Adderall ruined me..

[StimPenguin]

I'm just here to vent about my experience with my adderall use. I lost my job, hurt my relationship, mental health, self esteem and basically everything. Everyone found out my lies, addictions and exposed for everything. I'm grateful for it though because I've been able to quit and get the help I needed, but now going through the consequences of my use.

I've been using for 3+ years and at first it was a god send. It felt exactly what I needed for what my "adhd" (which later on found out I'm actually Bipolar. My case manager actually insinuated I have a Borderline Personality Disorder.) I was so productive at work, getting all my stuff done, and became a better person overall. I spoke, walked, and acted like who I wanted to be. It started with 10mg twice a day and bumped up to 20mg twice a day. That twice a day turned to an average of 60mg a day, 80-100mg on "special occasions". I use to be the life of the party. Always confident and talkative. Now I'm like the Nico from her song These Days. I'm a shell of who I was and no longer sure who I am anymore.

I feel so guilty for things that I was doing on them. My mental health deterioted so much after; I developed a porn addiction which later led me hiring escorts, I was impulsively spending money and always in debt even though I was making money, grandiosity in my personality, and just overall self destructing. Whenever I used addys, the urge to smoke weed, cigs, drink energy drinks/coffee or take more pills was intensified. Everyone saw right through it at my job and saw I was a mess.

I feel like I fried my brain. I can't think the same or feel the same anymore. I feel like I developed anhedonia and don't feel joy like I did before. I regret starting them. They led me down a bad path and on track for a heart attack. I know I shouldn't but I miss how I felt taking them before.

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Hey @StimPenguin, welcome to Bluelight!

I know you are venting and I don't really have advice but would like to say you have made a huge step in simply admitting you have a problem and then quitting. I think it's great that you were able to quit without spiraling past the point of no return. If you are bipolar, it sounds like you spent some time in mania and the adderall may have intensified the mania. Keep on trucking!

 

[lonelyDude]

how long have you been off the stuff and what adhd symptoms have come back ?

most stims can leave lasting damage if over used but normally from what I have seen most if not all function comes back if a little slowly over time.

dopamine I think is the bad one to really burn out as far as addiction.

anhedonia new word for me thanx.

ye everyone gets that for some time after stopping most stims.

really its euro speed adderall and ive had a bit of it.

your usage is not massively excessive and its not meth thankfully.

3 years is some time though so expect to have to put in the bank what you took out with a little interest.

 

[StimPenguin]

Hey @StimPenguin, welcome to Bluelight!

I know you are venting and I don't really have advice but would like to say you have made a huge step in simply admitting you have a problem and then quitting. I think it's great that you were able to quit without spiraling past the point of no return. If you are bipolar, it sounds like you spent some time in mania and the adderall may have intensified the mania. Keep on trucking!

Thank you! More like I was exposed and had a reality check. Now everyone type hate me for my poor impulsive choices in my life.

 

[StimPenguin]

how long have you been off the stuff and what adhd symptoms have come back ?

most stims can leave lasting damage if over used but normally from what I have seen most if not all function comes back if a little slowly over time.

dopamine I think is the bad one to really burn out as far as addiction.

anhedonia new word for me thanx.

ye everyone gets that for some time after stopping most stims.

really its euro speed adderall and ive had a bit of it.

your usage is not massively excessive and its not meth thankfully.

3 years is some time though so expect to have to put in the bank what you took out with a little interest.

I've been off of it for almost a month. It wasn't that bad at first but now I'm hitting the withdrawls. I feel so tired and weak now. Not much joy in things etc. I miss how I felt on them.

How long do you think it would take to feel normal after 3 years of use? Luckily I was limited to 60 20mg pills a month. Usage might not be huge compared to others. I kept trying new ways to get more bang for my buck.
My doctor always wrote me scripts early and pharmacy jumped a lot so I never ran out.

 

[lonelyDude]

ye dont stress its early days.

ive known people to be sleepy for a month or so thats the normal thing.

weird as it may seem physical activity makes the part of the process quicker.

I know it sounds counter productive your tired and you using up more energy but it helps the body

reboot your head.

eat good food to and I have heard that phenylalanine supplements help.

your not the first to go through this nor will you be the last.

ive seen heaps of people lay in a cell for a couple of months before they were up and about

and they used grams of meth a day.

takes time thats all.

be more pleased that it was not meth than the volume.

as for how long I am not sure but I would be surprised if your not starting to get more energy in another month or two.

make sure you eat properly you need to feed the body so it can repair your nor epinephrine system.

normally if it is major life long destruction there dealing with the docs and pharmacies wont prescribe a continual supply.

but it could take a year or so before you are really back to normal.

quicker and better recovery will be had if your active and eat properly.

 

[Morbid Sea Cow]

I'm just here to vent about my experience with my adderall use. I lost my job, hurt my relationship, mental health, self esteem and basically everything. Everyone found out my lies, addictions and exposed for everything. I'm grateful for it though because I've been able to quit and get the help I needed, but now going through the consequences of my use.

I've been using for 3+ years and at first it was a god send. It felt exactly what I needed for what my "adhd" (which later on found out I'm actually Bipolar. My case manager actually insinuated I have a Borderline Personality Disorder.) I was so productive at work, getting all my stuff done, and became a better person overall. I spoke, walked, and acted like who I wanted to be. It started with 10mg twice a day and bumped up to 20mg twice a day. That twice a day turned to an average of 60mg a day, 80-100mg on "special occasions". I use to be the life of the party. Always confident and talkative. Now I'm like the Nico from her song These Days. I'm a shell of who I was and no longer sure who I am anymore.

I feel so guilty for things that I was doing on them. My mental health deterioted so much after; I developed a porn addiction which later led me hiring escorts, I was impulsively spending money and always in debt even though I was making money, grandiosity in my personality, and just overall self destructing. Whenever I used addys, the urge to smoke weed, cigs, drink energy drinks/coffee or take more pills was intensified. Everyone saw right through it at my job and saw I was a mess.

I feel like I fried my brain. I can't think the same or feel the same anymore. I feel like I developed anhedonia and don't feel joy like I did before. I regret starting them. They led me down a bad path and on track for a heart attack. I know I shouldn't but I miss how I felt taking them before.

Glad to hear you're doing better, best of luck.

 

[StimPenguin]

ye dont stress its early days.

ive known people to be sleepy for a month or so thats the normal thing.

weird as it may seem physical activity makes the part of the process quicker.

I know it sounds counter productive your tired and you using up more energy but it helps the body

reboot your head.

eat good food to and I have heard that phenylalanine supplements help.

your not the first to go through this nor will you be the last.

ive seen heaps of people lay in a cell for a couple of months before they were up and about

and they used grams of meth a day.

takes time thats all.

be more pleased that it was not meth than the volume.

as for how long I am not sure but I would be surprised if your not starting to get more energy in another month or two.

make sure you eat properly you need to feed the body so it can repair your nor epinephrine system.

normally if it is major life long destruction there dealing with the docs and pharmacies wont prescribe a continual supply.

but it could take a year or so before you are really back to normal.

quicker and better recovery will be had if your active and eat properly.

Thank you for the advice. I'm grateful I didn't go down the meth route. But I think the combination of adderall and the other drugs I was doing at the same time was frying my head.

I'm going to go out and get some of those supplements. I just want to feel "normal" again whatever that is.

 

[lonelyDude]

it will happen ive seen kg's

just dont give up giving up too soon.

these things take time food friends family activity and distraction or a mix of life that will keep you living and not stewing over the compound you miss.

when your able to stop thinking about this and stop feeling the chemical depletion and change in receptor can take quite some time

but ive seen many from massive habits return to a sober state they are happy with.

 

[lonelyDude]

this thread on drugs-forum.com might give you some more leads and some confidence that others have been there and come through as well.

https://drugs-forum.com/threads/tools-for-recovering-from-meth-amphetamine-addiction.61164/

still my advice is activity really good food phenylalanine and time.


Bone soup with heaps of vegies non stop.

so use a t-bone or an osso bucco and thats the meat for the soup/stew or a whole or half bird bones and all.

if you dont want to do the picking of bones look up french consomme you make the broth first with half an onion cellery carrot and your shit bone meat with a small pouch of herbs and clove.

then you filter and put your vegtables in and your good meat season as you cook it.

if your getting good and you egg boat the thing you can make it dead clear.

you want the marrow as well as hemi as well as the complete proteins as well as all the nutrients (vitamines and minerals) in the vegies.

remember most vegies keep there nutrient right under the skin were it can be used to repel pests.

you want that skin.

if your not a spice head and you can handle them you can wake your self up just with the way you spice your food and what you eat.

cinnamon clove chilli cracked pepper (powdered seems to have lost some of its terpenes, myrcene I think which is a big part of the cannabis high) GINGER garlic did I say GINGER lemon grass you get the idea

if it wakes you up when you sniff it I have found normally it has had a positive affect on my energy levels when used in my cooking.