TDS 25i and depression

KidKu$H

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Jan 11, 2016
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Backround Info: I am a 15 year old white male who lives in Atlanta, GA and I currently smoke a lot of weed. My parents are divorced and they know I smoke weed but I am unsure to how much they think I smoke.

I don't really know where to start, but I feel anxious and depressed ever since, well, it's all a blur. I would say my first time experiencing this feeling was shortly after I did acid at school, it was my "second" time but I'll go into that later. Anyways, my friend gave me a tab which probably was 25i in the bathroom before seventh period and I didn't know what to do so I took it. After I took it I really didn't feel anything except this weird feeling, I don't really know though but after about 25 minutes I realized that I swallowed it. I never really felt anything just a weird body feel, maybe it was just a placebo or maybe I took in a small amount before i swallowed it. But anyways later that week I went to my Dad's house and I was freaking out, I don't really know why, I was basically having a mental breakdown and that's when it all started, so I told my dad I did acid (bad idea) and he got infuriated just like any parent would. I honestly thought he wouldn't get mad because he told me that he did acid once or something. And he asked me what I saw and I told him that both times I didn't see anything because the first time I did acid it was bunk but I didn't know at the time. Later I smoked weed with a couple of friends like a week later and I broke down and started having a panic attack convinced that I was having flashbacks but I was just freaking myself out. That couple of weeks really changed my life, I started thinking more deeply and I felt more depressed and in my head like even after not doing any real acid or even having a bad trip.

Then summer started and during summer I smoked nearly every day. Also I did morning glories which was a fun experience but then I did real acid for the first time with the same friend from earlier and my experience was full of weird feelings of anxiety and fun and I had some crazy visuals. I don't even know what drug that was though it was but my friend who's very experienced with psyches said it was probably LSD or something close to that. After that experience I realised that other times I did "acid" it wasn't even real. Then about a month later I tried 25i for the first time with the same friend that I did the acd with earlier. It kind of liked it the first time and I had some awesome visuals, after taking the tab we just stayed in my room for what felt like days but we ended up sneaking out and smoking and I saw some crazy shit like the trees were turning into teeth and some more crazy shit but we ended up getting caught by my mom and it turned the trip kind of negatively but it was on the comedown so it was all good. After that I did shrooms about 2 weeks later and it was one of the best experiences I have ever had and I learned so much about myself during that trip and it really turned my outlook on life around in a good way.

After starting Sophomore year I stayed away from psyches up until the first weekend of November and this was after having an awesome year so far with few panic attacks and low ish anxiety levels. But that is when I did 25i and it completely wrecked my life, I had the worst experience I've ever had on any drug, It started off with me taking the bigger of 2 tabs between me and my best friend who was also there for all my other trips. Immediately I felt this weird anxious feeling so we went out and smoked with our other friend. I thought smoking would make me feel better but it really only made it worse. We then preceded to go back to his house and we went up to his room to ovoid his parents. When we first got there we took many dabs and it made the trip spiral out of control. I started getting really depressed and started hating on myself for hours and started asking who I was and why am I here. The trip did get better after that, I started to play a lot of rocked league and then I really not much happened the rest of the night. The next day I woke up feeling weird and my depression really sunk in. I just remember feeling like after the first time I did acid but much worse with a very negative view on life, and basically after that life didn't get much better I still feel like the 25i took a part of me with it and it feel like it changed me for the worst.

Since then smoking weed hasn't been the same and I feel a very empty . And once I was smoking out of a plastic piece and ended up burning a hole into the plastic and inhaled a pretty gnarly bit of plastic. Its been about 2 months since the bad acid trip and it honestly feels like its been a year, I just came off going sober for 8 days and honestly going sober for that long was kind of nice but I like smoking weed to much to stop for good even though almost every time I smoke it reminds me of my bad trip. I've been meditating a lot more than I used to also and that has probably helped out. I also have been trying to think more positively and I've been trying to find my passion but it has been really hard but I'm trying to get better. Also I was thinking about doing shrooms once more after my 16th birthday and I hope it really does the same thing it did for me as it did the first time I did it.

But I just want know if I have any permanent damage on my brain or body from the drugs I've done or for inhaling plastic on multiple occasions. Thanks for reading all the way through if you did, and do you have any advise for recovering from all this mess. Also if you are reading this and are considering doing 25i i would advise you to stay away from it, do lsd or shrooms or even hawaiian baby woodrow seeds but not 25i it is unnatural and you should absolutely stay away from it but hey it reacts differently with everyone and you could have a good time but it's not worth the risk.
 
Honestly, Only time will tell.
You're still young and have not been using that long so I would say you should be okay.
I would try to limit your drug use to a minimal, or try to cut it off completely before you
become like me, I full-blown drug addict trying to pick up the pieces I left from my destruction.
You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let substances take over your mind, it is not worth it.
I know it is a great escape from dealing with real world problems, but it is not a solution.
I was like you when I was your age, even though I'm only 24, I have been thru a lot of heart aches and
I have burned so many bridges. You do not want to end up going into a mental anguish of insanity due
to the abuse of mind altering chemicals. Those research chemicals are no joke, and they're not suppose
to be in our body because it will alter our thought process. Any chemical over time will bring up an addiction, in my opinion.

You seem to be going thru some problems in life, but I promise you, everything will get better over time.
Just trust me on that, please.

I hope you figure things out and your willingness to over come the abuse of drugs will diminish.

Much love, mate.
 
You are very very young, Kush. Don't waste your life with those drugs. I may sounds hysterical but I tell you to get off. Don't wait for you to be in your 20s or 30s to realize you these things. There are things you can do in your free time like sports which is far better.

Why are you smoking weed by the way? Does your parents in good terms even they're divorce?
 
I smoke weed because it is a fun and it helps me relax, also I enjoy smoking with my friends. And yes my parents are in good terms but it's more complicated than that. I also do play basketball and work out on a regular basis which helps a lot honestly.
 
Thanks for your response, it has honestly gotten a lot better but there's still stages of panic/anxiety/depression but I have learned how to handle it over time with meditation and other techniques, and I'm trying to stay away from drugs except alcohol, weed and maybe shrooms every now and then.
 
i would wait until you don't feel depressed before you do mushrooms or any other psychedelics. in my opinion you are too young to be smoking alot of weed, of course its your life but i don't think it is healthy at a time of psychological development.

maybe take this as a good reason to not use drugs for a while and find other new things you can enjoy doing. really you are very young still to be experimenting with potent hallucinogens, they ask a lot of respect and thus some life experience.
 
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