OP, you're coming along nicely. I started just like you, tho at a younger age (I was in junior high school, 11 or 12 years old) on pills, mainly opioids and benzos, plus some of the good barbiturates (like Seconal, Nembutal, Amital, Tuinal, good luck finding them now) and some old school pain killers and tranquilizers you don't see anymore (painkillers like Talwin/pentazocine before they made it Talwin NX with Narcan, Wygesic, Darvon when they were good, and more obscure opioids you don't hear about. Tranquilizers like Placidyl/ethochlorvinal, Miltown/meprobamate, and some more old school, obscure shit). I was self medicating for an undiagnosed and untreated panic disorder. I had come to the conclusion that I must have been insane so I dared not tell anyone or they might put me in a nut house. The pills started with occasional, controlled usage and tolerance crept up on me, causing me to use more and more until I was eating handfuls of mixed pills for each dose (I called the mixed pills, normally a combo of good, strong opioids, benzos, barbiturates, obscure pain killers, tranquilizers, and muscle relaxers a "picnic") and dosing more and more handfuls/"picnics" several times a day. The number of days I ate pills increased as well, until it was daily, several times per day. By the time I was 16, I had discovered heroin, and I didn't go thru a sniffing phase, I jumped straight into the needle. Again, I could do heroin some days and put the heroin down at will. I managed to do that with heroin for several years so I thought it would never turn me into a junkie (I had seen people turn into full on junkies within 6 months of starting. I reasoned that if I wasn't an every day heroin junkie after shooting up much like you do hydros, in binges, for several years then hey, it'll never turn me into a junkie). I kept my heroin use a secret from all but a few people for years. My girlfriends didn't even know. Then, when I was 23, I blew my knee and shoulder out. I really fucked my knee up, I have screws and pins in the bones and a shit ton of pain. So I have been a chronic pain patient for more than 20 years. The painful surgery (I have never experienced pain on that level), long, painful recovery followed by months of painful physical therapy and a lifetime of pain and pain management with opioid therapy, caused me to turn to and lean on my old friend heroin way more than I had thought of previously because the oxycodone prescribed to me by the sports medicine Dr who did the surgery wasn't doing the job, and he prescribed me pretty high doses of oxycodone instant release around the clock 24/7 for a long time. He was even smart and merciful enough to give me a nice, slow, comfortable taper since he put me on high dose oxycodone for a long time. He thought since I was only 23 when I had the injury and surgery I should bounce back good and not need pain management until later. He was wrong. It hurt like shit, hurts more as I get older, and my hometown is full of heroin. I spent many years being a full on heroin junkie. I've been off heroin for several years now. I only take my prescribed Roxicodone and Xanax. My opioid tolerance seems to be set to intraveinous heroin, which causes the roxy to not work as well as it should and, of course, I can't tell my pain Dr or they would say "pill seeking junkie, I'm not RXing him shit" and I'd be in even more pain.
The point of this long narrative wasn't to sit and tell you my life story and my woes. The point was to, using my own life as a good, firsthand example, make you (along with anyone that reads it) do a cost/benefit analysis when they have no earthly need for opioids and they're doing them anyway, to decide if opioid addiction is something they really want in their lives. You can do opioids a little bit/here and there for a while, but eventually it will become all consuming and spiral out of control until it all blows up in your face. It's a small percentage (very small) that can use opioids recreationally for years and not have it turn into a full on addiction. Eventually, even the strongest prescription opioids will not get you to that magical sweet spot they did and that's when many people turn to heroin. I have seen more people that swore they would never do heroin, just pills, turn into heroin addicts than I care to recall. Of these, most started by sniffing and swore they would never turn into a filthy needle junkie. Probably 90% of them are needle junkies or dead needle junkies. It's your life and you only get 1, so do whatever you want. I believe that everyone should have the right to put into their own bodies as much as they want of whatever they want, whenever they want, however they want. I just sit back and think of what heroin addiction cost me : a shit ton of money, a beautiful 3 story colonial home a block from the water front in a historic district, a promising musical career (I won't name drop, but if you're into death metal/black metal, there is a good chance you may have at least heard of some bands I was in and certainly heard of some bands my bands played and toured with), lots of expensive guitars, amps, musical equipment, 2 nice trucks, time in jail, the list goes on. Just something to think about if you think you can outsmart opioids. They are patient and have the whole rest of your life to get you. Whatever you decide, be safe my friend. Use common sense and be aware of your limits. I wasn't trying to lecture you (or anyone) and didn't mean to sound like a condescending, judgemental dick. I am in no position to judge anyone. I do stand by the "know your tolerance and it's limits" thing. Some of my best buddies would be around today if they would have practiced that most basic principle of drug use.
