I've been experimenting with LSD since 2007, mostly normal fun trips, and fun times, up until last year around January, I did 10 with my ex. It was snowing that night and we joker about a bet, that it was not going to snow and she jokingly but seriously bet me her sould. We tripped and she had me watch finding Nemo, Futurama, and Spirited Away, and the whole time I felt a loop. I went outside and it was snowing, I felt ice armor grow up my legs, and dark shadows wrap around me the further I walked. Eventually the cul de sac wasn't houses, it was a palace in snow, so I walked back home, and the armor came off, I wasn't wrapped. It's like time went backwards. I went inside, and she was just drawing on the floor, and always looked at me like she was reading my mind. I didn't need to say anything. I felt like this was my first out of body experience, because I saw it from another angle.
This trip became scary, because I grabbed her hand, and she said it began to hurt. She'd stop every time I had a loop, or idea of wondering who she really was, and nod, laugh, and say sorry. I didn't say anything but she kept saying sorry each time I somehow decided this.
She was me, my concious or something and I was always afraid of being alone. Every time I thought that she would look and say I'll never leave you. I figured maybe I was the aspect of death, wanting to die, but I couldnt ever live without seeing her happy, and she couldnt ever be happy, if I stopped living. I felt like I was always reaching but never quite grasping, and could never figure her out, because it wasn't her, it wasn't my girlfriend, it was someone else, and she was a vessel.
Because after that, she told me she was pregnant, cheating on me, had a miscarriage and left.
Since then, I had a breakdown, moved, became homeless with my dogs, stayed sober for a year until last week. I haven't thought about her, but I got a home, but left due to an abusive relationship, and serious life problems. A friend let me stay over, the first person I did acid with 10 years ago, at the first place I did acid. I had a friend visit from 2 hours away, to join us, as I didn't tell them why, but I managed to buy 10 hits off a friend, and wanted to trip. I sound insane, but I wanted to go past my limits, and beat my depression (worst idea).
I took 8, gave her and her friend one, and my best friend drank and smoked, and we had fun, until I was too far gone.
It began to snow. It's Georgia, it doesn't snow. I turned my phone off and put all.my stuff into a cabinet.
My friends moving out, and I'm.moving with him, the house is empty. He just.moved back to empty the house for his mom while we wait for the lease. As I hit peak 1, he shows up with a trippy toy I haven't seen in 10 years. I lose it. It was IMPOSSIBLE for it to still exist, as his mother paid movers to move everything our, except the grand piano. I ran up stairs and looked at his room from 10 years ago. Empty. A chair, no carpet. The way it looked when I visited 5 years ago. A room of lost memories, but with a chair. I exit, and my lady friend keeps looking at me weird. Eventually I saw it, it was the same face I saw exactly a year ago. I needed to be sure but was too far gone. I had to distract people to get my phone to find the date on FB of when it last snowed and when the miscarriage happened. She did the same thing, had the same shape, but she was not her. She was a vessel, and I was tripping more as time passed, and needed to know. Her semi boyfriend was with her two, and she followed me outside, was ok with kissing me, as I asked her when will this end. She said never, I'm sorry. I asked her for how long has this been going on. She told me we already knew. I asked her who she was, and she laughed, and told me her real name. (I never knew her real name). I held her so close, and said I just wanted to be with her. I lost reality by then, I saw colors, shapes, I was in my head by now. I felt like I merged with her as I hugged her.
Why did I only.want her when my best friend was inside. How did he seem like he was tripping too, when he only smoked. How did he find that toy. Much more happened of coarse.
I asked her to end me. My depression was severe. I attempted suicide on Xmas, and spent my bday as an outpatient for a little bit, but fought hard to live, and to be there for my dogs.
She said sorry. I thought maybe in my mind, there is another me in an inverse reality. A female, with opposite counterparts, who I'll.never see, and can only see through vessels when we trip. We counter act each other maybe. But they didn't have the same human face but the shape, the expressions given on both this girl and my ex, were the same indeed. I came to the conclusion the only way to end it was to finally die, but I was to afraid, of the many possible scenarios i saw, of death, because I'd be alone without them/her/me?
I had to let go, and my best friend checked on me. In walked up to his old room, and sat in the chair. I laughed
After my year of problems, being homeless bad breakup around my bday, depression, never feeling the idea of word "home" and it was right here. Where we became friends on Thanksgiving of 2008, and he let me try acid in this giant empty mansion. So much trauma, I don't have memories before 2008, childhood and highschool we're bad times, but since 2008, even if we moved, and went to new stares, houses, ect, we're both back here in this empty house waiting for our new lease and i sat looking back on 10 years, of how his highschool room, has most of.my good times I forgot about.
I was worried I was going to choose a bad path after knowing I was depressed and suicidal, and afraid and taking 8 hits of acid.
But it led me to find peace and the memories in was looking for, and able to let go of the idea of whoever this person I see on my trips is.
The mindfuck...we all know it's a very powerful drug, but sometimes, if not always I find it hard to believe this isn't God's magic, if not something more.
This trip became scary, because I grabbed her hand, and she said it began to hurt. She'd stop every time I had a loop, or idea of wondering who she really was, and nod, laugh, and say sorry. I didn't say anything but she kept saying sorry each time I somehow decided this.
She was me, my concious or something and I was always afraid of being alone. Every time I thought that she would look and say I'll never leave you. I figured maybe I was the aspect of death, wanting to die, but I couldnt ever live without seeing her happy, and she couldnt ever be happy, if I stopped living. I felt like I was always reaching but never quite grasping, and could never figure her out, because it wasn't her, it wasn't my girlfriend, it was someone else, and she was a vessel.
Because after that, she told me she was pregnant, cheating on me, had a miscarriage and left.
Since then, I had a breakdown, moved, became homeless with my dogs, stayed sober for a year until last week. I haven't thought about her, but I got a home, but left due to an abusive relationship, and serious life problems. A friend let me stay over, the first person I did acid with 10 years ago, at the first place I did acid. I had a friend visit from 2 hours away, to join us, as I didn't tell them why, but I managed to buy 10 hits off a friend, and wanted to trip. I sound insane, but I wanted to go past my limits, and beat my depression (worst idea).
I took 8, gave her and her friend one, and my best friend drank and smoked, and we had fun, until I was too far gone.
It began to snow. It's Georgia, it doesn't snow. I turned my phone off and put all.my stuff into a cabinet.
My friends moving out, and I'm.moving with him, the house is empty. He just.moved back to empty the house for his mom while we wait for the lease. As I hit peak 1, he shows up with a trippy toy I haven't seen in 10 years. I lose it. It was IMPOSSIBLE for it to still exist, as his mother paid movers to move everything our, except the grand piano. I ran up stairs and looked at his room from 10 years ago. Empty. A chair, no carpet. The way it looked when I visited 5 years ago. A room of lost memories, but with a chair. I exit, and my lady friend keeps looking at me weird. Eventually I saw it, it was the same face I saw exactly a year ago. I needed to be sure but was too far gone. I had to distract people to get my phone to find the date on FB of when it last snowed and when the miscarriage happened. She did the same thing, had the same shape, but she was not her. She was a vessel, and I was tripping more as time passed, and needed to know. Her semi boyfriend was with her two, and she followed me outside, was ok with kissing me, as I asked her when will this end. She said never, I'm sorry. I asked her for how long has this been going on. She told me we already knew. I asked her who she was, and she laughed, and told me her real name. (I never knew her real name). I held her so close, and said I just wanted to be with her. I lost reality by then, I saw colors, shapes, I was in my head by now. I felt like I merged with her as I hugged her.
Why did I only.want her when my best friend was inside. How did he seem like he was tripping too, when he only smoked. How did he find that toy. Much more happened of coarse.
I asked her to end me. My depression was severe. I attempted suicide on Xmas, and spent my bday as an outpatient for a little bit, but fought hard to live, and to be there for my dogs.
She said sorry. I thought maybe in my mind, there is another me in an inverse reality. A female, with opposite counterparts, who I'll.never see, and can only see through vessels when we trip. We counter act each other maybe. But they didn't have the same human face but the shape, the expressions given on both this girl and my ex, were the same indeed. I came to the conclusion the only way to end it was to finally die, but I was to afraid, of the many possible scenarios i saw, of death, because I'd be alone without them/her/me?
I had to let go, and my best friend checked on me. In walked up to his old room, and sat in the chair. I laughed
After my year of problems, being homeless bad breakup around my bday, depression, never feeling the idea of word "home" and it was right here. Where we became friends on Thanksgiving of 2008, and he let me try acid in this giant empty mansion. So much trauma, I don't have memories before 2008, childhood and highschool we're bad times, but since 2008, even if we moved, and went to new stares, houses, ect, we're both back here in this empty house waiting for our new lease and i sat looking back on 10 years, of how his highschool room, has most of.my good times I forgot about.
I was worried I was going to choose a bad path after knowing I was depressed and suicidal, and afraid and taking 8 hits of acid.
But it led me to find peace and the memories in was looking for, and able to let go of the idea of whoever this person I see on my trips is.
The mindfuck...we all know it's a very powerful drug, but sometimes, if not always I find it hard to believe this isn't God's magic, if not something more.
