Advice for being BADLY in love with someone who is still very close but doesnt feel same way

[Joey]

I love with him. Were stiil close.We still have sex. He does love and care about me, not that way. I'm trying so split it off. All I dreamt about was him last night all night. I'm in tears this morning talking to him on phone about it..

 

[Joey]

His advice is "kill him and get closure!" hahahaha he knows I posted this

 

[ions]

One girl I pursued hard had charged me w. Harassment. Wound up going to jail and hospital for her selfish romancing. The pua community would recommend fucking a dozen other broads to get over one-itis. Pot has always helped me. Anyway she ruined me. Expelled from Binghamton u PhD program. Lots of fines that I couldn’t pay. Haha sorry to tell this story again. Chin-up bub the heart knows best and agony is better music.

 

[MsDiz]

One girl I pursued hard had charged me w. Harassment. Wound up going to jail and hospital for her selfish romancing. The pua community would recommend fucking a dozen other broads to get over one-itis. Pot has always helped me. Anyway she ruined me. Expelled from Binghamton u PhD program. Lots of fines that I couldn’t pay. Haha sorry to tell this story again. Chin-up bub the heart knows best and agony is better music.

How I am not surprised you caught harassment charges! Fucking hell.

I love with him. Were stiil close.We still have sex. He does love and care about me, not that way. I'm trying so split it off. All I dreamt about was him last night all night. I'm in tears this morning talking to him on phone about it..

If he’s told you he doesn’t feel the same then you’ve got your answer. Having sex with him is torturing yourself and it’s not right for him to continue to have sex with you knowing you feel more for him than he for you.

If you were able I’d say find your own place, as it is I don’t think you can? Do you at least have another bedroom in the house where you can both have your own space?

He’s not going to change his mind I don’t think and it’s only going to hurt you even more to pursue him. It’s such a horrible situation to be in for you Alex, on top of everything else. You could salvage a friendship though in time I think.

There’s a million gay guys here would love ye! That crate to Ireland is still on offer!

 

[ions]

@MsDiz lesson learned. The dear agony album by breaking Benjamin got me thru a lot of hard times.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Move on. Unrequited love causes nothing but heartache, jealousy and resentment.

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

My best friend is in the same boat, its been going on for about 2 years.

The problem for him is that the girl he thinks he loves is not the girl he has put up on that unrealistic pedestal in his subconscious.

They keep coming back to sleeping together because they both use each other to score at times and that leads to using together and bonding again over that.

Then when the drugs dry up or they run out of coin she has the same set up with other guys and plays on the other guys access to supply with her charisma, gets sloppy with hiding her activities and my mate finds out again and again she is just stringing him along.

Hes been ruined by this and its gut wrenching to see my mate get heartbroken by making the same stupid choice to spend any time with her despite knowing deep down she never thought of him as the one she wants to be with only.

The drugs don't help as he's using more and more to dull the pain.

You are making this far worse on yourself by having anything to do with him. He won't have the same turmoil when he is not with you as he simply doesn't have the strong feelings either way. If he was a better person he would not sleep with you as he would know its not good for you feeling the way you do.

So put yourself first and avoid any contact, any contact at all. Don't even bother saying goodbye, just pretend he does not exist.

Spend time with anyone else but him and it will get easier.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Time heals all wounds.

But Alex - the continuous cocktail of drugs you are churning through must be negatively impacting your ability to healthily process your grief about Kevin and move on. You are never sober long enough to deal with your emotions and get them under control. And the ingestion of uppers and downers and then a day off here and there must be putting you on a nightmare emotional roller coaster. I would not really trust anything you think you feel at the moment. I certainly wouldn’t try and act on anything you feel at the moment.

Sorry to be the Grinch again. But I’ve tried to deal with relationship / trauma / emotional stuff in the middle of binges and never did so successfully.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

I'm sorry to disagree with @Atelier3 on this - time heals shit. It transforms, sure. but heals?
I don't know man, I might be wrong, but I can't say time is gentle.

Walk away. That's all I can say. The longer you stay, the deeper the cut.
Sorry you're in this situation @Alex_1991 , but sticking around is this situation will break you.

Or not. You might be stronger than me.
Either way, I hope you find some way to come to terms with this.

 

[Deru]

Agreed with others, moving on is the best option. Sticking around in situations like that only leads to further negativity and toxicity and almost never resolves itself in the way one would hope.

 

[Joey]

Time heals all wounds.

But Alex - the continuous cocktail of drugs you are churning through must be negatively impacting your ability to healthily process your grief about Kevin and move on. You are never sober long enough to deal with your emotions and get them under control. And the ingestion of uppers and downers and then a day off here and there must be putting you on a nightmare emotional roller coaster. I would not really trust anything you think you feel at the moment. I certainly wouldn’t try and act on anything you feel at the moment.

Sorry to be the Grinch again. But I’ve tried to deal with relationship / trauma / emotional stuff in the middle of binges and never did so successfully.

Youre absolutely right. When Im sober, as brief as those time periods are becoming. I dont feel the same intensity that I do otherwise. I actually feel more genuine about the love that I have rather then this up/down bipolar aspie drug addict whos a freak about it. When Im medicated properly and staying sober for any period of time. When I think about it in a sober and calm sense of mind it does make sense to just let go. Like the old saying, if you love them then let them go. Im not ready by any means to get out of here financially or otherwise but I am welcome to stay if Im sober and doing well.

I went to the hospital this morning and got some detox meds and all my other meds sorted out. Ive been taking those and I spent 6 hours cleaning our apartment top to bottom. Just one ir two more round like that and Ill have this whole place immaculate and he will be so relieved to come home from his runs at work and see that Ive held my end up and even improved the situation. Do I expect that this sort of work on myself will get me back into it with him? No, that switch is off and I think permanently. It will help maintain the friendship we still have. We talk about everything for hours each day. He does still love and care for me, just not the same way.

something has been happening to me this past day or two where im feeling less heartbroken and more excited to just work on myself, work on our place, get the shit I need to finish to wrap up my school. Im in a youth job connect program for 15-29 year olds who specifically have barriers for employment.

Did you know Im actually getting paid for my volunteer work at BL? They will pay minimum wage for any volunteer work I do. They will he covering 600 dollars to get me a new laptop I can use for business and work purposes. They will pay my entire wage while I train in a job that may be out of my leauge but worth the investment because I bring no financial risk, just their time to train. They will pay for me to take courses snd get certifications I need to get into things like peer support lets say. Im aiming to become an addictions worker and theres an apprenticeship for a youth worker that can get me into that field.

they are even supporting me through my addictions. I was up front from the beginning what Ive been going through and theyve been there all the way even through an overdose and all. Theyre hooking me up with a social worker who is specifically trained in mental health which I currently dont have counseling for although I have an addictions counselor from Toronto I talk to over the phone. This new social worker will be able to drive me to my medical appointments of which I have many for a variety of reasons. My physical and mental health is very poor. Some of it is drug related and some is not.

for some reason I feel so good today. So motivated. I even got rid of my weed and my bong and all which prior to this day I did not give a shit about. Today I feel well and I care for myself and my life again. All I need to do is maintain this pace and Ill be okay. Something happened to me today. Ill never forget it, its almost like a spiritual shift I didn’t really do much to ask for.

youll believe it when you see it. Good things are happening in my life. Me and kevin though. Whatever. I like him no matter what the relationship is like. And if I need to go someday which I think very well may. Im gonna be making sure Im ready to do that for him.