Am I damaged goods?

[LilikoiMoon]

As I've shared, I lost a young child to murder years ago. Yes, this has caused some major issues concerning trust, finding someone to date in my city/real life(who isn't familiar with court case/story), etc.

My ex husband (father of my children) had a rough time loosing his son, too. We tried to make it work, but divorced in 2009. We remain friends and dedicated parents to our youngest, a teenager.

Since my divorce, I've been an online dater. The internet has allowed me to form friendships with people from all over the world and I fell in love with a guy, once, that moved to rl, lasted a year, then we split. He's the only one that got to look and touch.

I'm starting to feel like damaged goods, though. Nothing last. I enjoy the part of getting to know someone on a deeper level (non physical) via internet, Skype, the promises of tomorrow/future together, but something happens inside me that makes me start finding flaws, then I bail.

I'm terrified of allowing someone in deeply, to know my desires, my hurts, the secrets to my heart. I'm safe as long as I don't allow the online love really past the persona on screen.

I desire sex, love, all that, but I'm damaged, and I want someone to tell me how to overcome this, please. Apart from my habit, I'm a good woman deep down, I was a good wife and I'm very attentive to the one I care for at the time.

 

[nygiants1313]

Why not just start seeing the world for what it is and realizing most people are damaged goods.

 

[-=SS=-]

I'm terrified of allowing someone in deeply, to know my desires, my hurts, the secrets to my heart. I'm safe as long as I don't allow the online love really past the persona on screen.

I desire sex, love, all that, but I'm damaged, and I want someone to tell me how to overcome this, please. Apart from my habit, I'm a good woman deep down, I was a good wife and I'm very attentive to the one I care for at the time.

You've answered your own question. You're afraid. And that's OK. The pain you felt must have been very upsetting to you on a very deep level and it makes me sad just reading that one sentence.

You mentioned your ex-husband are still on good terms.. maybe this is part of the equation too. That maybe because you felt you couldn't work this understandably horrible situation through together that perhaps you feel no one else will be able to with you, or maybe you don't want to try (with someone else) because it will bring up the pain again, the pain that you have to confront at some point in order to move forward.

Don't call yourself damaged.. that wording causes you unnecessary strife when there need not be. What you are is someone who has been hurt and is still hurting inside, and understandably so. You need to find peace with what has happened and that is something you have work through on your own. A partner can help you in this but ultimately it will be you who has to turn inwards and confront the emotional pain.

Acknowledge the fact that you are OK as a human being. Acknowledge that you are hurting.

 

[nygiants1313]

You've answered your own question. You're afraid. And that's OK. The pain you felt must have been very upsetting to you on a very deep level and it makes me sad just reading that one sentence.

You mentioned your ex-husband are still on good terms.. maybe this is part of the equation too. That maybe because you felt you couldn't work this understandably horrible situation through together that perhaps you feel no one else will be able to with you, or maybe you don't want to try (with someone else) because it will bring up the pain again, the pain that you have to confront at some point in order to move forward.

Don't call yourself damaged.. that wording causes you unnecessary strife when there need not be. What you are is someone who has been hurt and is still hurting inside, and understandably so. You need to find peace with what has happened and that is something you have work through on your own. A partner can help you in this but ultimately it will be you who has to turn inwards and confront the emotional pain.

Acknowledge the fact that you are OK as a human being. Acknowledge that you are hurting.

Good advice

 

[nuttynutskin]

I'd suggest getting some counseling and working on your issues before moving into a relationship. It's not really fair for you or the other person to go into something that isn't going to work because of unresolved issues. Sorry what happened to you.

 

[RhythmSpring]

Why not just start seeing the world for what it is and realizing most people are damaged goods.

This