Advice for benzo user (was in recovery, abstinent)

[InfiniteInteger]

A little about my history....

-the usual teen binge drinking developed into everyday alcohol dependency
-stimulants lowered my alcohol intake but quickly took over in the same way as alcohol
-I suffered in the depths of stimulant, alcohol and bento addictions
-I eventually ended up in the psychiatric ward, narrowly lost my freedom and my life several times

I managed to find my way onto a recovery programme (12step) and had been doing very well.

My self worth and confidence was on the floor, and I was severely depressed and the benzo withdrawals left me gripped in a paranoid and INTENSE fear that lasted every waking moment for 6 months before tapering off.

I am doing well, I do not drink and take any stimulants. I have however recently turned to benzo's again. Not making excuses but I have some deep troubles and am not far enough in recovery to overcome them without the slight relief of occasional benzo use.

I used to use 280 mg a day, every day. I now perhaps use 40mg three times per week, and this has helped massively with anxiety, I have even been much more positive and pro-active. From past experience however I am mindful of the fact that this may very likely lead back to full addiction. I am after advice in regards to RESPONSIBLE continued use of benzo's.

Hence joining this community for advice and support. Any thoughts, comments, recommendations and advice for me from the community here reading this post would be most appreciated.

Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I am glad to be here.

InfiniteInteger

 

[keeping]

which kind of benzodiazipine do you use?

 

[InfiniteInteger]

Hi mate, thanks for reply.

Diazepam mainly. More recently Xanax (2mg Alprazolam).

 

[keeping]

okay well your numbers, assuming thats 40mgs of diazepam, aren't too great for someone who has struggled with addiction.
but mate if your taking 40mgs+ of xanax then, yep, you're probs on the road to addiction.

my advice is simply not to use two days in a row, and try and cut it down to 30mgs.

 

[InfiniteInteger]

Thank you very much for your reply and advice mate.

40 mg of diazepam gives me the calm/content feeling I crave. I am apprehensive to continue using this as regularly due to my horrific withdrawals (endured twice, 6 months plus each time).

I am much more in control of my usage now, as I am in a better place and on a programme of recovery. Perhaps I am very unwise to even consider benzo use but I felt if things continued I would have had a full blown relapse.

I have taken up to two 2mg Xanax bars a day (without diazepam on these days). Again, I have relief from anxiety and am more motivated and less depressed. I find the break from my mental health problems beneficial even on the several days in between my benzo use. I typically have one or two days per week where I use diazepam and one Xanax. The rest is a complete break. I am going to be using solely Xanax from now on.

Does this seem fairly responsible and minimal risk (if I carry on as described) to you? I am scared of possible withdrawals if I continue long term with this plan, even though they will be nowhere near the withdrawals I suffered previously.

 

[InfiniteInteger]

Any other long term benzo users have any views/advice on my situation?

 

[aplumgirl]

Personally addicted to kpins for over a year, had to cold turkey WD in forced rehab. I would stay away if it were me.

I know it's hard, but benzos take hold pretty quickly and they're hell to get off.

If you must take them, try to use only every few days. Don't induldge or allow your brain to reestablish that need/want connect again.

No judgements here, honestly. There are days I'd gladly take benzos back, but then I remember the torture of getting off them!

Good luck.