Am I In the Wrong Here?

[BlackMetal]

Ok. I'm posting this just a get a more objective view of whether what I did was ethically wrong. Basically, I'm a 23-year-old male. I broke up with my girlfriend because I went down on her five times and when I asked her to give me head, she refused. When she initially said no, I got pissed and slept on the couch; eventually, she started crying, so I felt bad and consoled her. However, today, after thinking about it over an extended period of time, I just can't see anyway in which this isn't utter bull. Whenever I broke up with her over it, she called me extremely selfish and tried to reverse the argument by saying that I only cared about sex. This is not even true; it's just, I really don't want to be in a relationship with no oral ever and she seemed pretty adamant about not wanting to do it, so I figured talking it over would lead to nowhere.

So, long story short: I went down on my GF like 5 times and she refused to go down on me once. Then she called me a PoS for breaking up with her over it. So who's really in the wrong here, in your opinion?

 

[RDP89]

She's just angry. I don't see why there's anything wrong with what you did. It's something you want in your relationship that she was unwilling to consider.

 

[alasdairm]

is a relationship like a checking account - you make a deposit then you get to make a withdrawal? should a relationship be based on the idea that somebody owes you something because you did something for them?

seems like getting head is important to you - so talk to her about it. if she can't or won't do it, you need to decide if that's a deal-breaker for you.

I just can't see...

yep.

alasdair

 

[BlackMetal]

I still don't see how I'm wrong. She asked me to do it and said she'd return the favor and then just never did. That sounds more like an act of selfishness on her part.

 

[Cliffy78]

I still don't see how I'm wrong. She asked me to do it and said she'd return the favor and then just never did. That sounds more like an act of selfishness on her part.

Well if she said she was gonna hook it up and then played you then fuck her dude, to the curb with ya!

 

[dieseldog1]

Does she let you fuck her ? I mean, head is OK , but the pussy is where it's at.

 

[cashfl0w_d0nkey]

seems like getting head is important to you - so talk to her about it. if she can't or won't do it, you need to decide if that's a deal-breaker for you.

...Seems like he did all that already.

I asked her to give me head, she refused.

I really don't want to be in a relationship with no oral ever

I broke up with my girlfriend because [...] when I asked her to give me head, she refused.

Why so snarky alasdair?

I just can't see...

yep.

alasdair

 

[alasdairm]

don't mistake brevity and matter-of-fact responses for rudeness.

alasdair

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Does she give you a reason for not giving you oral sex or not wanting to?

My friend dated a woman who he would give oral sex when he's not that into doing it to most women; but she refused to because she thought it was in her words, 'gross that's where pee comes out of!'.

Eventually my friend and his ex girlfriend/FWB did break up since he found this to be completely one sided, and selfish of her.

 

[unknownSKY]

see nothing wrong with the end result of breaking up with her if she doesnt bring the things you want to a relationship. I would of at least had a conversation about it to see why though... there could be many reasons specific to you/her why she wouldnt. Maybe you need to wash a bit better? idk you wont know now

 

[pofacedhoe]

if you dont want to suck dick dont lie on your back getting licked out 5 times. its hypocritical

she doesnt have to suck you off just beacuse you went down on her first but the lack of reciprocity does suggest selfish sexual attitude

sorry but some people are very selfish in life and in bed and i'm not into that kind of person at all.

 

[crzydiamond]

Bottom line, if she doesn't ever want to do it and that is important to you in a relationship, the relationship will never work. I don't think you're wrong. However I think you might've jumped the gun too fast out of frustration. I would've had a conversation first like adults and asked why she didn't want to. Maybe there was some underlying reason. Had you asked her other times and gotten turned down too??

Slightly off topic: do you really count/ keep track of how many time you do which sex act with your girlfriends? I found that hilarious-- the "I went down on her 5 times" part. Lol not 4 not 6 not "several times". But "5 times". Either a bit OCD or you had in the back of your mind an expectation from the door for a tit for tat reciprocation?

Anyway it cracked me up

 

[tantric]

you need to find out if there's some particular reason she won't do it. possible trauma? you need to know *why* (and, btw, not so that you can change her, but so that y'all can understand each other. i took 'gender linguistics' in college). if she just doesn't like dick, as in up close, well, she needs a girl friend with a strap on. does she like playing with your cock?

btw, breaking up with her is the quitter's way. the tantric way is to resolve the issue and teach her to like *your* dick, that's pure win.

as a last resort:

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

Right, because obviously that's true love. You give oral, she MUST return the favor. Who the hell cares if she doesn't like it, isn't comfortable, not ready, has a traumatizing experience, or just not in the mood. YOU GAVE HER ORAL, SHE MUST RETURN THE FAVOR. You were obviously right in dumping her ass. It's not true love if she doesn't feel like sucking your dick.

 

[John3five]

YOU GAVE HER ORAL, SHE MUST RETURN THE FAVOR

While in principle correct, I would add the following considerations;

- 23 is relatively young, she's is probably young too
- I strongly believe that there is such thing as "sexual compatibility"
- before making a "dump" or "no dump" recommendation, I would definitely want to know more about the rest of the relationship.

No offence but these two are relatively young, and my advice would be to consider that she may not be ready for it.

Pussy is an acquired taste to some. So is dick!

BlackMetal, as a rule of thumb, sleeping around allows groundless dumping, no questions asked. Relationships should perhaps have a en benefit of being worth a little more work. What if your dick got cut off, should she dump your ass? ;o)

my few cents.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Right, because obviously that's true love. You give oral, she MUST return the favor. Who the hell cares if she doesn't like it, isn't comfortable, not ready, has a traumatizing experience, or just not in the mood. YOU GAVE HER ORAL, SHE MUST RETURN THE FAVOR. You were obviously right in dumping her ass. It's not true love if she doesn't feel like sucking your dick.

I do not agree with this; but I have given women oral sex and not wanted oral sex from them in return, and I have gotten oral sex from men but I did not give them oral sex since I did not want to or they did not want me to do this.

I know people of all genders and sexual orientations who do not give oral sex to a partner, or who are in relationships where they give oral sex but do not get it.

 

[SKL]

I swear sometimes I should just sail through threads in Bluelight and give one word answers to vaguely titled threads without even reading them:

SL&R: Am I in the wrong here?
Yes.
Any drug forum: Is this combination safe?
No.
Any drug forum: Am I going to die?
Maybe.

i took 'gender linguistics' in college

That explains a lot, actually.

 

[One Thousand Words]

Are you obliged to let her wear a stap on and fuck you just because she let you fuck her?

If you are willing to walk away over getting head or not then she can't even be that special to tell you the truth.

 

[John3five]

Patience pays more often than not.

Solid advice.

 

[tantric]

I took 'gender linguistics' in college

That explains a lot, actually.

(man) "It's hot in here"
[meaning - turn on the AC, now]

(woman) "Is it hot in here to you?"
[meaning - seeking consensus]


Right, smartass - I wrote a really good series of paper analyzing gay men's speech - Female Patterns, Male Tactics. I interviewed drag queens and compared them to transsexuals, straight women and lesbians. This was 1992, it was good stuff for the times.