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Alcoholism Discussion Thread Version 6.0

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I relapse really bad, I am really really beginning to crave a drink too! I'm sitting in bed screaming to myself in my head 'i need a fucking drink' and I feel really angry and tense.... yet like i said... i havent had a drink in about 5 months so why is this???
 
Crampz said:
I relapse really bad, I am really really beginning to crave a drink too! I'm sitting in bed screaming to myself in my head 'i need a fucking drink' and I feel really angry and tense.... yet like i said... i havent had a drink in about 5 months so why is this???
Click to expand...

Wait, did you relapse or are you craving? A craving isn't a relapse, but should be a huge warning sign to start taking action to prevent yourself from doing so.

44 days totally clean for me. I am not looking back either. Do I sometimes wish I could drink like other people? Occasionally, but that is a non issue because I can't. When I drink and use I start to kill myself slowly and start damaging everyone around me. That is the fucking truth and I have accepted that.
 
Craving pretty badly! I dont know what to do to stop it from happening?

Also, I hate to say this but I think one of the biggest mistakes of my life was telling my doctor about my drinking. It means there is so much you cant do. For instance, one thing I have always wanted to do is learn how to fly. I was looking into it. It only costs about £7000 so its definately something I could work towards over a period of time. However with a diagnosis of alcoholism on my record I doubt theres any way I would pass a medical.
 
^^^Here in States I you having a drinking problem would not hinder you getting a pilot's license. I used to know this guy from a bar I used to go to and he had one. This guy's DL was permanentaly suspended and I would not trust him to ride my bike...but he had a pilot's licence. HA!
Don't start conguring up excuses to drink man!
You have remind yourself of the reasons you quit in the first place. Weigh out the pros vs. cons.
I know it's hard but you cant put yourself in a place where you are just say "Fuck it...It'll be different this time..." Cause it will not...

Congrats on 40 days Phactor.
 
I'm going to rehab tomorrow, because of my alcoholism. I hope this helps me quit drinking, alcohol has already caused me enough problems. Next fall I have to begin my Ph.D. research project (I'm a physicist), and I have to stay sober to be able to handle that.
 
Hey polymath -- good luck at rehab. Would love to chat you up about physics when you get back. Peace!
 
I have gotten more done in my 47 days clean then I have in the past 8 months. Its amazing really. Got an internship today, when I was drinking and using I just freaked out about not having one yet and used it as a rationalization to use. Then I would wake up the next day and be unable to do anything about it because I was in such bad shape. Grateful to be clean today.

I remember some people mixing hand sanitizer with water in treatment. It was obvious and then they would get popped.
 
I shared this on another thread, but I had a real difficult 2-3 days. Real challenge, but I was carried through thankfully and held it together. Now, this morning I feel really really grateful to be clean. Holy shit that was a ride.

Of particular relevance to this thread was that I had a really vivid using dream which included me drinking quite a bit. I woke up the next morning and felt so fucking hungover it was unreal I am talking:

- Headache
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Sweaty Palms
- Lack of appetite
- Cranky/Angry feelings
- Feelings of hopelessness

Thats what my hangovers became (and more) and that is what I felt like. This lasted almost all day yesterday. I really really really do not miss the feeling of being hungover. I was getting a bit cocky in my recovery, so it was a much needed lesson and reminder.
 
Right on Phactor, congrats all round man !!
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This may be off topic but I've come here before to read and attempt gaining some better insight into this World. I am still with my sweetheart; he is still drinking between 12 and 20 beer a day and for the most part, seems to function alright. Of course I remain worried when his eyes turn a haze of yellow due to the liver working hard. But for all the issues, he is still the best man I have ever met and the love is not going anywhere. We're strong and do have a good relationship. I admit I drink more since I met him.
My sister came for a visit and needed to drop stuff off at our place. He told me she was distant to him and wondered if I had said something to imply I wasn't happy. I did not. The only thing I can think of is she's worried about how many beer I can now drink compared to a decade of sobriety before I met him.

I do not want them to worry. I do not share his details with them but I guess their seeing some wear and tear in me; this, bothers me to no end. I want to spend my life with this man; he is a wonderful person, even with the drink. I feel like its a group package with him, can't have one without the other so I made my choice, made my bed and now lie in it.
I don't know why I'm writing this. You folks have gone through allot. I suppose I'm wondering if any of you, who've been with your love ever notice the wear and tear on them due to your habits and addictions. And if so, does that ever weigh on you? and what do you do about it? Does it become a motivating factor to help yourself with moderation and healing? Or does the addiction/habit always trump.? Is there going to come a time years away when I can take no more? Will he ever at least try to get help?:|
 
junegreenjeans said:
Of course I remain worried when his eyes turn a haze of yellow due to the liver working hard. But for all the issues, he is still the best man I have ever met and the love is not going anywhere.
Click to expand...

I hate to tell you this, please understand I am only doing this out of concern for you and for what sounds like a fellow addict.

Your Significant Other needs to get to a doctor AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, he needs to have his liver levels checked immediately. I cannot stress this enough, his liver might be damaged significantly or shutting down. Yellow Eyes indicative of adult jaundice which often only occurs when the liver is damaged (and not just slightly damaged).

http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/alcliver.htm

http://www.healthline.com/health/jaundice-yellow-skin

Yellow Eyes can be a sign of "alcoholic hepatitis" or the very serious cirrhosis. I never got Yellow Eyes and I sure as shit was a heavy drinker.

I will say it again, with no offense, but you staying and enabling him very well might kill him.

And yes, I kinda knew the damage I was causing to those around me, but that isn't enough to get me clean. In fact, when I thought about it I would use more because of the shame and guilt. Again, your boyfriend needs to see a doctor NOW. Please keep in mind that often addicts/alcoholics use more in secret. I would drink beer in front of family and friends, but have a stash somewhere else as well.

Please realize two things:

A. His drinking is not your fault

B. If he is like me and many other addicts, no amount of love or support you give will get him clean. He has to want to do this. If/when he does get clean is the time to really step up the love and support. It will mean the world to him.

I am very clear in retrospect that my drug use was a process of slow suicide I was committing. I was killing myself.
 
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Won't leave

Dear Phactor,

Thanks for your reply. He has found a doctor, been in 4 times for blood works and finally addressed his hyper tension. 150/95 Very high but better than it was.
I asked him when he returned last time if the Dr. thought any damage had been done to his liver and he says, and I quote, "no".
Appreciate your insights but, I'm not leaving him; I cannot, will not. I understand from all I have read and heard that many couples in this situation are so called enablers but what, am I suppose to drop him and abandon this man I fell in love with because of his drinking problem? Well I just can't do that.

So many people try to encourage the old bail and run scenario but I ask, of all the folks out there who have dealt with addictions, how many of their loved ones bailed on them and did it do them any good? What kind of partner would I be if I ran from my sweethearts weakness'? It's just not in me to do such a thing. I'm sorry. I will stay and fight for him and his life. He knows how i feel about this. The other day, finally, he mentioned he has addiction issues; first time he ever brought it up; I took that as a good step.

One thing I can do however is stop drinking myself... I know he feels badly that his habit flowed into my life but I constantly tell him, it is my choice.. Still, I will try to eliminate the beer.
His Father was a heavy heavy drinker and in a way, i feel my sweetheart drinks to be closer to his Father. If his Father was still alive I imagine he'd talk some sense into his son but this is something he must arrive at on his own and when he does, I will be here for him because that's what people in love do, they stay.

Again, thanks for the words Phactor. I will encourage him to provide his Dr with some more details and ask about the liver again.
I hope your doing better now man.
 
Ask him if he got his liver enzymes checked and if he told the doctor how much he was drinking (honestly). He needs to get his liver checked via bloodwork.

As for loved ones "bailing", I wouldn't look at it that way. I didn't get serious until my loved ones told me that I wasn't allowed to come around anymore. It wasn't out of anger, they just couldn't handle the damage I was doing to them and myself. I agreed to this. In about the course of an hour, I decided that I would likely kill myself if I didn't have my loved ones in my life. This was the bottom I needed because I don't want to die. It wasn't a matter of them loving me or not. It was a matter of them wanting me to finally do something about my issues. I knew I had them and so did they. But the question was when I was going to do something about them or if I was just going to kill myself slowly.

Please don't take my suggestions as offensive. You don't have to defend you partner here. We are not judgmental.

All the reasoning in the world doesn't matter for me "I drink for this, I used for that". Point is when I use I am killing myself. If I continue I will die. That is the bottom line.

His high blood pressure should also be disturbing:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/08/19/binge.drinking.blood.pressure/

As for me, I am doing better today then I ever was using or drinking. Small miracles happen for me on the daily. 56 days totally clean. Health wise, its unreal. I had no idea how much better I would feel. Crazy thing is, I have been clean for a year before. The moment I started drinking again I forgot about all the benefits of being clean.
 
What works for some people, doesn't necessarily work for others. That AA/NA bs that people are enabling people by sticking with them is a generalized statement. Some people would be DEAD without other people's so called "enabling". JGJ is describing her valid concern for her signinficant other's health, by no means does this mean she has to leave him or give him somekind of an ultimatum "her or the booze"...Those ideas are stale. Everybody that's in some kind of recovery program is under the impression that they are somehow better and have all the answers.
Recovery is subjective and very personal, there are no 12 step miracle formulas of one size fits all.
From what she is describing, it sounds like her primary concern is his health not his drinking. Anybody that advocates leaving somebody that has a physical/psychological is propagating more harm than good.
Sounding off about your sobriety days is getting a little redundant...and pompous. (I thought you weren't going to do that)
Sorry, I mean we get it you are proud of yourself and all but c'mon man...
 
itchyscratchy said:
What works for some people, doesn't necessarily work for others. That AA/NA bs that people are enabling people by sticking with them is a generalized statement. Some people would be DEAD without other people's so called "enabling". JGJ is describing her valid concern for her signinficant other's health, by no means does this mean she has to leave him or give him somekind of an ultimatum "her or the booze"...Those ideas are stale. Everybody that's in some kind of recovery program is under the impression that they are somehow better and have all the answers.
Recovery is subjective and very personal, there are no 12 step miracle formulas of one size fits all.
From what she is describing, it sounds like her primary concern is his health not his drinking. Anybody that advocates leaving somebody that has a physical/psychological is propagating more harm than good.
Sounding off about your sobriety days is getting a little redundant...and pompous. (I thought you weren't going to do that)
Sorry, I mean we get it you are proud of yourself and all but c'mon man...
Click to expand...

I agree with your post. I had friends, acquaintances, and even complete strangers who would technically be called "enabelers" that I did drink alcohol with who would help me when I would drink way too much at a party, bar, or a few times at a live music event who would help me when I would get sick, pass out/black out, or when I needed a ride home.

I also have helped friends who are alcoholics when we were both drinking and I would stop drinking that evening after having 1-2 drinks since I later had to drive and I'd drive them home when I was sober hours later.

I know people who go to AA, NA, or both and it works for them. Other people I know got sober on their own or with the help of friends and family, and other people became sober via harm reduction or non-AA/NA sobriety groups and websites.

I stay sober because I am more productive and happier this way, and because I do not want to go back to how I was in the past.
 
Good for you PTCH. I'm also way more productive when I'm sober. Happier...hmm...the jury still out on that one(cause I don't think I actually allow myself to fall into happiness when I'm sober[like there's something missing that prevents me from being happy like everyone else when they're sober]).
Have a safe 4th.
 
itchyscratchy said:
What works for some people, doesn't necessarily work for others. That AA/NA bs that people are enabling people by sticking with them is a generalized statement. Some people would be DEAD without other people's so called "enabling". JGJ is describing her valid concern for her signinficant other's health, by no means does this mean she has to leave him or give him somekind of an ultimatum "her or the booze"...Those ideas are stale. Everybody that's in some kind of recovery program is under the impression that they are somehow better and have all the answers.
Recovery is subjective and very personal, there are no 12 step miracle formulas of one size fits all.
From what she is describing, it sounds like her primary concern is his health not his drinking. Anybody that advocates leaving somebody that has a physical/psychological is propagating more harm than good.
Sounding off about your sobriety days is getting a little redundant...and pompous. (I thought you weren't going to do that)
Sorry, I mean we get it you are proud of yourself and all but c'mon man...
Click to expand...

Enabling isn't an AA/NA concept and is acknowledged to exist in behaviors outside of drug addiction. To suggest that "enabling" is "NA/AA bs" is well... Bullshit.

Its present in SMART recovery for example:

http://blog.smartrecovery.org/2011/02/17/supporting-recovery-without-enabling/

http://blog.smartrecovery.org/tag/enabling/

http://blog.smartrecovery.org/2014/...rnatives-to-nagging-pleading-and-threatening/

Enabling in child behavior/learning:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-anatomy-addiction/201207/are-you-empowering-or-enabling

Enabling in "Adult Children"

http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2008/01/helping-and-enabling-is-there-a-difference.html


I never suggested she "leave" him. I suggest that she make clear that she wants him to get better and that her presence MAY be enabling him. Did you miss the point where I said that she should be ready to give tons of support when he does make a decision to take care of an issue that may well be causing physical damage to him? To me her concern appears to be that his alcohol use is causing his health problems. Yellow Eyes for example can be a very serious signal of liver failure. Liver failure is not something to fuck around with.

http://www.medicinenet.com/liver_disease/page9.htm

She also discussed hypertension, anyone who has been through alcohol withdrawal should know the increased hypertension it causes. The numbers she posted are higher then normal. Again, possible health consequences related to alcoholism.

I pointed out MY experience with MY loved ones. I also pointed out that her love isn't going to get him clean, its agreed upon in all forms of recovery that the INDIVIDUAL must want to get clean for himself/herself (loved ones can be a huge motivation). My loved ones are extremely supportive of me (in more ways then one) when I am doing what I need to do. I wouldn't be clean without it today. I am not going to even address the extremely generalized statement about "Anybody that advocates leaving somebody that has a physical/psychological is propagating more harm than good." because it would take forever to explain. Obviously, one situation does not fit all and is also ignoring one half of the situation (the person who is enabling often suffers far more then the addict).


Where did I say she/he had to attend AA/NA? I didn't. Why? Because NA/AA do not have a monopoly on recovery and I know this and have never thought it did. I might suggest people try NA/AA sure, but I will never claim its a "miracle" because it isn't. You seem to be claiming that I am some brainwashed 12 stepper, which I am far from. In fact, you are claiming I am suggesting things that I never have.

Also, please don't judge me or claim that I am "bragging" about my clean time. Nor do I feel I am "better then anyone" That isn't my intent nor have I ever done that. I don't need the personal attacks, its counterproductive to the intent of this thread. It feels like to me that you are projecting general criticism of NA/AA onto my person.

As for me counting days, I am going to do it. Sorry, you don't get to monopolize this thread nor dictate what I can and cannot post. A few weeks ago you were complimenting me, now you are pissed off about it? Makes very little sense. This is the "alcoholism discussion thread". This is "sober living", we should be able to celebrate success on this thread as much as our struggles. Furthermore, positing on this thread gives me further accountability, which helps keep me clean. I am not going to let someone who feels that it is "pompous" deter me from it. If you have noticed, it has slowed down a bit. I am proud of myself for closing in on 60 days. So of course I am posting about it.

57 days today! God willing will be at 60 Monday. Grateful to be clean today. I hope everyone is doing well and are celebrating any positive change.

PriestTheyCalledHim said:
I agree with your post. I had friends, acquaintances, and even complete strangers who would technically be called "enabelers" that I did drink alcohol with who would help me when I would drink way too much at a party, bar, or a few times at a live music event who would help me when I would get sick, pass out/black out, or when I needed a ride home.

I also have helped friends who are alcoholics when we were both drinking and I would stop drinking that evening after having 1-2 drinks since I later had to drive and I'd drive them home when I was sober hours later.
Click to expand...

Enabling according to most Pyschs, Social Workers, Counselors has an element of the enabler suffering consequences rather then addict. So I personally disagree with an individual giving my drunk ass a ride home as an enabler. They were just being compassionate or had their shit together at the moment.

Now, if that individual constantly picked me up drunk and I berated them for the entire drive home and they did that over and over again then they would likely qualify as an enabler. However, if Grandma Marge goes and picks up Grandpa Joe after he has a few a few times a week and Grandpa Joe isn't having addiction issues then it wouldn't be enabling IMO.

But the definition of what is "enabling" can be subjective, when the issue is discussed in my graduate program, there are often varying opinions and definitions.
 
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