29 days... And counting. The emotions.

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29 days clean... And counting. The longest I've maintained sobriety for over a decade. Quite horrendous for a 28 y/o man. Since teenage years the main priority, the only priority really, has been to alter my frame of mind with illicit substances. Life thus far has been a concoction of obsessive drug taking stints featuring various different substances. When one powder/pill/rock isn't working anymore I refuse to acknowledge the sour truth that there isn't a drug available on the market which will sustainably grant me the desired effect, so I bounce between chemicals naively trusting that this next drug on my endless list of increasingly dangerous and addictive substances will be the wonder drug that 'sorts me out'. Little did I know the small empty void I longed to fill would begin to expand into a body and mind consuming crater of addiction, mistakes and sorrow. Just a young man, with all the support and love at the push of a button, yet that love would be selfishly ignored, shunned, as I seek for acceptance and comfort in the underworld, pushing aside everything important, which was readily available from my family/peers on demand and swapped for a taste of false, re-assuring depravity. looking back at the mental torture endured and the complicated path that was chosen, I struggle to come to terms with what drove this maniacal behaviour as opposed to the truly satisfying things in life I was too self-absorbed to take notice of. Just a short insight into a small portion the emotions experienced on this journey of sobriety. What are everyone else's experiences around this time-frame of sobriety from their drug/drugs of choice?...

 

[Cheshire_Kat]

Congrats !

May you find many more of these days in your future ...

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Super happy for you! I know that early sobriety can be quite painful for months or sometimes longer, but the payout is for sure worth it. It helped me to stay busy and stay connected to people, but there's no defined path to take, which can make things frustrating. I try to keep up with people and hobbies. Good to be on the right road!

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

You're doing just great

Also, from what you've written - you're out of denial, you know what's what - and that is huge. You've got time on your side too - fantastic opportunity for you to step away from this lifestyle and cultivate something far more sustainable and fulfilling. You want that, it's clear.

 

[neophyte raccoon rezistor]

I have been circling in a vicious cycle for years I always feel so much better after a month off the stuff (too much stuff, man) I can't seem to be able to get a grip to stay out of the relapse process explored more than a handful of recovery methods no idea what to do now might circle back again to square one on one of the recovery programs chess boards so to speak we cannot all win it would seem but I am going to keep trying