I have tried to use reason and intuition to build some kind of metaphysical position that resonates with my own experience.
So lets start by analyzing that experience.
What happens to me is this, I wake up every morning after having been in deep sleep, and in that state of deep sleep where I was not dreaming but truly out cold, not experiencing anything, then in that state the idea of me, this ego, this consciousness that I experience when I am awake simply doesn't exist, there is just nothing happening and no-one experiencing it, it's beyond the void, it's not anything.
Where are you when you are in deep sleep ? are you somewhere else waiting to wake up ? no, there is simply nothing. it's like it was before you were born, and so when i think about that it seems that sleep and the reason we do that every single day is a kind of very subtle clue that has been left in the game, because If I was going to play this game I would always want to leave a way out, a doorway, a way of not becoming endlessly lost in an illusion, so sleep is a clue, just as dreaming is a clue.
The closest traditional set of ideas that I find sit comfortably on my understanding and personal experience are the views of Hinduism, which sees the universe as a drama, the big act, a cosmic drama with the one universal consciousness or self playing all the parts.
The mainstream followers of Monotheistic religions follow the myth (The word myth in this context meaning an image) of the universe as a construct, something that was made by God as an artifact, so that whatever you are it certainly ISN'T God, but rather you are separate from God and are under various rules and instructions to toe the line and do what this thing that created you tells you to do or woe betide you you will be judged and punished for disobedience. now there have been many individual christian and islamic theologians who have a much deeper and profound insight into this myth such as Thomas Aquinas and his cloud of unknowing ideas, but most of the peasants in the pews never seem to be intelligent enough to stretch their understanding to encompass and explore these deeper more profound ponderings and are just spoon fed the simplistic immature version from the pulpit, usually by a priest who himself was never taught about these deeper more mature things themselves in theological school.
OK that's one myth, lets explore another....
The Hindu, sees the world as a play, where the Godhead, or Brahman is in reality the only thing that exists, the vedas start with something like "In the beginning was the self, and upon becoming aware said "I AM" and so to this day every sentient creature thus describes itself in this way, with the words "I AM" and then goes on to add their name, their address, their picture of themselves in whatever form of conditioning they have had imposed upon them from childhood (where most of the psychological damage gets done incidentally) and by the way society has responded and reacted to them, thus telling them who they are and who they are supposed to be.
But this Self or Godhead, being the only thing that exists, got bored, and so is playing a game of hide and seek with itself by fragmenting into multiple parts and acting out this fantastic drama, a stage play, with one great actor playing all the parts, and playing these roles so convincingly that it has itself been fooled by itself into believing that the play is not actually a play at all but is real. Wow, what an act !.
This, to me, makes a lot of sense if I really try to imagine what it would be like to be God, because if I really think it through then I can see that in that state of being a self aware consciousness where nothing else existed then one would indeed be bored, and lonely and would have to think up some way of making it interesting. And so the dreams begin.....
Now I'm going to paraphrase Alan Watts here (as he puts it better than I ever could) and describe this process of the dream.
If you were God (or the self, or Brahman or whatever symbol you want to use) and you could go to sleep and dream any dream you wanted, you would at first dream a series of wonderful dreams where all your fantasies and desires were fulfilled, Great love affairs, Amazing music, Fantastic journeys, Beautifull scenery, Good friends, Fine wines, dancing girls etc etc .....
But after you had been doing that for a while you would get bored, because you would always know what was going to happen, and anything already known in this way is already past, do you grock that ? that once you have imagined a story for yourself then it's already happened, that nothing about it would be a surprise because you have already played it out once in the imagination, the book has already been read so to speak, and so in playing out that story on the stage of a dreamt life it would be like seeing a movie when you have already read the book and so know what the ending is going to be.
And so what you would eventually have to introduce is the Surprise, to make it interesting, to add some excitement and some thrills, now how would you do that ?
Well you would perhaps set up the dream in such a way so that you would forget you were dreaming, that you would forget you were the Godhead and that you would forget that you would eventually wake up. you would go as far out as you could go and you would set up a situation where you felt yourself as a small separate individual, a stranger in an unknown world with no understanding of what it all meant and no knowledge of how it would end. the ultimate dream, as lost as lost can be, as far out and as far away from the true position of "I AM" as you could possibly get.
And then, you would find yourself here, reading this post, with all your personal anxieties, beliefs and hang ups, with your own feelings of separateness, with your own individual cares and woes and worries and relationships and struggles and sufferings.
What a grand adventure, what a fantastic dream, what a brilliant cure for the boredom of eternal existence as the universal self aware Godhead, just marvelous.
How do you know that that is not what you are doing right now ?
And so, when the play is over, just as when a real play is over, the actors come out and take a bow, and everyone claps, they applaud the villain for being a good villain and they applaud the hero for being a great hero, but (and this is where the two great myths depart from each other) NO ONE BOOS THE VILLAIN. because the audience knows that it was all just an act, put on to entertain us, and acted so well that it had us on the edge of our seats, laughing, crying, clutching at the armrests with terror, cheering the hero, booing the villain, but all the time really knowing deep down that we were in fact watching a performance.
Now when the actor and the audience are one and the same, well what a great show that would be. hard to wrap your mind around it, but poetically beautiful.
Now I can't prove this is what's happening, and i have no desire to preach it as gospel, but to me it makes a lot of sense based purely on the fractal way in which I seem to be living life on a day to day basis, I wake up in the morning and i assume my role, I form my character, I come to waking consciousness and i put on the mask, I assume the persona of the being called Kevin, but it's just a story that I tell myself every day and in fact it's a story that is constantly changing, people come and go, situations change, lovers and family change, sometimes they die, I change jobs, loyalties, locations, but every single day I go to sleep, stop existing as this character for a few hours, and then wake up and slip into role, put on the mask and away we go again.
What gives me great comfort and peace of mind is... that in this myth (or image) of reality - nothing is fundamentally SERIOUS, there is no judgement, there is no punishment, there is no way of getting it wrong, for the word play can also be used to mean fun, as when children "play", there is no reason for it other than the pure enjoyment of doing so, like dancing, or listening to music, the point of doing it IS doing it, nothing else, there is no purpose, there is no destiny, there is no grand plan that you are supposed to be following.
Returning for a moment to the words of Alan Watts "when you dance you are not trying to eventually arrive at certain spot on the dance floor, when you listen to music the point is not to get to the end of the piece, but to simply enjoy it while it is happening, it doesn't MEAN anything at all".
This idea always puts the ball in my court, it scares a lot of people because it makes the responsibility for your experience yours, there is no one else to blame, you can't pass the buck, you have to grow the fuck up and own your own shit, and realize that it's not all the things that happen to you that define your experience but rather IT"S HOW YOU REACT TO THEM.
I find this a mature and empowering way to look at life.
And so, when the Hindu sees the Christian he say, Bravo ! what a fantastic act, stunning, there is the godhead, so lost, so far out, that he has forgotten that he is the godhead, that he has convinced himself that he is in fact NOT god. and so feels separate from himself.
I like this view, and I have tried (not always successfully) to remember this when confronted by a religious person, I try to remember to not criticize this person but instead to say, my friend, deepest respect, you are playing a VERY VERY far out game.
This makes the phrase Namaste a wonderful way of honouring all beings, by saying, the godhead in me sees the godhead in you - respect.