Am I Finally Growing Up?

[number22]

I know there's tons of posts about all the sudden people not enjoying weed anymore, but I feel like my case is just a little than all the ones I've read

So its like most people, I started smoking and it became a huge part of my life. I was 14 when I started, and loved getting high. Tripped for the first time at 16, and fell in love with that too. Battled with mild depression from 16-18 so getting high and taking other drugs seemed like a good way to cope with it all (now looking back I think it made it worse).

I'm 19 now and I slowly switched from being high all day, to getting high at night. Mainly because of work, and I wanted to get my responsibilities done first. Now that school started, I barely smoke at all. I hate doing homework high because I lose all motivation and feel like a retard. At this point when I smoke its literally a few hits from a bowl, or one hit from my dab pen. I got a girlfriend recently too, and don't mind not even smoking all day (not that she doesnt like me being high or anything).

SOO what I'm trying to get at is I don't get super paranoid or feel like I'm gonna get caught or anything. What concerns me the most is how I feel about the music I create (dubstep). I used to produce high all the time, and listened to it high no problem. Now I mainly do it sober, but whenever I get high and listen my music I think its soooo awful and corny. If I listen to others similar to mine, I love it. But just because it's mine I hate it, and I don't know why.
When people listen to my music you think they would think the same? Or is it just because I'm becoming very self conscious?

I'm a hella shy kid and realized how much more shy weed makes me when i'm around people I don't know very well. Can me not liking my music how just be a correlation to me just not being confident in myself? Other produces in a forum say they love to smoke and produce, or produce sober and listen high. I just hate feeling like this about my music when I used to loveee weed so much, but now I don't view it as such an amazing substance.

 

[Egzoset]

Salutations Number22,

...I started smoking and it became a huge part of my life.

Maybe one should learn to recognize self-vilification hints/boundaries as if it were similar to the "sound barrier" (of airborne flight) once transposed to cannabis consumption. Those few words alone spell abuse in that quote above, so i feel like asking what benefit did you expect from abuse, for starters?? Not to mention your own personal situation seems already problematic as we can read!...

...feel like a retard...

Surprize! Maybe it's just because that's the natural consequence of abuse... Somebody has got to assume his own choices and i concluded that's you in this case.

...a few hits from a bowl, or one hit from my dab...

M'yeah, right. How thick a cloud?... I can imagine.

Or is it just because I'm becoming very self conscious?

Go figure, maybe you were creative while in the process of acquiring some new "filters" and now that you've got far enough with assimilating those then some enhanced fuzzy logic which initially promoted the exploration of alternatives at some more random no longer emerges: eventually it has reached a new threshold level from where novelty lost a bit of its luster, as it has worn off. Actually i'm thinking of old gramophone needles for a "music-inspired" parallel: these venerable devices used to loose their fine properties after a while, that's why gramophones implied having more needles in reserve somewhere. So i'd reason perhaps it's now time for you to have a change of needle before you put in another seemingly dull-sounding record: e.g. one which doesn't spell * A B U S E * anymore, for a change!...

...now I don't view it as such an amazing substance.

It's like a rapist destroying the soul and body of his victim: she made me do it, your honor! She seemed so pretty, so fragile... I couldn't avoid testing her limits, because it was her fault your honor!! Please don't blame me for raping her then killing her, it's in my nature. Can't fight it, right?? ... Or if i try to use more fairplay i'd want to argue that humans learn from trial & error and you may have reached your sound-barrier threshold, right before Mach 1... Possibly it's now time to acquire a different set of "filters" and learn how to avoid self-vilification traps - or walk away from dame cannabis if you really can't stand her anyway.

Which then to me shall bring on-topic the matter of a proper consumption method and also of its associated ritual.

But she was a bitch your honor, so it's my fault and hence she had to die anyway! Correct?

...

That's all OKay as long as one assumes his own actions without asking total strangers to pay the price of self-vilification. Or maybe you'll want to re-evaluate where you went wrong and consider the premice was faulty just like when i was caught myself in such similar a trap, even before nineteen as i recall... The good news is it's still time to evolve: update your "filters"! The bad one is that self-vilification is everywhere and we often fail to see it for what it is.

How about Mach 2?...

Good day, have fun!!

 

[Mafioso]

I'm a musician too, and I used to write music high as well. I used to feel like I would write better stoned. After I started recording all my ideas I started to notice that they were cool sounds but tended to be disorganized. It was also easier to become repetitive when I wrote stoned, like playing a part longer than I thought it should be played when I listened back to it.

It could be a combination of being self-conscious and just not liking the music you write, tbh. Although if I had to guess I would say it is probably more the first than the later. When you write a song chances are you have listened to it 20+ times by the time you are finished, know every part and what is coming. You don't have that familiarity with other peoples' music so I would think others music is more entertaining for that reason. It's like when you listen to a song 50 times in a row, chances are you will start picking it apart and have lost the enjoyment of listening to the song.

Maybe try writing music without being high and see if the process goes any smoother. Listen to song structure and try and follow a similar structure as your favorite songs. It could be a lot of things, maybe your just noticing that your songs are lacking depth, maybe your just tired of the genre.

Chances are people are not going to hear what you hear or think what you think. The best way to tell if I'm just tripping myself out and being self-conscious is to show other people your music in a way that they can be honest about it. Don't build it up before you show them, maybe don't even tell them it's your song. Feedback can be hard to accept but I think it's the best way to get an honest opinion about your song. Show it to other musicians who can understand and offer some more insightful feedback. Show it to people who have never played music and gauge their response. You might be surprised that other people enjoy the song, I know I usually am.