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2 Months After MDMA, still feeling messed up...
- Thread starter drizzydrake
- Start date
gonewithdawins
Greenlighter
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- Aug 13, 2010
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- 3
hey dont listen to this guy above me if this was either your first time or one of few times,, if that is correct then permanent damage is practically not a worrry, if you have abused (definition of is up for discussion) it then yea its a possibility.
deano88
Bluelighter
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- Mar 29, 2010
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i ad this when i was 16 i used to do E's wuite a bit also base and was a heavy weed smoker i was a zombie and my vision was smokey and in certain light i'd see bacteria floating around in the air. i would sometimes find myself staring into space thinking about nothing and have to snap myself out of it i didn't feel properly with it for i think it was about a year but I DID RECOVER.
i completely stoped smoking weed for 2 years this helped a lot i became more active well my job was psycally demanding so i had no choice. i had to train myself to be more alert it takes time but if you put your mind to it you can do anything trust me. the first step is to not give a fuck what anyone thinks about you or how you might come accross you gotta learn to love yourself it will make you a better person.
i am completely better now and still take drugs on a regular but enjoy them a lot more than i used to. you will get better man trust me.
i completely stoped smoking weed for 2 years this helped a lot i became more active well my job was psycally demanding so i had no choice. i had to train myself to be more alert it takes time but if you put your mind to it you can do anything trust me. the first step is to not give a fuck what anyone thinks about you or how you might come accross you gotta learn to love yourself it will make you a better person.
i am completely better now and still take drugs on a regular but enjoy them a lot more than i used to. you will get better man trust me.
BottleOfOxy
Bluelighter
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- Jul 2, 2009
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i don't remember what i said earlier in this thread but i've noticed alot of optical disturbances recently and i would have to blame it on rollllin. but to be honest i do kinda enjoy them, there is nothing serious, i have floaters and falling snow in my vision (which have become more pronounced, but i did have the floaters before).
now there is this weird like blackish web design that has extremely faint colors coming out of the edge of the black outline. this is all VERY EXTREEMELY dim and i have to focus to really see it, but it becomes more pronounced when i stand up and get a head rush. and when i did a small dose of dmt it pronounced it, kinda weird.
but it hasn't happened in a few days and the last time i rolled was thursday, and when i did a largggger dose of dmt on sunday the webbing was still nowhere to be seen... but that blast off was wild.. hahaha.
**yeah i read my old post it was irrelevant but festive, but this is whats up^, i've never really noticed depression from rolling (i always take my 5-htp and multis vitamins) but definitely some lasting visual distortion. i haven't gotten this from other more hallucinogenic psychedelics, but i haven't done large amounts like i have rollz, (actually i've done a shitload of shrooms which never left anything really aside from depression, the shroomies definately helped put me into depression, and i was perscribed lexapro and the whole 9 yards. but this was after weeks of eatting 4-7 grams a week and at the end of it all i went camping and ate an eighth, felt myself come up a lil, but nothing ever came... tolerance is a bitch. haha .FUCK SHROOMS.
now there is this weird like blackish web design that has extremely faint colors coming out of the edge of the black outline. this is all VERY EXTREEMELY dim and i have to focus to really see it, but it becomes more pronounced when i stand up and get a head rush. and when i did a small dose of dmt it pronounced it, kinda weird.
but it hasn't happened in a few days and the last time i rolled was thursday, and when i did a largggger dose of dmt on sunday the webbing was still nowhere to be seen... but that blast off was wild.. hahaha.
**yeah i read my old post it was irrelevant but festive, but this is whats up^, i've never really noticed depression from rolling (i always take my 5-htp and multis vitamins) but definitely some lasting visual distortion. i haven't gotten this from other more hallucinogenic psychedelics, but i haven't done large amounts like i have rollz, (actually i've done a shitload of shrooms which never left anything really aside from depression, the shroomies definately helped put me into depression, and i was perscribed lexapro and the whole 9 yards. but this was after weeks of eatting 4-7 grams a week and at the end of it all i went camping and ate an eighth, felt myself come up a lil, but nothing ever came... tolerance is a bitch. haha .FUCK SHROOMS.
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oliphill
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2003
- Messages
- 1,739
Exactly what happened to you, happened to me when I was 18. I was really bad for about a year. SSRIs and going travelling sorted me out and yes it did fully subside.
idk
the same exact thing is happening to me, which is why i looked this up. cause i'm scared and it won't stop. it's been about two months. my anxiety is terrible, i get scared all the time and freakout. i have panic attacks at night. i'm 16. and i want my normal life back
idk how much longer i could stand this.
the same exact thing is happening to me, which is why i looked this up. cause i'm scared and it won't stop. it's been about two months. my anxiety is terrible, i get scared all the time and freakout. i have panic attacks at night. i'm 16. and i want my normal life back
idk how much longer i could stand this.
BottleOfOxy
Bluelighter
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- Jul 2, 2009
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- 495
^had to have been cut wit some crazy shit
by the way i dont' notice the aforementioned patterns (my above post) anymore. i haven't taken any x/pill/roll/thizz/molly etc in like at least a month. *but i do still get the floaters and "falling snow" effect that i got before even knowing what drugs were.
by the way i dont' notice the aforementioned patterns (my above post) anymore. i haven't taken any x/pill/roll/thizz/molly etc in like at least a month. *but i do still get the floaters and "falling snow" effect that i got before even knowing what drugs were.
Hey everyone, I wanted to post my opinion on this whole issue. This will be a bit long-winded, but I feel that you all could benefit from my experience/insight on the matter. Let me start with my history.
In December of 2008 I had an extreme anxiety attack while high on weed that was precipitated by several potentiating factors (cops with their dogs getting close to my car, running a half-mile while high, I had to drive home from my University that night and my girlfriend missed the train so I also had to carry 75lbs of bags for a mile while worrying about the cops, then I was promptly kicked out of the dorms and fined $100 for being there late - all forming the perfect storm for creating a panic attack - along with the fact that I'm a bit of a worrier as well just by nature).
Over the course of the night I progressively became more and more paranoid about everything, eventually beginning to worry if my girlfriend was "out to get me", that the waiters at a restaurant we ate at were looking at me suspiciously, and all sorts of other whack-o ideas. Anyway, I finally got home after an hour-long drive that was painstaking, and curled up in a ball on my bed shivering. But not before my most fatal flaw: hitting up Google. Here, while still high and in a paranoid, worried state, I read horror stories written by other misguided individuals about their "permanent" anxiety "caused by marijuana". I ate it all up, and it formed what I now consider to be the basis of the next year and a half of my journey through anxiety.
As I just stated, I had pretty bad anxiety for the next year and six months. I researched and researched, moreso than anyone else I knew. Through it all, I mentored other kids at my university who were also experiencing anxiety, but all along I thought I had permanently damaged myself and had a deep-rooted fear that I would be stuck in this state. I had derealization for about the last 4 months of my experience with anxiety, and occasionally have something similar, but it's really not a huge deal and happens EXTREMELY rarely.
Of course, I swore all over that I'd never touch drugs again. Ha, yeah right. Almost 2 years after that first attack, I was a daily smoker again. This was mid-2010 when I started, and today marks another day of swearing left and right that I'm done with all drugs of any sort of hallucinogenic nature. Opiates are my only "ok drug" that I have left, and I'm fine with that.
There's so much more to my story, massive amounts of personal growth and maturation that I can't begin to express. Deeply meaningful mentoring relationships formed over the Internet with incredibly helpful individuals who had been where I was and made it through. The Internet is truly an amazing thing, and this period of time helped me to realize how much good can come out of others who have gone through similar experiences. Anyway... getting to my main point:
For those who feel like any drug has ruined some part of them, I urge you to not run in fear from the experience but embrace it as much as you can. Now please heed this: by embrace I do not mean Google for cures and frantically try everything. I'm talking about coming to terms with yourself as you are in this very moment with whatever is affecting you, and accepting that (accepting is not equal to liking it). I'm afraid I can't explain this, and it's something that comes with experience. If you're reading this and you think "wow I hate it when people say that", so do I! But it is true about some things, and the good part of that is that those things which can only be experienced to be understood are the things that really create positive and lasting change in you. That's how I am able to look back on that year and a half that I previously would have called "hell" and consider it to be more like a marathon - something that sucks while you're doing it but you come out so thankful that it's over, not because it was terrible but because now you know yourself more than you ever could have, and have developed an understanding of just how far you can be pushed before you break (here's a hint: no one has to break).
Let me tell you how I have progressed, in very succinct terms:
First month of anxiety: unable to eat, unable to spend more than a minute thinking about anything but worry/anxiety. introverted, scared, ashamed, sad, self-hating. Scared of even SMELLING marijuana, afraid my parents were poisoning me, afraid of death. I'm sure those suffering can relate. And I assure you I was AS BAD if not WORSE than you are now.
Here's how I am now: Exuberant, outgoing, in love with life and living, happy, etc. In addition to this, I was able to deal with an FBI investigation in which I was interrogated and kicked out of school and away from the person I *thought* was the key to my recovery. I overcame, and learned that the cliche "your strength comes from within" is oh-so-true. Even from what you deem to be a broken internal self.
I hope this hasn't been just pure rambling and really strikes a chord with everyone. I want to leave you with my theory on drug-related anxiety, specifically MDMA and Marijuana (I did MDMA for the first time yesterday and this thread had me a bit tensed up, as I was feeling very reactionary today as far as my emotions go, and it's the second day since I did it. I also had a weird experience, and I had 100% verified pure MDMA crystals in a specific dose. Point being: MDMA is something you should VERY VERY closely examine before ever taking).
Yeah, so my theory (woo I'm all over the place!): Drugs cause temporary anxiety. This temporary anxiety, in certain persons (whether you think you're prone or not doesn't matter) will cause that individual to focus and analyze the anxiety, and essentially hold onto it by doing so. Anxiety is a TOTAL figment of your (very active) imagination. That's not to belittle it, I would never belittle my experience, it was as real as the keys I'm typing on. All that means is that it is something that results from grabbing onto, analyzing, and internalizing the experience, so much that it sticks with you. This is all done subconsciously, but I believe it can be prevented by having foreknowledge about the duration of side-effects, and knowing that a single MDMA hit is not going to hurt you permanently if used in the correct doses.
Ok, all done. Sorry to derail this a bit. I hope that was useful to someone.
In December of 2008 I had an extreme anxiety attack while high on weed that was precipitated by several potentiating factors (cops with their dogs getting close to my car, running a half-mile while high, I had to drive home from my University that night and my girlfriend missed the train so I also had to carry 75lbs of bags for a mile while worrying about the cops, then I was promptly kicked out of the dorms and fined $100 for being there late - all forming the perfect storm for creating a panic attack - along with the fact that I'm a bit of a worrier as well just by nature).
Over the course of the night I progressively became more and more paranoid about everything, eventually beginning to worry if my girlfriend was "out to get me", that the waiters at a restaurant we ate at were looking at me suspiciously, and all sorts of other whack-o ideas. Anyway, I finally got home after an hour-long drive that was painstaking, and curled up in a ball on my bed shivering. But not before my most fatal flaw: hitting up Google. Here, while still high and in a paranoid, worried state, I read horror stories written by other misguided individuals about their "permanent" anxiety "caused by marijuana". I ate it all up, and it formed what I now consider to be the basis of the next year and a half of my journey through anxiety.
As I just stated, I had pretty bad anxiety for the next year and six months. I researched and researched, moreso than anyone else I knew. Through it all, I mentored other kids at my university who were also experiencing anxiety, but all along I thought I had permanently damaged myself and had a deep-rooted fear that I would be stuck in this state. I had derealization for about the last 4 months of my experience with anxiety, and occasionally have something similar, but it's really not a huge deal and happens EXTREMELY rarely.
Of course, I swore all over that I'd never touch drugs again. Ha, yeah right. Almost 2 years after that first attack, I was a daily smoker again. This was mid-2010 when I started, and today marks another day of swearing left and right that I'm done with all drugs of any sort of hallucinogenic nature. Opiates are my only "ok drug" that I have left, and I'm fine with that.
There's so much more to my story, massive amounts of personal growth and maturation that I can't begin to express. Deeply meaningful mentoring relationships formed over the Internet with incredibly helpful individuals who had been where I was and made it through. The Internet is truly an amazing thing, and this period of time helped me to realize how much good can come out of others who have gone through similar experiences. Anyway... getting to my main point:
For those who feel like any drug has ruined some part of them, I urge you to not run in fear from the experience but embrace it as much as you can. Now please heed this: by embrace I do not mean Google for cures and frantically try everything. I'm talking about coming to terms with yourself as you are in this very moment with whatever is affecting you, and accepting that (accepting is not equal to liking it). I'm afraid I can't explain this, and it's something that comes with experience. If you're reading this and you think "wow I hate it when people say that", so do I! But it is true about some things, and the good part of that is that those things which can only be experienced to be understood are the things that really create positive and lasting change in you. That's how I am able to look back on that year and a half that I previously would have called "hell" and consider it to be more like a marathon - something that sucks while you're doing it but you come out so thankful that it's over, not because it was terrible but because now you know yourself more than you ever could have, and have developed an understanding of just how far you can be pushed before you break (here's a hint: no one has to break).
Let me tell you how I have progressed, in very succinct terms:
First month of anxiety: unable to eat, unable to spend more than a minute thinking about anything but worry/anxiety. introverted, scared, ashamed, sad, self-hating. Scared of even SMELLING marijuana, afraid my parents were poisoning me, afraid of death. I'm sure those suffering can relate. And I assure you I was AS BAD if not WORSE than you are now.
Here's how I am now: Exuberant, outgoing, in love with life and living, happy, etc. In addition to this, I was able to deal with an FBI investigation in which I was interrogated and kicked out of school and away from the person I *thought* was the key to my recovery. I overcame, and learned that the cliche "your strength comes from within" is oh-so-true. Even from what you deem to be a broken internal self.
I hope this hasn't been just pure rambling and really strikes a chord with everyone. I want to leave you with my theory on drug-related anxiety, specifically MDMA and Marijuana (I did MDMA for the first time yesterday and this thread had me a bit tensed up, as I was feeling very reactionary today as far as my emotions go, and it's the second day since I did it. I also had a weird experience, and I had 100% verified pure MDMA crystals in a specific dose. Point being: MDMA is something you should VERY VERY closely examine before ever taking).
Yeah, so my theory (woo I'm all over the place!): Drugs cause temporary anxiety. This temporary anxiety, in certain persons (whether you think you're prone or not doesn't matter) will cause that individual to focus and analyze the anxiety, and essentially hold onto it by doing so. Anxiety is a TOTAL figment of your (very active) imagination. That's not to belittle it, I would never belittle my experience, it was as real as the keys I'm typing on. All that means is that it is something that results from grabbing onto, analyzing, and internalizing the experience, so much that it sticks with you. This is all done subconsciously, but I believe it can be prevented by having foreknowledge about the duration of side-effects, and knowing that a single MDMA hit is not going to hurt you permanently if used in the correct doses.
Ok, all done. Sorry to derail this a bit. I hope that was useful to someone.
the same exact thing is happening to me, which is why i looked this up. cause i'm scared and it won't stop. it's been about two months. my anxiety is terrible, i get scared all the time and freakout. i have panic attacks at night. i'm 16. and i want my normal life back
Hey, I hope you come back to this, I see you only have one post but maybe you get e-mails and the like. If you would like some advice on panic attacks - and I'm talking about the distillation of YEARS of experience from various mentors and my own synthesis of this into sound advice, not just a regurgitation of most of the crap you have to wade through online - I would be glad to help. We can PM or discuss on here for the sake of everyone else. I feel like I have new ideas to contribute.
crunchymilk
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2010
- Messages
- 244
Drizzy I hope you come back to this thread man, I sent you a pm.
jamboy123456
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2010
- Messages
- 1
I think I know what you mean, like a day after doing shrooms or something, and you feel all cloudy and can't think? Lot's of omega 3 would probably help, it's in alot of fish, and protein/iron, keeping hydrated, and as alot of other people said, exercise will clear it up, I actually surprisingly find, that smoking weed, not alot, but 3 times a week or so, clears my mind, and get's rid of that sorta foggy feeling, could these just be signs of withdrawl? they kinda sound like it, but, you wouldn't be physically dependant after one use, but just smoke a few bowls 3 days a week, and I find it helps a bunch, and if you're going to do mdma again, try doing some shrooms when you start to come down, I found it completely got rid of the e hangover.
drizzydrake
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2010
- Messages
- 33
Whats up guys, i just wanted to make an update.... its been 5 months now... im still messed up... noone can notice on the outside, but ever since that night i have had crazy constant 24/7 symptoms... i have seeked help from mental health professionals, when i tell them what im going thru they look at me like i just cursed there mother... So basicly ive exhausted my route... i have met a few poeple who have the EXACT same symptoms as me.... im glad to say the "Impending doom" feeling went away after 3 months.... but some other symptoms have gotten worse over time, expecially my vision... heres just a few of my symptoms..
I feel cognitively impaired, out of it 24/7 like im stuck in a bad "marijuana high" *i think this is derealization*, my perception of reality has been altered in a strange way,anxiety, it is pretty much 24/7 i feel like im coming down off a substance, i get random leg twitches, I feel depressed (probably because of this whole situation), my vision is almost a dreamyish vision, with "visual snow" through it, i get headaches, theres almost like a weird nagative static anxiety nervous feeling through my body, lack of energy, i need atleast 10 hours of sleep now just to somewhat be with it for day to day activities, I get some halo images. but for the most part everything just seems very surreal as if im stuck in a weird disphoric high... ive noticed some weeks are better than others it fluctuates. Let me remind you i have been stuck in this state 24/7 for over 5 months straight, and it has not let up, it get a little bit more "managable" at times. i havent felt grounded once in 5 months... but i stay optomostic... i have taken correct suppliments, tried to stay busy, started bodybuilding again, done all the right shit...
If anything ive learned to accept my new state... it still really really sucks going from an amazing life with everything u could ever want, to being mentally fucked up, and the worst thing is noone can notice but me... i would rather be fucked up and have everyone notice on the outside, and be at peace on the inside lol. Ah well atleast i got my good looks to get my by in life...............
I feel cognitively impaired, out of it 24/7 like im stuck in a bad "marijuana high" *i think this is derealization*, my perception of reality has been altered in a strange way,anxiety, it is pretty much 24/7 i feel like im coming down off a substance, i get random leg twitches, I feel depressed (probably because of this whole situation), my vision is almost a dreamyish vision, with "visual snow" through it, i get headaches, theres almost like a weird nagative static anxiety nervous feeling through my body, lack of energy, i need atleast 10 hours of sleep now just to somewhat be with it for day to day activities, I get some halo images. but for the most part everything just seems very surreal as if im stuck in a weird disphoric high... ive noticed some weeks are better than others it fluctuates. Let me remind you i have been stuck in this state 24/7 for over 5 months straight, and it has not let up, it get a little bit more "managable" at times. i havent felt grounded once in 5 months... but i stay optomostic... i have taken correct suppliments, tried to stay busy, started bodybuilding again, done all the right shit...
If anything ive learned to accept my new state... it still really really sucks going from an amazing life with everything u could ever want, to being mentally fucked up, and the worst thing is noone can notice but me... i would rather be fucked up and have everyone notice on the outside, and be at peace on the inside lol. Ah well atleast i got my good looks to get my by in life...............
Just found this thread as im getting near the end of this affliction. I had pretty much the same thing happen to me. Did e four times between 3 and 6 weeks apart and felt fine after each expirience. Did acid four weeks afterward and had a bad trip where my underlying social anxieties and insecurities got the best of me and i felt pretty messed up mentally for about 5 months. I started to get really depressed and un motivated and worried that everything was pointless and death or permanent insanity was not far behind. At the time i was also plaugued by judgement from myself and others about what i was doing with my life and where i was going. A real unfocused, compulsive, anxious, mess.
After about 4 months I started to feel better slowly. I was still drinking coffee, some booze, and smoking weed. But by taking some time off and learning not to over think and be critical of myself and live a healthy lifestyle otherwise, my mental state got better. I even had the visual distortions and those started to go away as well. I haven't taken any e or acid since either FYI.
I'm a 26 year old male in good health btw. My conclusion about the whole thing is that as I look back in my life all the bad stuff that was happening was all there since I was a little kid and the drugs just brought it to the surface and made me consciously aware of it. Remember that there may be truly something going on physically, but from my experience if you take care of yourself, occupy your life with things that matter and bring you fuffillment you will start to see the old you come back. Having purpose and innerpeace about yourself is the key. Remember how you didnt obsess about things that you couldn't control or didn't matter in the past? When you veer back onto that path it will be the same way again. You'll be ok.
Much love, and hit me back if you need clarification on anything, im kinda hurrying on this one.
After about 4 months I started to feel better slowly. I was still drinking coffee, some booze, and smoking weed. But by taking some time off and learning not to over think and be critical of myself and live a healthy lifestyle otherwise, my mental state got better. I even had the visual distortions and those started to go away as well. I haven't taken any e or acid since either FYI.
I'm a 26 year old male in good health btw. My conclusion about the whole thing is that as I look back in my life all the bad stuff that was happening was all there since I was a little kid and the drugs just brought it to the surface and made me consciously aware of it. Remember that there may be truly something going on physically, but from my experience if you take care of yourself, occupy your life with things that matter and bring you fuffillment you will start to see the old you come back. Having purpose and innerpeace about yourself is the key. Remember how you didnt obsess about things that you couldn't control or didn't matter in the past? When you veer back onto that path it will be the same way again. You'll be ok.
Much love, and hit me back if you need clarification on anything, im kinda hurrying on this one.
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This is probaly going to be the most to the point post in this thread, but having seen people before rolling then rolling their faces off for years then some quitting and some not I can simply the cure is
Time. Yup thats it. The end. Time. the length depends on how much you've taken and personally chemistry.
MDMA abuse does terrible things you your brain. However, the brain does have the ability to heal itself, even from physical damage. It does produce new brain cells. Its like the rest of you. Things is its way more delicate and takes alot longer to fix.
But really thats it. I've people hit bottom quit doing e then trying all kinds of drugs and therapists or do nothing and it ended up coming back to them in 3 months to 2 years depending on usage. Your brain is trying to fix itself right now. Just needs you to chill back, eat right, sleep good and exercise. Your brain function will improve. Just be lucky you stopped at least I've seen people hit bottom then take more e, followed either by suicide or being a emotionless souless robot, with bizarre personality quirks
Time. Yup thats it. The end. Time. the length depends on how much you've taken and personally chemistry.
MDMA abuse does terrible things you your brain. However, the brain does have the ability to heal itself, even from physical damage. It does produce new brain cells. Its like the rest of you. Things is its way more delicate and takes alot longer to fix.
But really thats it. I've people hit bottom quit doing e then trying all kinds of drugs and therapists or do nothing and it ended up coming back to them in 3 months to 2 years depending on usage. Your brain is trying to fix itself right now. Just needs you to chill back, eat right, sleep good and exercise. Your brain function will improve. Just be lucky you stopped at least I've seen people hit bottom then take more e, followed either by suicide or being a emotionless souless robot, with bizarre personality quirks
crunchymilk
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2010
- Messages
- 244
http://www.ehow.com/how_2174178_overcome-depersonalization.html
This is also a great read, I'm very skeptical on the reliability since it's from eHow, but it sounds like some good advice overall anyhow.
(For example, it says it's not a mental illness but it is so the credibility is shit).
This is also a great read, I'm very skeptical on the reliability since it's from eHow, but it sounds like some good advice overall anyhow.
(For example, it says it's not a mental illness but it is so the credibility is shit).
Hi Drizzy, I'm new here and I joined this forum only because of this thread.
I feel EXACTLY the same way as you, the only difference is that I had this since November 2009. One night I went out to smoke a joint and I got somehow terrified, it was like a full blown panic attack. It was the worst night of my life. But the real battle started two weeks later (around 14 of December), when I was in my house and completly out of the blue the same feelings reappeared.
Since then, I have been living in this dream brain-foggy SHITTY AS FUCK state. Is like I have one foot on earth and the other somewere else.
And believe me, I've tried everything (doing sports, eating healthy, vitamines, etc.) and nothing helped. Besides, my doctor prescribed me clonazepam, but it just makes me feel worst, even more detached from reality.
I miss so much my previous mental state. Now its like I'm dead inside. And like you say, NOBODY (not even my pearents, my closest friends) NOBODY can notice anything different. Is like they never really knew me.
Not every day is that bad, in fact some days are almost normal, but in the overall my life has tured into pure shite.
The only thing I think of is, the only theory I have, is that that one terryfing night may have developed into a severe PTSD. Fits with almost all the symptoms (although I have no visual nightmares, just like a revival of the fear of the first days).
I feel EXACTLY the same way as you, the only difference is that I had this since November 2009. One night I went out to smoke a joint and I got somehow terrified, it was like a full blown panic attack. It was the worst night of my life. But the real battle started two weeks later (around 14 of December), when I was in my house and completly out of the blue the same feelings reappeared.
Since then, I have been living in this dream brain-foggy SHITTY AS FUCK state. Is like I have one foot on earth and the other somewere else.
And believe me, I've tried everything (doing sports, eating healthy, vitamines, etc.) and nothing helped. Besides, my doctor prescribed me clonazepam, but it just makes me feel worst, even more detached from reality.
I miss so much my previous mental state. Now its like I'm dead inside. And like you say, NOBODY (not even my pearents, my closest friends) NOBODY can notice anything different. Is like they never really knew me.
Not every day is that bad, in fact some days are almost normal, but in the overall my life has tured into pure shite.
The only thing I think of is, the only theory I have, is that that one terryfing night may have developed into a severe PTSD. Fits with almost all the symptoms (although I have no visual nightmares, just like a revival of the fear of the first days).
Things will get better
Hi Drizzy,
(Sorry for the lengthy reply)
After my very first pill (~2004) I had the exact symptoms that you've described, which went away after going to sleep that night, only to re-surface randomly 2 weeks later. I was the most vulnerable I had ever been in my life, I felt the 'impending doom', the 'disassociation with reality', the panic attacks and constant anxiety, weird vision and depression. (I had also had a similar reaction to weed after being a heavy smoker for a year or so, havn't touched it since though)
It was also 3 weeks before I had a trip planned to another part of the country, on my own, in places i'd never traveled to before. And it scared the living shit out of me. Not one of my friends or family could comprehend what I was feeling and there was no way in hell I was going to put anything else in my body (SSRI's etc). I was basically faced with letting this fear consume me or trying to overcome it. Thankfully I chose the latter and basically forced myself to become social again, laugh again, work etc etc. It was hard, but it was a necessity in order to live.
The biggest problem I had was thinking about death, but I cannot stress how fucked up it got me dwelling upon it for too long. Once I came to accept my own mortality, it was uphill from there. It took a few months but my vision returned to normal, my panic attacks ceased, my depression waned (though returned occasionally) and I was slowly able to return to my life-loving happy self. Another MASSIVE part of this was women. During my trip I was with a few different girls and just having someone to sleep next to, did me a load of good, and also took my mind off what I was dealing with.
It will be a journey, but trust me you'll get there mate, you might just have to re-learn what makes you happy in this world. Hope you're feeling better soon
Hi Drizzy,
(Sorry for the lengthy reply)
After my very first pill (~2004) I had the exact symptoms that you've described, which went away after going to sleep that night, only to re-surface randomly 2 weeks later. I was the most vulnerable I had ever been in my life, I felt the 'impending doom', the 'disassociation with reality', the panic attacks and constant anxiety, weird vision and depression. (I had also had a similar reaction to weed after being a heavy smoker for a year or so, havn't touched it since though)
It was also 3 weeks before I had a trip planned to another part of the country, on my own, in places i'd never traveled to before. And it scared the living shit out of me. Not one of my friends or family could comprehend what I was feeling and there was no way in hell I was going to put anything else in my body (SSRI's etc). I was basically faced with letting this fear consume me or trying to overcome it. Thankfully I chose the latter and basically forced myself to become social again, laugh again, work etc etc. It was hard, but it was a necessity in order to live.
The biggest problem I had was thinking about death, but I cannot stress how fucked up it got me dwelling upon it for too long. Once I came to accept my own mortality, it was uphill from there. It took a few months but my vision returned to normal, my panic attacks ceased, my depression waned (though returned occasionally) and I was slowly able to return to my life-loving happy self. Another MASSIVE part of this was women. During my trip I was with a few different girls and just having someone to sleep next to, did me a load of good, and also took my mind off what I was dealing with.
It will be a journey, but trust me you'll get there mate, you might just have to re-learn what makes you happy in this world. Hope you're feeling better soon
i have had the same thing since early 2007 so its been 3.2 years or so.
-the vision problem cleared around year two
-the panic attacks stopped at year 2.5
-weird pulses and heart beats stopped at 2.5 years
-depression and lack of feeling any emotion and the inability to connect is unfortunately still gone. Memory problems persist. I seem to have weird reactions to drugs now, im sure from damaged serotonin nuerons.
-During this time I ran through about 30 different medications. Honestly, only time will help. I will say that i believe SSRIS delayed my healing by at least a year.
-the vision problem cleared around year two
-the panic attacks stopped at year 2.5
-weird pulses and heart beats stopped at 2.5 years
-depression and lack of feeling any emotion and the inability to connect is unfortunately still gone. Memory problems persist. I seem to have weird reactions to drugs now, im sure from damaged serotonin nuerons.
-During this time I ran through about 30 different medications. Honestly, only time will help. I will say that i believe SSRIS delayed my healing by at least a year.