A Strange Memory Phenomenon

[propman]

Dear readers and posters,
I'm a twenty-two year old male who's had a reasonable amount of experience with the substance in question. Last night, I consumed quite a large portion and had an experience that was way less than ideal. It seemed as though all notions of my past and imaginings of the future had been locked behind gates and I was living almost entirely in the "now." I texted my best friend (not being entirely sure he'd answer - or existed) and he called me. During our conversation, he mentioned he was working on a project for school. I said "Oh, right. That's what you do." That frightened me thoroughly. We talk daily and he always shares what he's working on. It seemed like whatever mechanism that runs in the background of the brain to give you information about what was happening based on past events was malfunctioning.

I'm not sure if this is relevant but I've had trouble identifying with my distant past for a while (also under or coming down from the influence). My dad, for instance, has always been a big influence in my life. Watching him on the tapes and seeing him now invites a feeling of detachment, as though I knew him but he was different or more of a normal person than I had seen him as before.

This stuff has helped me with my generalized anxiety condition and seems to have made me much less self-centered. I'm worried, though, that the aforementioned benefits are merely the silver lining inside the tunnel vision (if that metaphor comes close to making sense). Any shared experiences, words of kindness or evidence-based explanations would be very helpful to me. Thank you for reading what is my first (and probably not last) post.

 

[CrypticArc]

Sounds somewhat reminiscent of mild dissociation, which isn't usually set off by cannabis but it's not impossible. Take a look into it. Another possibility could be that you experienced a mild form of ego death, which is much more common on psychedelics but people have reported it from very high amounts of cannabis. Also, do you have any experience with deliriants in your past?

 

[propman]

Sounds somewhat reminiscent of mild dissociation, which isn't usually set off by cannabis but it's not impossible. Take a look into it. Another possibility could be that you experienced a mild form of ego death, which is much more common on psychedelics but people have reported it from very high amounts of cannabis. Also, do you have any experience with deliriants in your past?

I've never heard of deliriants, let alone experienced them. What do they do and how does it relate to what I've described?
I'd read a bit about ego death a few minutes ago and about dissociation. (I've experienced derealization sober.)

I've dipped into the philosophical while on cannabis (thinking of human beings as scared biological machines rather than sacred vessels with special sparks, for instance — very "logic" based thinking) but what I experienced last night seemed darker and meaner to the point where I almost don't want to smoke again. That same "logical" thinking says it's just making communication between parts of your brain difficult, anyway. It's fun most of the time, sure, but ... I feel really vulnerable right now.

 

[neurotic]

sounds like mild depersonalization

the high you describe doesn't sound weird for a high dose of marijuana - actually, to me even a moderate one -, and such doses might trigger all sorts of weird shit very similar to what you described - for me at least -.

getting too high (on mj) ALWAYS leaves me feeling weird, like something is 'off' or funky in my mind, in the backstage you know, just like the example you mentioned, which as i said, too me sounds like mild depersonalization.

i myself experienced depersonalization/derealization from getting really fucking high on marijuana alone already - its a powerful drug -, and my advice would be not to stress over it: it goes away with time. i'd abstain from alcohol/marijuana for a while. you can smoke weed again later, but you won't want to get very high again.

peace

 

[propman]

Thanks neurotic. You seem well informed — more so than I, at least — and reading your words was comforting.
On a personal note, if I may: do these feelings bother you or are they what you seek out?

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

I feel like I can somewhat relate to the feelings you expressed. Depersonalization seems like the best definition I can think of. (At least from how I've felt about it )
Almost like a shift in personality/dimension. Something seems askew with the universe.
Is this somthing you are beginning to experience every time you smoke?

 

[propman]

I feel like I can somewhat relate to the feelings you expressed. Depersonalization seems like the best definition I can think of. (At least from how I've felt about it )
Almost like a shift in personality/dimension. Something seems askew with the universe.
Is this somthing you are beginning to experience every time you smoke?

It's difficult to say. My gut reaction is to say "yes" but, on the other hand, I only remember experiencing this sensation/thought pattern while smoking alone.
What are you trying to determine by posing that question?

 

[PotatoMan]

It's strange that people must always link strong cannabis trips it to a medical condition. It's like calling me schizophrenic every time I drop acid. Even though it may be. Cannabis has always had a hallucinogenic feel to me so it shouldn't be surprising to encounter the feelings we experience on various hallucinogens. It's truly psychedelic in nature and because of this the mind creates the experience. Much like almost everything imo.

You sound like the weed took you deep man. Don't be afraid of it. But if what it's showing you is bothering you then you sure not wanna go further. Because it will manifest these conditions into your reality.

 

[propman]

...it will manifest these conditions into your reality.

How do you mean?

 

[PotatoMan]

As in the more you smoke and the more you experience this it will eventually come into you sober-life coupled with anxiety and such an labelled as a Dissociative Disorder.

But my philosophy is that if it isn't bothering you then it'll never be a problem.

But you make it sound like if it is truly bothering you.

 

[propman]

As in the more you smoke and the more you experience this it will eventually come into you sober-life coupled with anxiety and such an labelled as a Dissociative Disorder.

But my philosophy is that if it isn't bothering you then it'll never be a problem.

But you make it sound like if it is truly bothering you.

It seems to be a double-edged feeling. One one hand, I enjoy it somewhat. On the other, it makes me quite uncomfortable. On some imaginary third hand, I enjoyed the way it used to make me feel and the imaginary forth hand wonders if It'll ever make me feel that way again.

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

I asked because if it is happening all the time; maybe you need a break?
As said by potato, if it is bothering you, it could continue to get worse, but of it isn't effecting your everyday life, there shouldn't be much of an issue.

 

[propman]

I asked because if it is happening all the time; maybe you need a break?
As said by potato, if it is bothering you, it could continue to get worse, but of it isn't effecting your everyday life, there shouldn't be much of an issue.

OK, that makes sense. Thank you and everyone else for helping me figure this out.

What happened, metaphorically, was I got on a train of thought and it took me to places I'd already been but who's names had been changed.
In a more straight forward way, I think I was just approaching problems I had/have from a different direction than I had been. I wound up pretty much back where I started because none of these questions can really be "answered." Things just are the way they are. It was a freaky and freakishly paced "journey" but I think I made it out OK. Maybe a little improved, maybe a little damaged, a lot improved, a lot damaged ... maybe none of the above. My vote's on the positive outcomes but, obviously, I'm biased (but hopefully not too optimistic).

Thanks again, everybody.

 

[neurotic]

Thanks neurotic. You seem well informed — more so than I, at least — and reading your words was comforting.
On a personal note, if I may: do these feelings bother you or are they what you seek out?

well thanks man im glad to know that

and no i dont seek these feelings, im actually very bothered by depersonalization/derealization and it's the main reason i don't smoke weed anymore. it leaves me feeling weird like you described and if i smoke too much these feelings can last weeks... like my brain got used to it to the dissociated state. it's really annoying.

like others said, if it bothers you, lay off the weed for a while, if not, then well, whatever...

fwiw, i believe that DP/DR is always caused by something bothersome - imo, like a defense mechanism from the brain when it feels like your mind is too dangerous, if that makes sense. i say that because i've been super fucked up tripping, completely insane, thoughts totally warped, and 'came back' 100% fine as long as i wasn't bothered by it. but i've gotten fucked up and weird and freaked out by it too, and it's always then that i come back dissociated. also, stress/anxiety triggers it, and when i'm relaxed it goes away.

remember not to stress over it - it goes away - but don't push your mind either...

 

[propman]

well thanks man im glad to know that

and no i dont seek these feelings, im actually very bothered by depersonalization/derealization and it's the main reason i don't smoke weed anymore. it leaves me feeling weird like you described and if i smoke too much these feelings can last weeks... like my brain got used to it to the dissociated state. it's really annoying.

like others said, if it bothers you, lay off the weed for a while, if not, then well, whatever...

fwiw, i believe that DP/DR is always caused by something bothersome - imo, like a defense mechanism from the brain when it feels like your mind is too dangerous, if that makes sense. i say that because i've been super fucked up tripping, completely insane, thoughts totally warped, and 'came back' 100% fine as long as i wasn't bothered by it. but i've gotten fucked up and weird and freaked out by it too, and it's always then that i come back dissociated. also, stress/anxiety triggers it, and when i'm relaxed it goes away.

remember not to stress over it - it goes away - but don't push your mind either...

What I experienced — the "something bothersome," I believe, was an existential crisis. I've always been bothered by those "meaning of life" questions. A friend (my best one, in fact) made me realize that I needed to talk it all through — let the feelings all out. I did and I cried ... a lot. When it was over, I thought, "I've just asked the same questions and given the same answers with alternate wordings (excluding a few possible, though, iffy exceptions)." I've been through similar experiences and I may be again. The important thing for me to realize is that it [the feeling] will go away. It always has and there's no reason to doubt it will again.

Thanks again for your help, neurotic.

 

[ChipTrippyFox]

Perhaps it only helped you to bring underlying thoughts to the surface? Maybe in the big picture, you needed the whole process. I don't know what your mental status was before this experience, but your last post sounds almost therapeutic to me

 

[propman]

Perhaps it only helped you to bring underlying thoughts to the surface? Maybe in the big picture, you needed the whole process. I don't know what your mental status was before this experience, but your last post sounds almost therapeutic to me

It's too early to tell how therapeutic it was or wasn't. The thoughts were underlying thoughts but not ones I was even the slightest bit comfortable dealing with. Plenty of people are happy enough going through life not knowing the answers to the "big" questions and they seem better and healthier for it. I still feel very strange and I expect to for a while, at least.

 

[jamielovesmary]

i have had this before did you use to smoke more often? or havent smoked for a while when i quit for 1 week because of a charge i got i went back to my boys and smoked a fat philly ushally a philly wouldnt even touch me but i got SUPER BLEM started having deep deeeeep thinking like you described if you smoke more weed will relive stress like it use to but if your stressed out when ur sober weed will only ENHANCE what your feeling before you spark up just remember if you dont care for yourself nobody will

 

[propman]

No, I was smoking pretty steadily and I just got steadily more introspective. I have a tendency to stress myself out by over-thinking things sober so you're probably onto something with the "ENHANCE" statement. Thanks for the insight and advice. I really appreciate it.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

It's strange that people must always link strong cannabis trips it to a medical condition. It's like calling me schizophrenic every time I drop acid. Even though it may be. Cannabis has always had a hallucinogenic feel to me so it shouldn't be surprising to encounter the feelings we experience on various hallucinogens. It's truly psychedelic in nature and because of this the mind creates the experience. Much like almost everything imo.

You sound like the weed took you deep man. Don't be afraid of it. But if what it's showing you is bothering you then you sure not wanna go further. Because it will manifest these conditions into your reality.

I agree with this.

You got extremely stoned on herb, and you did write how you had used a lot of it. Did you smoke it, vape it, or eat it in food?

Sometimes on a high dose of good herb that can mean going outside of yourself for a temporary period of time. Or you sort of just go with things and memory and information as it comes to you gets confusing or different, and it's not like you're completely sober and not on any drugs at all.

If you get major anxiety or panic attacks while sober or while stoned, maybe you shouldn't smoke or use cannabis, or don't use a lot of it? Or avoid certain types or strains that do this to you? Or just realize that herb can do this to you at times, talk yourself down a bit or tell yourself you'll be fine within a few hours or tomorrow, and go with it.