AM(a)A about being transgender

[woamotive]

Sending love your way. Also, strength to find the words needed to answer these questions!

I have no questions, currently. Just sending my support.

 

[Emptty]

I'm not continuing any discussion about trans identity as a form of mental instability, if y'all keep bringing that up you'll be ignored because I was very clear in the op I'm tired of discussing it with people who don't want to hear anything that doesn't support their own confirmation bias. This post was for well-meaning questions not debate, you're welcome to make your own post for debate on these topics if you'd like. I'm not here to tell you what you can & can't talk about, just to say that I personally don't want to be involved in that discussion anymore since it's clearly going nowhere no matter how much I show that your argument is illogical.

to the op- do you honestly believe you are a man?

If I didn't I wouldn't be trans and wouldn't have made this post. I'm aware my physical characteristics are those of what society labels a female body, I'm not unaware that I was born into the body and social role of someone perceived as a woman however I reject the flawed idea that gender is defined solely by these things and in that aspect fully believe I'm a man.

If you do not define gender as chromosomes/sex organs, and do not define it as how you look, how you act, what you like sexually or otherwise, how you dress, personality etc etc, what is it? Is it just a "feeling"?

In a way yes, it's a feeling. The way I try to explain it that seems to get the idea across is when cisgender people wake up in the morning they don't think about their gender, they can go to breakfast and if somebody there asks "are you a man or a woman?" they know the answer right away because the gender they feel they are is inherent in them. In a cisgender persons case that just happens to align with the gender other people perceive them as so they rarely notice how it's also inherent in them as a feeling and a piece of their identity.

In my case I feel the same way and if someone asks me my gender I would say male without hesitation because being a boy is inherent in me despite how others may perceive me based on my body, I simply take more note of this as a feeling because of the fact others don't see it as an inherent piece of me the way I do and often treat me as something else.

To me it seems "male" and "female" have kind of lost their meaning. These days a person with breasts, a vagina, with long hair, wearing dresses, attracted to men, could define themselves as male, right?(stereotypical/historically "feminine" stuff)

So I guess my question is, do you think masculine/feminine male/female have been kind of "forced" out of their traditional meanings?

I think the idea they had traditional meanings to begin with is flawed. Every society has different concepts of masculinity and femininity, even if you just go back a century in our own some aspects of them will be different. The male/female biological binary is flawed in ways but the masculine/feminine social binary is essentially nonexistent unless you choose to subscribe to it in the first place. And even then it evolves and the concepts you're subscribing to change, not through force but simply because there has never been a strict definition to masculinity and femininity.

Also, another question- how do you feel about there being a new label for sexuality or identity everyday? It seems they get more obscure and oddly specific, it's hard to keep track of and everyone has their own special sounding word instead of "im (masculine/feminine/both etc) and I'm attracted to (masculine/feminine/both etc)" or even better "I'm Joe- watch and you will learn who I am"

The way I see it people are individuals and sometimes people get really specific because that's what they have to do to properly express their subjective experience. At their core everyone just wants to be recognized as themselves and if someone genuinely feels that no existing word can express their experience then good on them for creating some word or form of expression that does.

I'm also big on words and how their original meanings can be quickly lost. Don't even get me started on what happened to "literally" in the last ~5 years.

I'm honestly a big fan of how language is defined by those who use it and evolves with use instead of maintaining static meanings. But I can see the argument for strict definitions out of desire for clarity and ease, it just seems boring to me personally.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

How come many transgender people are put off (even disturbed) by being fetishized for their bodies and think it's unacceptable for someone to want sex from them for the very reason that they're trans? I fetishize my girlfriend; she has a big butt and a beautiful face, and if she didn't, I honestly wouldn't date her... Physical attraction is 50% of a relationship. What gives some trans people the whole "Humans have been fetishized since the dawn of time, but don't fetishize me!" attitude?

 

[augustaB]

Haven't you seen the girl's tee shirt which says "The face is pretty too?"

 

[Jabberwocky]

How come many transgender people are put off (even disturbed) by being fetishized for their bodies and think it's unacceptable for someone to want sex from them for the very reason that they're trans? I fetishize my girlfriend; she has a big butt and a beautiful face, and if she didn't, I honestly wouldn't date her... Physical attraction is 50% of a relationship. What gives some trans people the whole "Humans have been fetishized since the dawn of time, but don't fetishize me!" attitude?

I think part of it might be that a trans individual would probably desire to be seen more as their identified or transitioned gendered (i.e. male or female) as opposed of the more purgatorial/transient aspect of a gender identity "in flux"/"in transition."

Being fetishized as male or female in the binary sense would then be offensive per se or as much a problem, but that is exactly NOT how trans people tend to be fetishized - they tend to be fetishized because of their gender's "transitional" status, not because of their identification with a female or male gender identity.

Particularly in terms of physical attraction, fetishizing the trans aspect of their previous status would reflect less of who they feel like they are as individuals, as it doesn't reflect the actual gender they identify with (it reflects merely the fact that they don't fit traditional binary gender stereotypes).

Fetishizing a trans individual as trans as opposed to male or female (or whatever gender they identify with) is therefore overlooking (and disrespecting) a significant part of who they really feel they are as unique individuals (i.e. trans is too reductionist/stigmatizing). Fetishizing anyone for someone they don't themselves identify with is pretty demeaning, and I could see how a trans person could find this type of thing particular problematic.

Now, I would be totally wrong. I'm not trans and only have limited experience discussing such questions of identity with trans individuals (both pre and post op MtF and FtM). I am speaking more from a more generally applicable perspective of identity theory as opposed to some more specifically queer or trans perspective.

Please correct me if I'm wrong on this [mention]Emptty[/mention] I'd be very interested to hear your take on these musings of mine.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Haven't you seen the girl's tee shirt which says "The face is pretty too?"

No, but I understand the point.

 

[dopemaster]

I am curious as to what a trans individual would do if the technology and medication for gender reassignment did not exist.

So not it being illegal but just not medically possible.

Would life be managle to the OP and yes I am asking them as well as anyone else who cares to answer?

Would you have been able to come to terms with your body and find meaning, purpose, and identity in life?

I just genuinely wonder why go through all that because it hardly seems natural? It seems a rather difficult and painful path both physically and mentally.

So I am not trying to bait you but what would you have done to cope if this type of surgery and psychology didn't exist so this is a hypothetical question.

If you have trouble with it, suppose a thousand years ago dor a lack of better words.

Also my other query is do you feel that people must accept you as the gender you have assigned yourself instead of the biological definition as opposed to the psycological definition?

I just wonder if the fact that is such a political hot topic that some people do it for the wrong reasons such as in Iran where homosexuals are pushed into gender reassignment as homosexuality is a crime their punishable by death.

I definitely think its absurd to kill someone for anything of that nature or treat them any differently.

The difference though is transexual surgery is a choice versus homosexuality not much of a choice at all.

Do you feel as though the surgery was a choice?

The surgery is something you do not have to do other than for psychological reasons? If you disagree please explain why and a reputable source from the medical community other than the whole death penalty for homosexuality as you do not identify as homosexual.

Now at what point am other people required to accept psychology over flat out science and why would be my last question?

I am not trying to be rude but just interested in what the stance on those issues would be. I could give a flying toss what you do to your body ftr but I don't think these questions will be received well neccesarilly so please surprise me with some insight.

I have no doubt it was and still is quite a struggle for you and that you do most likely feel better after this transition.

I guess I have one more. I habe noticed some people im the homosexual community not to keen on the trans being grouped in with them and I do feel in some ways it is a different struggle.

Do you feel like you have a connection to the homosexual community and why or why not?

 

[Emptty]

How come many transgender people are put off (even disturbed) by being fetishized for their bodies and think it's unacceptable for someone to want sex from them for the very reason that they're trans? I fetishize my girlfriend; she has a big butt and a beautiful face, and if she didn't, I honestly wouldn't date her... Physical attraction is 50% of a relationship. What gives some trans people the whole "Humans have been fetishized since the dawn of time, but don't fetishize me!" attitude?

Please correct me if I'm wrong on this [mention]Emptty[/mention] I'd be very interested to hear your take on these musings of mine.

Nope you're pretty much right, I've had a few relationships where I felt fetishized and the issue wasn't so much being fetishized but being fetishized for my transition. Those partners saw me as a crossdressing girl and fetishized me for that instead of seeing who I actually was. It's ok to be physically attracted to someone and see that as key to a relationship, that's ok even in relationships with a trans person. But you need to be physically attracted to them not to your idea of them.

I am curious as to what a trans individual would do if the technology and medication for gender reassignment did not exist.

So not it being illegal but just not medically possible.

Would life be managle to the OP and yes I am asking them as well as anyone else who cares to answer?

Would you have been able to come to terms with your body and find meaning, purpose, and identity in life?

I just genuinely wonder why go through all that because it hardly seems natural? It seems a rather difficult and painful path both physically and mentally.

So I am not trying to bait you but what would you have done to cope if this type of surgery and psychology didn't exist so this is a hypothetical question.

I can't speak for all trans people here, I do know plenty of trans people who choose not to physically transition and are totally fine. But in my case no, life would not be manageable without transition. When I was 15 I attempted suicide and one of my primary justifications was the belief that I would never be able to live as male.

Life might be livable for me without physical transition as long as I was still supported in living as a man and being referred to as such, but physical transition has made a significant impact on my comfort in life and I suspect I would have a much harder time with my mental health without it. It's not natural and it's not pain free but the physical pain of surgery is far more tolerable to me than the mental anguish of living a life that isn't true to myself.

If in theory I was born in a time where these physical changes were not possible I think one of two things would happen. Either I would commit suicide or I would come to terms with my identity by dressing as a man and asking that people treat me as one whenever possible. Which one would probably depend on the social climate, if the latter put me in danger or made me a social reject then the former is more likely.

Also my other query is do you feel that people must accept you as the gender you have assigned yourself instead of the biological definition as opposed to the psycological definition?

I just wonder if the fact that is such a political hot topic that some people do it for the wrong reasons such as in Iran where homosexuals are pushed into gender reassignment as homosexuality is a crime their punishable by death.

I mean I can't say what other people must do, that's not up to me. But I do think refusing to recognize my gender is incredibly disrespectful, and forcing a trans person into the box of biological sex is a form of indirect violence as it does contribute to the rhetoric that leads to transphobic violence and high suicide rates.

Ultimately people can and will label me how they want and I can't do shit to change that, it's not up to me to force people to treat me a certain way but I can at least ask that they do and if they choose to disrespect me then I know what kind of person they are and I can distance myself from them.

A person who transitions for political reasons isn't technically trans, they would still just be gay if they didn't truly identify as another gender. The act of transition doesn't make someone trans, their gender identity does.

The difference though is transexual surgery is a choice versus homosexuality not much of a choice at all.

Do you feel as though the surgery was a choice?

The surgery is something you do not have to do other than for psychological reasons? If you disagree please explain why and a reputable source from the medical community other than the whole death penalty for homosexuality as you do not identify as homosexual.

No I don't feel any aspect of my transition was a choice, it was done for psychological reason but that doesn't somehow make it a choice.
I like to think of it as equivalent to if someone were to come to me one day and say they had a surgical cure for my migraines, my migraines hurt me a lot and although I could live my life without curing them were I offered a cure it would not feel like a choice to me. I would obviously want to go through with it for the sake of no longer living in pain. Psychological pain isn't somehow less hurtful than physical pain and not transitioning left me in a place of being in a great deal of psychological pain so for me transitioning wasn't a choice it was something I had to do.

Now at what point am other people required to accept psychology over flat out science and why would be my last question?

Since when is psychology not a science? It's the study of the human mind. It definitely feels less tangible in some ways than other sciences but it is and always has been a science just like biology.

I guess I have one more. I habe noticed some people im the homosexual community not to keen on the trans being grouped in with them and I do feel in some ways it is a different struggle.

Do you feel like you have a connection to the homosexual community and why or why not?

This is probably the most complex question I've ever been asked about this and I don't mean that in a bad way, I just hope I can give a coherent answer.
First of all I personally do have a connection to the gay community as I am pansexual and have a strong preference for other men. As for whether trans people as whole do the answer is both yes and no.

The thing is trans people and gay people face some of the same struggles but also face some very different ones, straight trans people are capable of perpetuating homophobia and cis gay people are capable of perpetuating transphobia. There is a sort of divide in the communities that comes of these things happening but at the same time the community is connected through those struggles we do share.

The two are separate but also interconnected in ways that aren't deniable, trans people and gay people have been allies to one another throughout the history of the LGBT community. The foundational events for our community involved, and sometimes were even started, by transgender people. Stonewall would not have happened without transgender women.

I do not see the trans community and the gay community as being the same exact thing however the LGBT community includes both for a reason and I feel removing the T from it is disrespectful to the contributions trans people have made to every piece of it.

 

[augustaB]

Until the 20th century transexuals did not have options as they do today.
There are references to the transexual idea even in the Iliad (Tiberias- the blind seer lived both as a man and as a woman)
Pre-columbian peoples gave space to people who were "in-between" and in North America called them two-spirit people.
In Meso-america many of the gods had male and female manifestations and there is plenty of evidence to suggest that gender roles were not binary.
The contemporary extreme hard line binary model is particularly dominant in North America and seems to be associated with strongly protestant versions of Christianity.

 

[dopemaster]

I guess what I am asking is it really a good thing its so easy.

I just was in detox and they ask what gender identity I am.

I say born and man and still a man. They thought it was funny but like you know its just one more question you ger asked everywhere there be paperwork.

I guess I just wonder how a kid could want a sex change before they are an adult and had sex?

It is at the point of doing harm to ppl who cant think for themselves because thats a massive decision and undertaking.

I don't care if adults go through the process after they know themselves but I dont think kids should do it cuz kids dont know shit.

I support body modification and am heavily tattoed so yeah I vote for rights on trans but its cuz some places say I can't piece my junk so I did it myself.

 

[Intense]

I take Androgel once a day right now, which with my prescription provides 40mg of Testosterone per dose I believe. I'm planning to switch over to IM Tesosterone injections as I find taking daily medications difficult with my executive dysfunction and poor memory.

They have stopped my periods but I can start menstruating again if I forget to take more than 2 or 3 doses in a row.

I am planning to have my uterus and ovaries removed to prevent future complications although I don't plan to modify the external aspects of my reproductive system, there are just some medical issues that can arise after about a year of taking Testosterone while still having an intact internal reproductive system. Usually the chance of going through menopause when removing ovaries is negated by the Testosterone however if someone were to stop taking testosterone and have no ovaries to replace it with estrogen they would then go into menopause because of it.

The gel is garbage, plus there's the risk of accidentally getting it on other people, low absorption etc.. You need to get on IM and you will feel 10x better. Cypionate or enanthate injecting 2x a week 150mg each injection. You're at 280mg/week now, but I would try and get 300mg of test cyp a week. It will take about 4 weeks for you to really start "feeling" the ester, but it will kick in quick and leave you with more stable blood levels which is what you want.

 

[Emptty]

I guess what I am asking is it really a good thing its so easy.

I just was in detox and they ask what gender identity I am.

I say born and man and still a man. They thought it was funny but like you know its just one more question you ger asked everywhere there be paperwork.

I guess I just wonder how a kid could want a sex change before they are an adult and had sex?

It is at the point of doing harm to ppl who cant think for themselves because thats a massive decision and undertaking.

I don't care if adults go through the process after they know themselves but I dont think kids should do it cuz kids dont know shit.

I support body modification and am heavily tattoed so yeah I vote for rights on trans but its cuz some places say I can't piece my junk so I did it myself.

It's far less simple than you seem to think it is. Just saying your trans won't get you access to transition resources. Getting hormones as an adult required approval from my gp to be referred to an endocrinologist. Getting surgery is even harder, I had to be on hormones for a year before my insurance would approve any type of surgery and all surgeons with any credibility require I get a letter from both my gp and my psychiatrist approving me for surgery. There is plenty of gatekeeping mainly intended to avoid anyone who is not really trans/is actually just confused from going through the process.

As for children the most anyone under about 15 years old will be allowed to do by most doctors is take hormone blockers to delay puberty. Then if when they're older they're still expressing a desire for transition hormone replacement therapy will work better for them, and if they're not they can stop those meds and develop as they would have in the first place.

A lot of trans people know they are trans from a young age and being trans is about gender not sexuality, so having sex doesn't change that. And imo it's a lot better to have at least something available to those kids early so they live long enough to develop a solid identity as adults. The suicide statistics for trans people don't just count people over 18, in fact many of those who die from the distress of gender dysphoria do so as older preteens/early teens.

I'm not necessarily saying permanent changes like surgery are ideal for people so young but to deny them access even to hormone blockers just because of their age is a dangerous road. I don't know if transgender children are old enough to make choices about transition, but they've proven time and time again that they're old enough to choose suicide and I think that says something about what kind of freedoms we're allowing them to have and what kind of freedoms they actually need.

The gel is garbage, plus there's the risk of accidentally getting it on other people, low absorption etc.. You need to get on IM and you will feel 10x better. Cypionate or enanthate injecting 2x a week 150mg each injection. You're at 280mg/week now, but I would try and get 300mg of test cyp a week. It will take about 4 weeks for you to really start "feeling" the ester, but it will kick in quick and leave you with more stable blood levels which is what you want.

Yeah you're right, I wanted to avoid regular IM injections (hilarious coming from an IV drug user I know) but I came to the same conclusion about a week ago. If I want stable progress and if I want to avoid forgetting doses I need to switch to injectable T. I see my Endo pretty soon and plan to ask to switch over to IM then.

 

[zephyr]

Emptty you are awesome. Thank you for discussing this with us

 

[Intense]

Yeah you're right, I wanted to avoid regular IM injections (hilarious coming from an IV drug user I know) but I came to the same conclusion about a week ago. If I want stable progress and if I want to avoid forgetting doses I need to switch to injectable T. I see my Endo pretty soon and plan to ask to switch over to IM then.

My opinion is do what you do as long as it doesn't affect me. I'm not a supporter per se of what you are doing but I do use steroids and am on TRT, so I figured I would chime in and possibly help make it easier for you. IM is for sure the way to go.

There are so many variables though, and in your case I can only imagine it would be even more complicated with e2, prolactin, DHT, etc.. Has your doc prescribed you anything like Proviron to increase DHT levels as well? Because I feel you would benefit much more with a combo of testosterone and a DHT derivative like Proviron or Masteron. It raises your Free Test number rather than total Test, and is responsible for more of the male characteristics. It even has anti depressant properties in males and gives a sense of well being.


I still find all this interesting. Crazy how far you can go and change the human body with the small amount we know now. I can only imagine the next 20 years.

 

[Emptty]

My opinion is do what you do as long as it doesn't affect me. I'm not a supporter per se of what you are doing but I do use steroids and am on TRT, so I figured I would chime in and possibly help make it easier for you. IM is for sure the way to go.

There are so many variables though, and in your case I can only imagine it would be even more complicated with e2, prolactin, DHT, etc.. Has your doc prescribed you anything like Proviron to increase DHT levels as well? Because I feel you would benefit much more with a combo of testosterone and a DHT derivative like Proviron or Masteron. It raises your Free Test number rather than total Test, and is responsible for more of the male characteristics. It even has anti depressant properties in males and gives a sense of well being.


I still find all this interesting. Crazy how far you can go and change the human body with the small amount we know now. I can only imagine the next 20 years.

Actually no, he's never even mentioned anything beyond Testosterone replacement. Even in my own research I never found much information about anything but testosterone for trans men. I'll look into it more though and see if there's a reason for that or if it's something I could speak to him about.