bjznoviskey
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2013
- Messages
- 119
I wrote this the morning after I woke up from the experience(still tripping), stream of conscious. All the best
I like to think of myself as a very experienced psychonaut, having ingested 50 odd pscyhoactives in the past few years with 16 being strictly psychedelic. I love psychedelics, I love unlocking parts of my mind I was utterly unaware of, I love the visuals with all their beauty, I love the way my girlfriend and I communicate so freely on them bringing our hearts and souls together in not only a psychical way with pure ecstasy during sex but, also the absolute contentness I feel from giving my all to another human and them fully accepting it with love. But in the end of the day, I also liked them for the fact that I simply wasn’t sober for a while. Finally reaching a state of pure psychical and emotional happiness and oneness last night lead me to the beginning of the thought loop; why do any other drug?
It started as a faint whisper, in the deep recesses of my brain a good six to seven hours into a 200mcg 1P-LSD trip, uncharted territories with this particular substance but for no reason I thought it would leave mentally fucking floundering. I forgot who I was, what I did, what my past was and what my future may be. Forgot what the words drug and sober even meant. In a sense, I experienced the second ego death of my life. So my GF and I make it back home, laid in bed, ate, listened to music and had sex until I could piece together some real thoughts. I was able to come up with some real winners, mainly saying things as profound as “That’s some good fucking acid” or “What is Me?” “What is money?” “What makes my soul?”and laughing it away. We would continue to cuddle and look at the sky, which was turning these other worldly colors so intense that if I hadn’t captured pictures, I would’ve believe them to be completely fabricated. The conversation lead to how beautiful the sky was and how amazing our bodies felt and how if everyone could experience this, it would be unfathomable the world would continue on its current path. Then I came to the thought; I want to be sober. Mid-trip, abruptly. But the entire train of thought that got me there was a strange one, which I can hope to lead you through as concisely as possible.
I fell into a situation where I had intense, over powering deja-vu. The situation was laying on my back in bed, looking at the love of my life with a certain tapestry behind her and swirling visuals in a messy apartment. At this time, it is messy because we’re moving out, the previous time it was because I “blacked out” after smoking DMT and trashed the apartment. Both times my thoughts were perpetually looping. On DMT though, I thought I had died and I was perfectly ok with because my GF was there and she was keeping me safe. This time my GF was with me in the thought loop, in the sense that, was could talk through it. The loop kept getting longer, but we always had come back to the beginning and talk through it each time. I was completely unaware of it at first, my GF on the other hand was timing it. Our conversation was the same, yet it would keep extending each time through, once it hit the 50 minute mark from beginning to reset on the sixth or seventh loop I was really began to come to terms with it. What I had gathered at that point:
I am completely happy
I am in a thought loop
I am happy in the loop
The loop is acid
Why do any other drug?
I could be like this forever with my GF
I don’t want to be though
I want to be sober
(The second I had this thought, I got a text from a friend talking about how he got way too drunk the night before and never wanted to drink again, too creepy)
I’m tired of the loop
The loop brings me happiness though
I’m ready for sober life out of the loop
Can I ever do psychedelics again?
Yes but in much more moderation
Is there a reason to do other drugs?
No
How I do keep the happiness of the loop sober?
If I can put up with my GF though this kind of repetitive nature this fucked, sober should simple.
If my happiness is the loop, how do I continue the loop sober?
I marry this person I know I could be with forever, forever spiraling down the rabbit hole.
These were the thoughts I had on my DMT trip. I could never reach the end of the loop though because it ended so abruptly. I only made to about the second loop in twelve minutes of spinning in the void. I needed hours to talk it out on acid. I don’t need anymore drugs to know to more fucking sober.
I feel fully conscious now, clairvoyant, and a lot less burdened by everyday anxiety. Really integrated the one thought I retained from DMT which was to let things go and let it take it course when you can’t fight it.
I like to think of myself as a very experienced psychonaut, having ingested 50 odd pscyhoactives in the past few years with 16 being strictly psychedelic. I love psychedelics, I love unlocking parts of my mind I was utterly unaware of, I love the visuals with all their beauty, I love the way my girlfriend and I communicate so freely on them bringing our hearts and souls together in not only a psychical way with pure ecstasy during sex but, also the absolute contentness I feel from giving my all to another human and them fully accepting it with love. But in the end of the day, I also liked them for the fact that I simply wasn’t sober for a while. Finally reaching a state of pure psychical and emotional happiness and oneness last night lead me to the beginning of the thought loop; why do any other drug?
It started as a faint whisper, in the deep recesses of my brain a good six to seven hours into a 200mcg 1P-LSD trip, uncharted territories with this particular substance but for no reason I thought it would leave mentally fucking floundering. I forgot who I was, what I did, what my past was and what my future may be. Forgot what the words drug and sober even meant. In a sense, I experienced the second ego death of my life. So my GF and I make it back home, laid in bed, ate, listened to music and had sex until I could piece together some real thoughts. I was able to come up with some real winners, mainly saying things as profound as “That’s some good fucking acid” or “What is Me?” “What is money?” “What makes my soul?”and laughing it away. We would continue to cuddle and look at the sky, which was turning these other worldly colors so intense that if I hadn’t captured pictures, I would’ve believe them to be completely fabricated. The conversation lead to how beautiful the sky was and how amazing our bodies felt and how if everyone could experience this, it would be unfathomable the world would continue on its current path. Then I came to the thought; I want to be sober. Mid-trip, abruptly. But the entire train of thought that got me there was a strange one, which I can hope to lead you through as concisely as possible.
I fell into a situation where I had intense, over powering deja-vu. The situation was laying on my back in bed, looking at the love of my life with a certain tapestry behind her and swirling visuals in a messy apartment. At this time, it is messy because we’re moving out, the previous time it was because I “blacked out” after smoking DMT and trashed the apartment. Both times my thoughts were perpetually looping. On DMT though, I thought I had died and I was perfectly ok with because my GF was there and she was keeping me safe. This time my GF was with me in the thought loop, in the sense that, was could talk through it. The loop kept getting longer, but we always had come back to the beginning and talk through it each time. I was completely unaware of it at first, my GF on the other hand was timing it. Our conversation was the same, yet it would keep extending each time through, once it hit the 50 minute mark from beginning to reset on the sixth or seventh loop I was really began to come to terms with it. What I had gathered at that point:
I am completely happy
I am in a thought loop
I am happy in the loop
The loop is acid
Why do any other drug?
I could be like this forever with my GF
I don’t want to be though
I want to be sober
(The second I had this thought, I got a text from a friend talking about how he got way too drunk the night before and never wanted to drink again, too creepy)
I’m tired of the loop
The loop brings me happiness though
I’m ready for sober life out of the loop
Can I ever do psychedelics again?
Yes but in much more moderation
Is there a reason to do other drugs?
No
How I do keep the happiness of the loop sober?
If I can put up with my GF though this kind of repetitive nature this fucked, sober should simple.
If my happiness is the loop, how do I continue the loop sober?
I marry this person I know I could be with forever, forever spiraling down the rabbit hole.
These were the thoughts I had on my DMT trip. I could never reach the end of the loop though because it ended so abruptly. I only made to about the second loop in twelve minutes of spinning in the void. I needed hours to talk it out on acid. I don’t need anymore drugs to know to more fucking sober.
I feel fully conscious now, clairvoyant, and a lot less burdened by everyday anxiety. Really integrated the one thought I retained from DMT which was to let things go and let it take it course when you can’t fight it.