An Excerpt for my Work In Progress. Please critique

[Black Rabbit of Inle]

Every story can be interpreted three ways. The trick is being able to hold onto the facts and not be misdirected.

Rachel awoke in a cold sweat and looked around in a panic.
Where was she?
What had happened last night?
All she could remember was that her girlfriends had convinced her to try LSD for the first time. The rest of the night had been a disorienting kaleidoscope. Even now, as her eyes darted around, she could see shapes growing from nothing. Her vision was shaky and her eyes couldn’t focus on anything. It looked like a cellar but she couldn’t be sure. And there were sounds, terrifying sounds that might have just been in her head. A smell permeated the air, which could best be described as uncontrollable fear, of sweat, urine and feces, so thick you could taste it.

A figure appeared before Rachel. At first she thought it was another hallucination, until a glass was pushed towards her.
“Drink this. You need to keep hydrated.” said the figure.
“What are you going to do to me?” whimpered Rachael, as she picked up the glass.

 

[Horton-Scorton]

Okay. It has the feel of a Spillane novel. It is swiftly paced like a 50 or 60s serial thriller. I am reminded of a story that appeared in installments in our local newspaper when i was young. The style reminds me of attics. I am int.erested in what happens...good cliffhanger. You have a voice that, if honed, could afford you popularity. It reminds me also of James bond novels. The flow is good and fast. You have conveyed the disorientation from a third person stand-point (even though you employ second person). It feels like a film. I feel like I am allowed to watch but not penetrate the emotional depths...I am not invited to share her disorientation. This may be your intention, but I prefer other more violently personal styles. I appreciate this though. Tell me your intentions.

Oh, and the smell reminds me of faulkners description of a bad smell in a rose for Emily.

A keen sense of game and play.