I was left totally speechless after reading your post...I'm still stunned so I apologize for lack of support or discussion...but please know one thing, this post just put my entire life and what me, and s/o, have gone through and LIVED the past year. I am no longer under "amphetamine control's I like to call it, but now at the stage where reality kicked in and I'm living and dealing with all the reprocautions of our addiction. Which is where the real struggle hits due to feelings and realizations causing extreme shame and severe disappointment in my self. Point is, your post helped me put SOOO much into perspective, and I now understand and have answers for so many unanswered questions I've been left with...literally replaying things over and over in my head desperately seeking the meaning behind so much pain and confusion our amphetamine abuse caused. Unfortunately my s/o reached the last stage you mentioned, me not so close but I was easily on my way. I pray for him every day that he recovers that he will someday be back to the person he once was...but so unbelievably afraid that permanent damage has been done to him...in every way possible. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, you literally have helped me in ways I cannot even describe. Just know, you helped change someone's outlook on their own experience and in ways changed my life, It is such a relief to know we were bot the only ones out there, your experience was our own almost word for word. Hank you again, I can breathe again...
Hey man, you are going to win this fight (you have no other option). You will feel like a person again. Since I wrote this post I came throught this shit and was able to feel joy and energy again. I am dating, working. laughting. I am productive as ****, just because love my work. But when "stressor" came out (ive tried to graduate again) I started using AMPs again to be able to work+study+bussiness. I totaly forgot how misserable I was before, but as u replied to my post, I had to read my own post again and got it!
If I dont want to go into this hell cyrcle again, I have to take vaccation for few weeks from work and bussines (e-comerce) and focus just on my studies.. without amps. I have friend who is graduating also and he learned to force me into study, just be siting around any study by himself.
Well I still use some supplements, like tryptophan, omega, q10, phenylethilalanine (occasionalky), melatonin when cant sleep (thats happens to me after two glass of wine... weird, just like a little flashback to amp binge, but wery smooth).
Dont mind a lot about "permanent" brain damage you already have, because you fan smile, you can love. You will be just a bit slower, little bit more labile and maybe develop some type of mild psychosis (I starting to be paranoid when I got very very drunk, or seeing shadow peoples when tired.. but I started to be ok with them, unless they are looking straight to my eyes when I wake in middle of the night. THen i just throw pillow on him at it disapears).
There are also positives to survive AMP Cyrcle - on AMPS you have a lot of time to thing about things, and you discover a lot of "secrets" which you are normaly unable to see until your 60s. Lot of people I meet says that I am philosopher/genius/extremly intelectual, just because I am able to give sopishicated answer which I made during amphetamine binge.
Eric Idle - "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life"