Opioids Any musicians coming off opiates - scared about my future

[timetohunt]

So I am perfectly understanding that anything involving coordination and relaxing is going to be very rough for a few months.
I know I won't be able to play for awhile. My biggest W/D and PAWS enemy is anxiety as even before I got wrapped up in opiates 10 years ago I had generalized anxiety issues. I never went for meds for anxiety back then because the opiates were taking care of that better than anything I'd ever tried. Like a lot of people I entered the opiate world because of bad discs, of course in hindsight I now know I could and should have learned to live with it. Thus; I'm basically a junkie now.

I'm going to power through this first 6 weeks or so in hope that the physical issues of WD will be well behind me. Even waking up and not looking for a fix will seem like a victory.

My main worry is ever being able to play my instrument again. I'm mainly a bassist, a damn good one as it's one of the few things I can actually boast about. I also write and collaborate with like 4 different groups. Some even are signed to labels. In the ensuing PAWS I have this fear that my hands will no longer be steady and by brain won't relax enough to be successful.

I'm so scared because while it can be a bit of a business and grind at times, it is what makes me truly happy. No music making = unhappy. Unhappy = virtual death.

Any thoughts? Anyone been in or is in a similar situation?
If I was a federal employee like I once was, I wouldn't nearly be as afraid of this aspect of getting off opiates.

 

[szuko000]

Not a musician but we all have passions in life that we could not live without. When I came off methadone I lost all my motivation to do anything for a period of 3 weeks. After 3 weeks I knew my motivation came back because rather then sit around feeling like I wanted to do stuff but couldnt I just started my life again like nothing happened.

Your not going to lose the ability to do anything other then the ability to take copious amounts of opiates and not die. Time will get you back to normal, how long that will take is something unique to you.

 

[timetohunt]

Not a musician but we all have passions in life that we could not live without. When I came off methadone I lost all my motivation to do anything for a period of 3 weeks. After 3 weeks I knew my motivation came back because rather then sit around feeling like I wanted to do stuff but couldnt I just started my life again like nothing happened.

Your not going to lose the ability to do anything other then the ability to take copious amounts of opiates and not die. Time will get you back to normal, how long that will take is something unique to you.

Thank you. Your post is inspirational and positive. My issue is that I think I became half-man half-opiate, and fear of not being able to reach the just being a man part has me fearing that while I can stop using, will I become half-man half-something else I won't be comfortable with. But the way you put that I will just drop the using and dieing part is uplifting. Very cool way to think about it.

 

[szuko000]

The obvious answer is you will become half man half musician. The one thing I replaced opiates with were my passions in life and thus I spend the entire day practicing and dwelling on them as I use to spend all day on heroin. I did use methadone so by the time I was off it I had already made positive life changes, granted i didnt get fully immersed in myself until after i stopped methadone.

Believe me life after opiates is way better. I thought I was me before going through addiction, that dude was weak and not disciplined. Now I have the discipline and unique understanding that allows me to know that i can be as great as i want to be because i can accomplish anything given time and effort. You will get there too your just mildly afraid of changing your life because of the unknown, conquer that and youll be better then you were before.

 

[spacejunk]

Yeah, i had similar fears coming off drugs - i'm a working musician as well (primarily a guitarist) and to be honest - it really had no negative impact at all on my playing or my inspiration.

I shot a music video a couple of weeks after coming off opiates (i had a habit for ~ 10 years) - filming being a process which is in equal parts fun and tedious.
It worked out great, and was really fun. We went into the studio around that time as well and recorded an EP - actually, we made two in quick succession; one of the 5 track EPs was recorded in two 3 or 4 hour sessions - only a month or two after i came off dope.

I honestly think i've done my best work since cleaning up - rather than slow me down, sobriety made me more focussed, more sharp.
One band i was playing in (who didn't know i used, and didn't know i'd detoxed) actually commented - the first time we jammed after i kicked - on how bright and focussed i was.

That was a revelation to me, because in my years of associating playing music and getting high - i always assumed that the only way to enhance my concentration and performance was speed, or other stimulants or drugs that fired up my creativity.
I never realised that an undrugged mind capable of inspiration and stimulation all of its own.

After years of being stoned, it seemed like my normal state of being.
It was only when i came off the stuff, that i realised that my non-narcotic state was pretty snappy and inspired, musically - that drugs may have given the impression that they were responsible for this - but really, all along, it was my love and passion for music, and the years of work i've put into it that makes me the musician i am.

Also - you mention worrying that you won't be able to play for a while when you quit - and that when you play music that makes you happy...so you're worried that it will be some loop of negative reinforcement?

If i were you, i'd try to push such thoughts out of your head. There is no set time that you'll be out of action for (except during the acute stages of withdrawal when you may be essentially stuck at home).
But for me - music was the answer to where to find that happiness again. It was still there once i was clean - and really, it was just like nothing had changed.
It was a really powerful positive force in my life that helped keep me sane, and keep me from reverting back to my old, addictive ways.
Quitting dope - in my experience at least - didn't take away the happiness playing music and performing brings to my life.
If anything, it helped me enjoy it more, and i got more from it.
It also gave me a great foundation and structure to keep away the boredom and feelings of uselessness that lead a lot of people to relapse.
Also - it made touring so much easier, not having to worry about scoring on the road

Good luck man - and don't stress. Music won't leave you; if anything i think you may be giving the music you make a whole new lease on life - and that's an exciting thing.

 

[cdin]

musician here!! It gets MUCH better off opiates. you don't realize it at the time, they ruin your music appreciation. my .02

 

[timetohunt]

musician here!! It gets MUCH better off opiates. you don't realize it at the time, they ruin your music appreciation. my .02

Wow, this hits home to. When I was the occasional one or two joints a year and the odd shroom trip guy....my music appreciation never waned. After a few years on opiates my travel to festivals and even my zoning out on music in my basement (nice sound system btw), became less and less.

 

[SKR]

You'll be better than before while playing and recording etc, it may be harder when just wanting to chill out and take in your collaboration but you'll find a less destructive replacement if you wish. It may be that you don't need to or want to chill out as you've been doing too mu h chillin'.

I'm always pleases to here of bass players who love their instrument, rather than settling for it cos' the band already had its guitarists. Good on you man. Life without music is meaningless to me.

 

[adrandell116]

Hey man, It's always worrying at the begging. Especially if you already suffered from anxiety. I have been playing drums since I was a toddler and after a 6 year heroin stint, decided enough was enough. I didn't let withdrawal even stop (I did for a few days only), but within a week. My limbs works as they always had (maybe even better as the feeling of actually being alive, which had been numbed for years was back). Just always believe that you can make it and that it will not hold you back and it will not. You could also use playing to your advantage. Busy hands and another world (music) to disappear in to. Will definitely help keep the craving away. Just key yourself get lost in yourself when playing and it will give you a break from the hard to cope side of leaving opiates behind you. Getting back in to a sleep pattern will be the hardest, but keep active and it will return post hast. Good luck matey, you can do it!