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Alcoholism Thread v. A sober life is a good life <3

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wooger said:
ruined it - after over a month with no alcohol I started drinking again - Im such a fucking moron :(
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No mate, you are NOT a moron. Stop that negativity right there. We all have slip-ups along the road to sobriety. But the harder you beat up on yourself, the harder it will be to get back on track. So please try to stop focussing on the negative side of things and try to get back in to the sober mindset.

Was there something in particular which made you start drinking again??
 
^^ ur such a sweetheart. but im day 4 of a binge - can you say alcoholic or what? :( Ill pm you :)
 
^^ Please do man, I'm happy to chat with you about it <3
(but I won't be online again until tomorrow so hang tight til then k?)
 
i think it had been about 3 months since my last drink. maybe a little less. i don't really have much in the way of cravings. i just have trouble stopping once i start. and i am the king of rationalizing why i should have just one more.
 
back to old ways, took methylone few days ago the depression its left with me is crippling. Im only 19 years old and its just 11am here in uk and i just got 35cl of whiskey and just drinking it straight (never done before). Was ment to save this money for some money i owed but oh well. Just gonna take a shot every now and again over the day to deal with this crippling anxiety and depression.

I made a thread last night about suicide and that thought just keeps on recurring so much.
 
Mate, I'm sure you know this, but drinking (especially hard liquor) is only going to exacerbate and elongate your depressed state. It might feel like it's helping at first but you'll probably find that you're depressed for longer than if you weren't drinking...

I know that it's tempting to drink at a time like that though so I can't really blame you. I've done the same thing countless times. But I know that my depression would've passed so much sooner if I didn't drink.

Please don't even entertain those thoughts of suicide. The way you're currently feeling WILL PASS. Suicide ends everything, you can't turn back once it's done. It's not even worth thinking about.
Again, I know from personal experience that sometimes those thoughts just pop in to your head without you even knowing...but once you realise that you're idealising suicide, you can push those thoughts out of your head if you try.

I'm only a PM away if you need to talk to someone okay? <3
 
thanks n3ophy7e, from reading through these posts on this thread you have always given people great advice, really appreciate the reply.

The only thing stopping me from suicide right now, is that when i mentioned it yesterday, my dad got upset and it really fucking killed me to see my family feel like that, so i wont ever do that, its selfish and i could never put my family through itl
 
No worries man, that's what we're here for :) <3

bignbrown said:
The only thing stopping me from suicide right now, is that when i mentioned it yesterday, my dad got upset and it really fucking killed me to see my family feel like that, so i wont ever do that, its selfish and i could never put my family through itl
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As much as it hurt you to see your dad upset like that, I have to say I'm kinda glad that you saw him get upset by you talking about suicide. Now you know that it would completely devastate him and the rest of your family. It would literally destroy their lives. Whenever I've felt suicidal and have been really considering it, THAT is the one thing that has stopped me going any further with those thoughts. My dad's brother committed suicide 35 years ago and I can see, even to this day, how much it completely tears my dad up inside every day.

There is nothing in this world that you can't work through. Nothing is worth ending your life over.
 
i swapped alcohol for ghb, besides a hospital trip it was worth it, now i have run out of ghb i turned to heroin alcohol,now im a nervous wreck with a desire to kill mysoul in one hand and a desire to get healthy and stay clean in another...
 
bignbrown, OD is right you know. There is no shame in seeking professional help. Many of us here have done the same thing and it's for the best. Sometimes there comes a point where you can't tackle your emotions on your own.

Cutting might make you feel a rush of adrenaline at first, but then afterwards it's just another problem you need to deal with. Please don't make any more cuts. It won't help you get through this.

Please take care of yourself, there are a lot of people right here on Bluelight who care about you and want you to be okay. PM me if you need to talk <3
 
It's been about two days with barely a sip of alcohol. The cravings are bad. The only reason why I'm not drinking is because I don't have any money.

The withdrawals aren't too bad, other than depression and thinking too much...
 
i hear ya man, hang n there bman. i've been having some cravings of alcohol to here lately. nowdays liquor is coming in cooler and cooler looking bottles.
(mostly watching music videos)
and i'm like damn thats such a cool bottle! i'm living in a recovery place, and i'm sure that they wouldn't like the idea of me having liquor bottles around my room.

had a good NA meeting tonight, it was a lit. study, so we read and shared.

i talked about getting my foodstamp, and the first thing i want to do is go buy steaks. but i cant. no matter how much my room mate bitchs at me.
i am writing a grochie list now.
 
Apart from a few drinks (like 3, which is vastly less than I would usually have, e.g. 23)on Saturday night when I went to a club with mates, I haven't had a drink for 6 days. This has been pretty fucking monumental for me because there have been multiple milestones in the last week. For example, I can't remember the last Friday night that I didn't drink...but I didn't last Friday. I can't recall the last Sunday I didn't drink, but I didn't drink on Sunday. Today is Australia Day, a day which is typically filled with copious amounts of beer and wine. It's also hot as buggery which I usually remedy with ice cold white wine.
But today I haven't had a drop of alcohol.
I got really sad before thinking of all the BBQ invites I turned down for today, so I could sit at home and focus on not drinking. Had a little cry. But now it's nearing the end of the day and I know I'm going to get through the day without alcohol. I didn't think I'd do it, but here I am.

Tomorrow I'm going to a huge music festival (Big Day Out, for any Aussies in here) so I'll inevitably have a few drinks. But the drinks at the festival will be HUUUGELY EXPENSIVE so that will help me to abstain :)

blahman I hear ya on the withdrawals man, my main symptom has been anxiety. My depression has actually been better, but I've had some pretty crippling anxiety the last few nights.

D's you're doing really well man. Maybe you shouldn't watch the music videos if they're triggering to you?? Could you just listen to music on your laptop or something?

Alcohol advertisements on TV should totally be illegal :|
 
thanks for the replys, feel a bit better today :) Apart from like a restless feeling but all over my body, kind of feels like mild benzo/alcohol withdrawal. (Deleted that message i posted yesterday as i am never ever going to repeat that)
 
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I have an enormous alcohol problem and by this I'm following the AA/NA belief that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I remember the first drink I had and I really believed that it was the perfect euphoria for me. Just a nice glow and jolly disposition. Went to the biggest party school in the nation at the time, honestly not knowing just how much people drink in College. The encouragement and pressure to drink was unbelievable! I went from having my first drink when I was 18 to systematically consuming more than anybody else I knew. When I hit 21, the brakes came off and I started with about a pint to two pint and night straight liquor habit to drinking nearly a handle of vodka (I still get nightmares about skol) and maybe some beer a day after I graduated. Even after my pancreas, liver and kidneys began to hurt and I would vomit or defecate blood I just couldn't stop; I needed to numb this horrible psychological pain I felt. My intervention came after I drank a fifth of wild turkey 101 and got my sick, sorry ass thrown into the drunk tank and then GP for 4 nights. Went to in-patient, learned as much there about life as I did in College, followed up with out-patient and AA/NA meetings (I fit in better with the NA brothers because I also used a good amount of hard drugs) and just started plugging away at life little by little. 5 years later I still battle with it every day of my life and yes, I can admit I have relapsed many times and gotten back on the wagon just as many times. I feel it can become much easier to abstain over time once you get over that hump but I always remember that this problem I have can come back with ten times the force of where I left off. This will be with me for the rest of my life and I feel it is important to understand that I can never be perfect and I will be damned if I ever look down on other humans SUFFERING from this, or any disease. I've been lurking around this board for a while and I just felt like telling my story. I'm just one more voice here but I will always be one of your brothers.
 
Hi erock, welcome to The Dark Side :)
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's important for us to hear of other people's experiences, whether good or bad. Keep up the sobriety man <3
 
4 weeks sober today :) This is my longest period of sobriety since I was 16.....12 years ago. Feels really good tbh.
 
n3ophy7e said:
Tomorrow I'm going to a huge music festival (Big Day Out, for any Aussies in here) so I'll inevitably have a few drinks. But the drinks at the festival will be HUUUGELY EXPENSIVE so that will help me to abstain :)

Alcohol advertisements on TV should totally be illegal :|
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I'm glad the expense thing works for you... all it does for me is motivate me to buy a half gallon and drink at home... alone much of the time. I'm such a fucking tightwad... not to brag but I have a good amount of money from sale of biz... but have 6 kids so I feel like i need to leave them something significant because I wasn't there for them when out drinking/drugging while they grew up. still have 3 teen boys 16-19 and they are smart to stay clear of me. Three ex-wives are all good moms which was/is their saving grace....

I agree take the booze ads off tv.

erock83 said:
I have an enormous alcohol problem and by this I'm following the AA/NA belief that once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. I remember the first drink I had and I really believed that it was the perfect euphoria for me. Just a nice glow and jolly disposition. Went to the biggest party school in the nation at the time, honestly not knowing just how much people drink in College. The encouragement and pressure to drink was unbelievable! I went from having my first drink when I was 18 to systematically consuming more than anybody else I knew. When I hit 21, the brakes came off and I started with about a pint to two pint and night straight liquor habit to drinking nearly a handle of vodka (I still get nightmares about skol) and maybe some beer a day after I graduated. Even after my pancreas, liver and kidneys began to hurt and I would vomit or defecate blood I just couldn't stop; I needed to numb this horrible psychological pain I felt. My intervention came after I drank a fifth of wild turkey 101 and got my sick, sorry ass thrown into the drunk tank and then GP for 4 nights. Went to in-patient, learned as much there about life as I did in College, followed up with out-patient and AA/NA meetings (I fit in better with the NA brothers because I also used a good amount of hard drugs) and just started plugging away at life little by little. 5 years later I still battle with it every day of my life and yes, I can admit I have relapsed many times and gotten back on the wagon just as many times. I feel it can become much easier to abstain over time once you get over that hump but I always remember that this problem I have can come back with ten times the force of where I left off. This will be with me for the rest of my life and I feel it is important to understand that I can never be perfect and I will be damned if I ever look down on other humans SUFFERING from this, or any disease. I've been lurking around this board for a while and I just felt like telling my story. I'm just one more voice here but I will always be one of your brothers.
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Good to see you posting and sharing... keep it up!!

Mehm said:
4 weeks sober today :) This is my longest period of sobriety since I was 16.....12 years ago. Feels really good tbh.
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Thats awsome man... Looking forward to similar post next month... ODAT.
 
heard news of a friend dying today (same age as me - 19), feeling even lower than i was a few days ago so im getting shitface drunk tonight :/
 
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