achemicalreaction
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2018
- Messages
- 321
(Detox Journal) 48 hours and three years
At about the 48hr mark. It started with percs from my boss three years ago and turned into a daily oxy addiction. Did an outpatient rehab fifteen months ago and got completely clean and relapsed couple months later, daily again for at least the past year. not sure when the last time I’ve been without for more than 48hrs. Been tapering in my head for months but it never really happened, always pick it right back up. The habit never got huge, maybe 60mg oxy a day. Excelled at work but barely socialize. Methodical dosing ever 4 hours and wake rise repeat. Sorry for the ramble, been lurking here for a couple years. I want to stay clean. I want to change my life. But I feel so paralyzed. I see both a therapist and a psychiatrist and lie to them both. I am ashamed.
Hoping I can stick with the cold turkey. Did a very fast taper over four days. Clonidine, Xanax (prescribed), ambien seroquel vitamin b. Xanax is a whole different story and been prescribed for the past 21 years, at age 15.
Alright wish me luck I guess.
edit: doesn’t look like I get to sleep tonight again. Anyone able to recommended a good book? I’ve been reading The Dual Disorders Recovery book, but wouldn’t mind a few more recommendations.
guess it’s worth mentioning I’ve had major depression/gad/panic disorder/ptsd since I was in my teens and anything in that vein would interest me.
At about the 48hr mark. It started with percs from my boss three years ago and turned into a daily oxy addiction. Did an outpatient rehab fifteen months ago and got completely clean and relapsed couple months later, daily again for at least the past year. not sure when the last time I’ve been without for more than 48hrs. Been tapering in my head for months but it never really happened, always pick it right back up. The habit never got huge, maybe 60mg oxy a day. Excelled at work but barely socialize. Methodical dosing ever 4 hours and wake rise repeat. Sorry for the ramble, been lurking here for a couple years. I want to stay clean. I want to change my life. But I feel so paralyzed. I see both a therapist and a psychiatrist and lie to them both. I am ashamed.
Hoping I can stick with the cold turkey. Did a very fast taper over four days. Clonidine, Xanax (prescribed), ambien seroquel vitamin b. Xanax is a whole different story and been prescribed for the past 21 years, at age 15.
Alright wish me luck I guess.
edit: doesn’t look like I get to sleep tonight again. Anyone able to recommended a good book? I’ve been reading The Dual Disorders Recovery book, but wouldn’t mind a few more recommendations.
guess it’s worth mentioning I’ve had major depression/gad/panic disorder/ptsd since I was in my teens and anything in that vein would interest me.
Last edited: