD would be fine even with a heart condition. At the time, I didn't take into account that weed makes your heart RACE especially if you hit a bong several times. My already very strong trip turned even more intense. My visuals were overwhelming and my heart was beating too fast. I knew I needed to calm down, but I couldn't.
We stayed on the deck. I looked up at the stars and there were red and green twinkling lights that went along with the stars in the sky. It was a clear and very starry night. My friend Jake kept doing hilarious things to keep me and Corinne entertained. Brody had left at this point and went home with Cedric. He had been doing great all night. Another friend of mine, Derrick spontaneously decided to trip off two tabs for his very first time. He had just come over a little bit after I smoked. Thinking back on all of this, this was the most random/spontaneous night I have ever had ever. Right when Brody had left to go home, I immediately felt an emptiness in my mind like he was keeping me sane. Now, Corinne and Derrick were the only ones tripping with me on my deck and keeping me sane as well. I kept having a sort of epiphany during the "on edge" period of my trip. I kept realizing and saying, "You control your trip, you either make it good or bad. It is all an aspect of you, not the drug. Your own mental forces guide the entire thing." I also kept asking Corinne if I was going to be "okay" in the morning and "back to normal". She of course kept saying yes and was worried about my questions.
Jake and Derrick had to leave. Now it was just me, Corinne, and her friend Yvonne on my back deck. My two other friends Jared and Aric came over around midnight right before Corinne and Yvonne left. I wanted company, I didn't want to be alone and my mind kept telling me that. Right when Corinne left with Yvonne, I felt a kind of panic set upon me. I was tripping balls while very high from weed and nobody else with me was tripping and could relate to anything I was saying. I felt "out of touch" with Jared and Aric. They had just smoked so they were high as well, just not on LSD.
BAD TRIP STARTS HERE: IF YOU SKIPPED TO HERE AT LEAST READ THE LAST FEW SENTENCES FROM THE PREVIOUS PARAGRAPH.
It is so very hard to describe what I was feeling and what made it bad. In fact, I would label this bad trip as the most terrifying and traumatic thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I believe everyone's bad trips are subjective to them and can't compare to anyone else's because nobody's personality and genes are the same. I will try my best to explain all that I felt. First, panic. My friend would maybe make a joke or two about me tripping or about how our friend Aric was passed out high on the couch and I was feeling very very uncomfortable. I would try to seem like everything was fine by maybe fake chuckling a couple times but he could tell something was wrong with me. I was pacing frantically and kept telling him how something wasn't right. I was in a downward thought loop spiral of doom and couldn't get out. To reference one of my favorite Kid Cudi songs, I was literally "Trapped in my Mind". I started to sweat very badly and was feeling extremely cold. We put a thermometer in my mouth and my temperature was down to 95.1. Almost 4 degrees below normal and healthy temp. At this point I started to panic more than ever. I was very disoriented and dizzy and my vision seemed terrible.
Everything was so bright in my house. I don't exactly remember probably because I smoked, but I was having some very vivid and scary "Psychological Hallucinations" I guess I would call them. Not CEVs but perhaps closer to OEVs. I thought I was dying. I actually saw myself going to the hospital and dying only to be on the news the next day for going into shock and dying because of an LSD bad trip. I also thought I had uncovered a psychotic disorder that lied deep in my DNA that LSD brought out of its dormant state. I literally felt like a psychotic patient with Schizophrenia. I kept asking my friend as I was delirious, "Dude what the fuck are we doing right now" or "What did we just do" or "I'm doing the same thing over and over and over again!!!!!". I'm not sure if that was the acid trying to tell me that my every day life was repetitive and cycling, or if I was actually going insane and needed to go to an asylum. Jared wasn't really for the idea of me going to the hospital, and I was totally incapable of making that important decision. Time was going by SOOOOOOOOOO SLOWWWWWW. It was almost 1:00am and I knew that I would probably have to suffer through this for another four hours until the acid wore off. It was I either die in the hospital and be relieved of my bad trip, or I suffer this endless thought loop and fight through it and still maybe die.
Jared told me I should shower, but I was horrified by that idea for some odd reason. I felt like the shower was going to burn a hole in me. I tried laying down, only to panic even more and get up to frantically pace again. We went to my computer room because Jared's stupid high ass wanted to show me trippy videos during the scariest time of my whole life. We each sat down in a separate chair and I was tripping terribly. He said something after a few minutes and I snapped out of my trip for a second in which I thought we were outside on the deck but we were actually still in my computer room. I kept being in "multiple places at once" it seemed like. I would do one thing in a separate reality and then snap back into our own reality and totally forget everything I was doing. That would set on more and more panic. I had been clenching my jaw for the last few hours because that's what LSD does to you so my face was very numb making it difficult to feel my body substance which would maybe give me more sense to reality. After more than an hour of total hell and basically unmemorable hallucinations, my friend Jared had to go home and I wasn't about to be left alone so I went with him to his house.
He fell asleep almost instantly and I laid/sat up in my sleeping bag next to his bed hoping and praying I would go back to normal soon. I kept Facetiming and calling Brody and Corinne telling them that something was terribly wrong. They asked what was going on and i just didn't know how to answer it. All i said was I was feeling terrible and thinking scary things. They couldn't understand. And here's where more random shit happens and is why I label this night as the most spontaneous and fucked up night of my life. My friend Seb calls me up and knows I'm having a bad trip because he's also with my friend Derrick who was at my house earlier. Turns out Seb and two of my other friends that were with Derrick also decided to trip for their very first time. Like what the fuck is this acid night?!?! Apparently they're all having a great time tripping, which makes me feel even more uneasy about my own mental health considering I'm the only one who had a bad trip out of like 8 other people who took the same LSD tabs.
Can't remember what happened between 2am and 4am, I believe just more suffering and waiting and thinking deeply about things. The phone call from Seb came at around 3:50am and he said him and my 3 other friends were going to pick me up from Jared's house because it was the only way my bad trip could be fixed. Somehow this made sense to me. I sent him the address, and they came and picked me up around 4:15am. And yes I realize it isn't a good idea to get in the car when the driver is tripping on acid, but I wasn't about to stay at Jared's house so we left and went back to my house. By this time, my hellish nightmare is over but still lingering a little bit. I tried explaining it to them but they couldn't really understand. Morning came, everyone who tripped was asleep at my house by 9am, except for poor me. I was still wide awake, unable to sleep and seemingly STILL tripping even though my friends took the same tabs 4 hours after I took them. I was still seeing tracers a little bit. My phone background was distorted and moving. I started googling some stuff and was getting very very very paranoid about the possibility of me having either HPPD or some type of psychosis brought upon by LSD. I was scared shitless. Fast forward three days, where I had tried countless times to fall asleep but was never able to get into a deep sleep. It was like my body was afraid of "letting go" and going unconscious.
I would start to sleep and then JOLT awake in a panic. I had eaten food and drank water the last two days for recovery and I even told myself I'm never drinking or smoking ever again. I had no desire to anymore, it was the most strange thing. The day after my bad trip, a FedEx person came to the door to deliver a package and it was VERYYYY odd even making human contact with her. It was like I had totally forgot what a normal life was. I even had a hard time keeping eye contact with my own friends. We went out to dinner where my friend works and I wasn't on the same level as everyone else. I felt very uncomfortable and wanted to leave right away. In my "sleep" something very weird kept happening. I would "wake up" like every 20 minutes even though it seemed like I had never been asleep in the first place. Like i would look at the clock and 20 minutes would fly by and it felt like I was awake the whole 20 minutes, only in some sort of trance. I kept doing research and discovered something called "micro-sleep" which matched what was happening to me very well. This continued happening to me for the next 3 weeks and even a couple times the next month.
I felt different, like I had changed and I didn't enjoy things like i used to. I wanted to go back to the "pre-acid" time period of my life. I felt like my whole life was ruined. Even now, 4 months later, my head sometimes feels very sensitive for some reason and I'm very flinchy and jumpy. My ears pick up sounds so loudly almost and it makes me flinch. Doors shutting, clapping, yelling, even when music plays in my earbuds and the song plays a clap or a sound. It is hard falling asleep, my hands and arms shake a lot sometimes and even my head sometimes shakes on my pillow when I'm trying to sleep. I regret doing acid but I know there's nothing I can do about it now. I have to live with it. It seems like I've lost control over the guidance voice in my head and it can sometimes get annoying. I still feel like I'm not toally back to normal.
Since then, I've smoked weed a few times and had flashbacks and feelings of panic back to my bad trip. Even alcohol makes me feel a little panicky at first and makes me worry about my mental health. The most vivid and intense one was two weeks ago. I took two big dabs and felt a rush of panic. I felt cold again just like during my bad trip. I took my temp, 95.3. I couldn't stop shaking. I was pacing frantically and was disoriented greatly. My heart rate was fast as hell, probably 140 beats per minute. It was strange too, I was actually hearing music in my head as if it was actually there. My mind was creating its own dubstep and songs like Zeds Dead and ODESZA makes. Although I was panicking in the similar thought loop during my bad trip, I was amazed by how good these songs sounded. I wish I could have produced these songs because they would be hits! My eyes were even dilated as if I was on LSD. It may have just been from fear though.
All in all, my school performance hasn't gone down really at all. I may even be doing better now in school. I just want to know if ANYONE has experienced anything like this and if they dabbed and it has brought them back to the SAME trip as if they were on LSD again. Could I have PTSD or maybe even an onset Schizophrenia approaching? Or is it really just useless anxiety stemming out of nowhere causing me to think I'm going crazy? PLEASE READ WHOLE THING AND HELP. I KNOW IT'S LONG!!!! I have heard time and time again that LSD and any type of psychiatric illness, especially anxiety disorders do not mix well at all.
Last edited:
