Hey guys...
Something interesting happened today. For the people that listen to rap, you may know the rapper Logic. He just dropped a new album today and in his song Anziety he talked about his experience with anxiety and derealisation. I know it's pretty random, but he always seems to tell everything in a very comforting way. Great album really. Makes me feel way better to be honest idk why.
Life update:
Afterimages aren't what they were. They are faint instead of strong. I'm scared to not know how it looked before this all happened. All these thoughts running through my mind. Afterimages are my number one concern. The rest i can live with.
Logic's lyrics for the people that are interested. These are not the full lyrics btw.
[Speech]
It was December of 2015 in sunny Los Angeles California in the heart of Hollywood
I stood next to my wife in a line surrounded by hundreds of other people on our way to watch Star Wars
When suddenly I was engulfed with fear and panic
As my body began to fade
In this moment my mind was full of clarity
But my body insisted it was in danger
I looked around and I told myself I was safe, I was fine
But I was convinced that something was wrong
Before I knew it I felt as though I was going to
Fall and fade away
My body grew weak
And soon enough I found myself in a hospital bed being told what I went thru was anxiety
I refused to believe this story
I searched and searched for the cause of what had happened to me
I began to feel detached from reality
I felt as though I was seeing the world through a glass
I got blood work done
Analysis of my mind and body to no avail
The doctor said it was anxiety
But how could it be anxiety?
How could anxiety make me physically feel off balance?
How could anxiety make me feel as though I was fading from this world and on the brink of death?
Derealization
The sense of being out of one’s body
I’m not here
I’m not me
I’m not real
Nothing is
Nothing but this feeling of panic
Nobody understands
Nobody knows the sufferings
This physical feeling
It can’t be anxiety
It can’t
Or can it?
Can it in fact be the mind controlling the body?
Yeah, of course
I’m so in control of my mind and my body
But I’m subconsciously forcing myself into a state
Of self bondage entangled by the ropes of my own mind
I am unhappy
Not with life
But with this feeling
I am scared, I am human, I am a man
But I look in the mirror and I see a child
I am an adult who recognize grown ups don’t really know shit
And they never did
And it scares me
Cause now I’m just a grown up who doesn’t know shit
But one thing is I do know this feeling, this horrible feeling is going to kill me
No, no this feeling
This anxiety is nothing
I have anxiety
Just like you, the person I wrote this for
And together we will overcome this feeling
We will remember despite the attacks and constant filling of our mind and body being on the edge
That we are alive
And any moments we have free of this feeling we will not take for granted
We will rejoice in this gift that is life
We will rejoice in this day that we have been given
We will accept our anxiety and strive for the betterment of ourselves
Starting with mental health
We will accept ourselves as we are and we will be happy with the person we see in the mirror We will accept ourselves
And live with anxiety