hydroazuanacaine
bluelighter
- Joined
- May 17, 2007
- Messages
- 8,497
what i mean might be different than what you're talking about, sekio. when i'm in a darkroom -- the kind for film not film paper, meaning it's 100 percent black with no red lights on -- i start to see the walls, the equipment, etc. these things are not actually where i think i see them. i might see a piece of equipment, reach for it, and my hand passes through it. my mind is making up a scene after being in pitch black for a while. i think that happens to everyone. at least every photographer i've spoken to knows what i'm talking about. it happens after about 10 minutes of being in there. most photographers don't like it and will step out for a second between rolls to make it stop, if their schedule permits. i don't like it because it makes me think i have a light leak, but at this point i've learned it's in my mind not light.
what i mean about not seeing darkness when i close my eyes now is different. instead it's like i'm dreaming. it happens the second i close my eyes. i'm in a whole other world. until i open my eyes and bam! i'm actually sitting at my desks or wherever. it's not only a visual hallucination. because my mind doesn't know my eyes are closed and i'm actually at my desk. if i test it, it might not happen. if i'm focused, close my eyes, keep telling myself my eyes are closed, then i can see darkness (well except for the light through my eyelids and those floaters). but that's not usually how we close our eyes.
i am assuming it's the result of dissos and/or remeron. if i stop using dissos, it might go away. i say remeron too, because that has some sort of waking dream side effect. when i started taking remeron, that side effect was only when i was actually sleeping. so i assume it's the dissos. of course i have no idea. whatever it is, it hasn't happened all my life like seeing colors when you rub your eyes hard or seeing walls when you've been in a pitch black room too long. i'm not saying that it's brain damage either. instead, a side effect. the reason i mentioned brain damage is because it had been my understanding that disso abuse caused it; i don't know if that's right or wrong. i know i mentioned it when asked about neurotoxicity, but i didn't know what else to say. i regret it now. but i'm glad i made this thread because in addition to the discussion between others that's going on, it helped cement the fact i need to cut back.
what i mean about not seeing darkness when i close my eyes now is different. instead it's like i'm dreaming. it happens the second i close my eyes. i'm in a whole other world. until i open my eyes and bam! i'm actually sitting at my desks or wherever. it's not only a visual hallucination. because my mind doesn't know my eyes are closed and i'm actually at my desk. if i test it, it might not happen. if i'm focused, close my eyes, keep telling myself my eyes are closed, then i can see darkness (well except for the light through my eyelids and those floaters). but that's not usually how we close our eyes.
i am assuming it's the result of dissos and/or remeron. if i stop using dissos, it might go away. i say remeron too, because that has some sort of waking dream side effect. when i started taking remeron, that side effect was only when i was actually sleeping. so i assume it's the dissos. of course i have no idea. whatever it is, it hasn't happened all my life like seeing colors when you rub your eyes hard or seeing walls when you've been in a pitch black room too long. i'm not saying that it's brain damage either. instead, a side effect. the reason i mentioned brain damage is because it had been my understanding that disso abuse caused it; i don't know if that's right or wrong. i know i mentioned it when asked about neurotoxicity, but i didn't know what else to say. i regret it now. but i'm glad i made this thread because in addition to the discussion between others that's going on, it helped cement the fact i need to cut back.
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