hi first of all lemme say thank you for taking the time to read this.
lemme give you some back story to the situation. i started rolling in 2010. i rolled for appx 6 months, took about 30 to maybe 50 pills in total. spaced it at 2 weeks at a time, towards the end of my binge i would not feel the euphoric high just the body high (kinda tweaked out feeling). suffered all the problems afterwards deppresion, panic attacks, social anxiety, short/ long term memory problems, depersonalization, mind fogs, fatigue, pretty much went through hell. smoked weed a couple times after but it amplified my anxiey so much. ive been completely clean since dec 2010 except for a couple time that i tried to reverse the effects by rolling again. yeah sounds stupid but i thought i had ptsd and taking mdma in a controlled environment would help me get through it.
well now 2 1/2 years later. im still going through some stuff. significantly better than the beginning but its still very evident that somethings are still wrong. i still feel very detached from myself. (dp/r, hppd maybe?). my personality never came back, still pretty awkward in social situations and just generally not myself that i knew. pretty dead inside. ive dedicated my life to recovering from what i did to myself, i workout everyday, eat healthy, i take piracetam everyday, with fish oil, vit b complex, and vit d for the fatigue and feeling weak.
i fight to become myself again because its the only life i have and i want it to be the best one i could have; but i dont know how far the extent of recovery will go. i realize that i disturbed my body equilibrium but ingesting man made chemicals, and i was hoping by eating healthy and having a generally healthy lifestyle my body would go back to its natural function.
my question is would the damaged neurotransmitter start up again? are the damaged axons/ neurotransmitters permanently destroyed after this much abuse?
k i cant think of anything else. i had more questions but ill just add it twhen i remember what they were.
again thank you for taking the time to read this
lemme give you some back story to the situation. i started rolling in 2010. i rolled for appx 6 months, took about 30 to maybe 50 pills in total. spaced it at 2 weeks at a time, towards the end of my binge i would not feel the euphoric high just the body high (kinda tweaked out feeling). suffered all the problems afterwards deppresion, panic attacks, social anxiety, short/ long term memory problems, depersonalization, mind fogs, fatigue, pretty much went through hell. smoked weed a couple times after but it amplified my anxiey so much. ive been completely clean since dec 2010 except for a couple time that i tried to reverse the effects by rolling again. yeah sounds stupid but i thought i had ptsd and taking mdma in a controlled environment would help me get through it.
well now 2 1/2 years later. im still going through some stuff. significantly better than the beginning but its still very evident that somethings are still wrong. i still feel very detached from myself. (dp/r, hppd maybe?). my personality never came back, still pretty awkward in social situations and just generally not myself that i knew. pretty dead inside. ive dedicated my life to recovering from what i did to myself, i workout everyday, eat healthy, i take piracetam everyday, with fish oil, vit b complex, and vit d for the fatigue and feeling weak.
i fight to become myself again because its the only life i have and i want it to be the best one i could have; but i dont know how far the extent of recovery will go. i realize that i disturbed my body equilibrium but ingesting man made chemicals, and i was hoping by eating healthy and having a generally healthy lifestyle my body would go back to its natural function.
my question is would the damaged neurotransmitter start up again? are the damaged axons/ neurotransmitters permanently destroyed after this much abuse?
k i cant think of anything else. i had more questions but ill just add it twhen i remember what they were.
again thank you for taking the time to read this