Almost nothing makes me high

[jodes]

Hey Guys.

I've got a real problem. I've suffered with depression, anxiety, autism and ADHD for 25-40 years. No medication has ever helped. I used to get some relief by occasionally taking coke and MDMA and for many years chronically smoked cannabis. It helped all helped me cope. But over the last 20 years, I had a break from coke and MDMA, until a year ago because I basically couldn't get any, and over the last few years stopped smoking weed because it was just getting too expensive and wasn't doing much for me, or anything actually. But a year ago I started getting desperate, wanted to feel some euphoria again so tried taking MDMA, coke, ketamine, LSD, shrooms, weed and benzos. But the only thing which had any effect on me was ketamine, and I can't say I liked the feeling. It was like being both drunk and stoned, but in a bad way. I just felt very disoriented and a bit nauseous. But everything else did literally nothing. No psychoactive effect whatsoever.

Firstly, does anyone have any idea why such a wide plethora of drugs basically do absolutely nothing for me anymore? Has it happened to anyone else? I literally hadn't taken any for like 20 years, so there's no way it's tolerance. And besides, they literally did absolutely nothing. Even with high tolerance, I should feel **something**, right?? Is it maybe because I've been on various antipychotics and antidepressants for 20 years? Have the pharma meds fucked up a whole bunch of my receptors or something? I came off antidepressants a year ago cos I was just fed up of them doing nothing but giving me side effects, yet even after a year of being off them I'm still immune to literally every drug I've tried, besides ketamine which I didn't like at all. Could it be the antipsychotics I've still been taking?

Secondly, could anyone suggest any other drugs I could try? I don't want to try anything like meth or heroin which are extremely addictive, but anything which works differently to MDMA/coke/weed but has similar euphoric effects?

I'm so fucking fed up of having no enjoyment in life, I'm often suicidal out of the desperation of facing stone cold sober consciousness and feelings of dread every day, the only thing that has ever given relief has been illicit drugs, psychiatrists have been almost completely useless and suicidal thoughts have been coming and going for the last 22 years. If I can't get enjoyment out of life again some how, it's probably just a matter of time until I kill myself. No fucking way am I willing to live like this for another 40-50 years. Alcohol doesn't really agree with me, either. Sure I can get drunk but I can't say it makes me feel particularly good. Maybe just a bit numb but then I have to face a fucking hangover the next day, and sometimes it triggers awful awful anxiety for days afterwards.

Unfortunately antidepressants have literally done nothing for me, ever. Psychiatry is still in the fucking dark ages. No-one has been able to help me in 25 years of seeing a plethora of psychiatrists, being on a plethora of antidepressants. The only relief I've ever gotten was from illegal drugs, but I seem to have exhausted all the mainstream ones that aren't excessively harmful, that I know of, nothing works for me anymore. Please can anyone suggest any more novel ones that might work for me? I know benzos and coke are known for being really addictive but I've not got hooked on them in the past, I only really ever developed a habit with weed. But from what I understand, meth and heroin are incredibly addictive and I want to avoid those because their addictiveness seems to be on another level entirely, not that I have first hand experience, thankfully.

Thanks!

 

[Rachrach]

I would point out some perhaps obvious things...Perhaps it relates to your subjective take on psychoactivity & euphoria? You are talking about a disparate menu of substances. Your reluctance to partake of certain substances that you have heard are addictive is probably a very intelligent choice given your history of addiction.

You state that neither LSD nor mushrooms have made you "feel a thing." IF you felt nothing at all I am afraid to tell you that somebody scammed you. That is not to say that you should try them, only that it is impossible not to feel a thing.

I need to ask...Are you entirely sure that it is not your underlying mental illness that is causing you to feel this way? There are a certain percentage of the clinically depressed for whom Anti Depressants are not going to scratch the surface. There are medications that under combination can help such folks. Suicide should never be an option.

I feel that licit medical regimens can possibly benefit you. What do your medical providers have to say about your situation? Before you forgo psychiatry you should fully explore all options, or at the very least, consider them.

 

[snmfmy]

@jodes

How long after you stopped taking antidepressants Did you try the MDMA?

What antipsychotics are you still taking?

 

[gordonliddy]

Would you be willing to experiment with endorphins (e.g. exercise) or adrenaline?
Honestly those are the two hardest drugs.

 

[Cbk1013]

oxycodone and work at it to keep your doses low....this way you can get some relief a few times a day and have something to look forward too..if your truly suicidal this seems like a no brainer to me and I struggle as well and this is how I currently am getting through my days...best of luck you can do it!!! and I agree with exercise 100% but I'm limited and cant run which totally sucks..

 

[Juicewrldfan]

You are not going to find something not addictive that has the same euphoria as mdma or coke. I understand your predicament but I think too that you got scammed a few times tif you felt nothing from acid and stuff. They aren’t subtle drugs. You would know.

What I don’t understand is why you are searching for an illicit substance to treat ADHD and deorsssion that likely stims from untreated ADHD but idk that for sure just guessing here. My point is yes psychiatry is in the dark ages but it’s kind of what we got to work with.

Please take this from someone that used to feel the same about psychiatry as you and was self medicated for 24 years before I couldn’t do it anymore because the drugs stopped working or I spun out of control worse than ever. I have bipolar disorder, ADHD, and something akin to DID. I think my therapist says it like that to ease me into it.

Anyway, going back on meds was the best decision of my life. And yes first line adhd meds are very addicting if not respected. I used to abuse the shit out of my adhd meds but now I have been taking them as prescribed. Granted I switched to methylphenidate and Ritalin just doesn’t have that pull on me like amps so that may be why it’s more manageable or it’s my outlook is different. I’m not using it to stimfap for hours. Nope. I’m using it for performance enhancement as far as actual life performance not in the bedroom.

So yeah, my advice is to go see a doctor about your adhd and respect the drugs and you will be fine Respect the power of the drugs. If you have a healthy fear of addiction then you should be okay so long as you maintain that fear.

They are not the same as meth. I think meth releases serotonin while amps I think affect it downstream.

Now that I think about it I got a lot of hate from some people because I had questions about stuff like this. Please don’t feel ashamed or afraid or anything to post about this.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I agree that it's good to know to stay away from things like heroin and meth.

Psych drugs are generally pretty safe if taken as prescribed after being honest with your provider. I'm sure you're not broken or the like. People have all kinds of experiences with the system.

Might be time to start looking for non-drug ways of regaining your mental health. They work, but not as magically as a pill might. Get a therapist. Start exercising and meditating and socializing more, perhaps. Honestly, with respect to medication, we don't know enough about you to really suggest that or the other. I started recovering more when I stayed busy and completed productive tasks. Nothing is sweet like that earned paycheck.

What I don’t understand is why you are searching for an illicit substance to treat ADHD and deorsssion that likely stims from untreated ADHD but idk that for sure just guessing here. My point is yes psychiatry is in the dark ages but it’s kind of what we got to work with.

Anyway, going back on meds was the best decision of my life. And yes first line adhd meds are very addicting if not respected. I used to abuse the shit out of my adhd meds but now I have been taking them as prescribed. Granted I switched to methylphenidate and Ritalin just doesn’t have that pull on me like amps so that may be why it’s more manageable or it’s my outlook is different. I’m not using it to stimfap for hours. Nope. I’m using it for performance enhancement as far as actual life performance not in the bedroom.

So yeah, my advice is to go see a doctor about your adhd and respect the drugs and you will be fine Respect the power of the drugs. If you have a healthy fear of addiction then you should be okay so long as you maintain that fear.

Now that I think about it I got a lot of hate from some people because I had questions about stuff like this. Please don’t feel ashamed or afraid or anything to post about this.

Taking meds as prescribed doesn't include asking how to make a nasal spray out of them. You're not abiding by psychiatry in asking how to snort your Ritalin best.

You weren't getting hate. The circumstances you're posting about are highly dubious. People were just being honest. Your other posts suggest your inability to stop snorting your entire script in a few days.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I agree that it's good to know to stay away from things like heroin and meth.

Psych drugs are generally pretty safe if taken as prescribed after being honest with your provider. I'm sure you're not broken or the like. People have all kinds of experiences with the system.

Might be time to start looking for non-drug ways of regaining your mental health. They work, but not as magically as a pill might. Get a therapist. Start exercising and meditating and socializing more, perhaps. Honestly, with respect to medication, we don't know enough about you to really suggest that or the other. I started recovering more when I stayed busy and completed productive tasks. Nothing is sweet like that earned paycheck.


Taking meds as prescribed doesn't include asking how to make a nasal spray out of them. You're not abiding by psychiatry in asking how to snort your Ritalin best.

You weren't getting hate. The circumstances you're posting about are highly dubious. People were just being honest. Your other posts suggest your inability to stop snorting your entire script in a few days.

I didn’t ever snort them but I can see why you would think that. I blacked out and took them all.

But I haven’t done that in weeks. The inhaler is about effectiveness as the d isomer is mostly broken down by first pass is my understanding. But I suppose that’s leaning into dangerous territory and I should just tell my doctor that it’s not very effective as it isn’t nearly as effective as amps medicinally and recreationally. But I just think if I had more of the d isomer that I could stay at a lower dose yet that’s kinda moot because a higher dose prescribed will do the same thing.

Edit: my point about my outlook on how I’m using them still stands and respecting the power still stands. Actually everything I said in my comment I think still stands. People change.

As far as getting hate I got berated by someone and I was just being honest and I’m not mentioning their name. I took it hard and honestly why I stopped posting for awhile and almost didn’t come back. It wasn’t you at all.

As far as dubious are you talking about the drs giving me Ritalin despite my history? It’s an addiction center and their thoughts are along the lines of if it’s not prescribed I’d be doing it on the streets idk. I think that’s their thihhhts idk. But I wasn’t lying about anything. And the doctors that told me inpatient that they want me to keep taking my adhs meds because me Ct quitting I. January triggered a manic episode is what they are saying. So I mean, yeah I didn’t tell them I took the entire script like that and yes I know that’s not being perfectly honest but that’s all I wasn’t honest with them about. They know I struggled in the past with adderral so I mean they are giving me Ritalin now. What’s dubious about that? Maybe I don’t share everything I shared here before? Idk. All I can share is my experience of events which can be skewed because I have perception issues that I take abilify for but no one was diliberatley deceiving anyone. Kinda hurtful to share honest as you see things and get accused ya know if lying.

I mean does this discredit anything I recommended in my comment? I think I was on point. Just because I’m not a perfect human doesn’t mean I can’t give good feedback or strive to be.

I am a broken defected human that strives to be better. Being nice first when addressing things is usually best btw. Being talked down to isn’t helpful for anyone.

 

[jodes]

Thank you so, so much everyone for your incredibly kind and thoughtful responses!

Yes, sometimes I'm sure my suicidality is accentuated by depression, and in such cases perhaps I should be offered ECT which has a fairly high success rate at least for severe depression. Unfortunately that's the only option remaining, and even after 25 years of on and off suicide ideation I have not been offered it. And unfortunately, modern more effective treatments like esketamine are not available to me. Unfortunately, from what I understand and have learned over decades of researching my symptoms, disgnoses and possible treatments, I've reached the end of the road. Much of my suicidality is probably less to do with depression which is often treatable, and more to do with rational appraisal of my life and how it seems likely that if I don't kill myself, I'm probably going to have to suffer with most of my problems for the rest of my life. For example, there just isn't a cure for autism, period. I've done as much as I can to work around my problems, but the rest would seem are here to stay. Even out of all treatments being researched which are 10-20 years away from being released, and probably 30-40 years from being available to me, will only reduce, like, 20% of my symptoms, max. And by that time, I'll be really quite an old man and won't have long to live anyway.

The antipsychotic I'm taking right now is Seroquel (Quetiapine).

I stopped taking my last antidepressant around March 2023, and tried ecstasy about 10 times since then. From 8 sources - 2 real life from friends who vouched for the quality because they took some of it too and sold me some of their stash, and the rest from different dark net markets/vendors, always having checked reviews before buying. They all literally had no effect other than making it slightly harder to sleep those nights.

I seriously doubt that the LSD and shrooms were duds? I probably tried about 5 different dark net vendors/markets, a different one each time, and all had flawless reviews and were popular. From what I understand, dark net vendors have a great deal at stake given vendor bonds they have to pay, and how competitive they have to be with quality - to rise in, and maintain popularity on any market - so illicit substances sold on dark net markets are particularly reliable, certainly more than street dealers?

I haven't found any concrete information on what could be causing ineffectiveness of all these drugs, but other opinions I've received suggest either it's a permanent side effect of having been on antidepressants for so many years, and other opinions say it could all be down to taking an antipsychotic. Although I stopped the antipsychotic for a couple of weeks and then tried E and weed and they still had no effect - although then started taking the antipsychotic again because at the very least I need it to help with sleep

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I don't want to derail this thread so I'll end with this post on the matter. Hoping what I say is helpful.

I didn’t ever snort them but I can see why you would think that. I blacked out and took them all.

You're saying you blacked out on stimulants? That's not really a thing as far as I know.

But I haven’t done that in weeks. The inhaler is about effectiveness as the d isomer is mostly broken down by first pass is my understanding. But I suppose that’s leaning into dangerous territory and I should just tell my doctor that it’s not very effective as it isn’t nearly as effective as amps medicinally and recreationally.

Weeks is not enough time away from them. They are highly addictive substances, past damage done by binging. So you're still saying that you used amphetamine recreationally? This is the kind of thing that throws up red flags.

But I just think if I had more of the d isomer that I could stay at a lower dose yet that’s kinda moot because a higher dose prescribed will do the same thing.

?

Edit: my point about my outlook on how I’m using them still stands and respecting the power still stands. Actually everything I said in my comment I think still stands. People change.

You're free to believe what you want. That's your right.

As far as getting hate I got berated by someone and I was just being honest and I’m not mentioning their name. I took it hard and honestly why I stopped posting for awhile and almost didn’t come back. It wasn’t you at all.

I'm simply stating the facts., and I'm far from the only person on BL who thinks that something could be up. I don't know you, you don't know me. Yet the facts are still dubious. People don't get stims pushed on by good doctors if they know that the patient is abusing them so heavily. Stimulants are very hard on the body.

As far as dubious are you talking about the drs giving me Ritalin despite my history? It’s an addiction center and their thoughts are along the lines of if it’s not prescribed I’d be doing it on the streets idk. I think that’s their thihhhts idk. But I wasn’t lying about anything.

That's hardly a credible theory behind stimulant recovery. Giving people with stimulant addictions stimulants is not like giving a heroin addict suboxone. Most addicts will just binge on their stimulant until it's all gone. Especially if it's a center devoted to addiction recovery. Healthcare institutions are even more cautious than private doctors at feeding addictions. All we know is what you say.

And the doctors that told me inpatient that they want me to keep taking my adhs meds because me Ct quitting I. January triggered a manic episode is what they are saying.

Inpatient centers watch people very closely. They wouldn't give you a stimulant if they knew your recent history. Mania from stimulant withdrawal is furthermore hard to believe.

So I mean, yeah I didn’t tell them I took the entire script like that and yes I know that’s not being perfectly honest but that’s all I wasn’t honest with them about.

There you go. That's a big thing not to be honest about...

They know I struggled in the past with adderral so I mean they are giving me Ritalin now. What’s dubious about that?

Because both are highly addictive stimulants. Stimulant addiction can't be well-managed by simply switching stimulants.

Maybe I don’t share everything I shared here before? Idk. All I can share is my experience of events which can be skewed because I have perception issues that I take abilify for but no one was diliberatley deceiving anyone. Kinda hurtful to share honest as you see things and get accused ya know if lying.

This forum is dedicated to harm reduction. It would be a failure of my duties not to point these things out. There are many users, and tons and tons of people who lurk on this forum. It's about us all.

I mean does this discredit anything I recommended in my comment? I think I was on point. Just because I’m not a perfect human doesn’t mean I can’t give good feedback or strive to be.

You decide. I'm stating my opinions, and you're free to state your own. No one is perfect, not by far. No one will ever be perfect. I understand that. Truly. But we have to improve lives here.

I am a broken defected human that strives to be better.

Your words, not mine.

Being nice first when addressing things is usually best btw.

Talk about being talked down to...I was nice the first several times I posted, to help you out. Now I only look at the statistics to best judge what's going on. It's not just for you. It's not personal.

Being talked down to isn’t helpful for anyone.

I'd be insulting you if I didn't offer my honest thoughts. I'm really trying to help you. Truly.

 

[Juicewrldfan]

I don't want to derail this thread so I'll end with this post on the matter. Hoping what I say is helpful.

You're saying you blacked out on stimulants? That's not really a thing as far as I know.

Weeks is not enough time away from them. They are highly addictive substances, past damage done by binging. So you're still saying that you used amphetamine recreationally? This is the kind of thing that throws up red flags.

?

You're free to believe what you want. That's your right.

I'm simply stating the facts., and I'm far from the only person on BL who thinks that something could be up. I don't know you, you don't know me. Yet the facts are still dubious. People don't get stims pushed on by good doctors if they know that the patient is abusing them so heavily. Stimulants are very hard on the body.

That's hardly a credible theory behind stimulant recovery. Giving people with stimulant addictions stimulants is not like giving a heroin addict suboxone. Most addicts will just binge on their stimulant until it's all gone. Especially if it's a center devoted to addiction recovery. Healthcare institutions are even more cautious than private doctors at feeding addictions. All we know is what you say.

Inpatient centers watch people very closely. They wouldn't give you a stimulant if they knew your recent history. Mania from stimulant withdrawal is furthermore hard to believe.

There you go. That's a big thing not to be honest about...

Because both are highly addictive stimulants. Stimulant addiction can't be well-managed by simply switching stimulants.

This forum is dedicated to harm reduction. It would be a failure of my duties not to point these things out. There are many users, and tons and tons of people who lurk on this forum. It's about us all.

You decide. I'm stating my opinions, and you're free to state your own. No one is perfect, not by far. No one will ever be perfect. I understand that. Truly. But we have to improve lives here.

Your words, not mine.

Talk about being talked down to...I was nice the first several times I posted, to help you out. Now I only look at the statistics to best judge what's going on. It's not just for you. It's not personal.

I'd be insulting you if I didn't offer my honest thoughts. I'm really trying to help you. Truly.

I’ll end with this. Just that I’m not mad at you at all and I’m all for honest feedback. Just the delivery matters as we are dealing with people here.

And I blacked out I believe because that’s how overdosed I was. Near death. I believe. If you get high enough blood pressure or too much excitability yes it usually doesn’t cause black outs but definitely can if you are that far OD.

And I never said they were good doctors.


K that’s all so I don’t derail as well.

 

[Cbk1013]

try oxycodone

 

[tryptakid]

I'm simply stating the facts., and I'm far from the only person on BL who thinks that something could be up. I don't know you, you don't know me. Yet the facts are still dubious. People don't get stims pushed on by good doctors if they know that the patient is abusing them so heavily. Stimulants are very hard on the body.

That's hardly a credible theory behind stimulant recovery. Giving people with stimulant addictions stimulants is not like giving a heroin addict suboxone. Most addicts will just binge on their stimulant until it's all gone. Especially if it's a center devoted to addiction recovery. Healthcare institutions are even more cautious than private doctors at feeding addictions. All we know is what you say.

Due to the increased visibility of methamphetamine dependence as well as concurrent attempts by hospital systems to engage with black/brown communities and improve services geared towards those communities, there's been an increase in interest in how to adapt existing outpatient addiction treatment (such as how Buprenorphine is frequently offered through OBOT programs - Office Based Opioid (now Addiction) Treatment - (OBAT)) to address methamphetamine use disorder and cocaine use disorder.

The difference between what is available for MAT for stimulants vs. opioids is night and day - with opioids we use Methadone, Suboxone, Sublocade (30 day active implants of buprenorphine) Vivitrol (long acting Naltrexone injection, an opioid antagonist) in a variety of different, but similar treatment models. Stimulants, on the other hand, have very little evidenced-based pharmacological treatment that is widely accepted, and given that stimulant use in major metropolitan areas where large academic medical centers are often based, there hasn't been that much compelling/consistent research into finding what works. Further, given that meth use has been linked (at least on the east coast) to PnP/Chemsex/MSM (men who sleep with men) world, and crack has been most connected to poor black urban areas that have a high level of mistrust of public health initiatives, there hasn't been a robust amount of research compiled for either. Most of the addiction dollars spent int he past 20 years has focused on Heroin/Fentanyl/treatments for Opioid Use Disorder. It wasn't until we started to see a massive uptick in meth that stimulant use started to become a greater apparent necessity for models to address it. This lead to some piloting of a few different things:

Contingency management is the most widely accepted model to improve engagement and using behavior modification, rewire the reward center of the brain from the instantaneous expectation of reward through hyperactive dopamine receptors, to more diffuse and less frequent rewards (such as the reward of receiving a paycheck every 2 weeks). The idea is that for a time you reward all engagement in care with small gift cards or other desired items (with points assigned to various pro-treatment activities such as attending group, seeing your nurse/PCP, providing a urine screen etc.). After a period of time, rewards become less frequent and continued engagement would enter the person into a lottery for weekly or monthly drawings, where you might win or you might not. In addition to the behavior modification, ideally the social support from other patients, psychotherapy, as well as plausible benefits from psychiatry would also be helpful..

So, why am i explaining all of this? - The primary medications that are prescribed in these settings at present are:

Non-'narcotic' stimulants:
Strattera
Bupropion

Stimulants
Methylphenidate
Dexamphetamine

Anti-addictive agents:
Naltrexone

Antipsychotic drugs:
Risperdal/abilify/seroquel etc. - These may be taken daily or only if the person is actively using stimulants, to reduce impact of psychosis.

Other drugs that have been explored include Gabapentin and Baclofen, N-Acetyl-Cystine, and supplemental tyrosine. There is less evidence available for these interventions.


In the available research right now, cocaine use disorder seems to respond well to dexamphetamine prescription, while methamphetamine use disorder seems to be linked more favorably to welbutrin/naltrexone. I personally feel like long acting methylphenidate might make more sense for cocaine use disorder and either XR dexamphetamine or Vyvanse would fit better for meth use, though I do wonder if there is some degree of tolerance to similar types of drugs that has a negative impact on efficacy. In any case, none of the data for any of this stuff is robust.

So my guess is that someone at the place JWF is getting treatment is following some of the same research as the the docs I work with here.

Best thing for any of this stuff is honestly diet and exercise. When we start taking care of ourselves, there is a significant downstream effect on other choices we make and the impact that compulsivity can have on us.

 

[smokeymcpot42088]

The antipsychotic I'm taking right now is Seroquel (Quetiapine).

That is the exact thing I keep on hand for the SOLE PURPOSE of STOPPING a trip gone wrong, and that is only if benzos don't smooth out the ride for said person. IMO this is the reason you can't trip. If I recall correctly (which means grain of salt), abusing mdma, coke, acid; most psychedelics while on seroquel can lead to something called serotonin syndrome.....which leaves a person relatively depressed for LONG PERIODS OF TIME and unable to truly enjoy any substance.....Now I am going to google and make sure seroquel falls into the serotonin syndrome risk category because I am a little hazy myself.

here is a quote from the #1 answer on quora for "what would happen if i took MDMA mixed with seroquel", (not the best source but is exactly as I recall so I will trust it unless corrected)

"MDMA boosts serotonin which is responsible for its pro social effect. As part stimulant it also boosts dopamine. The theoretical problem here is that MDMA releases more serotonin that dopamine. Than seroquel in a very complex series of events releases serotonin as well although alot of its action is also dedicated to releasing dopamine. With both drugs in your system you may put your self at risk of serotonin syndrome."

please google serotonin syndrome as I have no copy paste feature on this computer. (lmao)

 

[lecroute]

Is it maybe because I've been on various antipychotics and antidepressants for 20 years? Have the pharma meds fucked up a whole bunch of my receptors or something? I came off antidepressants a year ago cos I was just fed up of them doing nothing but giving me side effects, yet even after a year of being off them I'm still immune to literally every drug I've tried, besides ketamine which I didn't like at all.

Falsely "diagnosed" with depression/PTSD I was prescribed different antidepressants and put on max dose because they showed not the desired effect. They made me grumpy and impatient and intolerant. So I got some antipsychotics. Which made me act psychotic, I wasn't me anymore. Thankfully another doc got me off all that stuff (with the help of lorazepam) and made me take some tests. Turns out I have Asperger's bordering to type II autism (don't know if that type system is the same in all countries).

For example, there just isn't a cure for autism, period. I've done as much as I can to work around my problems, but the rest would seem are here to stay

Autism can't be cured because it's not an illness, but a condition. Like being born with something too much or something missing. There might be therapies to make you learn how act as if you were "normal" so you can fit well enough into society, but they won't change who you are, deep inside your brain. Which is wired differently than everybody else,including other autists. That's what autism is. Meds will only treat some of the "side effects" of the different wiring. Which in my case is the tendency to become catatonic when I get overstimulated, and for that I get Clonazepam to be taken whenever I feel the need.
It might be that for some reason the meds you've been given are to counteract one or more of your autistic "side effects". It could also be that you've been given them only because your doctos didn't know better. Autism is something most health care professionals are just beginning to understand really exists.

Best thing for any of this stuff is honestly diet and exercise. When we start taking care of ourselves, there is a significant downstream effect on other choices we make and the impact that compulsivity can have on us.

I agree with the diet/excersice part. But as someone who's been depressed and suicidal (thanks to the antidepressant/antipsychotic treatment and the overall changes COVID and some related bad decisions brought) I have to say that "taking care of yourself" is secondary at best for someone who may be disconnected from their body and unaware of it's necessities in the first place (one of the many pronable symptoms of autism). I myself had those problems until I discovered the high you can get from excercise (while I get no satisfaction from a good meal). But much as I would like to excercise, after fiver or so years not doing it, I can't bring myself ALONE to do it.

 

[Keif' Richards]

As this is a deeply subjective experience you're describing, it would be really difficult for us to provide you with any hard evidence confirming why you feel the way you do. With that disclaimer out of the way, I'll share my opinion.

I think the most likely culprit would be the antipsychotics you mentioned. The way you describe your life and your outlook is reminiscent of many other folks I've talked to who are on chronic antipsychotic therapy. They often describe a feeling of numbness, with life being neither very good or very bad, being detached from strong feelings of any kind and feeling separated from the rest of the world and the people in it.

I've known a lot of people on antipsychotics who eventually snap in a way, as a result of this numb feeling. They become desperate to feel anything and this leads to stuff like compulsive substance use, gambling, risky sex and self-harm. I've known many antipsychotic-maintained patients who smoke Cannabis with a compulsion unlike any stoner I've ever met. They smoke Cannabis like how other people smoke Crack. It's a strange phenomenon.

Likewise, there are a lot of people I've known with illnesses like schizophrenia who have stopped taking their antipsychotics, claiming to everyone who will listen that they would rather be completely crazy than be on antipsychotics. They maintain that both situations have their negatives, but that they would rather feel feelings of both extremely good and extremely bad as opposed to what they describe as feeling nothing at all. It was honestly pretty heartbreaking when I was involved in that line of work. It made me feel like there was nothing I could do for them and I feel like that was the truth in the end.

You have to make these decisions for yourself. I know there are people who prefer to be on antipsychotics and there are others who would rather experience their mental illness on its own terms than be on the medication. You also wrestle with the idea of people perhaps not knowing what they actually want, further complicating this whole topic. Maybe they think they're happier off the antipsychotics when really they're not or vice versa.

So, to answer your question on a basic level, I believe it's like the antipsychotics that are leading to these perceived diminished effects of various drugs, especially given the fact that you've experienced said drugs previously with their intended effects.

If you're not happy with how you feel, then you can start considering a change. Whatever you do, just take time and don't make any rash decisions without thinking them through. Maybe start with a trial reduction of your medication if that's the direction you decide to go in. See if a reduction has you feeling better and if so, then you can proceed accordingly. Perhaps there is different psychiatric medication that will tick the required boxes without producing the unwanted side effects. For instance, a lot of people who need an SSRI will say that Escitalopram (Lexapro) provides what they need without many of the unwanted side effects of older SSRI's like Fluoxetine (Prozac). Perhaps the same is true for you and your antipsychotic medication.

Let us know if we've missed anything or if you have anything else you'd like to talk about. We're here for you buddy.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I don't want to derail this thread so I'll end with this post on the matter. Hoping what I say is helpful.

You're saying you blacked out on stimulants? That's not really a thing as far as I know.

Weeks is not enough time away from them. They are highly addictive substances, past damage done by binging. So you're still saying that you used amphetamine recreationally? This is the kind of thing that throws up red flags.

?

You're free to believe what you want. That's your right.

I'm simply stating the facts., and I'm far from the only person on BL who thinks that something could be up. I don't know you, you don't know me. Yet the facts are still dubious. People don't get stims pushed on by good doctors if they know that the patient is abusing them so heavily. Stimulants are very hard on the body.

That's hardly a credible theory behind stimulant recovery. Giving people with stimulant addictions stimulants is not like giving a heroin addict suboxone. Most addicts will just binge on their stimulant until it's all gone. Especially if it's a center devoted to addiction recovery. Healthcare institutions are even more cautious than private doctors at feeding addictions. All we know is what you say.

Inpatient centers watch people very closely. They wouldn't give you a stimulant if they knew your recent history. Mania from stimulant withdrawal is furthermore hard to believe.

There you go. That's a big thing not to be honest about...

Because both are highly addictive stimulants. Stimulant addiction can't be well-managed by simply switching stimulants.

This forum is dedicated to harm reduction. It would be a failure of my duties not to point these things out. There are many users, and tons and tons of people who lurk on this forum. It's about us all.

You decide. I'm stating my opinions, and you're free to state your own. No one is perfect, not by far. No one will ever be perfect. I understand that. Truly. But we have to improve lives here.

Your words, not mine.

Talk about being talked down to...I was nice the first several times I posted, to help you out. Now I only look at the statistics to best judge what's going on. It's not just for you. It's not personal.

I'd be insulting you if I didn't offer my honest thoughts. I'm really trying to help you. Truly.

Highly addictive is imo a generalisation, there are grades in addictiveness. Concerning stimulants, and some people have the right neurogical make up to get addicted to them.

But Methylphenidate, Coke both a bit alike are abuseable. dl-Amphetamine and Adderal i read too. But pure dextro-Amphetamine for me seems to miss that morish effect that the Speed had. I tried on occassion to replicate it, did a extraction. But it just didn't feel like speed at all.
So kept using it as prescribed (often less). I will be back on it and have about 200 5 mg tablet's lying in the cupboard. But not allowed to touch before bloodwork and heartrate/ pressure are checked.

There is no pull to open them sneaky and take a few, although I know it would technically help me with my paralyzed state. Men no idea what to do or where to begin. Only aim is to make sure my blood comes out nice and clear. So a little detox is in order as I was using 3-fluoro-Phenmetrazine to self medicate. Tapering benzo's, which they don't look for. And a bit worried about my liver and kidney's as Valproic Acid and my drinking (now controlled) can't be good.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Hope OP is okay. Haven't heard back from them after the initial post. Like my fellow mod said, antipsychotics can diminish the euphoria of certain drugs and reduce hypo/mania, but that's not in of itself bad necessarily. It's a tradeoff. In my own experience, I can say that being on them has been a blessing of sorts. But it's true that there are tons of different APs out there.

Highly addictive is imo a generalisation, there are grades in addictiveness. Concerning stimulants, and some people have the right neurogical make up to get addicted to them.

But Methylphenidate, Coke both a bit alike are abuseable. dl-Amphetamine and Adderal i read too. But pure dextro-Amphetamine for me seems to miss that morish effect that the Speed had. I tried on occassion to replicate it, did a extraction. But it just didn't feel like speed at all.
So kept using it as prescribed (often less). I will be back on it and have about 200 5 mg tablet's lying in the cupboard. But not allowed to touch before bloodwork and heartrate/ pressure are checked.

There is no pull to open them sneaky and take a few, although I know it would technically help me with my paralyzed state. Men no idea what to do or where to begin. Only aim is to make sure my blood comes out nice and clear. So a little detox is in order as I was using 3-fluoro-Phenmetrazine to self medicate. Tapering benzo's, which they don't look for. And a bit worried about my liver and kidney's as Valproic Acid and my drinking (now controlled) can't be good.

Relapse - To all those that warned me that any stim would be bad for me, you were right.

I’m back from the dead ya ll. That’s how I feel. So while I took it prescribed a bit I ended up somehow taking 1000mg yesterday and that’s no cap. 28 20 mg IR Ritalin. Idk how I took that much. I really don’t know how it didn’t hurt me as far as I can see as far as physical damage. Must be all...

www.bluelight.org

Just wanted to follow up on this quick.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

There is a connection some people get addicted to whatever stimulant other's don't.

But as I mentionetd methylphenidate is kiddy-Coke so more prone to this, as is adderal also to speed freax. Which is relaqtively close to dl-Amphetamine.

The dextro isomer ime, of Amphetamine, is not. No idea if that also goes for d-Methylphenidate. But to me there was a defeinite difference. Cathinone is also less compusilsive, fresh Khat contains it. No desire to use every day.

 

[Kizaru]

I would point out some perhaps obvious things...Perhaps it relates to your subjective take on psychoactivity & euphoria? You are talking about a disparate menu of substances. Your reluctance to partake of certain substances that you have heard are addictive is probably a very intelligent choice given your history of addiction.

You state that neither LSD nor mushrooms have made you "feel a thing." IF you felt nothing at all I am afraid to tell you that somebody scammed you. That is not to say that you should try them, only that it is impossible not to feel a thing.

I need to ask...Are you entirely sure that it is not your underlying mental illness that is causing you to feel this way? There are a certain percentage of the clinically depressed for whom Anti Depressants are not going to scratch the surface. There are medications that under combination can help such folks. Suicide should never be an option.

I feel that licit medical regimens can possibly benefit you. What do your medical providers have to say about your situation? Before you forgo psychiatry you should fully explore all options, or at the very least, consider them.

Exactly what medications are left for depression if you don't react at all to nor ssri/snri/stupid useless "wellbutrin"/ketamine doesn't do shit/mao's all the same doesn't scratch the depression at all . New studies indicate ssri barely work better then placebo . The only people i ever heard these meds work for are always people that don't rlly have severe depression/problems/mental disorders. Opiodes work for depression but thats obviously a ride to addiction . Therapy never did anything since most of all therapist are like a mongoloide horde cult with the most useless advice which any retard can look up on the internet , at least here in Holland its completely insane how horrible stupid therapist are . I have the same as OP , i have outplayed everything and the more i realise this the more hatred i get for anything or anyone . Maybe electro schock therapy is next on my pathetic list ,other wise i go the gods blanket way heroine .