A Narcissist & an Empath Walk Into a Bar: Understanding the Dynamic of Abuse

[slimvictor]

When I met him, I was blown away.

He was a Yale graduate, confident about himself and his ideas, and certain that he was meant to “rule the world”—and that he intended to do it with me.

Up until then, every man I’d dated had been immature, needy, uninspired and uninspiring. This new guy’s intelligence and charisma, and his open admiration for me, felt like coming home.

Unfortunately, all of the qualities I found so compelling were also the classic traits of a narcissist.

(...)

By the time the “honeymoon phase” ended—a heart breakingly brief span of a few months—I was convinced he was my one true love and I would do anything to serve the relationship.

Little did I know, “anything” would include giving him all my money, agreeing to let him have sex with other women, spending what little money we did have on drugs to the point that we were evicted from two apartments and became homeless for over a year, allowing myself to be coerced into becoming a dancer, and then giving him all of that money as well, while he endlessly berated me, shamed me, and blamed me for the pile of sh*t that was our life together.

Full Story here:
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015...nto-a-bar-understanding-the-dynamic-of-abuse/

 

[szuko000]

I am an empath (I also hate that term sounds stupid) but yes my ability to feel the emotions of others makes my life exceeding difficult at times. But it is my fault for being this way and when my girlfriend, who isnt as much as i am (and definitely an i can fix this relationship but we truly love each other) she can take advantage of it in that she knows what to say to make me come to her aid etc. All of that is my fault though as i always tell her "I am an adult i make decisions if i choose to miss work because your depression is acting up that is my choice i know what happens if i miss work" because people also have the tendency to judge like i am a child or something (shes just using you etc) pisses me off because i would know if after 5 years her feelings changed i simply know who my g/f is and even though she can be mean at times i love her.

Having said that this article is written as if the woman is innocent and the man is at fault, no you are both acting as you would. it is not his fault for being who he is anymore then it is the womans for being her. Sure you need "training" if you are an empath and by that i mean you need to realize people like hurting each other, it is basically human nature to be self centered and greedy all that good stuff, so it is important to "learn" when people are using you.

I do wish people understood what it is like having strong empathy it can be debilitating. I do not have the ability to leave my girlfriend when she is upset, and she has major recurring depression, so it makes it that much harder. I feel like I am the only person who understands and can help her navigate her own thoughts and emotions and she feels them so strongly that it makes me feel in ways i never have in my life. Much as this article states we are perfect for each other because she requires the attention i want to give her, sometimes more then i can give, but shes light enough on the "opposite" traits that she isnt using me also its not like i give her my shit, sometimes she gets it by default but sehs not an ass like the guy here.

 

[falsifiedhypothesi]

isn't being an "empath" and having borderline personality dis. the same thing?

 

[Jabberwocky]

I always found it useful to think of Narcissism and Empathy as like two extremes on a spectrum of how well we connect with others (especially emotionally) - most people have degrees of both qualities, while few find themselves on either extreme.

Empath as described here does sound a lot like hypervigilance.