Okay, I'm not really sure where to start, but I guess I will figure it out.
Every time I have ever done DMT I had very memorable... very magical experiences. A little over three months ago my best friend (we will call her Craig) passed away. Prior to her death I had not done DMT in years. Against better judgment, I decided to do DMT to see if I could get in contact with her (this was three days after she had passed). Much to my surprise, I think I was able to. I can't necessarily describe what I saw, but I believe it was some sort of soul society. I was just walking along a street and people were passing me. They would look at me like they knew why I was there, but they wouldn't talk. I felt like Craig was walking next to me; I didn't see her, but I felt energy. I didn't have to looo for her, she was just there. I came back into consciousness and immediately started crying. It wasn't because it was a bad experience, I was just overwhelmed.
Fast forward to last night... I had decided to do DMT at every stage of mourning, last night was the second time I had done it since she passed. I am pretty sure I was in the same place as I was before, but it appeared to be some much bigger than before. I knew I was there looking for Craig so I started calling out for her. Unlike the time before she wasn't immediately with me. I began walking down the street and I felt as if I was getting closer. Once I felt like I was about to locate her something caught my attention by force. I tried to walk away and continue to find Craig, but it wouldn't let me. Then I began to feel her presence, but she still wasn't with me. I just needed to go with this thing and it would take me to her. The thing is, whatever it was was really bad. Every time I tried to break free it would pull me closer, it wouldn't let me say no. It was confusing me, but I was still repeating Craig's name. I started to ger a little clarity and I realized what was happening. I tried so hard to open my eyes, but the thing wouldn't let me. Every time I had ever blasted off I had been able to open my eyes when I wanted to. Even after I had forced my eyes open it was still trying to get me to go back. This time around I was crying as well - not because I was overwhelmed, but because I was utterly mortified. I can genuinely say that is the most scared I have ever been.
So why am I posting this?
1. I just need outside perspective, because right now I am terrified.
2. I feel like something bad might've happened to Craig, and I don't know if I should go back and try to find out what. I don't want to go back, but I need to know she's okay.
I hate that I am afraid to do it again. I think DMT is beautiful and has a huge spiritual impact, I just don't know what to do.
Every time I have ever done DMT I had very memorable... very magical experiences. A little over three months ago my best friend (we will call her Craig) passed away. Prior to her death I had not done DMT in years. Against better judgment, I decided to do DMT to see if I could get in contact with her (this was three days after she had passed). Much to my surprise, I think I was able to. I can't necessarily describe what I saw, but I believe it was some sort of soul society. I was just walking along a street and people were passing me. They would look at me like they knew why I was there, but they wouldn't talk. I felt like Craig was walking next to me; I didn't see her, but I felt energy. I didn't have to looo for her, she was just there. I came back into consciousness and immediately started crying. It wasn't because it was a bad experience, I was just overwhelmed.
Fast forward to last night... I had decided to do DMT at every stage of mourning, last night was the second time I had done it since she passed. I am pretty sure I was in the same place as I was before, but it appeared to be some much bigger than before. I knew I was there looking for Craig so I started calling out for her. Unlike the time before she wasn't immediately with me. I began walking down the street and I felt as if I was getting closer. Once I felt like I was about to locate her something caught my attention by force. I tried to walk away and continue to find Craig, but it wouldn't let me. Then I began to feel her presence, but she still wasn't with me. I just needed to go with this thing and it would take me to her. The thing is, whatever it was was really bad. Every time I tried to break free it would pull me closer, it wouldn't let me say no. It was confusing me, but I was still repeating Craig's name. I started to ger a little clarity and I realized what was happening. I tried so hard to open my eyes, but the thing wouldn't let me. Every time I had ever blasted off I had been able to open my eyes when I wanted to. Even after I had forced my eyes open it was still trying to get me to go back. This time around I was crying as well - not because I was overwhelmed, but because I was utterly mortified. I can genuinely say that is the most scared I have ever been.
So why am I posting this?
1. I just need outside perspective, because right now I am terrified.
2. I feel like something bad might've happened to Craig, and I don't know if I should go back and try to find out what. I don't want to go back, but I need to know she's okay.
I hate that I am afraid to do it again. I think DMT is beautiful and has a huge spiritual impact, I just don't know what to do.
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