inflagranteineveryway
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 4, 2019
- Messages
- 33
I have to take great pains in order to not create a lengthy post about myself and my history, so I am an open book if anyone cares to read this and respond, I just don't want to create a novel here.
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for over 13 years now, and have "successfully" managed it with incredibly unhealthy ways, during the years I had no health insurance. (my "coping" mechanism is to isolate, so as not to embarrass myself or cause damage to relationships due to the mood swings). I have spent years, on and off, as an agoraphobe, only leaving my apt at night, reluctant to interact with anyone, simply in an attempt to keep myself from doing any humiliating damage during the palpable mood swings. At one point I literally disconnected internet and phone service, because I was afraid of posting angry things on social media or talking to people on the phone and saying weird things I had no memory of the next day.
The point of the post - is there anyone here at all that can relate, and would be willing to share their own story?
I am in a very good place right now, and I go very long periods in between manic or mixed mania episodes. I recently went through one, with a "new doctor" I have had for the last 3 years that knew nothing about my bipolar history, which was intentional on my part: I also happen to have a great deal of serious physical issues (heart, pancreas, metabolic disorders etc) that I have wanted him focused on for obvious reasons.
The first and only time I saw a shrink was during a nervous breakdown, and he was essentially, a quack. I would spent less than 10 minutes with him and be pushed out the door with scripts in hand. Every time I came back, he just kept adding more, never taking away. By the time he had the balls to put me on lithium and I discovered that I now needed help walking unassisted from the muscle tremors (and I was paying almost $1000 every month to the pharmacy for the bucket of drugs he wanted me to take), I finally threw them all in the trash, and felt better than I had since I started seeing him.
This was 13 years ago now, and have not really disclosed my issues to any subsequent doctor (and I see a LOT of them due to my many physical ailments) because of my first and only experience with that idiot.
This post is already too long, so I will stop. I'm simply wondering if there are any people out there that have experienced anything similar to this. Thank you.
I have a very deep mistrust of doctors,
I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for over 13 years now, and have "successfully" managed it with incredibly unhealthy ways, during the years I had no health insurance. (my "coping" mechanism is to isolate, so as not to embarrass myself or cause damage to relationships due to the mood swings). I have spent years, on and off, as an agoraphobe, only leaving my apt at night, reluctant to interact with anyone, simply in an attempt to keep myself from doing any humiliating damage during the palpable mood swings. At one point I literally disconnected internet and phone service, because I was afraid of posting angry things on social media or talking to people on the phone and saying weird things I had no memory of the next day.
The point of the post - is there anyone here at all that can relate, and would be willing to share their own story?
I am in a very good place right now, and I go very long periods in between manic or mixed mania episodes. I recently went through one, with a "new doctor" I have had for the last 3 years that knew nothing about my bipolar history, which was intentional on my part: I also happen to have a great deal of serious physical issues (heart, pancreas, metabolic disorders etc) that I have wanted him focused on for obvious reasons.
The first and only time I saw a shrink was during a nervous breakdown, and he was essentially, a quack. I would spent less than 10 minutes with him and be pushed out the door with scripts in hand. Every time I came back, he just kept adding more, never taking away. By the time he had the balls to put me on lithium and I discovered that I now needed help walking unassisted from the muscle tremors (and I was paying almost $1000 every month to the pharmacy for the bucket of drugs he wanted me to take), I finally threw them all in the trash, and felt better than I had since I started seeing him.
This was 13 years ago now, and have not really disclosed my issues to any subsequent doctor (and I see a LOT of them due to my many physical ailments) because of my first and only experience with that idiot.
This post is already too long, so I will stop. I'm simply wondering if there are any people out there that have experienced anything similar to this. Thank you.
I have a very deep mistrust of doctors,
