I took MDMA for the 4th time (although first two were years ago) 5 days ago. I am taking it as an attempt to treat my emotional problems and social anxiety and not for recreation, if that matters, whereas my first two uses years ago were recreational.
Anyway, first time was about 5 weeks ago and I had a terrible come down but I thought it was because I tried to redose too many times and took 300 mg. This last time I only took about 200 mg and did not keep redosing all night but the come down was even worse. I am just starting to feel somewhat back to normal, though not completely. THe last five days I have felt brain dead, had trouble thinking and focusing, vision problems and alternating between being very emotional and not feeling emotions.
I want to know if its normal to come down this hard and is it even worth taking this drug? I mean, the good effects lasted about three hours and a five day hangover seems like a lot to pay for a three hour trip, especially when I can do mushrooms and acid and trip a lot longer and feel positive afterward.
The only reason I am interested in MDMA is because it seems to help me process emotional trauma in ways that other psychedelics dont as well. For example, on this last trip I actually experienced a little empathy toward other people. I normally hate people and don't want them around me. I usually go to this nature area near where I live when I trip and the other people who are there always annoy me and I want them to be quiet or leave. On MDMA it was completely different. I actually wasn't too bothered by the fact that there were other people around when I was rolling. I mean, I would rather have had the place to myself but the sound of peoples voices and stuff did not piss me off the way it would normally would. I actually would say I almost felt compassion/empathy toward other people, which I have not felt in over a decade (this is due to being made fun of and ridiculed by my peers my whole life).
So some of the effects seem extremely promising, but other effects seem extremely worrying. What do you guys think? Is it worth risking brain damage to try get myself to feel like a human being again? That was another thing, there were times on MDMA when I actually felt a little bit like a human being again. I have been so cut off from the human race that I pretty much stopped seeing myself as a human being and instead I was able to relate more with plants and nature. But MDMA helped remind me that I still have a human side. I really would like to explore that more, but am scared of the highly toxic effect this drug seems to have on my system.
Anyway, first time was about 5 weeks ago and I had a terrible come down but I thought it was because I tried to redose too many times and took 300 mg. This last time I only took about 200 mg and did not keep redosing all night but the come down was even worse. I am just starting to feel somewhat back to normal, though not completely. THe last five days I have felt brain dead, had trouble thinking and focusing, vision problems and alternating between being very emotional and not feeling emotions.
I want to know if its normal to come down this hard and is it even worth taking this drug? I mean, the good effects lasted about three hours and a five day hangover seems like a lot to pay for a three hour trip, especially when I can do mushrooms and acid and trip a lot longer and feel positive afterward.
The only reason I am interested in MDMA is because it seems to help me process emotional trauma in ways that other psychedelics dont as well. For example, on this last trip I actually experienced a little empathy toward other people. I normally hate people and don't want them around me. I usually go to this nature area near where I live when I trip and the other people who are there always annoy me and I want them to be quiet or leave. On MDMA it was completely different. I actually wasn't too bothered by the fact that there were other people around when I was rolling. I mean, I would rather have had the place to myself but the sound of peoples voices and stuff did not piss me off the way it would normally would. I actually would say I almost felt compassion/empathy toward other people, which I have not felt in over a decade (this is due to being made fun of and ridiculed by my peers my whole life).
So some of the effects seem extremely promising, but other effects seem extremely worrying. What do you guys think? Is it worth risking brain damage to try get myself to feel like a human being again? That was another thing, there were times on MDMA when I actually felt a little bit like a human being again. I have been so cut off from the human race that I pretty much stopped seeing myself as a human being and instead I was able to relate more with plants and nature. But MDMA helped remind me that I still have a human side. I really would like to explore that more, but am scared of the highly toxic effect this drug seems to have on my system.
