Any abuse recovery stories? I need some support

[Dcoqo]

Hey all of you!

I would like to get some support from you. I’ll tell you my story, I hope you don’t find it too long.

I went through some really hard time after rolling four times last October, once per weekend. Prior to that, I used to do it once a month, although some times I would stop for two or three months. Altogether, I rolled like 24 times in a bit over 2 years.

After doing it four times last October, I started having trouble sleeping, anxiety, I couldn’t really do anything. I also had just finished my degree, and didn’t have a job atm, so it was a really bad time for me in many ways.

It got better. All the symptoms eventually subsided, although anxiety still came back some times, in the form of random “attacks”. But that also went away after some months. I was sleeping fine again too. Also I found a new job, which helped me.

But now it just all came back. It’s been two weeks with huge anxiety, and head buzzing, and sleeping problems, just like at the beginning.

This is my fifth ( I think?? Lol) week of confinement, and I’m all alone at home, so that must definitely have something to do with this. I guess it kind of unleashed everything.

But still... I’m pretty sure this is a consequence of what I did. The feeling of guilt that comes with that thought is really hard to handle for me right now.

What am I searching for by writing this? I don’t really know. I can’t talk about this to my friends, it’s been too long since it all started, almost 6 months, they wouldn’t understand me. I’m home alone all day, thinking about this, punishing myself.

I just would like to know if any of you have gone through something similar, and if you came out ok. Any recovery stories would be greatly appreciated right now. It’s really hard to think that I fucked up my life for good. I don’t know what to do.

Thanks to everyone in advance. Any support will be great, really.

 

[Dcoqo]

I just want to know if what I did is irreversible. Is my intake really so bad?

 

[TripSitterNZ]

My use is alot worse. everything gets better in time start getting good exercise and abstain from further mdma use. My long term effects are alot more anxiety terrible memory and maybe depression but i had depression a long time before mdma. At my worst i was rolling on average 40 or more times a year for years. After two years things do get better from been sober mushrooms i swear can help repair your neuro pathways from any drug induced damage.

 

[lionheart90]

Yes it is reversible. I know many people who have experienced increased anxiety and depression issues because of drug use.

It takes a lot of time and hammering with drugs before your health fades, it also takes a long time of being healthy before your health recovers.

The drug use has just shaken up your nervous system as well as your mind. The issues you are experiencing now are a result of imbalances and incorrect beliefs/fauly beliefs. It is not due to any type of scarring or permanent damage of that kind. And just because its "only" an imbalance doesn't mean its symptoms are any less severe or difficult to deal with. In fact in my experience imbalances are the most difficult type of injury to heal.

physical cuts and scrapes are easy to heal, you put put a bandage on it and don't use the area. Time will do 100% of the healing. Healing is automatic.

imbalances or faulty beliefs are very difficult to heal because many times they are invisible. It's usually when we begin to feel extreme symptoms (suicidal thoughts, depersonalization/derealization, depression, anxiety) that we begin to try and seek out and correct what is imbalanced in our lives.

and also, not everyone has been taught by their parents, friends, society, education on how to find balance in your life.



I guess to answer your questions I am still in the process of "recovery" because I feel I have a lot more improving I could do with my life. I'm still learning how to relax better, how to listen to my inner self and intuition, how to listen to my emotions and work with them instead of numb them out. There are many other things I am also working on to create balance in my life, so many things, it might be quite a few more years before my progress begins to slow. Or maybe it never will slow! haha.

The drug issues were almost a blessing in disguise. I had issues before, I ran to drugs in an attempt to deal with the issues but eventually just used them to escape my issues, and because of that I was forced to put the drugs away and face my problems head on. It was either recover and make my life good again, or live in agony and suffer. As difficult as it is to do this total life transformation because of the issues that drugs brought out, it's been what I needed in my life.

I was already pretty depressed and anxious before my issues got worse. When they got worse I was forced to address them. Before, when they were just mild, I was able to fool myself and convince mself that I didnt really have any issues. or that my issues were small.

 

[Dcoqo]

Yes it is reversible. I know many people who have experienced increased anxiety and depression issues because of drug use.

It takes a lot of time and hammering with drugs before your health fades, it also takes a long time of being healthy before your health recovers.

The drug use has just shaken up your nervous system as well as your mind. The issues you are experiencing now are a result of imbalances and incorrect beliefs/fauly beliefs. It is not due to any type of scarring or permanent damage of that kind. And just because its "only" an imbalance doesn't mean its symptoms are any less severe or difficult to deal with. In fact in my experience imbalances are the most difficult type of injury to heal.

physical cuts and scrapes are easy to heal, you put put a bandage on it and don't use the area. Time will do 100% of the healing. Healing is automatic.

imbalances or faulty beliefs are very difficult to heal because many times they are invisible. It's usually when we begin to feel extreme symptoms (suicidal thoughts, depersonalization/derealization, depression, anxiety) that we begin to try and seek out and correct what is imbalanced in our lives.

and also, not everyone has been taught by their parents, friends, society, education on how to find balance in your life.



I guess to answer your questions I am still in the process of "recovery" because I feel I have a lot more improving I could do with my life. I'm still learning how to relax better, how to listen to my inner self and intuition, how to listen to my emotions and work with them instead of numb them out. There are many other things I am also working on to create balance in my life, so many things, it might be quite a few more years before my progress begins to slow. Or maybe it never will slow! haha.

The drug issues were almost a blessing in disguise. I had issues before, I ran to drugs in an attempt to deal with the issues but eventually just used them to escape my issues, and because of that I was forced to put the drugs away and face my problems head on. It was either recover and make my life good again, or live in agony and suffer. As difficult as it is to do this total life transformation because of the issues that drugs brought out, it's been what I needed in my life.

I was already pretty depressed and anxious before my issues got worse. When they got worse I was forced to address them. Before, when they were just mild, I was able to fool myself and convince mself that I didnt really have any issues. or that my issues were small.

How many times did you take molly? How long ago did you stop?

For me it’s like a feeling of anxiety and anguish that comes all of a sudden, without a direct cause. Do you also feel this?

I don’t know to what extent this is a consequence of my mdma usage.

 

[lionheart90]

How many times did you take molly? How long ago did you stop?

For me it’s like a feeling of anxiety and anguish that comes all of a sudden, without a direct cause. Do you also feel this?

I don’t know to what extent this is a consequence of my mdma usage.

IDK how many times I took molly. Maybe 10, maybe 20, maybe 30. I stopped 2.5 years ago.

Yes that is one of the feelings. There are many feelings.

I've seen people develop an anxiety disorder from one use of MDMA. and also from one use of MDMA at like the 50mg dosage. So the issue isn't related to the MDMA necessarily, it's just that MDMA is one of the most common ways for people to develop this kind of anxiety disorder.

IMO its best to not even associate the issue with the MDMA. Yes the first anxiety did come as a result of the MDMA, but after that the anxiety became a self-perpetuating issue. Thats why the issue continues even long after you've quit MDMA.

 

[mrsmokeweed]

Yea recovery is definitely possible. I've taken X over 500 diff times since 2004, and my life is great, every day. I had a down period for a bit, so I stopped rolling.

Make sure you're living a healthy life. Exercise, get your vitamins, minerals etc etc in....meditate, journal, be social when possible. Think positively. The quicker you think things are gonna get better, the sooner they'll start!

 

[androoo]

I did mdma/pills from 1999-2010..on average, every week or every other week. started off doing just 1-2 pills..in the end up to a gram of mdma per night/day.. this is all mixed in with acid, speed (not meth), shrooms etc.. there was the occasional period without mdma though (bought 100g of BZP which i'd use as a replacement).
I have no long term issues.

you have not fucked up your life for good.. relax, chill dude