Poetry a $5 junky in a $20 t-shirt

[Snafu in the Void]

I know you're tired of hearing it
Listening to my drunk ass sing
to everyone and to nobody, every night
Yet... for old time's sake,
How about one last time?
All those powders and all those pills
Turned me into a monster, yet
Was always terrified of what I was
chosen for, supposed to be...

Every fucking day is the same
Hundreds of thousands of
Dollars, drugs, my dignity,
spent on an Uber ride to
Disneyland
Illiterate illogical indifference
The world gave me nothing,
A hot poker applied to my balls,
With a fearful and obedient
disloyal action.

"I've been doing this for 16 years"
"I don't know what to do"
"Maybe I'll never get sober..."

I just fucking write in disgust
against myself
against it all
yet I owe it to myself to continue
far long after most weak men
would ever consider such things
sometimes I just need to hate myself
in writing, and get all of this
BULLSHIT
out of my system.

No matter what happens
No matter how far I've gone
No matter how many voices I hear
No matter how close death taunts me

No matter what happens I will never forget
How I've come through it all,
How my family still loves me
after everything I've done,
How I still somehow love myself


I can hear a ticking in the air,
but can't find any clocks.
Learning to win is hard,
any dumbass junky can be a loser.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

This one is nothing short of brilliance. It's visceral and raw and beautiful.
I liked every sentence and stanza, but I especially liked these;

All those powders and all those pills
Turned me into a monster, yet
Was always terrified of what I was
chosen for, supposed to be...

Hundreds of thousands of
Dollars, drugs, my dignity,
spent on an Uber ride to
Disneyland

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

And the title is fantastic, I love it.