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August Getting/Staying Sober/Clean Thread v. Peace and Love

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Thanks totach. Congrats to you also on 7 coming up, Awesome!
 
smoky, that's *super* awesome, getting a year under your belt. congratulations!!!
 
Today is my 11th day completly off bezos and my boyfriends 2nd day on .25mgs from a rapid taper off 1mg/day :D
 
Good job! I keep seeing your name here and I'm not worried at all that you'll be telling us bad news. :)
 
Just A Guy said:
Happy 10 months today, mi Capitan!
Click to expand...

Thanks JAG :D

I'm doing well, still moving forward with my life. This fall will be a busy one for me.

Much <3 to everyone!!

Shout outs to stardust hero as well as smoky !!!! You're doing great girls!
 
^Great job Cap!

I was curious of other people's in this threads opinions on coming off of buprenorphine, particularly after having been on it for several years minimum. I imagine my plan, which I've so far been doing fairly well, though not perfect on, is tapering down to very lose dose, as to make the transition as hopefully easy as possible, BUT I have been on 'some' kind of opioid now for roughly a decade all together, mainly a few years of H, and about 6 or so years of straight bupe use, though I used to insufflate and do 4-8mg or more per day, whereas now I do maybe 0.5mg total sublingually. I literally take a strip of Suboxone, and fold it and use scissors and break it into tiny 1/32ths and take one of those at a time, 2-3 times per day, but I do know I need to start doing once per day and lower the dose, then every other day, especially since I am very nearing the last of my script and I am not going to pay the high price for this shit again, NOT again, it's a waste of money.

Anyways, the fact my brain has had opioids in it for so long is what I think it going to fuck me over, plus it's always the lack or no sleep, no energy, depression, anxiety, craving, those are the symptoms that cause me to relapse, not the physical stuff, I can handle that though obviously that is no cake walk by any means. And to make things better, I have to do a nice fun repeated benzo taper off benzos, again, after I get myself off the bupe which is my main goal at this point.

So, advice/experiences?
 
Congrats to everyone it seems like yesterday I was posting in the March thread about how I don't know how to get thru the weekend without using
Even 4 months in I was depressed about having a shit job and feeling like I will never move forward
Now I have a sick job I made more money in the last month then I would have made the whole year at the job I quit
A bunch of you guys told me to quit and not to worry and i am very glad a listened to you or else I would still be stuck at that job making pennies
I'm going to get a new car this week I can't believe how far I have come all I needed was some patience
Nearing 7 months is when things are finally falling into place
all the best to evreyone
 
totach said:
Congrats to everyone it seems like yesterday I was posting in the March thread about how I don't know how to get thru the weekend without using
Even 4 months in I was depressed about having a shit job and feeling like I will never move forward
Now I have a sick job I made more money in the last month then I would have made the whole year at the job I quit
A bunch of you guys told me to quit and not to worry and i am very glad a listened to you or else I would still be stuck at that job making pennies
I'm going to get a new car this week I can't believe how far I have come all I needed was some patience
Nearing 7 months is when things are finally falling into place
all the best to evreyone
Click to expand...

Its amazing how much my career/education/work life has advanced since I have been clean. I have accomplished more then I have in a decade. Its awesome. Congrats!


Just really realizing that the relationship that I have been hoping I would get back just isn't going to happen. A few days ago I was praying for the strength to get through it and to let my ex do what she needed to do in order to stay clean. A few hours later I am blocked on facebook, instagram and her phone. Left a message, said I understood and that I would drop off all the stuff she left at my place at her parents. I did that. Deleted all pictures I had left of her as well.

Its hard but also a bit of a relief, doing my 11th step with my sponsor I realized she has been clean longer without me then she has in years. I told her that if her staying clean involved breaking up with me then she should do it (before she left for treatment).

I was texting her messages of support and saying she didn't have to reply and that I was proud of her blah blah. I was also hoping that she would reply. I guess they must have been bugging her or annoying her or something. I told her to tell me if they were and she didn't reply. She told me a month ago she would give me a call and didn't. Then said she would call me in a little while. Of course, I took the idea that she was going to call me as evidence that things were going to work out. I honestly lost a large part of control and just kept texting her like once every 3 days to once every week.

I am sick of playing this game and I guess ultimately am glad she blocked me. Fact of the matter is, when I move to the city in 3 months I will run into her at some point at a meeting and thats okay. I am not angry at her or anything like that. I will apologize for my behavior and tell her that she has done nothing wrong in blocking me.

The whole relationship was doomed the moment I caught her smoking crack almost six months ago. It should have been over then. Then I found out she had been lying to me and using almost weekly for a month or two. That really should have been the end of it.

We both tried to make it work and it didn't, then I kept holding on to it. I have no doubt she still loves me like I love her, but its just not meant to be. Maybe it will in the future, but I cannot afford to be held back by it anymore. I was obsessing over the idea of getting that relationship back. I do believe that someday I will meet someone I can be with forever as long as I stay clean.

The next day, an old friend from treatment contacted me and said he was just getting clean again and is living in the city. So now I have at least one contact in the city for meetings. I have the opportunity to build a completely new life. A chance to start over, its scary and thrilling at the same time.

I don't feel like using but I did try to convince myself to go gamble today (it was very fleeting). I guess I am slightly embarrassed by the way I was acting, but I really felt like I couldn't help it. I wanted to talk to her so badly and just wanted to work it out. Of course I cannot force it. If I never see her or talk to her again then so be it. This was my first real relationship and first real break up. This is something most people go through when they are 16....


My life is great though, got a new job, finally moving to where I want to be (and the recovery is phenomenal), almost done with grad school. I am healthy, I look good, my relationship with my family is great. I am proud of myself. I have a life worth living today.

So in the end, am I glad I got into the relationship? Yes. If only because I needed to feel what it was like to love someone and be loved and I think I needed this experience of loss and acceptance as well. Do I understand that whole "Wait 1 year or so to get into a relationship?" Hell yes I do. Would I recommend that people wait to get in relationships during the first year of recovery. Yes. I am learning from this and feel much better today then I have in the past few days since this all happened.

1 year, 3 months and 22 days clean and I will not give that up for anything.
 
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Hi everyone, lots of familiar posters in here even if you don't know / remember who I am

Around December 2014 I told myself I would quit oxy (opiates in general), which surprisingly lasted about 7 months. went from 0 tolerance (took me 20mg to get high) -> 35mg over the span of a year and half? Of course the entire time I didn't want to quit but ended up sticking it out. During that time I moved out to a new city, got a new job, and started living on my own for the first time in my life. Things were taking a turn for the better

One day, I got a handful of t3's, and once I was done with those, promptly found someone that I could buy oxy's off of (surprise, surprise)

A few weeks ago, I ended up having bad chest pain from cocaine. Didn't even really like this stuff, not sure why I even did it... anyways after I get out of hospital I promised myself I'm done with drugs. Threw out everything I had, deleted phone numbers, and decided that's it, I'm done.

Also back in February I got bad brain zaps from over-doing mdma, I had done some 3 times in about 5 weeks. Also temporarily hurt my eyes that same night, staring into this led toy... sigh. My eyes were really sensitive to light for 3+ months, had to wear sunglasses when driving at night. Daytime my eyes were mostly ok

The last time I did 200mg mdma in June, I didn't even get that high (always got the eye wiggles, not this time). And I got the worst hangover... I used to always feel great the next day

I could live the rest of my life without doing drugs, but oxy is this nagging demon in the back of my mind. Part of me says I'm done, but part of me says one day, I'll somehow come across oxy and be tempted again. All it would take is for me to head down to skid row in the city I used to live in, but I'm going to resist doing that as much as I can.

My body and brain have taken a beating from all the drugs I've done. I figure if I keep going, I'll probably end up dead. Seems like I just don't know when to stop either these days... the party is over!

Thanks for reading
 
Captain, Smoky: Congratulations to you both for reaching your respective milestones! That truly is inspiring! Ten months and one year... It gives me hope that I'll make it, as I continue to keep saying. Reading of others' success motivates me to keep going, that it will get better, and seeing/hearing happy/positive words and feedback from those with long term milestones really makes a difference when trying to stay clean.

Day 36 over here. Doing my best to keep busy and stay active, and have spent a lot of time outside. I find that focusing on simply staying positive - choosing to be happy - has helped tremendously. The bad days come and go, but I find that instead of dreading them, of focusing on the negatives, keeping positive makes it much easier to cope. And staying physically active and enjoying the outdoor fresh air is a great help too. Overall I feel better, and each day is starting to become better than the last.

Thanks to all of you for continuing to post your stories and your milestones. You have no idea how much it helps me... When total strangers share their successes, their awesome milestones, it gives me hope and motivation. So for that I thank you, all of you.

And for all of us who are continuing to fight this fight - no matter how far into it you are be it one day or ten years - I wish you all the very best and every success. Stay positive, choose happiness, and keep up your great work.

Peace and love to all. We're all in this together <3.

Day 36. Slave to the game but this time, I win.

-D
 
Congratulations D! :)

Reading your post really inspired me to remember to keep going despite of the difficulties.
I am also fighting this fight. Have done it for 6+ months and posts like yours make all the difference.

"Slave to the game but this time, I win."

That's simply great. Keep it up!
 
Phactor,
My hat's off to you! I could never deal with emotional issues like you did and stay clean at the same time.
I can only imagine how tough that may be for you but it seems this is making you stronger.
I hope all my best to you!!
Erik
 
Too much cocaine. Started about 4 months ago and so far have consumed about 50g of "mostly social/partially diesel" cocaine. I can go two or three days and then somehow I convince myself that it's ok to do it again. Need to cut that out. Need to go back to weed and psychedelics. Let's see how this goes.
 
The ending of my 15th day and the ending of my boyfriends 6th day dropping to .25mgs. I am so proud of him. We had the same addiction and I started tapering 4 months before he did and after he saw me get off benzos he took the jump himself. I can't believe we both are doing so well :). When you put your mind to it you definitely can do it.

Keep up the good work everyone!! <3 <3 <3
 
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