Recovery A new me.

[ladyhlove]

Oh my bluelight, I did not mean to leave you for this long! Sorry if I've worried anyone!

I'm good, physically and sobriety-wise and all. My job ended up closing, rather unexpectedly. I knew it was coming, I was thinking we had a couple of months but it turned out to be only a couple of weeks. They tried to not pay us...but one of my coworkers (NOT ME, and i mean it, lol) sent their gang-member relatives to my owners house and threatened him and he ended up sending us e-checks at 3am. lol. I ended up having an alright amount of savings + my last paycheck, so not too worried. Oh, and before they decided to pay us..the gm (not the owner...the owner went mia as soon as payday came without checks and everyone started getting upset) let us raid computers and tvs from the office, so I got a new desktop, laptop, tablet, and two 52 inch tvs. So, I'd a bit of severance all things considered.

Sorry I've been gone. Without a computer in front of me all day, I've been forgetting to stop by. I am STILL SOBER (well ya know, on methadone and still smoking weed and whatnot) and still not smoking. Working out has taken a hit considering my routine is out of whack right now. Things with the bf are still great, he helped me with some bills this month (even though I had savings to pay for it..hes just sweet like that) and all else is well.

I got a new job today, however, its bartending which I didn't wanna have to go back to. Luckily, Ive got a few interviews this/next week so hopefully itll be temporary. My buddy is the GM of this bar in midtown, the gay neighborhood of Atlanta, and he hired me on the spot. He'll be my boss so it'll be chill and, honestly, I usually make more money bartending than in an office job (but i like lots of other things about office jobs, like stability and weekends off) so financially, I'm good as of now. They also are aware I might leave if I find a good opportunity elsewhere, so I don't feel stuck either :D I start tomorrow

Sorry to worry you guys. My internet kinda sucks at home but I'm about to improve it some (new router) this weekend so I'll try to come by more often even though I'm not in front of a computer for 8 hours a day now.

Love yall :*

 

[aihfl]

Hi Lady, welcome back. Sounds like a pretty sweet "severance package" you got. When I got let go from a teaching position a medium size midwestern state university when the recession hit, the IT guy jokingly gave me a quarter telling me the dean had authorized it as part of my severance.

Good to hear you and your SO are back to being on good terms, and good luck in the job search and the bartending gig in the meantime. Hey, if Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez went from being a bartender to a US Representative, the sky's the limit!

 

[EPL1]

Well crisis averted!!! ; ) But seriously, we worry about you because we love you.

Glad to see an update from you lady.

You're doing so well, glad you got some severance and good luck at your new job today!!! And I'm sure something even better will come along before you know it!

Love ya,
Ash.

 

[ladyhlove]

Once again, my sincerest apologies. I know y'all love me. Believe me, in the back of my mind I was thinking, almost every day I was gone, "man I need to get on bluelight...I bet they're wondering where the hell I went!"

Things the last day or two were nuts (stealing flat screens off the wall nuts, lol) and then I've been pretty much nonstop job applying anytime I'm online..and I HATE typing replies on my phone (prob bc I talk too damn much hah).

Yeah, I've never received any sort of severance ever, so this was the closest thing to it. They tried to throw out threats that it was considered "stealing' (even though those same people told us we were free to take whatever the day before, and are on camera literally watching us take things and even laughing about it...so no case I say). Honestly, a couple people there were a lot "louder" about what they were taking...I was a bit sneakier...so I don't even think they think I have anything to begin. Those same people were in group chats declaring they wouldn't return the things they took either (these were the same people who sent people to threaten the ceo of my company into paying, so i doubt they'll pursue the matter any further). Honestly, all the work property is going to the bank to be liquidated to pay back investors, loaners, people they owe bills to, various lawsuits, etc etc etc so it probably didn't affect them much to lose the little bit of property they did bc of me. And, honestly, with all the fucking bullshit...unpaid overtime...tons of work I did on the weekends and then to stress me the fuck out with the possibility of not getting paid for an entire month's worth of work (that only got paid bc the owner got threatened physically) and have me lose my job with no notice...yeah I don't feel bad.

I start bartending Monday. I bartended and managed all sorts of bars throughout my 20s and I'm pretty well known in the industry in town and have a great reputation. Basically, I can walk into almost any bar/restaurant hiring in this city and have a job. That sounds cocky..but its true. A decade of experience is tough to find in most new hires (usually those kind of bartenders find a good place and stay there forever). Fortunately, they're also cool with me possibly leaving within a month or two if I find another "big girl" job and they've even offered me the opportunity to, if that happens, pick up one of two shifts at nights and on the weekends to have some extra money on top of my future day job. So, good news all around. Honestly, bartending is amazing money and I'll probably be making more doing this than I would at any office job..but I hate the nights/weekends and the stress of having to wait on people (people can be real assholes, believe me!) associated with bartending so I want a 9-5 asap. Not to mention, the bf and I only see each other on weekends anyways so this will throw a wrench into the operation.

On that note, we're great but I need him to move out ASAP. He's STILL at home with his mom and dad with no real plans to move out other than "I'm gonna move out soon", and I'm getting tired of excuses. I get that he likes the fact that he has barely any bills but its beyond time. And I can't bring it up with him without him getting totally defensive. Ugh.

Drew, thank you for your kind words. Work is just something I HAVE to do, no matter what. I sat at home for two days before I became anxious...and believe me, I could've gone prob two full months without work before I started feeling the affects financially (another plus of not being on heroin anymore, I have money again!!! Yay!!). And YES switching to methadone was the best choice I ever could've made. I was nervous about it at first..people have SUCH horrible things to say about methadone, but it's really been a miracle drug for me. I understand getting off will be hard, but I will tackle that when the time comes. Until then, I'm working on getting things extra stable again. A new office job will get me there, for sure. Hard to be totally stable when you don't know what you're gonna make when you go into work each day (bartending...yaaaay lol). Could be $50 ..Could be $300, and you never know. Makes it really hard to budget.

I also have 4 in person interviews next week at various office jobs. So I have a feeling bartending is temporary, anyways.

I'll try to keep updating more regularly. Love yall lots

PS: I'm touched that I even brought out some of the sites "lurkers" to look for me. Really, you guys have no idea how much yall mean to me on here

 

[ladyhlove]

Yes loving my k-safe as well! I find I don't need it as often as I thought I would...the temptation to take extra take homes is gone. It's been so long since I've called my dope dealer, I'm pretty sure he'd think he was being set up or something if I called him and I don't want to go a day without my meds...so, I stick to my schedule.

I'm hoping my most recent UA was clean, my last one was, and two equals an extra takehome. I always almost get there but end up testing positive for THC or alcohol (both are allowed to a certain degree on the tests, but not over a certain amount...and I never know exactly what that amount is or how to get only that amount in my body lol). Honestly, i need to just stop smoking weed all together so I can phase up, but I just enjoy it too much. There's folks who still dose daily for YEARS bc they cant stop smoking weed. But my clinic allows a pretty large amount to "pass", believe me, bc I smoke daily and I've passed tons of them.

I've heard the opposite from everyone at my clinic whos weened...that it's tough, but doable. I agree, not being on drugs will be a hard part for me too bc I also have been on them daily for a couple years now

 

[EPL1]

Stopping by to say good luck at your job tomorrow Kate.

I know you're a pro anyway and will be great!! Thanks for the nice message over on my sappy old thread. ; ) I replied there too.

Love you,
your friend,
Ash.

 

[EPL1]

I love you Drew.


You are a sweetheart and a very dear friend of mine, just in case I haven't told you before. I am getting by, thanks for asking.

I am also the most loyal friend you could ever hope to have, so I am glad that comes across in the way I write.

I got your back too my brother.

Have a great day Drew.

Love,
your friend,
Ash.

That's great you don't need the Ksafe as much... Unfortunately, I do lol. Extra methadone gets me twisted as fuck... Certain addicts who get nothing extra from more methadone are very lucky. Wish that was me... it would make my life a whole lot easier.

*What's up Ash? I just wanna let you know how much I enjoy your kind words. They mean so much to me and others. You are the sweetest person on BL. You are so kind. If ANYONE ever has a bad word to say about you, I will flip the fuck out on them... I got your back por vida girl. I wish you the best pain free day ever! Take care Ash!

 

[DrewDogBaby209]

I love you Drew.


You are a sweetheart and a very dear friend of mine, just in case I haven't told you before. I am getting by, thanks for asking.

I am also the most loyal friend you could ever hope to have, so I am glad that comes across in the way I write.

I got your back too my brother.

Have a great day Drew.

Love,
your friend,
Ash.

Ash, I love you too. Enjoy your night!

 

[ladyhlove]

Yeah extra methadone makes me really tired and I just nod out constantly and ppl think I've relapsed so no point.

Training at the bar has been ok. Easy stuff and I'm already almost a pro, but they have a set amount of required training shifts so just waiting to make cash again.

I've also had some really good office interviews this week...3 so far. Fingers crossed I get a job like that soon

 

[EPL1]

My fingers and toes are crossed for you honey!!! I hope you get one soon!!! How could you not, you're so great!!!!


Glad the bar is working out ok for you. Proud of you Kate, you handle everything like a pro. You will go far in life.

Love ya,
Ash.

Yeah extra methadone makes me really tired and I just nod out constantly and ppl think I've relapsed so no point.

Training at the bar has been ok. Easy stuff and I'm already almost a pro, but they have a set amount of required training shifts so just waiting to make cash again.

I've also had some really good office interviews this week...3 so far. Fingers crossed I get a job like that soon

 

[KraziKat]

I'll take a bourbon, neat, with a water back. xoxo

 

[EPL1]

No pressure but I'd love an update from you Kate.

Did any of those job prospects pan out? I hope so, they'd be lucky to have you.

Do you have any plans for the holidays?

Much love,
Ash.

 

[ladyhlove]

Hey guys! Sorry to be gone again for a couple of days, the sched is crazy!

Honestly, due to the holidays, a lot of my job prospects are still in the works...one I've done THREE in person interviews (hoping to hear back about that one today, actually!), and have had so many phone interviews that are supposed to call me right after new years...i honestly can't keep up with all of those. I have a feeling this phone's gonna ring off the hook once the holidays are over. Unfortunately, in the business world, the job interview process can take awhile.

Meanwhile, been bartending part time, which hasn't been too bad honestly. I like working day shifts (I hate late nights) and they're pretty steady and in a nice neighborhood (the "gay" part of atlanta...aka midtown)...so it's been nice. Haven't made a killing, per say, but I can pay my bills and afford christmas presents and my methadone and evetrything else and whatnot. Sticking with part time so I can still interview and prepare to start a real job hopefully soon.

Oh! I got a new car! Well, a used one! My car finally bit the dust. The overheating problem just couldn't get solved no matter how many parts replaced/mechanics paid/etc and finally a head gasket resulting in instant car death. My mom loaned me 6k and told me to pay her 200 a month for 3 years and I didn't have to start till I was working a big girl job again and had been there enough time to get my finances comfortable again. My mom's awesome! Not just for that, either, but in general. I feel like she's one of the few out there truly looking out for me. Anyways, I got a Mazda 2 (like a mazda 3 but smaller, more econo sized...100mph engine lol) but it's a 2013 with 60k miles on it and, even though it's a "basic" car, its still nicer and has way more bells and whistles than any car I've ever had. It feels great to have a reliable, newer car...I've never really ever had that. I've always driven cars that cost like $1,500 or something. "Car payments" are gonna suck, kinda, but whatever, I don't buy drugs anymore so I have a lot more money than I ever did.

Still sober. My only friend who uses went missing last week and his sis texted me (she knows he uses, she used to too and knows that we were "secret drug buddies") and asked if I could text his dealer (aka my old dealer) to see if he'd been seen lately. I did and he texted back "naw, i don't serve yall white folks no more anyways dont call me". WELL good thing I don't need drugs anymore. Turns out he was fine, btw, he fell asleep hard at someone's house and turned up the next day groggy but unharmed. I told my counselor this story and he was worried that i had texted my dealer, esp with everything going on in my life right now, but I told him to fear not. And I've remained strong. I don't even use my k safe anymore (but will need it again when I eventually ween down I'm sure), I'm happy on my level of methadone. I'm not high or tired or anything I just feel normal and no desire to use which is awesome. I'm still severely physically addicted to opiates, though, and I forget that sometimes. Like I said, getting off might just be a bitch but I feel like this all will have been worth it. I've gained back everuthing I've lost to drugs through my sobriety and even built myself up stronger. Being in recovery has gained me so much respect from people, and, honestly, I found that it helped my reputation in the restaurant industry (now that I'm trying to reenter) bc people know they can trust me and I"m not all fucked up like so many bartenders in this city.

Anyways, sorry for the long update. Oh, ashley for xmas...my sister will be in town from Oklahoma this weekend with her boys (5 and 7) who I adore and her husband (who i like a lot too lol) and they're staying at my dad's who lives about an hour (out in the boonies near Athens GA) so I'll be up there building forts and playing legos this weekend. Monday morning i leave for Fort Meyers, FL where my wonderful mama lives. We're gonna relax by the beach (weather is a permanent 85 down there and fortunately the red tide problem is temporarily gone right now...aihfl I'm sure you know allllll about that) and hang for three days. I'm looking forward to it, Got my guest dosing set up this morning for the clinic down there as a matter of fact.

I'll check back around Xmas, I'll prob be bored around my mom's at some point, Love y'all and hope all are well! I know this can be a hard time a year for many (myself included) so take care of yourselves!!!

 

[aihfl]

Have fun in Ft. Myers. We just had a cold front blow in from the Gulf so it's chilly statewide for a few days, but temps should rebound by Tuesday. Today Orlando felt more like Chicago in the fall than it did Florida with temps in the 50s with a stiff 20mph wind and intermittent rain.

I'm actually enjoying the holidays for the first time in literally over a decade. I used to work seasonally as a musician at Disney and when I was new at it, working at Epcot was fun, but after 20+ years of it, it started to really suck ass because I felt like I never had my own holidays. I never had time to watch cheesy Christmas movies while drinking eggnog and looking at the tree. It was get up at 9, be out of the house by 2:30 to allow plenty of time (traffic/accidents) to clock in around 4 at Epcot, be at the job site by 4:30 (which entailed waiting for a bus or taking a long walk), be done by 9:15, be back at my car in employee parking at 9:45, drive home for 45 minutes-1 hour, be home around 10:30-11 and do the same shit all over again the next day. The ONLY thing I can say I miss about it is the 40 percent employee (er, sorry "cast member") discount on their overpriced shitty merchandise and even then, not so much. The last time I can say I truly enjoyed the holidays was 2005 when I went to London on the 26th and stayed until a little past New Years. Unlike our side of the pond where Christmas is over by the 26th, they're still enjoying the season through Epiphany (Jan. 6) and I had some great memories: being jostled around Trafalgar Square on NYE with a bunch of drunk people and some loud (but fun) Italians, everyone good-naturedly making the best of the buses because the underground workers went on strike at midnight, sitting in a pub flirting with some hot Dutch women (unfortunately I was married at the time, and they had pretty objectionable BO) while watching aspiring London stand-up comics try out new material, sitting in a pub eating fish n chips and talking about The Simpsons with some London Indian dudes (they loved Homer and thought Apu was hilarious), relieving a hangover with a breakfast of greasy sausages, baked beans and that weird burnt tomato I never understood. It was a great time.

I went to see Jane Lynch's "A Swingin' Little Christmas" when she came through town and it really lifted my mood. She did the show with Kate Flannery (Meredith on "The Office") and Tim Davis, who did all the vocal arranging for "Glee." It was the most I've enjoyed myself in a long time. My mother is coming in Sunday evening, but I'm getting rid of her on the 26th, which is a workday for me, but she doesn't know it's my last workday of the year. A little bit of her goes a long way and I want the rest of the week to enjoy spending time with friends, two of whom are moving to Southern California next month. I also have plans to go see "Holidays in Space" at Kennedy Space Center on the 28th or 29th.

 

[EPL1]

Hi honey!!! Me waving. ; ) So great to hear from you, I was just thinking of sending you a message and here you are!!

So happy your xmas was good!!! What did you do for xmas?


I am so happy methadone is working so well for you Drew. You are such an awesome person, I am happy you're happy, you deserve the best in life.

I love you back and I hope you have a great day.

What are your plans for New Years?


Hugs,
your friend,
I have your back always,
Ash.

What up errrrbody? I just wanted to check in and see if everyone had a good Xmas? I know I did... I hate winter but absolutely love Xmas! Actually, where I live, it will go below 32 degrees during the early morning (12am to 5am) but during the day it warms up to the 50's or so. Where I live we are very lucky because our winters are very mild. No snow but 2 hrs away plenty of snow. I hate winter because of pain but thanks to methadones wonderful painkilling abilities, I don't mind winter as much anymore.

Well anyway, I'm doing really good. I stopped triple dosing a few months ago. But honestly, I have double dosed twice. I feel so much better now. My K-Safe I bought a few years ago worked great when I first started methadone. Now I'm using it again and it's working out wonderfully for me. I love my K-Safe!

Anyway, I can't forget about a few of my favorite people on BL... What's up Aihfl? How you doing brotha... I've been thinking about you and praying that your good! Also, I can't forget Ash... I mean, who could? I love ya girl. Please take care guys! Smile

-Drew

 

[EPL1]

Your time spent at the cabin sounds idyllic. Norman Rockwellish, if you will. I'm glad you have those nice memories.


Really proud of your upcoming 7 years sober Drew!! That's so great!!! My New Year's will be spent at home, and quiet, just how I like it.

I wish you nothing but happiness, good health, and wealth in the New Year my dear friend!!!!

Love,
your friend,
Ash.

Hey what's up Ash? I didn't really go anywhere for Christmas this year. I just stayed home. Back in 2012 I used to go up to the mountains to my grandparents modern cabin in Twain Harte California. My mom and I used to go up there every year since I was a little kid. I loved it up there so much. There was snow and smoke from people's chimneys surrounding the pine and cedar trees. And the air smells so clean and crisp with the scent of pine trees. A Modesto Christmas is much different than a Twain Harte Christmas LOL

I used to drink almost everyday for 15 years and now I have been clean and sober from alcohol for 7 years on May 3rd 2019 so New Year's Eve it's kind of boring but I would prefer to be sober then to have a drunken New Year's eve lol. Hey, you take care of Ash... I hope you have the best year in 2019 than you ever had in your life!

 

[aihfl]

I used to drink almost everyday for 15 years and now I have been clean and sober from alcohol for 7 years on May 3rd 2019 so New Year's Eve it's kind of boring but I would prefer to be sober then to have a drunken New Year's eve lol. Hey, you take care of Ash... I hope you have the best year in 2019 than you ever had in your life!

​Yeah, it was such a relief driving home at midnight to not have to worry about the DUI checkpoints anymore. On one street, they had about 7 cops stationed off to the side of the road and it was a great feeling to be waved on through and not have to worry about being stopped and questioned. I wonder how many people they pinched. With Lyft and Uber, there's just no excuse to drive drunk, and I use Lyft so often now I almost always get the ride discounted by 10 percent.

 

[ladyhlove]

Well Merry Christmas and Happy 2019 to my BL buddies

Sorry I've been literally *The worst* at posting lately. But it isn't because I'm off nodding off in an alley somewhere, I promise...lol.

Things have been hectic, but good, lately. Since last updating, my sister came into town with my nephews (who are 5 and 7 and the most adorable and sweet little boys in the world) who I never get to see due to their home being in the middle of nowhere, Oklahoma (Stillwater, BIL is a professor at OSU). They stayed with my Dad, who lives about 45 min out so I got lots of family time even before xmas started.

After that, I then went to Florida and spent Dec 24-27 with my mom down there in Ft. Meyers. I ended up getting my guest dosing sent down there for the 26th (made it back in time to dose here in GA on the 27th)...geeee FL has some strict-ass methadone laws! They have to be open 365 days a year...no Sunday takehomes. You really have to earn ANY takehomes in FL it seems (though I do imagine they have to close for hurricanes and whatnot, and provide takehomes then? Maybe someone in FL can enlighten me on that...A I know youre there, but I know youre not a methadone patient so not sure if you're aware of the specifics of the laws on that down there). However, for as strict as their laws are...well, the nurse there wasn't on her game at all. She tried to give me TWO EXTRA days worth of methadone (I was just dosing for the day, not getting any takehomes...I didn't even have my lockbox with me). She pulled out a dose for me to take and then two prefilled bottles...I was like, "uhhh, no". She then only charged me to dose and didn't charge me the $20+ fee the facility was supposed to for me being a guest doser...oh well. lol. Good thing I'm honest (and didn't have a lockbox with me...).

I'm crossing my fingers that I'll start getting more callbacks from office jobs now that the holidays are over. I don't mind bartending again, but I feel like my life is kind of on hold until I can get my career going again. I'm trying really hard not to become complacent with this industry again. Too many times I have begun bartending "temporarily" and gotten comfortable (shit, you can make A LOT of money bartending at some places...a lot more than at a typical office job with a good salary even) so I'm trying to not let that be the case here. I'm really working hard to keep my hours part time too. The workaholic in me always wants to work full time, but I'm trying to keep my schedule relatively clear for office-job interviewing that may be happening again here soon, hopefully.

Xmas was relaxing, unexpectedly. My mother and time with her usually stresses me out, but I think it was the perfect amount of time (3 days) and there weren't any other visitors there (like my sister and her kids for example) to add to the stress my mom already puts on during the holidays. Usually my mom's a stressed out mess around xmas, but not this year. We just spent our time at the beach every day relaxing...took a lot of naps...drank a couple pina coladas. It was really nice. I came back refreshed as heck. My bf's schedule has been crazy lately due to a deadline at work that was poorly planned, so the days we thought we'd have together between xmas and new years didn't happen like we wanted them to. We did get to spend the past 3 days (new years eve-yesterday evening) together, though, which was nice. New Years wasn't too eventful..we went to a friend's house and had some drinks and sat in the carport and listened to the *literally* thousands of gunshots ringing through the neighborhood at midnight (heyyyy it's atlanta). I wish I could say I wasn't hungover as crap New Years day, but unfortunately...I didn't buy enough beer, so when my 4 pack ran out, I began sipping on my buddy's whiskey...bad idea, me and liquor don't get along well. I didn't get wasted or anything but liquor and my stomach don't mix well and I spent the whole next day throwing up. The bf over imbibed a bit too..we were quite the pair on New Years Day...taking turns throwing up. Luckily, even though we both drank quite a bit, no big fights...just a lot of drunk, sloppy sex. Works for me.

I've been doing ok. I wouldn't say great, but not horrible. I've been clean, well you know, not using opiates other than the methadone prescribed to me. I've found myself missing heroin lately a little bit. Not really, idk, it's tough to describe. I pretty much always get a seasonal depression right after the holidays (which is odd considering I hate xmas, you'd think i'd be so happy its over lol) which usually lasts until March or so. Opiates would help that depression and I guess as that familiar sorrow creeps up on me, I find myself wishing I had a quick fix again. The thing with methadone is, even if I went out and bought a big ass bag of heroin right now and took a big sniff, I wouldn't feel a thing. I could keep sniffing and sniffing and, still, odds are I wouldn't feel any different and eventually a $100 or so bag of drugs would be gone with no high to show for it. And i have no idea how long without methadone I would have to go to feel anything from that dope, but I don't feel like going through multiple day methadone withdrawal just to find out. Also, I know for a fact (since having to text my dealer to check up on a friend who went mia for a bit) that my dealer won't sell to me anymore anyways. Even though I know I won't use, the fact that I'm still thinking about it means I have a ways to go in my recovery. I want to get to a point where my brain naturally goes to something else, like exercise or another healthy hobby, when I'm feeling down and not immediately to dope. The methadone keeps me from going back to it, for now, but I'm afraid that if I get off of it, I'll go right back. I have some friends (who I want to fucking punch in the face, btw lol) who keep trying to push me to get off maintenance (everyone still thinks I'm on subs, btw, except the bf, he's the only one who knows the truth..I do it to avoid the conversations I get due to methadone stigma) and it gets me so damn mad. I'm like, REALLY?! Like, this shit is working for me! I'm not using fucking heroin everyday anymore! I haven't used heroin in months because of this! and NOTHING ELSE worked! I know, I tried MANY TIMES! I guess it's my own damn fault for being so open about my recovery process (well ya know except the methadone thing..lol). My best friend, in particular, is the worst about it. She is of the school that subs or methadone or whatever are just an addiction substitution and I'm just prolonging my addiction further. Luckily, I don't listen and I have lots of support (like my bf) that reassures me that I can get off maintenance when I'M READY. I'm def not ready yet, but that's ok...I've only been on methadone 6 mos now.

6 mos btw, guys! Well, almost. At the end of this month. It'll be almost 6 whole months since i've touched heroin. I dont know the exact day I did it last...bc, honestly ,I didn't think it would be my last time doing it...so I didn't *take note* of it. I didn't expect methadone to work as well as it has, I really didn't. It's really been a miracle drug for me. It's helped so much. I'm also STILL not smoking, guys. Still on the JUUL, but haven't smoked a cig in forever. The gym thing has slowed down..but Im hoping to start that up again here soon..maybe today even.

Sorry if this post has been all over the place...feels like I haven't updated in so long I have so much to say! Love yall. I will try to update more, I promise

 

[EPL1]

Great to hear from you Lady.


I am SO proud of you, and you sound really good. I just know one day you will get your dream job too.

Don't listen to any naysayers about methadone. You do what's best for YOU. They don't have to live your life.

Congrats on the almost 6 months off H, THAT'S HUGE!!!

I am tiny like you, as you know, and I am up 5 lbs since xmas, so I am now in diet mode. Lots of protein shakes for me, whooppee!!!!

We can get in shape together. Much love to you Kate and try not to be such a stranger.

Happy New Year, I hope it's the best one yet!! xo

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.

 

[ladyhlove]

Yes, Ash, the holidays and my general laziness over the past month or two has put a few lbs on me as well, but I don't really mind. See, I had been way skinny during my opiate use years and I needed to put something on. I'm honestly kinda perfect right now, not too fat or too skinny, but I don't wanna keep putting any more on ...so the gym! Because I eat whatever I want and I'm not stopping that yet! lol Honestly, the gym is more of a way to feel better, get endorphins flowing, etc kinda thing for me more than a weight thing. I also find that when I keep that mindset (mental health vs weight loss at the gym), I keep up with my workout routines for faaaaar longer.

Just updating to say things are still about the same, but I'm doing aiight. See, the place I work is gonna be ground zero for the Superbowl here in a few weeks so I'm getting ready to stack some money (and work a lot). I haven't minded bartending as much as I thought I would this go round. The place I'm at is relaxed and I really like pretty much all of my coworkers. Feeling so isolated in a Korean company for years, I forgot what its like to have friends at work. They think I do a really good job here too, so thats always a plus. Plus, it gets me better shifts and the possibility of moving up if I want it. Still looking for a "real" job. I'm hoping now that the holidays are over, I'll start getting a little more attention. We shall see.

How is everyone here? How's Drew and hik and A and you Ash?