My first, and only Ayahuasca experience came December 2016. Friend of mine each year hires a Peruvian shaman guide to his home to put on ceremony for about 15 people. He knew I had relapsed after many years sober, and was struggling. He invited me I thought why not. My AA community were very judgmental, but I said why not.
Upon arrival a quick health questionnaire and interview by two of the attending guides with shaman.
I was prepared. Having been on thousands of acid/mushroom trips early in my drug career I was none too concerned, having never once had a melt down bad trip. Seen it many times. Never experienced it.
Indigenous instruments of the jungle are played, chants and meditations. After each person one by one is invited to drink a small glass of this dark beyond bitter liquid. Back to Mat. Not much happening. He invites those so inclined for second drink. I go, feeling nothing. Then a third is offered....myself and 1 other were the only ones to take the third. For me nothing was happening after some 45 minutes. Immediately upon sitting after 3rd drink it comes over me...gently and non threatening. ALL around me lined up around the perimeter of a huge room, is the sound of vomiting, crying and moans. The shaman continues playing never before heard instruments which carry me into the vibrations and the singularity of each moment becomes clear. I still haven't puked. In fact, at this point, after trying to direct my thinking to some issues i felt perhaps were blocking me, instead I had channeled Richard Pryor. Now I am struggling not to burst out in laughter, considering the tears, puking and some peoples distress. Minders worked the room guiding those struggling through. I was fucking laughing my ass off with Richard Pryor, and he is talking to me, we are conversing. A minder comes to me to check on me. I request to be allowed to go outside for a minute to laugh. I tell him what's going on. He suggests I stay, keep the rooms energy and just let out all the laughter, tears, moans whatever...I recall be self conscious about laughing, cuz I didn't want anyone to feel it was directed at them. Also it turns out, I was only one who didn't puke. At all. Stomach was fine. But man...the mouse from the vomiting was unreal. With strange music playing loops in the background. Richard said, fuck these Niggers man, I am here to laugh. And with that I bowed out these uncontrollable hysterics. I mean loud, I am falling over on my side from laughter as Richard and I examine the silliness of most beliefs. My buddy had to be escorted out by minders as he got lost.
Briefly I felt responsible. Then I saw that their were an infinite lifetimes tied up in that second.
I realized more than anything. LOVE yourself. Just LOVE yourself. Be compassionate to all. Why would you harm your body or mind. You harm them. You judge them you harm you. And the flow.
Laugh with all your body. Seek the comic in the tragic. And that singularity, ultimately, our normal consciousness is not reality. It's packaged. The whole is one. All. Bend and merge. Sound with color a memory with smell. Even physical/mental. It was awesome. Didn't do shit for drug/alcohol use
