First Bad Comedown
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 26, 2010
- Messages
- 562
Hello Bluelight!
I have just reached a milestone that seemed an eternity away.
Today is officially the two year anniversary of my first post on Bluelight.
Earlier this month, on the 3rd of November, I reached the two year anniversary of the night I lost everything to MDMA.
I find myself reluctant to write a long post reviewing my history, in part because those who are interested need only search and also because I now find thinking, analyzing, and writing to be less rewarding.
If you had known me before, you would understand why this is such a difficult statement to make.
That isn't to say it is without reward entirely.
I can imagine pushing myself and accomplishing pages upon pages of words like before, but I am simply not driven to do it.
I am here out of obligation.
Long ago before my many long-winded essays on this site, I suffered the realization that detailed accounts of recovery from MDMA brain damage were sparse or entirely absent.
Not just from Bluelight, but from many places on the internet.
In my time of great suffering, I needed nothing more than reassurance - in the form of a detailed accounts of the recovery process. I needed it so badly I was extremely angry and disappointed with this community as a result.
Despite the millions of users of the world's most popular and most amazing drug, Ecstasy, most accounts were topical or too brief. I found many that discussed the immense anxiety and 'brain-zaps' but hardly anything about the continuous and ongoing process that follows.
How could this be?
Two explanations immediately arise:
First, most MDMA users do not experience severe depression/anxiety that lasts months in a row.
This would be an indication that truly definitive brain damage is not occurring in the majority users.
Second, those that do experience true neurotoxicity find their recovery to be so difficult that they are unwilling or unable to communicate their story to the outside world.
Within the many medical journals, individual case-studies can be found that suggest a great untold suffering from the view-point of the treating physician. These stories are lacking in detail, falling short of the reality in which the patients find themselves. Yet they are a confirmation nonetheless: MDMA can cause severe suffering for a minority of its users.
Due to its persistent and legendary popularity, users of MDMA will increasingly turn to the online community for information regarding its safe use and the consequences of ignoring the cardinal rules.
In my opinion, the Bluelight community has a unique opportunity and obligation to inform and protect those who seek advice on MDMA. Beyond simply discrediting studies that show the neurotoxic potential of MDMA, Bluelight should focus on sharing the truths that are found - even when they are challenging to interpret or damning to the legendary 'safe' status of MDMA.
Also, Bluelight should provide hope for those who are truly desperate after experiencing MDMA toxicity.
It should reassure those who are likely to recover quickly and counsel those who are destined to suffer a worse fate.
This hope can only be truly disseminated with detailed accounts of recovery.
Simply saying that it gets better is inadequate.
These people want to hear a recollection of the suffering and a description of how it improved.
While my own desire for data seemed to be inexhaustible, I found anecdotal reports to be extremely significant. They filled in the gaps left gaping open by research studies.
What is the subjective experience of having your brain's serotonin network collapse and then rewire itself?
That is the aim of this thread - one of only two that I have created.
I am calling upon all BL members with personal experience regarding the consequences of MDMA use.
While I welcome posts arguing for the benefits of MDMA experiences, I am particularly interested in hearing the accounts of those who have been damaged by the drug.
The responses may range from moderate levels of anxiety to stories of great suffering and psychosis.
Perhaps we may hear from family or friends of people who have died from MDMA use.
It is my wish to give hope to those just beginning the journey of recovery.
From the looks of BL posts over the last year, more and more young people are finding their way to the ED forum with horror stories. (I firmly believe this is a consequence of escalated pill size)
It is also my wish to give a warning call to those enraptured with their favorite love drug.
Some accounts may suggest a truly permanent state of dysfunction which renders life meaningless for its victims.
Consequences await us all, but for some they are beyond measure.
For most there is hope.
Please post your stories of recovery.
I will endeavor to write my own in the days that follow.
First Bad Comedown.
I have just reached a milestone that seemed an eternity away.
Today is officially the two year anniversary of my first post on Bluelight.
Earlier this month, on the 3rd of November, I reached the two year anniversary of the night I lost everything to MDMA.
I find myself reluctant to write a long post reviewing my history, in part because those who are interested need only search and also because I now find thinking, analyzing, and writing to be less rewarding.
If you had known me before, you would understand why this is such a difficult statement to make.
That isn't to say it is without reward entirely.
I can imagine pushing myself and accomplishing pages upon pages of words like before, but I am simply not driven to do it.
I am here out of obligation.
Long ago before my many long-winded essays on this site, I suffered the realization that detailed accounts of recovery from MDMA brain damage were sparse or entirely absent.
Not just from Bluelight, but from many places on the internet.
In my time of great suffering, I needed nothing more than reassurance - in the form of a detailed accounts of the recovery process. I needed it so badly I was extremely angry and disappointed with this community as a result.
Despite the millions of users of the world's most popular and most amazing drug, Ecstasy, most accounts were topical or too brief. I found many that discussed the immense anxiety and 'brain-zaps' but hardly anything about the continuous and ongoing process that follows.
How could this be?
Two explanations immediately arise:
First, most MDMA users do not experience severe depression/anxiety that lasts months in a row.
This would be an indication that truly definitive brain damage is not occurring in the majority users.
Second, those that do experience true neurotoxicity find their recovery to be so difficult that they are unwilling or unable to communicate their story to the outside world.
Within the many medical journals, individual case-studies can be found that suggest a great untold suffering from the view-point of the treating physician. These stories are lacking in detail, falling short of the reality in which the patients find themselves. Yet they are a confirmation nonetheless: MDMA can cause severe suffering for a minority of its users.
Due to its persistent and legendary popularity, users of MDMA will increasingly turn to the online community for information regarding its safe use and the consequences of ignoring the cardinal rules.
In my opinion, the Bluelight community has a unique opportunity and obligation to inform and protect those who seek advice on MDMA. Beyond simply discrediting studies that show the neurotoxic potential of MDMA, Bluelight should focus on sharing the truths that are found - even when they are challenging to interpret or damning to the legendary 'safe' status of MDMA.
Also, Bluelight should provide hope for those who are truly desperate after experiencing MDMA toxicity.
It should reassure those who are likely to recover quickly and counsel those who are destined to suffer a worse fate.
This hope can only be truly disseminated with detailed accounts of recovery.
Simply saying that it gets better is inadequate.
These people want to hear a recollection of the suffering and a description of how it improved.
While my own desire for data seemed to be inexhaustible, I found anecdotal reports to be extremely significant. They filled in the gaps left gaping open by research studies.
What is the subjective experience of having your brain's serotonin network collapse and then rewire itself?
That is the aim of this thread - one of only two that I have created.
I am calling upon all BL members with personal experience regarding the consequences of MDMA use.
While I welcome posts arguing for the benefits of MDMA experiences, I am particularly interested in hearing the accounts of those who have been damaged by the drug.
The responses may range from moderate levels of anxiety to stories of great suffering and psychosis.
Perhaps we may hear from family or friends of people who have died from MDMA use.
It is my wish to give hope to those just beginning the journey of recovery.
From the looks of BL posts over the last year, more and more young people are finding their way to the ED forum with horror stories. (I firmly believe this is a consequence of escalated pill size)
It is also my wish to give a warning call to those enraptured with their favorite love drug.
Some accounts may suggest a truly permanent state of dysfunction which renders life meaningless for its victims.
Consequences await us all, but for some they are beyond measure.
For most there is hope.
Please post your stories of recovery.
I will endeavor to write my own in the days that follow.
First Bad Comedown.
you FBC, you've written enough in ED to fill a book. Honestly, I think you could write one 
