Cohesion
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2010
- Messages
- 1,069
It has been about 4.5 years since I've taken a trip. I had a sweet, lovely time.
I wrote down a few things so I could measure the timing. I was told it was 18mg, but according to others' reports it looks like this is closer to 12. At 6.5 hours I was able to leave the house, and at 8 hours I was able to have a conversation.
t+0 10:09am: Drank the substance mixed with OJ; it was suspended in a tiny amount of grain alcohol.
t+15: Sang some kiirtan and sat for meditation.
t+37: My mind stopped jumping around and I was deeply repeating my mantra. Deep meditation. This did not exactly indicate the substance was working as drugs are not good for meditating.
t+40: First wave. I knew the drug was real.
t+45: Took my pulse for some reason. 72 BPM.
t+50: Sang 3x the song to end my meditation. The sound was fun to play with. Usually I don't sing it out loud. Took my pulse again, 62 BPM. I felt like stretching out with some asanas (yoga). I ended up just laying on my mat. I wrote this: "Trying to keep my body relaxed as possible-- I heard this stuff can create rough nausea. Controlling the tension in my body/stomach/legs."
t+66 min: Open-Eye Visuals. I wrote: "The drawing pencil bleeds onto the paper like ink." Thoughts began to deepen.
t+74 min: I was choosing to not becoming nauseous. I was lying on my mat, on my stomach, just drawing and putting full concentration into the art. Getting nauseous or not was a choice! Nausea would have been an emotional reaction, not physical. I wrote: "Enjoying drawing little figures with prismacolor. Have to keep deepening/dilating my breath to rid my body of the tension. I guess it's a tense body that makes this thing difficult or easy."
t+79 min: Thinking deeply about art and how I should do more of it. I recently moved and have not done much at all to create a beautiful space. It is very plain and standard here. I wrote, "I'd really enjoy creating an aesthetially interesting room for Cetana' (my daughter). Let's start there? How about 1-for-1." I used the phrase "I would enjoy" instead of "I should". In questioning where to start, I was recognizing that I have to honor my own adult space as well as the child's. It's not all about the child.
t+88 min: For some reason, again, taking the pulse. 66 BPM. I found it silly to try and force this part of my brain to be active any more. I tried to read something but it was too complex. I needed to utilize a different part of my mind. Any potential nausea was completely subsided at this point. I moved my activity to the living room. The radio was on classical station. The announcer giving a wind advisory.
t+93 min: I wrote, "A wind advisory! This seems like a foreign concept." My handwriting was beautiful. It was 85 degrees and the wind blowing through my place. It was beautiful, exciting, and fun. I sent a text to a friend and told him -- Wind Advisory today. I found all of this very fun.
t+100 min: The colors were intense. I don't have a lot of them in my place. I recently inherited some very beautiful island-themed art. I wrote, "I feel like life is a blank white-or-grey canvas. Why not put color there where nothing is? The colors are fine..."
I went into deep thought for a long time. Mostly I just laid on my mat in the living room and enjoyed the visuals. I played Chopin on the stereo. I found it difficult to stick to one thing. I received a text about my uncle dying. He had been in the nursing home and hadn't been eating and drinking much. It seemed very clear to me that all it took was a windy day for his essence to be swept off his body. I began thinking about my own father who passed away a few months ago; and it was his art I was enjoying. I came across a difficult piece that he kept in his bedroom. I cried, and it felt good to let the sadness flow. It passed soon. I was thinking deeply about relationships.
The word that dominated my trip was "nature". What is in my nature? Let it show.
t+3 hours 45 min: I put on some amazing music called Tabla Beat Science. It is extremely trippy sounding. This drum is so cool! I felt a little like I was celebrating working through those emotional thoughts.
t+5 hours: Prepared some potatoes for roasting. I was so hungry! I kept checking on them for a full hour and munching. The wind was really coming through my place! Papers were blowing everywhere! I was cutting potatoes. It was really funny and I didn't do anything to stop everything from blowing around. I moved my plants to the laundry room.
t+6.5 hours: I finally ate. I wrote, "Roasting potatoes takes too long. Off for a short walk." I texted a friend to see what he was up to. No response. I was a little disappointed because I wanted some company. Was feeling in light spirits. Visuals were completely done. I never cared too much about them anyhow.
I left the house for a walk and all the neighbors were outside or having company with open windows. I felt like I still looked very trippy. I was wearing a dress. Almost right away I scratched a huge scab off my back and bled a lot. I had to go back home to put a band-aid on it and heed to the wind advisory--- no dress
t+7 hours: I wrote, "First walk was a failed attempt, though I made quite the appearance. 2nd attempt"
I walked to the park feeling good in my body. I passed one person on the sidewalk on the way there, and had to try hard not to be smiling. I probably looked funny doing that.
At my favorite park (I used to trip here when I was into mushrooms 8 years ago), I laid on a bench and watched the wind move the trees around. I was still waiting for my friend to text me back, I wanted company very much. I didn't like how I was feeling attached to him.
t+8 hours: I was able to walk to the co-op. I bought millet, about 6 tbsp of sugar, tahini, plain yogurt, and red lentils. I knew the women working there, and I had a conversation explaining where a bar was. There was going to be music there that night. I think they really dug my attitude, and appreciated my landmarks as I explained where the bar was. You can tell a lot about a person by paying attention to what their landmarks are.
I went to the library and got online. I was bored with this, and went home. Later that night my friend was able to finally come over. I cooked some quinoa and cabbage with tahini.
I struggle with alcohol cravings sometimes. As soon as the drug wore off I was having strong cravings for a beer. I didn't, and I am very relieved that I didn't.
There is one more dose of this drug. I don't think I will take it for the simple fact that my mushrooms are going to be ready in less than 2 weeks; thus I can't justify spending money on 2C-E. It is a rare substance but I took it. I did it right, and I got what I needed. Even though I hadn't tripped in 4.5 years, I took hold of it and handled myself really well. I feel proud. I am in a good place in my life.
I wrote down a few things so I could measure the timing. I was told it was 18mg, but according to others' reports it looks like this is closer to 12. At 6.5 hours I was able to leave the house, and at 8 hours I was able to have a conversation.
t+0 10:09am: Drank the substance mixed with OJ; it was suspended in a tiny amount of grain alcohol.
t+15: Sang some kiirtan and sat for meditation.
t+37: My mind stopped jumping around and I was deeply repeating my mantra. Deep meditation. This did not exactly indicate the substance was working as drugs are not good for meditating.
t+40: First wave. I knew the drug was real.
t+45: Took my pulse for some reason. 72 BPM.
t+50: Sang 3x the song to end my meditation. The sound was fun to play with. Usually I don't sing it out loud. Took my pulse again, 62 BPM. I felt like stretching out with some asanas (yoga). I ended up just laying on my mat. I wrote this: "Trying to keep my body relaxed as possible-- I heard this stuff can create rough nausea. Controlling the tension in my body/stomach/legs."
t+66 min: Open-Eye Visuals. I wrote: "The drawing pencil bleeds onto the paper like ink." Thoughts began to deepen.
t+74 min: I was choosing to not becoming nauseous. I was lying on my mat, on my stomach, just drawing and putting full concentration into the art. Getting nauseous or not was a choice! Nausea would have been an emotional reaction, not physical. I wrote: "Enjoying drawing little figures with prismacolor. Have to keep deepening/dilating my breath to rid my body of the tension. I guess it's a tense body that makes this thing difficult or easy."
t+79 min: Thinking deeply about art and how I should do more of it. I recently moved and have not done much at all to create a beautiful space. It is very plain and standard here. I wrote, "I'd really enjoy creating an aesthetially interesting room for Cetana' (my daughter). Let's start there? How about 1-for-1." I used the phrase "I would enjoy" instead of "I should". In questioning where to start, I was recognizing that I have to honor my own adult space as well as the child's. It's not all about the child.
t+88 min: For some reason, again, taking the pulse. 66 BPM. I found it silly to try and force this part of my brain to be active any more. I tried to read something but it was too complex. I needed to utilize a different part of my mind. Any potential nausea was completely subsided at this point. I moved my activity to the living room. The radio was on classical station. The announcer giving a wind advisory.
t+93 min: I wrote, "A wind advisory! This seems like a foreign concept." My handwriting was beautiful. It was 85 degrees and the wind blowing through my place. It was beautiful, exciting, and fun. I sent a text to a friend and told him -- Wind Advisory today. I found all of this very fun.
t+100 min: The colors were intense. I don't have a lot of them in my place. I recently inherited some very beautiful island-themed art. I wrote, "I feel like life is a blank white-or-grey canvas. Why not put color there where nothing is? The colors are fine..."
I went into deep thought for a long time. Mostly I just laid on my mat in the living room and enjoyed the visuals. I played Chopin on the stereo. I found it difficult to stick to one thing. I received a text about my uncle dying. He had been in the nursing home and hadn't been eating and drinking much. It seemed very clear to me that all it took was a windy day for his essence to be swept off his body. I began thinking about my own father who passed away a few months ago; and it was his art I was enjoying. I came across a difficult piece that he kept in his bedroom. I cried, and it felt good to let the sadness flow. It passed soon. I was thinking deeply about relationships.
The word that dominated my trip was "nature". What is in my nature? Let it show.
t+3 hours 45 min: I put on some amazing music called Tabla Beat Science. It is extremely trippy sounding. This drum is so cool! I felt a little like I was celebrating working through those emotional thoughts.
t+5 hours: Prepared some potatoes for roasting. I was so hungry! I kept checking on them for a full hour and munching. The wind was really coming through my place! Papers were blowing everywhere! I was cutting potatoes. It was really funny and I didn't do anything to stop everything from blowing around. I moved my plants to the laundry room.
t+6.5 hours: I finally ate. I wrote, "Roasting potatoes takes too long. Off for a short walk." I texted a friend to see what he was up to. No response. I was a little disappointed because I wanted some company. Was feeling in light spirits. Visuals were completely done. I never cared too much about them anyhow.
I left the house for a walk and all the neighbors were outside or having company with open windows. I felt like I still looked very trippy. I was wearing a dress. Almost right away I scratched a huge scab off my back and bled a lot. I had to go back home to put a band-aid on it and heed to the wind advisory--- no dress
t+7 hours: I wrote, "First walk was a failed attempt, though I made quite the appearance. 2nd attempt
"I walked to the park feeling good in my body. I passed one person on the sidewalk on the way there, and had to try hard not to be smiling. I probably looked funny doing that.
At my favorite park (I used to trip here when I was into mushrooms 8 years ago), I laid on a bench and watched the wind move the trees around. I was still waiting for my friend to text me back, I wanted company very much. I didn't like how I was feeling attached to him.
t+8 hours: I was able to walk to the co-op. I bought millet, about 6 tbsp of sugar, tahini, plain yogurt, and red lentils. I knew the women working there, and I had a conversation explaining where a bar was. There was going to be music there that night. I think they really dug my attitude, and appreciated my landmarks as I explained where the bar was. You can tell a lot about a person by paying attention to what their landmarks are.
I went to the library and got online. I was bored with this, and went home. Later that night my friend was able to finally come over. I cooked some quinoa and cabbage with tahini.
I struggle with alcohol cravings sometimes. As soon as the drug wore off I was having strong cravings for a beer. I didn't, and I am very relieved that I didn't.
There is one more dose of this drug. I don't think I will take it for the simple fact that my mushrooms are going to be ready in less than 2 weeks; thus I can't justify spending money on 2C-E. It is a rare substance but I took it. I did it right, and I got what I needed. Even though I hadn't tripped in 4.5 years, I took hold of it and handled myself really well. I feel proud. I am in a good place in my life.