Hello everyone. I’m writing looking for some support, I suppose. I feel so alone. I’ve been using opiates regularly for probably 8 or 9 years. Like everyone else, it started out recreationally (only weekends, then weekends and some evenings and of course eventually moved to every day). No one in my life knows and I’ve been continually blowing through any savings we may have had buying pills. A few months back I got my hands on some subs and initially started using them just as filler for a few days when I ran out early in the month (which I always did). I guessed on dosage, etc- but, recently I used them for 2 weeks straight & generally I felt really good. Yesterday, I gave in and started back on the pills (I was worried if I said no to my supplier that I’d lose the choice to go back on pills if I wanted to). But now I have so much anxiety and guilt about everything I think I may finally be at a place where I may be ready to ditch the pills altogether and move on to actual Dr assisted treatment... but I’m really scared. I’m scared to stop the pills, I’m scared to start MAT (getting set up with a dr and all that), I’m scared to have to come clean about all of this at some point. I guess it would just be really great to have some people to talk to about this as being alone in it has really been messing with my anxiety lately. Anyhow, thanks for listening & any support/thoughts/suggestions are welcome & appreciated.