14 year old cousin, Homicidal or just teen angst? (aunt in denial)

[lalapanda]

Okay, so I've been house sitting for my aunt for over a week.
My boyfriend found his journal and it's fill of stuff like "FAMILY DEAD" "if my brother comes in here, I will smash his fingers with this hammer" (And there really was a hammer on his desk) Not to mention, there was a lot of other questionable drawings, such as a bloody knife, gun, multiple hanging men (almost every other page), lots of sentences like "Kill, kill"
"I dream about murdering" "MURDER DAY". It was a composition note book and the only thing written on the day planner thing on the front cover thing was the murder day part.
I brought it up to my aunt cause I was legit concerned. She started saying that it's totally normal for boys to do that kind of thing and not to be worried cause she brought it up to his therapist and she informed her not to worry about it.
I feel like she's honestly in denial. I don't know what to say, nor what to do. I almost feel like calling CPS for a few reasons.
Their house so disgusting, I don't even have allergies usually and I have to get some otc medication for that.
It's not my aunts fault, her kids just don't pick up after themselves and they have like 4 animals (2 dogs, two cats) and of course the kids don't clean up after them and i don't feel like are even capable of taking care of themselves.

There's also a lot of ICP stuff, and I know that music isn't like to blame for shit but it definitely (ICP) cannot be helping a depressed child.

My aunt has another child (3 boys, the youngest has no mental problems yet)
The other one just turned 15 and he has her wrapped around his fucking finger. Like he breaks shit, talks about suicide and stuff but i think he's all talk vs the one I'm writing about whos almost 14 and keeps all this shit to himself.

WHAT should I do? I don't want my baby cousin to end up on the news as one of the next Columbine kids.
Should I just keep my mouth shut? Should I call DHS? (I actually HATE DHS with a bloody passion because they ruined my life going off of a false positive on a cheap drug test; due to wellburtin...after I had seizures and lost 20 pounds b/c of it and are using MY mental hospital visits against me when I was 12)

But seriously this is so alarming, I can't even handle it.
like what therapist would say this is OK?
Also, on top of all this when I was his age my aunt FLIPPPED out on me for writing some emo hollywood undead lyrics on a piece of paper but my cousins totally fine even though he talks about killing his family....
I could go on but this is already pretty long. Thanks to anyone who cares enough to read it.
Advice please?

 

[neversickanymore]

TIME TIME TIME to get these children some help.. yeah i dont think that that journal is normal at all, IDk but i think help help help..

I would look into private counseling.. but if that isn't an option I think talking to a guidance counselor at school may be next.. with all the school violence they wont be able to ignore it but there is A REAL CHANCE THEY WILL OVERREACT... fuck our HC system is so broken?? hopefully someone else has better suggestions

if so many of the children are sick what does that say about our society?

 

[lalapanda]

My aunt said and I quote

His therapist said that since he's not writing in circles and filling up pages that it's not alarming and teenage boys do this shit all the time,

And I'm just like "This is not normal." But they're on welfare so like a legit therapist is probably out of the question. Not sure though bc he's on SSI.
Also he sees the school counselor as well as the therapist...
He's on so many meds and so quiet all the time.
I was trying to tell her, "you know... Kip Kinkel wrote stuff like way milder than this and KILLED his parents because the therapist recommended they let him have a gun to get his anger out..."

I KNOW MY SON. HE'D NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

 

[neversickanymore]

I have no idea but it wasn't something i ever did and it does not strike me as normal. lets see if we can get a second opinion.

TDS --> SO

 

[T. Calderone]

Your aunt's going to defend the boy regardless. That's her son and she doesn't see danger because he's quiet and doesn't create drama like the older boy. Did they have some traumatic events happen? You say he's on SSI, is he special needs or what? Just because they're on welfare doesn't mean they automatically get sub-par healthcare because when my son was on Medicaid he never had to change primary doctors. But he's never needed that sort of therapy either.

Your aunt is the only person who can ensure her children get proper care, besides their dad. I'm on the fence with getting CPS involved because that could create more problems. They probably wouldn't do much anyway because the child is already getting treatment so they can't say the mother isn't fulfilling her obligation. (they may tell her to get the house cleaned up if it's that nasty)

This therapist's reaction to the notebook is troubling and I think he needs to see a different one. It's hard to believe she could be so flip about it and I don't think it's even close to normal at all. Are there any other family members who can speak to your aunt about getting another therapist opinion?

 

[His Name Is Frank]

If he were writing the same thing about raping women or molesting little girls, would his mom have the same reaction? I would hope not. What he is writing is just as sick and serious as rape and molestation. He seriously needs help. As angry as I was at his age from being bullied at school and beaten by my father, I never felt the desire to kill anyone or write it out. It sounds like he is working up the nerve to kill by writing it out first, before putting it into action. This isn't teen angst or a phase he's going through. This is the beginning of a tragedy that is building up inside of him until it explodes on to others. Fantasies about murder are not normal, especially at his age. And those fantasies, more often than not, will eventually become a reality.

 

[pro re nata]

woOW. ICP alone sets bells off. this is such a complex matter and not wanting to tear a family apart but not wanting to see it be dismantled by a 14 year old boy.. .

what medications is he currently taking? what is he officially listed for on ssi? one or two parents? where did his "therapist" come from? that is beyond mind blowing that a "professional" therapist with a MSW would be so careless over such a situation! really scary and bothering.

the ICP, all these meds, the notebook, the harmer.. there has to be a mental healthcare provider with in your community that could be reached out to beyond this so called therapist. if he is on ssi he should have medicaid. but with the mother feeling just fine with the situation it makes it beyond tough. ughh.

do you live close to them?

 

[Tude]

That's not normal. Maybe you could tell more people in your family and all of you gang up on her till she sees the light?

 

[User Name Here]

That is definitely abnormal. She needs to find him another therapist at the very least. You know, so many mothers have said, "My son wouldn't do that!" And they were proved wrong. You think the mother of every rapist, murderer, and thief ever saw it coming? Of course not. No mother ever thinks their child is capable of harming another human being but they are sometimes wrong. You need to shake the shit out of her and have her wake up to reality: He needs help. He's BEGGING for help by writing this shit out... He WANTS someone to find it and intervene... Or else he wouldn't do it. He might not realize this consciously but I can almost guarantee that's the case. Some part of him knows he desperately needs help or he wouldn't have notebooks full of proof as to how far gone he might be.

As for CPS, there is NO excuse for a filthy home. I don't care if she's working two jobs and the kids are messy. There is just no excuse for animal filth and trash to the point of causing allergies. That's disgusting and it's unhealthy. It's not just allergies that can be affected either. Just think of all the ammonia in the air... (I'm guessing there is animal waste if you are actually unable to enter and remain without taking drugs.) That being said, you don't call CPS unless you know--without a doubt--that her children are being harmed emotionally or physically. Is there food in the kitchen? Is the power on? Are their health needs met? Are they in school? If the answer is 'yes' to these questions let it be for now... But if they are really living in absolute filth it will take a toll and CPS might be warranted. Just be careful with that decision. CPS takes these reports very seriously. If you do call they will open a case and send someone over there to interview her kids.

Come to think of it, it might be helpful if she's not taking this seriously enough...

 

[lalapanda]

Your aunt's going to defend the boy regardless. That's her son and she doesn't see danger because he's quiet and doesn't create drama like the older boy. Did they have some traumatic events happen? You say he's on SSI, is he special needs or what? Just because they're on welfare doesn't mean they automatically get sub-par healthcare because when my son was on Medicaid he never had to change primary doctors. But he's never needed that sort of therapy either.

Your aunt is the only person who can ensure her children get proper care, besides their dad. I'm on the fence with getting CPS involved because that could create more problems. They probably wouldn't do much anyway because the child is already getting treatment so they can't say the mother isn't fulfilling her obligation. (they may tell her to get the house cleaned up if it's that nasty)

This therapist's reaction to the notebook is troubling and I think he needs to see a different one. It's hard to believe she could be so flip about it and I don't think it's even close to normal at all. Are there any other family members who can speak to your aunt about getting another therapist opinion?

Their dad put them through a lot of drama, due to his alcoholism. He had a bunch of seizures and basically turned into a completely different person, had aneurysms in his brain now has mental issues too. Especially OCD and can't stop yelling at them for no reason. He lives in Washington bc he couldn't cope with living with them in their disgusting house, and they couldn't deal with his ocd... that's to make a long story short.
But I think they feel like its all his fault (understandably.)
They still visit him but I don't think they love him as much as they would if he was always there for them... Sad but, ya know what I mean?
I think he's on SSI for depression although his journal said "not depressed, just want to kill" or something to that effect.
My aunt fakes being sick (or maybe she's legit sick due to her house, who knows?) but She hasn't had a job since I was a toddler. (I'm 21 now)
She interned for D.H.S for a while due to some weird if you're on welfare you need to get a job rule, we have in Oregon.
But she was too sick for that and got out of it via doctors letters.
She's pretty overweight and I think that's where a lot of her "sickness and pain" comes from.
She takes her boys to all their appointments and stuff but I honestly doubt she even mentioned that journal to a therapist....

If he were writing the same thing about raping women or molesting little girls, would his mom have the same reaction? I would hope not. What he is writing is just as sick and serious as rape and molestation. He seriously needs help. As angry as I was at his age from being bullied at school and beaten by my father, I never felt the desire to kill anyone or write it out. It sounds like he is working up the nerve to kill by writing it out first, before putting it into action. This isn't teen angst or a phase he's going through. This is the beginning of a tragedy that is building up inside of him until it explodes on to others. Fantasies about murder are not normal, especially at his age. And those fantasies, more often than not, will eventually become a reality.

Yeah, at his age. I had a tough childhood/teenage hood however, i wanted to hurt myself. I never thought about hurting other people.
Not even once, except people who made my life hell and even then all they were was thoughts and they never even made it to my diaries.
I know, I feel like that's what he's doing too.
I took the hammer out of his room and i said " Aunt Xxxx here's the murder weapon"
She kinda laughed at first and then she was like, no. not my son.

woOW. ICP alone sets bells off. this is such a complex matter and not wanting to tear a family apart but not wanting to see it be dismantled by a 14 year old boy.. .

what medications is he currently taking? what is he officially listed for on ssi? one or two parents? where did his "therapist" come from? that is beyond mind blowing that a "professional" therapist with a MSW would be so careless over such a situation! really scary and bothering.

the ICP, all these meds, the notebook, the harmer.. there has to be a mental healthcare provider with in your community that could be reached out to beyond this so called therapist. if he is on ssi he should have medicaid. but with the mother feeling just fine with the situation it makes it beyond tough. ughh.

do you live close to them?

I know I was shocked about the fact that she was letting a 11 y.o at the time listen to ICP.
Clonidine, Paxil, Abilify, Trazadone (idk if i spelt those wrong or not)
Yeah she likes his therapist so idk. I don't even know his therapist nor can I make choices like you're seeing someone else, as all I am is an older cousin who suffered from the same type of problems around the same age. The only difference, I wanted to KILL myself and not anyone else (Especially my FAMILY!??!?!?!?!?!!??!?!?!)
I live pretty close, not too much effort to get over there... I'd prefer not to go there never again. House sitting for my aunt was a disgusting HELL and I'm still pretty nauseated just thinking about it. Not to mention how ungrateful she was that I did house sit for her, I got sick as fuck after a few days and to cope with being there I drank heavily like every night.
the house was depressing to be in, me and my fiancee started getting on each others nerves and feeling bad energy there

That is definitely abnormal. She needs to find him another therapist at the very least. You know, so many mothers have said, "My son wouldn't do that!" And they were proved wrong. You think the mother of every rapist, murderer, and thief ever saw it coming? Of course not. No mother ever thinks their child is capable of harming another human being but they are sometimes wrong. You need to shake the shit out of her and have her wake up to reality: He needs help. He's BEGGING for help by writing this shit out... He WANTS someone to find it and intervene... Or else he wouldn't do it. He might not realize this consciously but I can almost guarantee that's the case. Some part of him knows he desperately needs help or he wouldn't have notebooks full of proof as to how far gone he might be.

As for CPS, there is NO excuse for a filthy home. I don't care if she's working two jobs and the kids are messy. There is just no excuse for animal filth and trash to the point of causing allergies. That's disgusting and it's unhealthy. It's not just allergies that can be affected either. Just think of all the ammonia in the air... (I'm guessing there is animal waste if you are actually unable to enter and remain without taking drugs.) That being said, you don't call CPS unless you know--without a doubt--that her children are being harmed emotionally or physically. Is there food in the kitchen? Is the power on? Are their health needs met? Are they in school? If the answer is 'yes' to these questions let it be for now... But if they are really living in absolute filth it will take a toll and CPS might be warranted. Just be careful with that decision. CPS takes these reports very seriously. If you do call they will open a case and send someone over there to interview her kids.

Come to think of it, it might be helpful if she's not taking this seriously enough...

I didn't even think about ammonia , but yes piss turns into ammonia and theres more than enough dog/cat/human(?)/ mice piss in that house. You walk in and pretty much the only thing you can even smell is the smell of death (rotting food?) dead mice? and then animal piss.
well she gets 400-500 in food stamps a month for her and 3 boys but for some reason by week 2-3 every month they have no food? :S
3 teenage boys though, they all eat too much/too badly. I mean boys are kinda known for not eating so great, but a mom shouldn't let her kids have the same shitty overweight/health problems she has right? I would go out of my way to make sure my kids didn't get bullied the same way I did


Also, I feel like my opinions will just fall on deaf ears.
"ya we all know her house is messy"
BUT THIS IS FUCKING DISGUSTING.
outside her house was nicer to be at than inside...
ive never felt that way about a house in my life.
and there were red spiders the size of a big toe out there D:

 

[Tude]

You might want to call CPS if the house is that bad. Those kids are gonna get sick!

 

[lalapanda]

Thats mainly the reason i was asking.
I mean i'm 21 and its making me sick as fuck. I can't imagine kids that much younger than me being able to be healthy and happy and that hell hole. I just hate CPS/dhs in Oregon. they took away my daughter for me having seizures, because the wellburtin xl was taking daily showed up as Meth in a shitty hospital piss test.
they went out of their way to make my life a living hell since then (My Birthday, June 20th) I've only got to see my daughter like a total of 6 times at the DHS office.
Then my sister had a baby and they AUTOMATICALLY took her baby for the same reason they took mine. (Unsolved mental health issues)
They're literally pulling shit out of their asses about our "mental histories" from when we were younger than my cousins are now. I'm pretty much disgusted at the fact that they let my aunt slide, but people who are young get their kids taken from them for the stupidest shit ever. Especially when you get an angsty little bitch caseworker, who is angry at his ex wife and thinks thats reason to take your daughter and give her to a family ("dads" side) who didnt even KNOw HER... BY THEIR OWN WILL.
omg im so heated

anywayyyy so idk i hate their guts and dont trust them, and if dhs gets involved its gonna be super dramatic and shit.
COULD BE GOOD FOR MY COUSINS, OR it could end up on the news or something annd be worse for them. while they sit in foster care. I know that will upset them. no icp in foster care. woop woop

 

[His Name Is Frank]

There's no might to it. Call CPS. Your description of their living situation sounds like hell!

 

[pro re nata]

you have to call CPS. there really is no other leverage in trying to get these kids some help.

i can only imagine what they go through if you had to drink "heavily" every night just to deal. i mean that is a pretty intense list of meds for a 14yr old to be on for just depression. the house sounds absolutely horrific!! like there is just this gnarly coating of silt over every thing.

ICP. and a hammer... hmmmm.

yeah call CPS.

 

[missmeyet?]

There is NO excuse for a house to be like that. I have 4 children living in my home of all ages (22, 15,3,2) and 2 cats and 2 dogs. I also have chronic pain due to MS and RA. I work and my house may be occasionally messy (my kids don't like to pick up after themselves either) but it is NEVER dirty. There is a big difference in toys and clothes lying around and in FILTH! Like I said, messy is one thing but my home is never dirty even with everything we have going on!

Of course as all said these things are not normal regarding the journal. This is a tragedy just waiting to happen. I doubt mom ever told the therapist about this as I find it hard to believe she would just blow this off..they need help and fast most likely. As much of an evil CPS is, they are a necessary evil sometimes. These children need help badly for the living conditions and before something terrible happens. This kid must be in so much pain inside, poor thing. Its not fair to let it continue besides the fact that he may eventually harm himself or others. Besides the damage that he may cause to others by not doing anything at this point it is just not fair to him. He needs help and if he does harm someone he will be facing the consequences of that for the rest of his life. He is a child and if no one steps in he is the one that will ultimately pay the price in the end.

Don't look at it as turning them into CPS but as the hero that stepped forward and saved your cousins.

 

[T. Calderone]

Missmeyet, you're right and although I had reservations about CPS, it sounds like these kids are not being cared for properly. This mother needs some sort of intervention that the family is unable and ill-equiped to help with. I agree that this could be the thing that saves them ultimately.

Lalapanda, no matter how CPS messed with you I'm hoping eventually you will get your little one back. You would be doing these children a disservice by turning a blind eye and not reporting your aunt. There is no reason for her home to remain filthy, and if she has mental health issues as well she needs to get help for it. You are in no way doing a bad thing, you can remain anonymous.

 

[BluLait]

Just talk to him. Try to be his best friend.. shit.. but don't mention his depressing stuff in the beginning... Just be there for him.

I went through something like that exactly when I was 14... Well.. maybe not wanting to kill people, but I did listen to some dark death metal and black metal and was reading satanist bullshit online... So you can make an idea.

My family stuck close to me and my uncle especially... and now I'm absolutely fine

So if you want to help your cousin, forcing him to get "help" is not the way to go. Just spend more time with him, be his "idol"
You're older than him I reckon. How old are u?

 

[cj]

you have to call CPS. there really is no other leverage in trying to get these kids some help.

i can only imagine what they go through if you had to drink "heavily" every night just to deal. i mean that is a pretty intense list of meds for a 14yr old to be on for just depression. the house sounds absolutely horrific!! like there is just this gnarly coating of silt over every thing.

ICP. and a hammer... hmmmm.

yeah call CPS.

Like someone else said already all CPS is gonna do is tell her to clean up the house. The kid is already getting services. The services may not be working but unfortunately that is up to the mother and therapist to decide. that's the problem with these situations they are really complex and our society has purposely limited the options available.

 

[T. Calderone]

That's what I though originally, but it's pretty sad when you need CPS to tell you to clean up your house. The woman does not work, what the hell does she do all day? It's one thing to let things go, that happens to the best of us. But when there's animal feces everywhere plus urine stinking up the place it is a health hazard. So even if this the only thing that gets accomplished it would be beneficial.

 

[User Name Here]

That is so goddamn infuriating and depressing. I have been a "stay at home mom" since my son was born and quite frankly I don't understand how someone at home can't manage to pick shit up. I get that some people are naturally messy and just don't give a damn and honestly, that's not going to damage your children permanently.

I don't understand, however, lacking an iota of parental wherewithal and being unable to do so much as cleaning up animal feces. It probably takes more effort to maintain that kind of filth once you pass a certain point, like with hoarders. The very act of existing in a filthy home doesn't seem like an easy feat with constant need to make sure you're not stepping in shit or about to get swallowed alive by an avalanche of useless crap. It would be so much easier to just maintain it as you go but that's approaching it with logic and not everyone thinks that way (or cares enough to even try).

lalapanda, I hope something changes for them soon. It breaks my heart to read stuff like this.