3g shrooms + 230ug lsd...broke my brain...trip report

[transcendantturtle]

So last night I was alone in my apartment with my cat and was able to obtain 7g of shrooms and 5 blotters. Ate the 2 blotters first at 10PM, soaked the mushrooms in lime juice, and ate them at the 1 hour mark of 11PM. Oh btw, I do know the amount on the blotters, it's from a very reliable source. This is my 5th time trying shrooms, 8th time LSD, and 3rd time doing shrooms+lsd.
Okay...sigh, so here's how it went.

11:00-Starting to feel very slightly euphoric from the lsd. Swallowed the mushrooms with some apple cider to mask the taste of lime and mushrooms. It was quite disgusting. Then I just sat around and watched youtube videos until it suddenly hit me...

11:45-I suddenly realized...IM TRIPPING BALLS. Hit me like a train. I was so excited and it was awesome.

11:47-after 2 long minutes, I looked back at the clock on my laptop...11:47 it read. Sooo slowww. And I kept doing this, looking at the time every couple minutes feeling like half an hour has passed every time I checked.

12:15-3:30 I tripped hard. Okay so my ceiling is one of those ceilings with the strange patterns that look like little spikes coming down from the ceiling when you look close up (edit: I found out this is called a popcorn ceiling). But yeah, the ceiling+theLED light strip changing lights tripped me out haaaard. I ended up just laying there unable to move, unable to speak more than 2 words at a time, unable to hold a conscious thought. I felt like I was in this 4th dimensional world where I was just surrounded by thoughts, by love and light, peace. Just...whatever I thought of just formed, took shape. I was pulling memories left and right and was just "replaying" them in 3D with perfect recall. Childhood memories, memories from the day at work. Whatever I thought about just comes into existence...it was like an amazing lucid dream. I was just GONE. My body was there on the futon but my mind was absolutely gone. Sometimes I felt like I lost my body and that I was just a mass of thoughts. Then I slowly forgot who I was and felt like I was just this blob of conciousness and thoughts. This went on for god knows how long, some parts felt like I was there for days, some felt like hours and minutes.

3:45-This was when I lost my lucidity on my dream world. I lost control, couldn't remember anything past 2 seconds, one thought after the next, I saw them play out like I was there. Then I happened across one single thought that I remember so clearly. I saw myself in the ER with poisoning and this is where it AAALLLL WENT TO SHIT.

3:50- For the next 20 minutes or so, I was just panicking, stuck in a time loop. I kept thinking "Oh no. I can't remember anything...." I started to hear voices in my ears that wasn't mines, I hallucinated all kinds of crazy colors and patterns in my mind, I think my eyes were open the whole time but I wasn't registering any of my vision from the eyes. I was literally inside my brain. Just swimming through 4th dimensional space, grabbing thoughts where ever I went. Again, this part I was not in control. So when I started to think about poisoning, I got really scared and asked myself "Should I call my sister? I think I really fucked up this time. I think I broke my brain...what day is it?" Those same thoughts kept playing again and again, stuck in a time loop and totally freaked out.

Suddenly I felt my body again, my thoughts felt like it flowed down my spine and into my bladder. I had to pee, so I got up, ran to the restroom and sat down on the toilet. Sat there for awhile as I put my head down on my lap and lost consciousness. I faded in and out for another 10 minutes or so. Sometimes I would wake up and think that I'm pooping, but I actually wasn't. After what felt like an hour of sitting on the toilet (prob was only 15 mins), I managed to pull myself up and got back to the living room. Still totally confused about what I was doing and what time it was. I kept having thoughts and then losing them. Wandered around the room back n forth trying to do something, and then forgetting and going on a tangent. Also kept thinking to myself "I broke my brain, I'm going crazy," all the while hearing voices talk gibberish and memories becoming reality. "I think I broke my brain...I fucked up." At this point, I couldn't even remember if I had always been "retarded" like this or was it because I ate mushrooms+lsd earlier. Then I would forget I even ate them and would think that I've always been this way. This repeated many times.

4:30 I FINALLY got my brain back. OH MY GAWDDD. FINALLY realized I am sane and was just tripping on mushrooms. Lol the panic starts to subside and pleasant thoughts came back. I then decided to watch some IU on youtube on my TV. And for those of you who don't know, this is IU:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouR4nn1G9r4

The girl that sings is IU and she is so freaking amazingly perfectly beautiful. But that's besides the point. I would watch her videos and could feel her feelings, her emotions, almost felt like I was in the video, I was her. Felt really happy. IU's music always brings the happy feelings. It's one thing that I knew I would associate with happiness.


The rest of the night was spent enjoying amazing music, smoking weed, meditation, and contemplation. It was amazing. I meditated to binaural theta waves in my ears and fell asleep at 6am. Woke up at 11am and the trip was done. I was finally at peace.


It was finally over. One of the most terrifying yet awesome trips of my life. I remember even thinking about calling 911, but couldn't hold that thought long enough to do anything, lol. I started trying psychedelics about 4 months ago back in november/december. And I kept wanting to push my limits and see where my breaking point was, so every time I tripped, I would take higher and higher doses. Today I finally met my match. lol I found my breaking point, my limit and I finally respect the mushrooms. Do I want to go back to that point again? Not really. But I do someday wanna try it again, maybe even with a higher does.

 

[Samulson]

Congrats for face diving off the edge and coming back again, tricky bit of business that . A very intriguing trip report as well, thank you for bringing it back.

 

[Madrus]

How are others able to take such high doses as this and not freak out? Do you simply have to avoid thinking of that single bad thought (him in the ER) that amplifies into a loop of panic? Or do you have to convince yourself after thinking that thought that you're going to be okay and that you're only tripping? But how can you convince yourself if you can't remember anything longer than 2 seconds to even hold a coherent thought?

Would one be able to remember to take benzos in that panicked state?

 

[Samulson]

What he describes is being into the mental realm so far that you can watch your thoughts manifest as reality around you, and then farther to where you are trying to hold on to the memory of your identity. When you are that far out, you have basically made the commitment to accept whatever happens. There is no bailing out at that point, just ride it out. What is impressive is that he can bring back so much information about what happened, usually these states induce major memory loss as consciousness reverts.

 

[transcendantturtle]

How are others able to take such high doses as this and not freak out? Do you simply have to avoid thinking of that single bad thought (him in the ER) that amplifies into a loop of panic? Or do you have to convince yourself after thinking that thought that you're going to be okay and that you're only tripping? But how can you convince yourself if you can't remember anything longer than 2 seconds to even hold a coherent thought?

Would one be able to remember to take benzos in that panicked state?

Honestly I think I've learned a good lesson from that confusion. The next time I decide to trip hard like this, I plan to write a short note in pen on my wrist that will say "You ate some mushrooms and LSD, it's just a trip and will be over soon. Don't worry, keep positive "

That way if any confusion does happen, I will eventually see the writting and remember what I told myself. lol
I think what got me bad was when I started to question whether or not I had always been "retarded" like this. The ER scene did induce some panic but I think next time I will be much more prepared for this type of scenario. I will be able to calm myself next time and go back to thinking positive. And again, if that fails and I do go into panic, I will always have the note on my arm to remind myself. The things you have to do when tripping alone. Lol.

 

[transcendantturtle]

What he describes is being into the mental realm so far that you can watch your thoughts manifest as reality around you, and then farther to where you are trying to hold on to the memory of your identity. When you are that far out, you have basically made the commitment to accept whatever happens. There is no bailing out at that point, just ride it out. What is impressive is that he can bring back so much information about what happened, usually these states induce major memory loss as consciousness reverts.

Wow I never really saw it that way but I think you're right. What I did wrong was instead of riding it out and accepting the loss of my ego/identity, I got scared of "losing myself" and started panicking. And that's pretty much the main reason the trip went from awesome to shit in a matter of seconds. Btw are curse words allowed on this forum?

But yeah I think I wasn't letting go enough. I was struggling to bring myself back during the phase where it wasn't possible. The struggle itself created confusion and negativity. I didn't make that "commitment to accept whatever happens". But I think next time I will meditate first and make sure I know my goals and know what I want before tripping.