CloudyHazeD
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 1, 2004
- Messages
- 1,809
How did you do it?
Did you go to rehab or therapy and did that really help if so?
I've been on this fucking merry go round cycle of being clean for a few weeks and then coming back to it.
It's driving me insane. It's hurting my family. I've lost most of my friends that don't use the stuff. Why the fuck do I keep coming back to it?!
This past weekend, I had absolutely NO intention of using. I went out, bought my mom something for mothers day and then went to go get myself a bag of weed. Well, while waiting for the weed a crackhead acquaintance stops by out of the blue. I just did not have the strength to say no when offered a hit. Why? What the fuck?
Well, from there it was like no turning off that fucking pull, that urge, that need to keep high. So I blow through all they money in my pocket ($200). From there I take more money out( $80 per run)......before I know it the time is 4am Monday.(started Saturday afternoon) Fuck. Bank account is negative $1500. Missed mothers day. Missed work Monday and slept.
Now I'm left feeling like shit, filled with guilt.....trying hard to pick up the pieces.
I have to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do. How am I going to get the fuck off this ride?
I can't just move far away (my job won't allow that.......) I try to avoid all the people that trigger this sort of behavior in me.........but they seem to seek me out(gee could it be cause I'm the dolt whom spends the cash)/.......
For now, I'm just going to stay with family and not go anywhere near any of these fucking crackheads........ but I can't hide forever.....
I know the urge will hit again.......how can I be strong enough to beat it?
Did you go to rehab or therapy and did that really help if so?
I've been on this fucking merry go round cycle of being clean for a few weeks and then coming back to it.
It's driving me insane. It's hurting my family. I've lost most of my friends that don't use the stuff. Why the fuck do I keep coming back to it?!
This past weekend, I had absolutely NO intention of using. I went out, bought my mom something for mothers day and then went to go get myself a bag of weed. Well, while waiting for the weed a crackhead acquaintance stops by out of the blue. I just did not have the strength to say no when offered a hit. Why? What the fuck?
Well, from there it was like no turning off that fucking pull, that urge, that need to keep high. So I blow through all they money in my pocket ($200). From there I take more money out( $80 per run)......before I know it the time is 4am Monday.(started Saturday afternoon) Fuck. Bank account is negative $1500. Missed mothers day. Missed work Monday and slept.
Now I'm left feeling like shit, filled with guilt.....trying hard to pick up the pieces.
I have to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do. How am I going to get the fuck off this ride?
I can't just move far away (my job won't allow that.......) I try to avoid all the people that trigger this sort of behavior in me.........but they seem to seek me out(gee could it be cause I'm the dolt whom spends the cash)/.......
For now, I'm just going to stay with family and not go anywhere near any of these fucking crackheads........ but I can't hide forever.....
I know the urge will hit again.......how can I be strong enough to beat it?