As most of you know that know me, I've been struggling with prescription opioids but have never been prescribed(you gotta make sure your source is from pharmacy) for wayyy too long..
I love the pills and the thrills but I hate the chills. Once again i am at a moment in my life where I really want to man handle this bitch. But like the title says, I feel like the devil is at play here. Suboxone tabs have been a godsend or well maybe demon, either way the devil usually looks out for their own.. I have been able to manage my addiction with about 4mg or 2mg of subs, I have never taken a larger dose.
Anyway, I have got myself down to 1mg maybe a bit less and some mornings, maybe a bit more, fact is it's in my system for sure, otherwise I can't function correctly. I'm sure you have heard me preach about Tramadol or fentanyl being able to breakthrough and actually get high..but also once in a blue moon I can feel other opioids as well.(this is all because my dumbass prefers to waste my $ and doc INSTEAD of waiting a couple days off subs, to actually feel it.) I go back and forth damn near every day and trust me it feels great being on an whatever opioid binge and not needing to take the sub, bc I'm already covered of course, and go back to the 1x daily sub dose when I am out to help keep me upright.
It's been about 2 years or less on subs(still not prescribed btw) and this going back n forth routine. ANYHOW TO THE POINT, I GOT HIGH on percocet the other day while being on 2mg more or less of suboxone, sooo what gives? Does this mean my last binge, I nearly got the subs out? And then 2 days of let's say 2-3mg wasn't enough to block? I stopped with the fetti and I have been really trying to navigate through this with the idea of going back to full agonist or whatever until subs are completely out of my system. I am more than ever ready to quit or if I am being honest as long as it takes T break sort of deal. Truth is I'm addicted to the crutch of suboxone and I am ready to get out of that for good. Or at least stop this current cycle I am in with always needing that sub dose(unless I have a full bottle or baggy of oxy) AND needing some opioid every day.
I know I need to bite the bullet. I used to do it weekly in my younger years but only managed to stay clean for a few weeks to a couple solid months.
I think I may try to see a doc for wellbutrin maybe that would help with depression and the no energy aspect after getting completely clean. Plus I really want to quit cigarettes and I think they prescribe this for that reason?
Either way I stalked up on gabapentin and lyrica (which seem to be the same shit, I always thought lyrica had an opioid in it? Is it better than gab or ?) Also got lope, kratom, bud, some random pills like flexoral(wish I could get baclofen or trazodone, that shit worked well last time I kicked), a big ass bag of phenibut that I did NOT care for when I dosed it once. I can score some hydroxizine which may help for sleep, fucking doctors think it helps with anxiety and panic attacks, yeah right. And benzos I will have to score again..
Thanks for reading this long post. Is it possible that suboxone is starting fall off my receptors and this is why I felt 20mg of percocet? I sure hope so. Something about suboxone is scaring me, and I do not want to continue DAILY with it, I fear the extremely long withdrawal from it and as for other opioids, I need a break from these too. How the fuck dose this happen, and why is this the only place I can go to confide, get true help, answers and not worry about judgmental ridicule. Or being flagged and never being able to get pain relief. This country or world needs to open up about pain, anxiety and mental health MORE than ever. Or else every fucking soul will be chained to flesh eating tranq dope or fentanyl. If they don't put hydrocodone or codeine behind the shelf to sign for once a month(like pseudoephedrine), every one will probably die. Sorry rant over. About to grow my own wicked garden for reals.
I love the pills and the thrills but I hate the chills. Once again i am at a moment in my life where I really want to man handle this bitch. But like the title says, I feel like the devil is at play here. Suboxone tabs have been a godsend or well maybe demon, either way the devil usually looks out for their own.. I have been able to manage my addiction with about 4mg or 2mg of subs, I have never taken a larger dose.
Anyway, I have got myself down to 1mg maybe a bit less and some mornings, maybe a bit more, fact is it's in my system for sure, otherwise I can't function correctly. I'm sure you have heard me preach about Tramadol or fentanyl being able to breakthrough and actually get high..but also once in a blue moon I can feel other opioids as well.(this is all because my dumbass prefers to waste my $ and doc INSTEAD of waiting a couple days off subs, to actually feel it.) I go back and forth damn near every day and trust me it feels great being on an whatever opioid binge and not needing to take the sub, bc I'm already covered of course, and go back to the 1x daily sub dose when I am out to help keep me upright.
It's been about 2 years or less on subs(still not prescribed btw) and this going back n forth routine. ANYHOW TO THE POINT, I GOT HIGH on percocet the other day while being on 2mg more or less of suboxone, sooo what gives? Does this mean my last binge, I nearly got the subs out? And then 2 days of let's say 2-3mg wasn't enough to block? I stopped with the fetti and I have been really trying to navigate through this with the idea of going back to full agonist or whatever until subs are completely out of my system. I am more than ever ready to quit or if I am being honest as long as it takes T break sort of deal. Truth is I'm addicted to the crutch of suboxone and I am ready to get out of that for good. Or at least stop this current cycle I am in with always needing that sub dose(unless I have a full bottle or baggy of oxy) AND needing some opioid every day.
I know I need to bite the bullet. I used to do it weekly in my younger years but only managed to stay clean for a few weeks to a couple solid months.
I think I may try to see a doc for wellbutrin maybe that would help with depression and the no energy aspect after getting completely clean. Plus I really want to quit cigarettes and I think they prescribe this for that reason?
Either way I stalked up on gabapentin and lyrica (which seem to be the same shit, I always thought lyrica had an opioid in it? Is it better than gab or ?) Also got lope, kratom, bud, some random pills like flexoral(wish I could get baclofen or trazodone, that shit worked well last time I kicked), a big ass bag of phenibut that I did NOT care for when I dosed it once. I can score some hydroxizine which may help for sleep, fucking doctors think it helps with anxiety and panic attacks, yeah right. And benzos I will have to score again..
Thanks for reading this long post. Is it possible that suboxone is starting fall off my receptors and this is why I felt 20mg of percocet? I sure hope so. Something about suboxone is scaring me, and I do not want to continue DAILY with it, I fear the extremely long withdrawal from it and as for other opioids, I need a break from these too. How the fuck dose this happen, and why is this the only place I can go to confide, get true help, answers and not worry about judgmental ridicule. Or being flagged and never being able to get pain relief. This country or world needs to open up about pain, anxiety and mental health MORE than ever. Or else every fucking soul will be chained to flesh eating tranq dope or fentanyl. If they don't put hydrocodone or codeine behind the shelf to sign for once a month(like pseudoephedrine), every one will probably die. Sorry rant over. About to grow my own wicked garden for reals.
Last edited:
